Behind the Veil
by The-Herbasaur
Summary: Sirius is dead. Dead is dead, right? Or is it? There may be a chance to bring him back. Can they figure it out? And can they overcome all of the problems they encounter along the way? WARNING: eating disorders, depression, self harm, angst
1. Searching For Pain

Hi all

Hi all. This is a fic I've been thinking over in my head for a while now. Basically it takes place after The Order of the Phoenix, and doesn't follow the sixth at all. It might be a flop, but hopefully not.

Also, all of this belongs to J.K. Rowling, except for Taylor. I do not own anything.

**Searching For Pain**

Ginny sat on her four-poster bed in her dormitory, twirling her wand between her fingers absentmindedly. The wand was emitting orange sparks, but Ginny seemed not to be paying attention. Completely lost in thought, she had been staring at the same spot on the wall opposite her for a good twenty minutes. Taylor Kennedy, one of Ginny's room mates and good friend had affixed a poster of a woman running through the woods to the wall. It was a muggle poster and didn't move. Taylor was currently out on a run herself. She had, of course, asked Ginny if she wanted to go, but Ginny had declined, saying she wanted to think. Which was ridiculous, now that Ginny thought about it, seeing as how she did her best thinking while running. Ginny let out an exuberant sigh, and flipped over on to her stomach, making the bed springs squeak. What was a girl to do? A single tear ran down her cheek as she jabbed her wand ferociously into her pillow, which began to smoke. Ignoring it, Ginny buried her head in the scarlet comforter in front of her.

(Ironic name, that) Ginny thought to herself. (Comforter, honestly) And with that, she let the tears flow. She hadn't cried like this in a long time and it felt good to just let the tears pour out of her eyes, melting into the red fabric, her chest heaving and her entire body shaking. Usually Ginny was strong, she was the one comforting everybody, cracking jokes and making a fool of herself to get people to laugh. So what had gotten in to her? Ginny punched her pillow, suddenly over come with frustration. Slowly the tears came to a stop and Ginny lay on her bed sniffling. Finally she sat up again, a fierce look in her eye. Her eyes still blotchy from crying, she rolled up the sleeve of her robe to reveal her pale arm. There, on her forearm, standing out starkly against her white skin, was a large hand-shaped blue and purple bruise. Ginny rested her own fingers into the shape of the hand, which was much larger than hers, then she snatched her wand off the blanket in front of her and, pointing the tip of her wand at the bruise, hissed, "Condundere ire!" A cool sensation spread from the center of the bruise outward, and her skin gradually changed from colorful back to its normal pale color. This was a complicated bit of healing magic, something very few students knew how to do – usually they went to Madam Pomfry for this kind of thing, but Ginny knew that there would be questions she didn't want asked and answers she didn't want given. Ginny stared at the spot where it had been, then smiled. Sometimes there wasn't much she could do besides smile. The smile still fixed upon her face, Ginny rolled down the sleeve of her robe and pushed herself off her bed. It was time for Quiditch practice, she was probably already late.

(Oh, God. That means seeing him) The thought crept over Ginny suddenly, but she tried to ignore it. No, she was being weak, and she needed to be strong. So Ginny went over to her closet, extracted her broom, a Sleek '95, not nearly as good as Harry's, but not bad…and headed off down from the girls' dormitory towards the Gryffindor common room. The clock on the mantle piece above the crackling fire told her it was 6:30; she was supposed to be down on the field now. Shouldering her broom, Ginny sprinted out of the common room, down the corridors and endless flights of stairs. Moments later she was hurling out on to the pitch, where there were six people already in the air for practice. One of the figures came hurtling to the ground as Ginny prepared to kick off.

"Ginny!" Harry Potter reprimanded her before he had even finished landing. "What do you think you're playing at? Practice started ten minutes ago!"

"It did not start ten minutes ago, only five," Ginny said and kicked off the ground, dreading the moment she saw him. And then, there he was, Dean Thomas, a tall, dark skinned boy was flying towards her.

"Hiya, Ginny, how come you're late?" He asked, sideling up close to her. "I was getting worried that you wouldn't be coming to practice." Now he was being nice, this was what Ginny hated. He was so nice and kind and giving and sweet…and a total ass, sometimes.

"Homework," Ginny said brusquely, before speeding after the quaffle, yelling over her shoulder, "But you needn't worry so much, Dean, I can take care of myself!"

An hour later and dark was beginning to fall, but the magical lights surrounding the stadium turned on, flooding the grass and the sky with light, and Harry kept them practicing. Finally, when his own hands were so cold he could barely close them to catch the snitch and even the magical lights were having trouble penetrating the darkness, Harry called them all down to the ground.

"Right, good work team, you really flew beautifully," He said as he took off his glasses and wiped some sweat from his brow. "Dean, Ginny, excellent teamwork, I just love the way you two work together." Dean looked pleased with this statement and brushed his hand discreetly on Ginny's. Ginny's heart skipped a beat, she still anticipated every one of Dean's touches and he could make her smile just by looking at her. And he knew that. That scum of a kid knew that he had total control over Ginny and he would take advantage of her. That's what it came down to – Dean was a control freak, and he loved lording it over Ginny. He was also extremely jealous and incredibly possessive. It had started off with a bit of normal competition with the other Gryffindor guys – first with the boys Ginny usually hung out with, then with Dean's year, too. It escaladed until Dean didn't trust Ginny if she so much as saw a Gryffindor boy. Then it spread to other houses until the boy made Ginny feel as though she could never talk, let alone look at another guy without having to worry about Dean's oversensitive feelings. He would ask her if she was cheating on him, why she stayed with him if she fancied other guys, if their relationship was really going ok. He always had questions for her. And then a week ago came the first bruise. Ginny remembered it quite clearly; they had been standing outside the Gryffindor common room arguing. After one particularly rough Quidditch practice, Ginny had stayed back to talk to Harry about one of the moves he had been trying to explain and Ginny wasn't getting. When she came out of the locker rooms it was to face Dean, livid in the face. Immediately Ginny knew what this was about – Dean's jealousy. She had taken a hold of Dean's hand, but he ripped it away from her.

"What were you doing?" He hissed at her, his face screwed up with anger and pain.

"I was talking to Harry, C'mon, now Dean, don't be like this," Ginny said, once again reaching for Dean's hand, but finding it once again ripped from her.

"Don't be like this!" Dean spluttered. "I know – hell, Ginny, everyone knows – you used to be head over heels for that kid!"

"Well, I'm not anymore, Dean," Ginny cried, feeling hurt and a little betrayed. She hated it when people brought up her childish crush on the famous Harry Potter.

"Yeah, right. That's why you were talking to him the other day at breakfast and during our free time in the common room you were talking to him and –"

Ginny cut him off, "I was talking to him about QUIDDITCH! And then the time in the common room I was asking him for help with a curse we're trying to learn in Defense Against the Dark Arts." She said imploringly, trying to will Dean to believe her.

"What about me?" Dean demanded. "I'm in the same year as him; I'm in the same Defense Against the Dark Arts class as him." All of a sudden Dean seemed to loose all sense of anything. He grabbed Ginny by the shoulders and shook her. "I know!" he raged at her as Ginny's red head bopped back and forth. "I know you still dig him. If he gave a flying fuck about you, you would be dating him and not me!" He seemed to lose all sense of control and slapped her across the face.

"No, Dean, it's not true. I swear to God it's not true. I like you. I like you," Ginny was scared. She had left her wand in her dormitory room, figuring she didn't need it for Quidditch practice. She was utterly and totally defenseless against this large boy. She suddenly became aware of how much taller than she he was, how much stronger, how much –

Dean stopped shaking her and let go, Ginny, scared tears trickling down her cheeks, collapsed into the neatly combed grass on the Quidditch pitch. "Alright," he said briskly, and then walked away, leaving Ginny to cry to herself in the cold night air. Later that night Dean had approached her, full of apologies and confessions of his love for her, his sweet Ginny, and Ginny had lapped it all up. She never wanted to be mad at anyone, and felt Dean deserved a second chance.

That had only become the beginning of it. After finally convincing herself to go back up to the castle, Ginny had headed straight to the library where she learned how to perform the healing charm upon herself. But Dean didn't stop there. Two days latter he slapped her across the face and she'd had to heal that too. Ginny was glad she'd never gone to Madam Pomfry; the woman was nice, and didn't ask too many questions, but how would Ginny explain away a hand shaped bruise on her arm? Also, Ginny didn't want anybody to think she wasn't ok. She could deal with this, maybe Dean was just having a hard time with school. Or perhaps something had happened to his family, that would be understandable. He would stop hitting her any day now. And he was being nice now. So no need to worry, Ginny told herself, everything was under control. Everything would be all right. That's what she kept telling herself, anyway.

"Ginny?" A voice broke through the red head's thoughts. "Coming?" Ginny looked up to see Dean holding out a hand to hold hers so they could join the rest of the team as they shouldered their brooms and headed off towards the locker rooms and showers.

The boy was seriously cute. There was just something about his dark skin that Ginny was attracted to. And his eyes, such deep, alluring pools of blackness they were. And right now his full lips were stretched in a flirtatious grin, flashing brilliant white teeth – a sliver of moon against a velvety black night. He was a good bit taller than Ginny, and had the muscular build of an athlete. Even through his Quidditch robes it was possible to see the indentations.

"Mmm…"Ginny said, pursing her lips and feigning being uninterested. "I think I'd rather stay out here and do a little star gazing. You know," she added seriously, "Professor Trelawney told me that there would be an interesting angle formed between Neptune and Mars tonight. You know I wouldn't miss that for the world."

"Sounds interesting. So we're in for an emotional breakdown associated with aggression and self assertion?" Dean said.

Ginny raised her eyebrows, "So you do listen in class?" She teased. "I was under the impression you spent the whole time sleeping."

Dean cocked his head oh-so-adorably to the side and grinned. "Well, you know, with that old bat crooning on for ages and ages, some of it's bound to rub off in the end."

"Mmm…" Ginny said again. With Dean standing so close to her, she was having trouble keeping her thoughts focused on something so far away as Neptune and Mars.

"Suppose you'll be out here long? Should I bring your telescope?" Dean asked.

"Perhaps a blanket," Ginny commented offhandedly.

"But you've got me to keep you warm," came Dean's reply, and the next thing Ginny knew, she was being swept off her feet into one of his amazing kisses. She raised her arms and wrapped them tightly around his neck, letting her hands play in his tightly curled hair. His hands rested on her hips, pulling her into him, pressing his body close to hers. Passion exploded between them and Ginny exalted in it. This was surely perfection, she thought. She relaxed herself into him and deeply breathed his smell – oh how she loved his smell. A little sweaty from the Quidditch practice, a bit musty, freshly cut pine, and the smell of wood smoke. She had no idea how he kept such a smell around him while living at Hogwarts, but she wasn't about to resent it either.

Dean pulled back finally, gazing down into her upturned face, bathed in the light from the stars and the half-full moon. He raised his hand and Ginny felt her insides balk slightly. (Not now, please, I was having such a good time) she thought, but all he did was cup her chin gently in his hand and hold her gaze with his own.

"How about a bit of stargazing tonight?" He asked. Ginny could have melted into the ground on the spot. How could she have ever had that silly crush on Harry Potter? Dean was the only one that could make her feel like this. She'd never even known Harry, just because he was famous, it had been a petty childish crush, now Ginny knew better.

Dean sat down on the dark Quidditch field and pulled Ginny down next to him, wrapping his arm around her as they gazed up at the night sky, full of millions of tiny winking wishes, blinking down at them. Ginny leaned into Dean and they sat there, engrossed in the comfort of each other.


	2. Hidden Secrets

Hi all

And here's my next chapter, hope you all enjoy it. I know I'm new here, so many people don't know me, but I'm hoping to get some faithful readers soon! So if you're reading this, please review and tell me what you think!

**Hidden Secrets**

Ginny returned to her dormitory a while later, a dazed smile lighting up her face. She smiled blissfully and wrapped her arms around herself, burying her nose in her shoulder, which still smelled like Dean. She loved that smell, she loved his arms, she loved her dormitory, she loved Hogwarts, she loved all her friends, hell, she loved everybody…

"Ginny?" A voice broke through Ginny's loving thoughts as a girl in the bed next to the door sat up and with a flick of her wand lit a couple of candles. "What on Earth were you doing out so late?"

"Quidditch practice," Ginny mumbled, still hugging herself, still a little too star struck to realize her friend was looking quizzically at her.

"Quidditch practice ended forever ago, Ginny. And I saw Harry and the rest of the team come back ages ago. Except…" The dark, almost black eyes roamed over Ginny, still hugging herself, gradually putting two and two together. Two eyebrows furrowed together, clearly upset. "Ginny…you weren't with Dean were you?"

"Mmm…yes, I was! And it was absolutely amazing! It was the most romantic thing ever. We sat and star gazed forever and hugged, and oh, Taylor, I think I'm in love!" Ginny stated ecstatically, throwing her arms in the air and toppling over backwards on to her bed, where she squeezed her warm brown eyes tight and wrapped her arms around herself again, the goofy smile playing on her lips again.

Taylor Kennedy stood up. She was a tall, skinny girl, with the defined muscles of an athlete. Her masses of thick black hair fell haphazardly past her shoulders as she moved gracefully across the room and sat down on Ginny's bed. "Ginny…" she started, and then faltered. "Ginny," she started again, "you know how I feel about Dean. He's not good for you!"

"Oh, but he totally is," insisted Ginny. "He's all I've ever wanted, and then some!" Apparently right now her common sense had left her.

Taylor contemplated the red head lying on the bed in front of her, obviously debating something. "Ginny," she said finally, appearing to have reached her conclusion. "Ginny. I know what he does to you."

The look of pure bliss dropped off Ginny's pale freckled face so fast; Taylor had to wonder if she had ever seen it at all. But her voice was steady when she spoke, "What do you mean, what he does to me?"

Taylor groaned inwardly. This was awkward, where to start? "Ginny, I know about, I know he, I. Ginny, I know he hits you," she finally said.

Ginny sat bolt upright, a look of anger plastered upon her face. (How does she know?) Was the first thought that exploded from her mind. "But I never told you, I always healed it, how do you know?" She asked in one rattling breath.

A hallow laugh escaped Taylor. "You're my best friend. You don't have to tell me what's going on in order for me to deduce it."

"Yeah, well. I think he was just going through a hard time and didn't know how to handle it. He didn't hit –"

"Didn't know how to handle it?" Demanded Taylor incredulously. "Ginny, no body, no body, has the right to hit you, no matter what they're going through. Surely you know this! Didn't your mother ever tell you anything about abusive relationships or anything?"

"This isn't an abusive relationship!" Taylor let out an unbelieving snort, but Ginny chose to ignore it and continued, "It's fine. Taylor, calm down, you're over reacting. Honestly, I'm fine. He's fine. Everything's fine. Now, I'd like to go to sleep." Taylor looked for a moment as if she was going to continue the conversation, as if she didn't want to give up this easily, but then decided against it and stood up. For a second she gazed down at Ginny, her eyebrows furrowed, and then she turned and stalked back off towards her bed. Ginny wasn't sure she entirely minded though, she was feeling a little upset that her best friend had taken this stand on everything. That's why she hadn't ever told the girl, Ginny knew that she would think the worst thing and then just go about assuming everything. Tell her that it was wrong, that she should get out of it, that it was the right thing to do to dump the guy, that she never even liked him from the beginning. And right now, right this second when everything had felt just so right! Ginny wiggled under the thick downy covers and lay back down on her pillow, snuggling into it so that she had created the perfect spot for her head. "Goodnight, Taylor," she said to the retreating back of the girl.

But she was soon to be given something different to think about. Instead of going straight to sleep, the tall girl curled up on her bed, and after extinguishing the floating candles around the room, she relit her own wand and brought out a huge, tattered book from under her bed. The binding was thick and the edges were torn and flabby, the very air of the book itself exuded knowledge of things that were better left unknown. Ginny wasn't sure, squinting through the darkness as she was, but she thought the cover of the book read "Beyond the Veil of Death".

("Beyond the Veil of Death"?) Ginny thought. It sounded like some Dark Arts book, like something that would have come from the Restricted Section of the Library. But what would Taylor of all people be doing dabbling in Restricted books on Dark Arts. She had more than once – quite often – in fact voiced her opinion upon the matter; which proved to be very negative. Ginny couldn't ever quite work out the details, and Taylor always skirted the issue whenever Ginny brought it up, but it sounded as if Taylor had lost something (or someone, Ginny thought, remembering Harry losing Sirius so recently), to the Dark Arts. But what would that have anything to do with studying the Dark Arts? Perhaps Taylor wanted revenge…but weren't there better ways to seek revenge than cursing someone? But, Ginny thought remembering her quite accomplished Bat Boogie Hex (and she was getting pretty good at the Twitching Ear Curse and the Buzzing Belly Button Charm) and thought that maybe she wasn't one to talk. But then again…she wasn't the one reading ominous looking thick books on the Dark Arts. Oh well, she was tired now, and whatever stance Taylor was taking on this whole situation, Ginny felt like ignoring for now. She still wanted to bask in her new found, glorious, oh-so-amazing love. And so she drifted off to sleep with visions of her and Dean lying in the Quiditch field, Ginny snuggled close to Dean, and his arm wrapped around her as they gazed up at the sky which offered so many unending delights…

Well, that's all for now, and once again, thanks for reading!


	3. Running After Answers

Chapter three

Chapter three! I don't know if anybody's reading this, but I suppose I'll keep writing, and hopefully people will eventually keep track of it.

**Running After Answers**

Taylor bent down to tie her shoe; the lace had come undone and had begun slapping in the mud several paces back. Her heart hammered in her chest, a vicious drummer, determined to make its beat heard. Her fingers trembled with exhaustion, and she could barely force them together to grip the wet lace. She stood back up and, after turning her face upward to absorb some of the suns watery heat, started off again. Gracefully her arms pumped steadily by her sides, back and forth, back and forth, and her legs set up a rhythmic beat. As she fell back into a comfortable, even pace, Taylor let her mind wander again, back to the letter and the bizarre news and the uncomfortable sense of it all. Then she jerked herself away, she was running now, she was running, physically and mentally, she needed to get away from everything.

She closed her eyes and tried to run away yet again. It seemed like this was all she did anymore; run away that is. The crisp air gasped and pounded in her heart and little ice crystals felt like they were ripping apart her throat and shredding her lungs that were struggling for breath. Her heart pounded against her rib cage, threatening to burst out of her chest. Her head spun lightly and dipped off listlessly into a land where she could forget. Her arms pumped back and forth through the resisting air, mechanically doing their job. Every muscle in her body ached and she could feel the lack of oxygen affecting them as the blood pulsed through every fiber and sinew, every tendon, every cell. Her feet pushed into the ground, exploding forward, carrying her away from everything. Everything she hated, everything she couldn't handle, everything that overcame her. Run away, don't look back. Ignore the problem, that way it won't really be there. It was better to just forget that is all existed. Run away to a place where problems don't subsist, where everything is blank of emotion and pain. A place where life was simple and kind to a person. Like that existed. She knew it didn't, but she liked to pretend it did. For her sanity she would.

Finally Taylor stopped, bending over double, clutching at her side and wheezing for breath. Wisps of hair that had whipped free of her pony tail lay plastered with sweat to her face and her cheeks shone red. Taylor straightened up, sniffing and wiping her nose on the back of her hand (damn her runny nose in the cold air) and stretched her arms over her head before locking her hands behind her head and starting to walk, trying to keep the pain at bay. Only now did she have time to look around. She had run herself deep into the forest behind her house. Dark pine trees towered over her, giants of dark and mysterious foreboding, draped in white cloaks of snow which also blanketed the snow beneath her feet. The sky was darkening overhead, and if she didn't wish to be caught outside in the dark, she would have to start for home. Fortunately, she knew of a way to get to her house that was a lot closer than the miles of rocky trail she had just run on. Confidently, Taylor stepped diagonally off the path and started off through the trees at a trot.

Darkness was just falling when she jogged down a small hill towards a dirt road, her road. Picking up her pace, Taylor lightly sped off down the road, leaping lightly over the pot holes and rivets a recent melting had caused in the road. Within minutes she turned off the wider road down a dirt driveway that sloped steeply downwards. Careful not to slip on the ice that had accumulated over the winter; she headed down and slowed to a walking pace as she stepped up the plain wooden steps to her front door. Small and old, the house lie in somewhat of a shambled wreck, several windows cracked and held together with Duct tape, snow blowing in around the edges, and the chimney rising from the roof (that was missing several shingles) all helter-skelter.

"Mom!" She called as she slammed the door (you always had to slam the door otherwise it would blow open) behind her and slipped off her battered running shoes. "I'm back."

"Hey honey," her mother's voice called from the kitchen, where she was overseeing the stirring of a pot on the stove. Her thick black hair was tied up in a messy bun with two pencils jabbed through it, and a flowery apron was tied around her waist. She flicked her wand at the wooden spoon protruding from the pot, which continued stirring, and then turned her attention to some green peppers on a cutting board and a knife, which sprang into the air and began chopping up the peppers. When the knife was finished, it scraped the chopped peppers from the board into the simmering stew. "How was your run?" The tall, graceful woman asked, turning to watch her daughter, sweat-soaked and still breathing hard, walk into the kitchen.

"Mmm…it was great. Just what I needed; I got to get in some good long thinking time, you know, mull it all over," Taylor gasped, plopping herself down at the table and pouring herself a glass of water from the pitcher that sat there, which she promptly gulped down.

Her mother came over and sat down in the chair across from her. She looked like she was on the verge of asking a million questions, but only one word came out of her mouth, "And…?" She asked, twiddling with her wand.

"Well…I don't know. I suppose I'll go with it, I mean…" Her voice trailed off as she turned her big black eyes up to look at her mother. Instantly her mother's eyes glistened with tears, and she reached across the table to grasp her daughter's hands.

"Oh, I knew you'd do it. You're a brave girl, and I have a lot of confidence in you. I know you can pull it off. I know it will be hard – goodness only knows how hard, but I know you have the strength and the power in you to do it. Otherwise Dumbledore would never have asked you. He has confidence in you, too, honey."

"Mmmhmm." Taylor said, pressing her lips together, and gazed out the window outside, where darkness had now fallen, and she could catch a glimpse of the watery crescent moon just rising above the mountains.

And then the moon started growing and getting bigger and bigger until it was a full moon and Taylor sat upright in her bed. She was at Hogwarts, sleeping in her dormitory, far away from her old house and her mom. Glancing around, she saw that she must have fallen asleep while reading, because her wand, still lit, had fallen off her bed and rolled away a few feet across the floor, and the weighty book she had been poring over sat heavily on her knees.

She groggily closed the book, marking the page she had been reading before drifting off into her sleep by folding down the upper right corner of the page, and slid the old book back beneath her bed. Yawning, she clumsily stood up, staggering over to where her wand lay, whispered "Nox," to extinguish her wand, and curled back up in her bed, hugging the comforter close around her.

"The only close blood relative he had left," was the last fleeting thought that passed through Taylor's mind before she drifted back off to sleep, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

I know that didn't really explain anything, but I had written the running description for creative writing, and I really wanted to use it, so I worked it in, changing bits of it so that it fit.

Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Please Tell Me

Please Tell Me

**Please Tell Me**

Ginny tapped her foot impatiently in her Charms class. Usually she loved Professor Flitwick and his funny little ways – she found him to be quite entertaining for the most part. But today was different, tomorrow was Gryffindor's first Quidditch match. They would be going up against Slytherin, and the tension between the two houses could have been prodded with a wand. Earlier that day, one of the Slytherin Beaters, accompanied by several Slytherin seventh years, had driven Ginny into frantic hysterics after taunting her badly in the hall in passing, causing Ginny to hex each of them with a different hex so badly that they all had to go to the hospital wing so that Madam Pomfry could clear them of the boils, radishes and leeks that were developing all over them. Ginny visualized a play that Harry had had the team practice the evening before, tracing her rout with her quill absentmindedly across the old, already heavily graffitied desk in front of her.

"Miss Wealsey!" An impatient voice interrupted her deep thoughts of Quidditch. Ginny looked up to see Professor Flitwick, or rather, the top of Professor Flitwick's head bobbing in front of her desk. She leaned forward so that his whole face came into view. "Have you mastered your Flipping Charm on your coin already?"

Ginny glanced down to her desk at the old Knut she was supposed to be charming so that it would flip in mid air. "Ah…," she groaned, then dropped her quill and picked up her wand, and jerking it sharply upward, said commandingly, "Inclino Super!" The small bronze Knut feebly tipped itself over on the desk.

"Well, that is acceptable, but I want your incantation to truly cause the coin to flip before you move on to heavier things, Miss Weasley," squeaked Professor Flitwick, before moving on to the next student.

"Hey, Ginny!" Taylor, who sat next to Ginny, leaned across the gap between their desks. Her eyes were bloodshot, as though she had gotten very little sleep the night before. "Don't worry about the Quidditch game, girl. You're a superb Chaser, and Harry's" Ginny's heart performed something of a back flip in her stomach at the mention of Harry's name, but she forced herself to think of Dean. She didn't think of Harry like that anymore. Taylor continued, "Definitely the best Seeker Hogwarts has had in a while, everyone agrees to that, too."

"Thanks, Hun, "Ginny said, smiling feebly. "What about yourself?" She asked. "You alright? You look a right mess, to be truthful."

Taylor rolled her eyes, "Thank you for your encouraging complements, Ginny. But I'm alright. I didn't get much sleep last night. Don't know why, I mean, I wasn't doing homework or anything. Guess I'm turning into a bit of an insomniac." Ginny and Taylor shared a laugh at that; they both knew Taylor loved sleep way too much to be an insomniac. But Taylor didn't quite meet Ginny's eye as she said this, and Ginny noticed this. Something struck her as wrong. The tight way Taylor had started holding herself, as though constantly tense about something. The tears that Ginny saw her shedding every once in a while, the way she exploded sometimes over simple things. In fact, she was acting much like Harry was. Harry also seemed to be constantly on the edge recently, Ginny had heard him falling apart and yelling or snapping and Hermione and Ron for something too simple to actually cause a response like that. But Harry had just lost his Godfather, Ginny mused. Taylor was acting as though she too had just lost someone close to her.

All the same, Ginny wasn't feeling too reassured. She hesitated, debating whether or not to mention the voluminous book that she had seen Taylor poring over the previous night. A part of her was angry that Taylor wouldn't share something with her, but a part of her wanted to leave it up to Taylor to decide when she would tell Ginny. She would in her own time, Ginny was sure of that. But how long was her own time? But still, just the same, Ginny was beginning to worry about her friend. There was obviously something very important to Taylor that she wasn't talking to Ginny about – important enough to lose sleep over, but obviously Ginny wasn't important enough to Taylor to be told what the problem was. Ginny scowled at that. But then again, Ginny mused, she wasn't telling Taylor all that went on between herself and Dean either. But that's private, Ginny thought, while a nagging voice in the back of her head whispered that Taylor's problem might be private too. Why else wouldn't she tell Ginny? And besides, I can deal with my issues with Dean by myself. I don't want Taylor worrying over me anymore than she already does. But Taylor knows about what Dean does to you, the nagging voice insisted, And all she would want to do is help. Well, Ginny concluded, if Taylor wasn't going to include Ginny on what she was doing, Ginny sure wasn't going to discuss her problem with Dean to her either. Still the nagging voice persisted, That's not the way friends treat each other. But Ginny pushed it into the back of her mind.

Charms was their last class of the day and Ginny and Taylor greeted the warm afternoon out on the grounds. As the girls ambled down towards the lake, they pulled their robes over their heads to reveal muggle tank tops and shorts, wishing to allow their skin to soak up as much sun as was possible. Sitting down on the bank of the lake and pulling off their shoes and socks, they chattered about the upcoming Quidditch match. While Ginny avidly discussed the new move Harry was encouraging Ginny and the other Chasers to employ in their up and coming match, along with various other tactics the two girls placed their bare feet in the frigid waters.

Slowly their talk died to occasional chit chat, and then sputtered out entirely. The two girls sat, splashing their feet in the biting cold lake water, each gazing out along the glittering surface, absorbed in their own private thoughts. Ginny closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun playing on her eyelids, shining red through them, spreading throughout her body, relaxing all her muscles. Gradually her thoughts meandered to Dean once more. He had been such a love last night; she still couldn't figure him out. He had been all whispers of admiration and love, all kindness and soft words while the two of them sat cuddling under the stars. But today, that was a different story. He had hardly spared her a glance that day, remaining engrossed in a conversation with Seamus when Ginny arrived at the Gryffindor table for breakfast that morning. And throughout the day? Ginny had never even seen the boy again. She supposed that he was ignoring her, but why? A strangled sigh left her lips as these thoughts flooded her mind.

"What's up, girl?" Taylor asked, turning her face, which had been lifted up towards the sun, to Ginny. "Still stressing about the game. I told you, you've got nothing to worry about, you're excellent – "

"It's not the game, Tay," Ginny responded. "It's Dean." She had decided to talk to Taylor, after all, she hadn't been able to figure out her situation by herself, she might as well seek an outside opinion. Taylor pulled her feet out of the water and drew her legs up to her chest, hugging them close, prepared to listen to Ginny.

"What about him?" She queried.

"Well, he's so frustrating. I well. I." Ginny drew a deep breath; besides their awkward almost-argument the previous night, Ginny had never discussed Dean's abuse to anybody. "Sometimes he is just so violent. He scares me – he's so much bigger than me – when we get into arguments. I used to know that he would never really do anything to hurt me, so I was ok with it. But then, well, then he hit me. It's because of Harry. He's jealous, Tay. Not, not that I like Harry at all anymore," Ginny added quickly, "you know that. But Dean's jealous over everything. He gets mad if I look at some other boy. And, and he's a control freak. I can't do anything without him knowing. If I do something without telling him, he gets so mad at me. I – I – I well, I want him to like me, and I hate it so much when he's mad." Ginny gave a great sniff and purposefully stared up at the sky, anything to avoid looking directly at Taylor. Now that she had started, she wanted to say everything, and Ginny knew that if she saw the look that she was sure fixed on her best friend's face at this moment, she would never finish. She took a deep breath, hiccupping slightly, and continued, "But everything sets him off. And I just can't deal with it anymore. But, but then, sometimes he's such a love. Like last night, he was the sweetest, most gentle, caring person in the world. Making me feel like such an admired princess, he totally fawned over me. And it's times like those, I just know that we can make it work. I, I feel so bad talking shit about him, Tay, but I just can't take much more of this anymore. I just, I only want it all to work out. Oh, Taylor, what am I supposed to do?" Ginny moaned, burying her face in her arms.

"Oh, Ginny," sympathized Taylor, scooting closer to Ginny and wrapping her arms around her red headed friend. "Oh, Ginny." She took her hand and smoothed Ginny's flamboyantly red hair, stroking and combing, trying to comfort the girl.

"What am I supposed to do?" Wailed Ginny looking up from her arms and burying her face into Taylor's shoulder, tears now running freely down her face.

Taylor tightened her hold on Ginny. "I don't know, Hun, I don't know."

Poor Ginny…they should talk more and figure things out. Please review! Please please please! Hope you enjoyed.


	5. The Unexpected Visitor

Alright, I just got back from a backpacking trip, so that's why I haven't updated in a bit

Alright, I just got back from a backpacking trip, so that's why I haven't updated in a bit.

PocketfulOfSunshine95: Thanks so much for reading my story and leaving a review! I appreciate it a lot. Yeah, I suppose that what Taylor is up to is kind of obvious…but I'm not very good at concealing stuff like that when I write. Glad you like it, though!

So here's my next chapter:

**The Unexpected Visitor**

Taylor put the kettle on the stove and turned up the heat to high, contemplating what her mother was talking about. She stared at her confused reflection in the shiny metal kettle for a few seconds before turning around, leaning on the counter to face her mother who was sitting at the table, watching her.

"So what do you think, dear?" Her Mother asked as she waved her wand absentmindedly at the potatoes sitting in a bowl in front of her and they rose up into the air, long curls of skin pealing off them.

"Well," Taylor said slowly, trying to bide some time to think.

"It's you OWL year," her mother interjected, "you know I don't have the qualifications to test you, so you'll have to go to some school at some point. Why not just go to Hogwarts? Don't you want to go to school?"

Taylor pondered this. Yes, she wanted to go to school, but she had been home schooled her whole life, so that was quite an intimidating idea.

"You could actually hang out with kids your age a lot, because they'd all be at school with you," her mother continued, flicking her wand and the potatoes fell back into their bowl and with another wave, the skins sped off towards the trashcan, which obediently opened up to receive them.

"I suppose," Taylor said, "it's just, I dunno, I'm scared, I guess, it's a little intimidating. I've never been to school."

"I know dear, but school is," Taylor never found out what exactly school was because at that moment, a knock on their front door rang out through the house. After a puzzled glance at her mother, who also seemed confused, as far as Taylor knew, they weren't expecting company; she headed towards the door and opened it.

There on the step stood a wreck of a man. He bore the resemblance of a man who had only recently began to gain weight after a long time of starvation – he had a bit of a belly, yet his arms and legs and face were still gaunt thin. The skin on his face was slightly yellow and stretched tightly across high cheek bones, and a grizzled beard sprouted unkemptly off his chin. His hair hung in messy locks down to his elbows. Yet when she opened the door, a smile lit up his face that made him look like a man ten years younger than the skeletal man standing before her.

"Honny, who is it?" Her mother called from the kitchen. Taylor looked at the man warily for an answer.

"Black," the man croaked, "Sirius Black." And he held out his hand to shake Taylor's. Taylor did not extend her own hand for him. Sirius Black? The escaped prisoner from Azkaban? The murderer? Standing on her doorstep?

"He says his name is Sirius Black," she called to her mother. There was a crash of breaking china from the kitchen, followed by her mother's hurried foot steps, and momentarily, her eager face appeared over Taylor's shoulder. And then she did something that completely surprised Taylor – she rushed at the bedraggled man and embraced him tightly, sobbing slightly and crying,

"Sirius, oh, Sirius, I knew they'd let you out, I knew that they would see that they were wrong and that you were innocent. But how did I not hear the news? All I've been hearing about is that you escaped, and the way the news has been going on about it, it seemed like they still suspected you. Granted we have a very bad source of news from where we are, very secluded, you know."

"I know, Tammy, I know," soothed the man called Sirius Black, stroking her hair. There was something lighting up his face, Taylor noticed, something that if she wasn't much mistaken, was love.

"Wait, who are you? Mum? Who is this man?" Taylor finally asked, as it appeared that they weren't about ready to explain anything.

"Here," he mother answered, beginning to bustle into the kitchen, sweeping along the disheveled man with her, tears still sparkling in her eyes. At that moment the tea kettle began to whistle. "Oh, how about we all sit down to a nice cup of tea, and we can explain everything," she said, and, in a flustered manner, waving her wand at the broken bowl that had held the potatoes and was now lying in pieces on the floor, the bowl mended itself and returned to the table. With another swoosh of her wand, the potatoes soared up into the air and fell back into the bowl. Then she began to take out cups and saucers and tea bags. "What will you have?" she asked as she sorted through her tea bags. "I have chai, lemon green tea, peppermint, blueberry –"

"I'll have peppermint," Taylor said, still watching Black. "With honey," she added.

"I'll have the same, Tammy dear," Black said.

"Right, right, of course," Tammy said distractedly.

Moments later the three of them sat clustered around the table, each clutching a steaming mug in their hands.

"Taylor, this is Sirius Black," Her mother began.

"I worked that one out. The one the Ministry's been trying to find for a while now?" Taylor interrupted.

"Yes, yes," Tammy waved aside the idea that she was serving tea to a convicted murderer. "But whatever the Ministry may say, Sirius is innocent. I've known that for all these twelve long years. But, well. Oh, Tay, the thing is, Sirius is your father."

There was a clunk as Taylor dropped her mug on the table, sloshing tea all over it. "My what?" She asked incredulously. Her mother never, ever mentioned her father; it had become rather a taboo topic in the house.

"Your father," her mother replied evenly. And she launched into an explanation. "Twelve years ago I was happily married to this man," she gestured at Sirius, "when the Potters were murdered by You-Know-Who. Sirius had been their secret keeper – he alone had known where the Potters lived. But, I think that's wrong…" her voice trailed off and she looked at Sirius, who croaked,

"It is. At the last moment, I convinced James and Lily that they should use Peter Pettigrew. I figured that nobody, let alone Voldemort, would dream that the Potters would have chosen little Peter as the secret keeper. But the little scumbag was the traitor, and he told Voldemort where the Potters were hiding, worthless piece of shit that he is. I have to admit; I was scared though, so I went one night to check up on my friends, you remember, Tammy?" Tammy nodded. "I took my bike, and when I saw the wreckage, I knew what Peter must have done, so I tracked him down. Found him in a street full of Muggles. Then he hollered at me 'Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?' And when I drew my wand to attack him, the filthy scoundrel blew up the street behind him, cut off his finger, transformed into that grubby rat he transforms into and scampered. Needless to say, the Ministry caught up soon, and according to the Muggle eyewitnesses, I murdered Peter. So they carted me off to Azkaban."

Sirius sighed, and then continued with his story. "Then last year, I managed to get a hold of a Daily Prophet and saw a picture of Peter on a boys shoulder, who was going to Azkaban, and I was determined to catch him and commit the murder that I was imprisoned for. I broke out of Azkaban and headed north to Hogwarts. Finally I got the chance. Harry Potter, and two of his friends, Hermione and Ron – Ron was the one to whom Peter belonged – were there, and Remus. But Harry stopped me from murdering Peter; said James wouldn't have wanted me and Remus to become murderers. Suppose he was right. Anyway, Peter escaped before we could prove that he was the one who gave away Lily and James, and I was captured. I thought I was done for, I knew the Dementors were coming for me, to give me the Kiss," Tammy gasped at this, clutching her tea cup.

"And then Harry and Hermione saved me. Rode up to the place where I was locked up on a hippogriff and broke me out. I am forever grateful. So I flew away. And the first thing I had to do was come here, make sure you were ok, Tammy…" at this, Sirius's voice trailed off. "But who…?" He looked questioningly from Tammy to Taylor.

"Well, a while after you had been locked up in Azkaban, I discovered I was pregnant. With Taylor here." Sirius's eyes traveled to Taylor and looked her up and down, his eyes filling with tears.

"My daughter? I have a daughter?" And then he was smiling and crying and laughing all at once and all three of them stood up to hug.

The warmth of the hug slowly drained away, and Taylor awoke to discover herself in her bed in her Dormitory at Hogwarts. She turned over in her bed to gaze out the window.

The morning of the Quidditch match dawned brisk and bright. Not a cloud in sight, but a definite bite in the air. Taylor climbed out of bed to sit on the window ledge, knees drawn tightly up to her chest, thick dark hair falling haphazardly in morning bed-head fashion down to her shoulders, intense dark eyes focused on some distant spot out the window. A light frost, appearing very early in the year, had formed at the corners of the window. Taylor was torn. On the one hand, she desperately wanted to watch the match, encourage Ginny. But on the other, there was something of pressing matter that Taylor really needed to work on, and she wanted to be alone while she did, and what better opportunity when the whole school was down on the grounds watching the match? The girl leaned her head against the frosty window pane, letting her eyes slide to focus on the forbidden forest.

What had she gotten herself into? Why had she ever, ever agreed to go through with Dumbledore's plan? He himself didn't even know how she was to go about performing this seemingly impossible task. If Dumbledore didn't know, how on earth was she, a mere fifteen year old, supposed to figure it out? It seemed like such a desperate, hopeless task. She couldn't bring the dead back to life. Neither could Dumbledore. As far as Taylor knew, nobody yet knew how to perform that miracle. Yet, Dumbledore said she could. He said that this case was an exception. A Veil of Death, according to him, meant a minor inconvenience. It was not true death. Confused thought whirled through Taylor's mind, and, frustrated with them, she banged her head repeatedly against the pain. She had already spent weeks perusing ancient volumes, searching for some clue, some hint as to how she was to go about what she was supposed to be doing. But she had come across something last night.

She spent most of the wee hours of the night scrutinizing, by the dim light of her wand, even the minutest details in the thick volumes she was reading. And last night she had come across something that she thought might be useful. As she thought about it in the day, it seemed a little ridiculous, but still, it might be a step in the right direction. And if she succeeded, she would at least be a bit closer to her goal. At least she would know if what she was trying to accomplish was even possible…

But still…how on earth could it be possible to talk to a dead person?

And would Ginny forgive her if she skipped the match to attempt it?

Once again, thanks for reading, and please review!


	6. The Quidditch Match

And another update, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it

And another update, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it. Not much plot in this one, but it's just for fun. Read, review, revel in the entertainment!

**The Quidditch Match**

Ginny woke up to find Taylor already awake, sitting silhouetted on the window ledge, knees clutched to her chest. The girl was staring out at the grounds and seemed to be in deep thought. Then, suddenly, as though she had sensed Ginny looking at her, she turned around to look at the red headed girl.

"Good morning, sunshine!" She greeted cheerfully, unfolding her lanky self from the window sill and walking over to sit on Ginny's bed. "So, you excited for the big day?"

Ginny sat up, groggily rubbing sleep out of her eyes, groaning. "Aaarrrrghhhh. It's too bloody early. What on earth are you doing already up?" Ginny squinted out the window, noticing that the sun was barely blinking up over the tops of the black trees of the Forbidden Forest before laying back down. "God, what time is it?" She moaned, turning over and pulling the comforter back over her head, curling into a ball and closing her eyes tight again. She was so close to sleep. So close…just –

"It's time to get up, sleepy head!" Taylor said cheerfully and Ginny cursed the ability of some people to be so upbeat in the morning. When Ginny did not respond, Taylor took hold of the comforter and yanked it from Ginny's grip, revealing Ginny's flame red hair splayed over her pillow and her pajamas – blue pants with little clusters of silver stars scattered across them and a black tank top.

"Rise and shine, Hunny!" Taylor cried, plopping down on Ginny's bed, making the springs squeak as she bopped up and down. Ginny moaned and curled into a tighter ball.

(I just want to sleep…) Ginny thought dazedly, willing her mind to fall back asleep and Taylor to go away. The bed stopped bouncing up and down and Ginny figured that Taylor had given up. (Thank God. Now I can have some rest) Ginny sighed.

SPLOOSH! A large amount of something cold and wet splashed across Ginny's face. "Grraaaahhh!" Ginny roared, sitting up for a final time. Her auburn hair plastered to her head, little trickles of water dripping of the ends, drops of water streaming off her nose. "TAYLOR!" She bellowed, fully awake at this point. Taylor stood, holding an empty glass in one hand, looking a little sheepish.

"Ah, well, I suppose I could have just let you sleep through the Quidditch match. Not that that would have upset you at all or anything," Taylor said sarcastically.

"Quidditch?" Ginny bellowed. "Why didn't you say so?" And she hurled her self out of her bed and began frantically searching for her clothes.

"NOW she catches on," Taylor muttered under her breath, tossing a sock at Ginny, who pulled it on her foot and stood up.

"Uummm," Ginny grumbled, patting down her robes and feeling in her pockets. "Wand, wand, wand. Damnit! Where is my wand?" Feeling frantic, Ginny spun on the spot, her hands flying to tap her head, checking to see if she had stuck it behind her ear for safe keeping. Taylor laughed and when Ginny stopped spinning to face her, she pointed at Ginny's night stand.

"There all along, dear," Taylor grinned.

"Oh, thank God." Ginny breathed in relief, snatching up her wand and turning to Taylor. "Alright. I'm ready. I think. Oh God…" Ginny suddenly felt the full force of her nerves strike hard as she said this. "Oooh, I think I'm going to be sick," she moaned, clutching her stomach.

"Nonsense," Taylor said, taking a firm grip on Ginny's shoulders and half leading, half pushing, marched Ginny down the stairs from their dormitory, leaving the two other girls fast asleep in their beds.

"Oh, Ginny!" Harry had jumped up from his seat when he saw Ginny. "Thank God. I thought maybe you got sick or something and weren't coming to play in the match and I couldn't even think of someone I wanted to use as a replacement Chaser." Harry looked like he could have hugged Ginny, but caught sight of Dean's face, which was already twisted in suppressed jealousy that Harry had gotten the first comment to Ginny.

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Ginny said, sitting down in the empty seat Dean had saved for her. "Thanks, Hunny," she said, leaning over to give Dean a kiss on the cheek as he handed her a slice of buttered toast.

All too soon Ginny found herself in the changing room with the rest of the team, pulling her scarlet Quidditch robes over her head. Her stomach still felt slightly queasy, but had stopped making her feel downright sick. She was definitely feeling alright now, she could play with this amount of nerves. It was always good to have a bit of nerves, anyway. Dean grabbed her hand as they brushed against each other and gave it a tight squeeze. Ginny looked up into his face and saw his eyes twinkling at her.

"Let's go get 'em, Ginny!" He whispered to her. Ginny smiled broadly in return. It was for these little things, the side glances, the shared whispers and the quick smiles, that Ginny loved him for.

"Alright, team," Harry started awkwardly; obviously this was his first time making a speech for a large group of people. His hands twisted behind him and he rose up on his toes nervously before rocking back on his heals. "Well," he began again, this time a bit stronger and clearer. "This is by no means the deciding match as it is the first one this year, but I'm sure all of us would enjoy thoroughly kicking Slytherin's ass." There were several appreciative woops and hollers from the team that surrounded Harry in a half circle. "I know I would," he continued. "But well, just try not to think of the pressure. If you guys play like you did last night, which was bloody brilliant, by the way, I'm sure we've got this game. Slytherin is composed of just a bunch of over-large idiots. Well, Malfoy is admittedly a good flyer, and granted, yes, they all are on Nimbus 2001's, but honestly, come on. What's that compared to the team we've got here?" More woops and hollers, and some enthusiastic claps in response to this. "We've got the best team at this school, I know it. So what do you say we got out there and prove it and KICK SOME ASS!?" Harry roared, and the whole team joined in for the last three words and the words echoed throughout the changing room. After sharing an energetic and ecstatic hug, the team broke apart and headed out of the changing room on to the Quidditch pitch.

Of course, Harry was right about the Slytherin team, they certainly all were big and burly, Malfoy clearly the smallest on the team by far.

"Captains, shake hands!" Madam Hooch's commanding voice called out. Harry and the Slytherin captain approached each other. Gone was the timidity that Harry had displayed in his speech in the changing room. A bright light flashed in his eyes as he briefly grasped the burly Slytherin's hand and they shook shortly. Madam hooch brought the whistle to her lips and blew hard. Seven green-robed and seven scarlet-robed figured blasted into the air, accompanied by the stern form of Madam Hooch.

"And they're off!" Lee Jordan's voice echoed across the stadium, magically magnified. "And it's Gryffindor's Chaser with the Quaffle, no, a Slytherin Chaser just stole it from her. And he dodges a Bludger hit by a Weasly twin, and he is pelting towards the Gryffindor's goal posts. He's going for the score; he shoots, and is blocked! Props for the Gryffindor keeper."

Lee's commentary continued on throughout the game, closely following every move the players made. Dean and Ginny played flawlessly. Each knew the other so well; they could predict each other's next move without even saying anything. Gradually Gryffindor pulled ahead in score. The Gryffindor players' confidence was boosted with these victories, and played all the better for it, meanwhile the Slytherin players were becoming more and more reckless as they fell further and further behind. Soon it was impossible for five minutes to go by without the Slytherin's committing a foul against the Gryffindors. As their tactics became increasingly more desperate and dangerous (One of the beaters clubbed Dean's head, and then tried to get away with it by claiming he thought Dean was a Bludger) Ginny began hoping more and more fervently that Harry would just catch the Snitch and end the game.

Speeding forward towards the Slytherin's goalposts, laying flat against her broom and clutching the Quaffle under her arm, Ginny suddenly saw Harry making a beeline for one of the Slytherin Beaters. (He's spotted the Snitch,) Ginny laughed as the Slytherin Beater gasped and tried to hurtle himself out of the way as Harry came barreling towards him. As Ginny lost her concentration on the Quaffle she was holding, one of the Slytherin Chasers knocked it out of her hand and began pelting back up the pitch for the Gryffindor's goalposts. Ginny cursed herself for being so distracted. But it didn't matter; Harry was rising up in the air, clutching his fist tightly around the fluttering, struggling Snitch. Ginny squealed in excitement and sped towards Harry, the whole team doing the same. The seven of them met in mid air and there was many high-fives, hugs, and slaps on backs. They had beaten Slytherin 210 to 40.

Ginny and the rest of the team finally returned to the Gryffindor common room. The team had spent forever in the changing rooms, discussing every detail of the match. Ginny and Dean were constantly being praised for their superb Chaser skills and excellent teamwork and everyone was complementing Harry on his spectacular catch while Malfoy was miles away scouring the opposite side of the pitch for the Snitch and the way he had terrified the Slytherin Beater. Singing loudly and fervently, the whole Gryffindor team slowly made its way up to celebrate with the rest of their fellow Gryffindors in the Common Room of Gryffindor Tower. Ginny smiled gleefully around the room, feeling right in her element; she loved being the center of attention, and what better way to claim that attention than winning a Quidditch match against their House's least favorite team?

"Sweet playing, chika!" Taylor cried, bouncing in amongst the still scarlet clad team to give Ginny a high five and a giant hug. "You play like a champ, girl! You too Harry," she shouted at Harry, pounding him on the back, "Great catch, and you nearly scared that bloke off his broomstick."

"Er, thanks, ah, Taylor," Harry replied, caught off guard by having Taylor address him, they rarely ever talked. Ginny noticed this too, but said nothing and merely hugged Taylor again, squealing.


	7. Talking with Who?

A/N: So I wanted to start off with the fact that things seemed a little awkward between Harry and Taylor, I meant absolutely nothing by it

**A/N: So I wanted to start off with the fact that things seemed a little awkward between Harry and Taylor, I meant absolutely nothing by it. Don't even know why I wrote it. Also, I've made a bad mistake in The Unexpected Visitor, I made a mistake: Taylor's mother said that she would be going into her OWL year, but that is wrong. Sirius found them right after escaping from the Dementors (Book 3). So Harry had just finished his 3****rd**** year, and would be going into his 4****th****. And Ginny is a year younger, and as I have Taylor in Ginny's year, she therefore would be going into her 3****rd**** year, not her OWL year. Very sorry about that mistake.**

A week passed and Taylor still had to try her experiment. She gave herself all kinds of excuses as to why she was avoiding the task, she had too much homework, she had to help Ginny with her homework, she was too tired and wanted to go to sleep, she deserved a day off because she was working so hard, she needed to practice a certain spell, charm, or jinx. Gradually, though, she ran out of excuses. When it actually came down to it, Taylor had to admit that she was purposefully avoiding a moment in which she would have the time to try such an experiment. Fear at what would happen, anxiety that nothing would happen, haunted her. When the next Hogsmeed trip was posted up on the announcement board in the Gryffindor common room, she had run out of excuses.

"Great!" Ginny cried when she saw the parchment announcing the date of the Hogsmeed trip pinned up on the board. "I've been wanting to visit Honeydukes, I really, really want a sugar quill, you know. I love Flitwick's classes and all, but they're just so easy, it'd be nice to actually dose off but have him think I was still thoroughly interested in what he has to say. Not that what he has to say is boring or anything, but seriously, it's just so _easy. _What do you want to do?" She turned to Taylor, who was frowning slightly at the board, upset that such a perfect opportunity had presented itself. "I expect you'll be wanting a stop at Madam Rosemerta's for a butterbeer?"

"I wish," Taylor said, making up her mind that this was the moment that she had been waiting for, and besides, a better time might never come. So reluctantly she gave up her weekend away. "I have, um, I have to do a remedial lesson with Flitwick, actually," she hurriedly made up an excuse. Ginny was almost professional at Charms, however, Taylor was less than satisfactory.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that really sucks," Ginny said as the two of them left the bulletin board and headed towards two squishy armchairs. "I could help you, and then you could come to Hogsmeed with us!"

(Damn. That's a good point) Taylor thought. "Well, that's what I said," she hastily searched for an excuse this time, "but Professor Flitwick says that I really should learn with a qualified teacher, I'm so far behind." There, that should work.

"Oh," Ginny's hopefully face fell, and she looked utterly woebegone. "Well, in that case, I guess I'll just go with Dean then. I'll be sure to bring you back a butterbeer, though!"

The weekend arrived bleak and cloudy. This heightened Taylor's feelings a little, as in this weather, Hogsmeed was not nearly as enjoyable as when the sun was bright and shining. She would still miss Madam Rosmerta's butterbeer though. She walked with Ginny and Dean towards the entrance hall, where she pressed a couple silver sickles into Ginny's hand.

"Get me a butterbeer!" She said, giving Ginny a hug goodbye and started back up the stairs towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Fuzzy-wub," Taylor told the password to the fat lady, who swung open, allowing her to clamber through the portrait hole. She was just crossing the Common Room towards the stairway up to the Girls' Dormitory, when a boy from her year stood up from one of the squishy armchairs by the fire and turned towards her. He was tall and sturdily built, muscles visible through the muggle T-shirt he was wearing and long legs covered in a pair of black track pants. His curly brown hair topped his head haphazardly, falling cutely in his bright blue eyes.

"Hey, Tay," Sean, one of the most popular fifth year kids that year, said, walking over to join Taylor. "I forgot Ginny told me you were staying here. Flitwick right?" He asked, perching on the arm the scarlet upholstered couch by her.

(Fuck,) Taylor thought, (just what I need, an interruption. Right when I finally get up the nerve to actually try this thing, and now this.) She had to admit, though, Sean was pretty good looking, and she wasn't about to give up this opportunity to talk to him.

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "I'm a little behind on Cheering Charms and Calming Charms. I don't know why, but I just don't get them."

Sean laughed, "Yeah, well, we can't all be Ginny. And anyway, you're an expert at Potions – even Snape can't ever find anything wrong with your potions, and we all know how hard it is to please him. And you're a fair hand at Transfiguration." Taylor blushed at the fact that he knew what her good subjects were.

"Well, I just go on whim with potions," she said, trying to modestly wave away the semi-praise. "And Transfiguration just makes sense."

"Ha, speak for yourself," Sean said. "Me and Transfiguration mesh about as well as Hagrid and fluffy pink toe-socks."

Taylor laughed. Throwing caution to the winds, she said, "Well, maybe you could help me with Charms – you're pretty sound at that class yourself – and I could help you with Transfiguration."

Sean considered her for a second, and then replied, "You know, I think that sounds like a plan. I could definitely use help in Transfiguration, and well, if Flitwick's got you going to remedial classes…"

"Hey!" Taylor said, laughing and slapping Sean gently on the arm. "I'm not that bad. At least I didn't cause Flitwick to almost crack a rib from laughing when that bloke McNitt from Hufflepuff tried his Charm."

Sean laughed too. "True, true."

"So now that we've established why I'm not in Hogsmead, why aren't you?" Taylor asked, perching herself on the armchair opposite Sean.

"Oh, I was just watching the fire and relaxing for a bit," came Sean's unlikely reply. "I like to watch the logs burn, you know. Very meditative."

"That's pretty deep for a kid as popular as yourself," Taylor said, impressed.

"Yeah, well, you know. I can't always be cool. Sometimes I just gotta be me," Sean shrugged. "I dunno, I guess you're the only one that knows my weak side now."

"Well, it's nice to know that you have a sense of things."

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and then Sean stood up and said, "Well, as much as I'd like to study Transfiguration and Charms with you right now, I promised Nate that I'd meet him in Hogsmead later."

"Alright, well, have a good time," Taylor said, waving to Sean as he got up and walked through the portrait hole.

Once she was finally back in her dormitory, she closed the door behind her, walked softly and a bit timidly over to her bed, from under which she pulled a huge black book titled "beyond the Veil of Death". Sighing heavily, she turned to page 164 and began reading.

**A/N: So, hope you liked, I'll have the next chapter up soon. If you liked, review. If you didn't like, please review also. It'd be greatly appreciated. **


	8. Experemental Success

Experimental Success

**Experimental Success**

The top of page 164 read "How to Talk to the Dead". Taylor took a deep breath and read on.

**_(1) _**_ Get into a serene state of mind by eliminating caffeine and dairy products the day before your encounter. Eat simply, such as only fruit and vegetables._

(Done that,) Taylor thought. For a week she had been watching her food intake, carefully monitoring so that she never drank coffee (a hard habit to kick) and avoided cheese and milk.

**_(2)_**_ Go to the quietest place you can find. Leave your watch and all jewelry off. Wear only loose, comfortable clothing. It is important to find a comfortable place where you can truly relax. Make sure you will not be disturbed. The goal is to ease the transition into an altered state of awareness. Posture is important. Sit in a comfortable chair that will support the back of your head, even if you are deeply relaxed. Place a large mirror in front of your chair and arrange it so that you can gaze into it without having to hold your eyes at an uncomfortable angle._

Taylor got up, dragged a high-backed winged chair over in front of a large, full length mirror, and sat down with the book on her lap.

**_(3) _**_ Create a mood by soothing yourself with beauty for about 15 minutes by looking or listening to works of art. Art alone is enough to induce altered states in many people. Soft music can go far to stimulate awareness._

She flicked her wand at the phonograph in the corner, and it immediately started playing Mozart.

**_(4) _**_ Gather photographs and personal items of your departed loved one around you. Touch them and remember your loved ones fondly. If you have nothing, collect your dearest memories of the person. It is important to imprint that person firmly in your mind._

Taylor focused on the small amount of time that Sirius had spent at her house.

**_(5) _**_ Light a candle and hover it behind you. Dim light from behind usually works the best, although you will have to experiment until you get the lighting just right. The twilight hours or early morning is a time that seems to better inspire altered states in many people. _

With a flick of her wand, she caused a candle to levitate behind the chair, illuminating her from behind in a slightly eerie way.

**_(6) _**_ The technique of mirror gazing itself is remarkably easy. Seated comfortably, relax and gaze into the clear depth of the mirror without trying to see anything. Some compare this to looking off into the distance. Properly relaxed, your arms will feel very heavy and the tips of your fingers will tingle as though charged slightly by electricity. This tingling feeling almost always signals the beginning of the hypnologic state_ _(altered consciousness)_.

**Taylor wiggled until she was fully comfortable in the chair and gazed at her reflection for a second before returning to the book.**

**_(7)_**_ The mirror will most likely become cloudy now. Some people report an image that resembles the sky on a cloudy day. Others say that the mirror becomes darker. Whatever the case, this change in the clarity of the mirror signals you that the visions are about to appear._

**She closed the heavy book and placed it on the floor beside her chair, closed her eyes, relaxing to the faint music for a bit, then opened them and stared into the mirror. At first nothing exciting at all happened, she just watched her own reflection staring back at her. Then slowly her image blurred as though a heavy fog was creeping over the surface of the mirror. Soon the fog was so dense, she could see nothing but the swirling white and gray mist. Then, suddenly, a shape began forming in the center of the mirror, faint at first but gradually taking shape as it condensed and took on a form, coming closer and closer until she saw the dark eyes of her father staring out of the mirror at her, his body still encircled by a swirling fog. **

**"Dad?" She gasped, not able to take her eyes off the form of the man in the mirror. **

**"Taylor. I don't have much time, I can only stay for a few minutes – "**

**"But where are you? Where do you have to return? Why can you only stay for a few minutes?" The questions came tumbling haphazardly out of her mouth. She felt like crying, seeing her dad like this. She had known it might happen, but nothing could have prepared it for her.**

**"When Bellatrix hit me with that curse and I fell through the archway, everyone thought I died, but the curse wasn't the Killing Curse. It was simply a Jinx. So when I fell through that archway, I wasn't dead. Now the archway's purpose is to direct the souls of the departing from the world of the living into the land that lies beyond. And because that is its purpose, it is designed to only accept the dead. I was not dead, so when I fell through it, I became caught in a kind of limbo – not able to communicate with the living, and yet not fully dead so as to move on to what awaits the souls of the departed."**

**Taylor realized that her mouth was hanging open, "You mean, you mean that you're not dead? You're alive?"**

**"Ah, that's where the trick comes in. I'm not dead, yet at the same time, I'm not exactly alive either, like I said, I'm in limbo, I'm stuck between these two worlds, not able to enter either one."**

**"So, when Dumbledore told me, when he asked me, when he said that I could bring you back into the land of the living, he was right?"**

**"Yes," Sirius said, "As you are a blood relative of me, you have the ability to grasp my soul and bring it back into the land of the living, Dumbledore was right about that. But if you make one mistake, my soul will be sucked away, into the land of the departed."**

**"That's a big burden on me. I have no idea how to go about doing that," Taylor said, feeling dismayed. How on earth was she, a mere fifth year student supposed to accomplish this task.**

**"Has Dumbledore not helped you at all?"**

**"He gave me this book, it told me how to do this, this…whatever it is…so that I could talk to you, but he says that your case is very special, and maybe even unique, so I have to find out how to do it by myself." She frowned, and clenched her fists in frustration. "But I don't understand. I don't get what I'm supposed to do. I mean, I know what I'm supposed to do, but I have no idea how to go about doing it." **

**Sirius looked over his shoulder, seeing something that only he could, and said quickly, "You might be able to talk to me again, and I can help you with that, but for now, I have to go." And with that, the mist started to become thicker and thicker again, whirling rapidly, and then slowly thinning out so that Taylor was staring at her own reflection once again, looking completely in shock. **

**Taylor sat in the chair for a few seconds, trying to come to grips with what had just happened. She didn't understand it at all. She had hoped that if this worked, she could finally know some sort of direction, some sort of sense as to what she was doing. But nothing. She understood her dad's predicament a lot better now, but how was understanding that supposed to help her with that? She put her face in her hands, closing her eyes, rubbing the palms of her hands into her eyeballs, causing little lights to spring up. Finally she looked back up into her confused reflection, suddenly noticing that Mozart was still playing in the background. She flicked her wand at it, and it subsisted, she stood up, and after extinguishing the candle, returned the high-backed winged chair to its corner. Abruptly she realized that she felt completely exhausted, so she went over to her bed and lay down, closing the curtains around her. Instantly she fell into a deep sleep. **

**A/N: I had fun with this chapter. Hope you enjoyed! I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, but I have a vague idea.**


	9. Smoke and Stars

Ginny and Dean had fought again

**Ginny and Dean had fought again. Ginny was becoming gradually more and more depressed, often retreating to bed early, or else wondering off on her own. Taylor had good reason to believe that the formerly bright and flamboyantly excited red head now spent much of her time crying, even though Ginny would never admit to this. As had become her custom recently, that is, when she talked at all, Ginny had spent a long afternoon bewailing the woes of her relationship with Dean to Taylor. Like any good friend, Taylor had comforted Ginny, helped her heal her bruises, and just hugged the red head until she calmed down enough to face Dean at Quidditch practice. Ginny had left feeling considerably better, but unfortunately, Taylor was left somewhat grouchy. She just couldn't understand ****_why _****Ginny continued to keep up this relationship with Dean when he continued to hurt her so badly, both emotionally and physically. It was really beginning to make Taylor mad. She didn't mind comforting Ginny; Ginny was a very good friend and she cared about her a lot. But it was for exactly that reason that the whole ordeal was beginning to take its toll on Taylor. She sat on her four-poster, scowling, her thick black hair a little unkempt and falling in her eyes. She angrily pushed a lock of it out of her eyes, glaring at a random spot on the wall. Already having debated going for a run, and deciding against it, she had nothing left to do to vent her anger. Finally she decided that a nice walk might help to calm her frazzled nerves. Standing up, she searched around for her shoes, finally finding one under her bed and the other in front of the door; she hopped around, pulling them on. After a frenzied search for her winter cloak, she gave up disparately and stomped out her the dormitory, slamming the door behind her, clomping down the stairs and pushing her way arbitrarily out the portrait hole. **

**Out on the grounds, she kicked a rock around, following a vague path around the grass, through the greenhouses, and then down towards the Forbidden Forest. She snorted loudly as she kicked her rock too hard and it ricocheted away down the hill, and then harrumphed in annoyance when she tripped over a root sticking up in her way. Her bad mood did not lesson as she neared the forest, rather, it increased. How could Ginny do this to her self? How could she do this to Taylor? It wasn't very level-headed or reasonable of her, Taylor fumed in aggravation. Finally, after hurting her toe by swinging out to kick a large rock which turned out to be embedded in the ground, she grumpily scrambled up a large boulder by the lake and sat down heavily, drawing her knees up to her chest in her customary fashion and gazing out across the rippling water. She reached into her pocket and took out a pack of Mr. Cash's Long Lasting Healthy Cigarettes and extracted a single white one before returning the pack to her pocket. Using her wand to light it, she took a deep drag on it, letting the smoke fill her up. She took it out of her mouth and flicked the end, shaking off the ashes. She took another long drag, staring out at the lake. **

**"What's got you so worked up, Fleet-Foot?" A deep, level voice asked from directly behind her. Taylor whipped around so fast she cricked her neck. Sean stood calmly beside her stone, looking up at her. Rubbing the back of her neck in frustration and returning her gaze to the water, Taylor scowled, not exactly in the mood to converse, even if it was with one of the cutest guys in her year.**

**"What's with the Fleet-Foot?" She demanded, ignoring his question and taking another drag on the cigarette. **

**"Oh, nothing." Sean effortlessly pulled himself up on her rock and sat down beside her, wrapping his arms around his knees, following her gaze across the lake. "I just see you running around the grounds sometimes; I can tell you really have a passion for it." He paused for a moment, and then added, "I never took you to be a smoker, though.)**

**Taylor refused to say anything at first. Finally she replied, "I'm not a habitual smoker, just in times of stress, and occasionally when I just need one." She flicked it again.**

**Sean stared out at the lake for a second, and then said, "Could I have one?"**

**"Sure," Taylor took out her pack again, and handed him one. "They last a long time, and are enchanted so that the smoke actually isn't bad for you. It's pretty cool."**

**Sean lit his own cigarette with his wand and nodded, "I haven't smoked in a couple months. I swore off it, actually. But it's nice every once and again."**

**Taylor didn't respond instead she nodded, and shivered; it was considerably chilly outside, and she was wishing she had looked harder for her winter cloak. **

**"Do you want my cloak?" Sean asked unexpectedly. **

**"No, I'm fine," Taylor replied shortly, repressing another shiver as she took another drag, the smoke furling around her head.**

**"Don't be ridiculous," Sean told her, resting his cigarette on the rock, undoing the silver fastening at his neck, removing the heavy wool cloak from his broad shoulders and draping it around her thin ones. After Taylor didn't object, just continuing to stare out at the water, he said, "So, anyway, what's got you so worked up?" He turned his head to look at her instead of the lake, picking up his cigarette again. **

**Taylor took her time staring out at the water. The setting sun's rays were hitting the water, and the ripples reflected gold in the chilly air. Finally she decided that the question did not offend her and replied,**

**"It's Ginny. She and Dean, well…" she let her voice trail off. This was Ginny's dealings, she had no business discussing is with some guy she hardly knew. "They're having a bit of a rough time, and it's kind of getting me down." She amended.**

**Sean continued to stare at her for a couple minutes. "You're a good friend, you know that? But really, you need to not let yourself get so tied up in Ginny's business. She's a big girl; she can take care of herself. You need to let her take care of herself and concentrate a bit more on yourself."**

**Taylor sighed, a wisp of dark hair falling down in her face. She ignored it. "I know. But it hurts me so bad to see her being wounded like this. I want to just fix it for her." With his cloak draped over her shoulders, she could smell Sean's scent as it wafted gently up to her nose, confusing her senses slightly. She shook her head mentally, she didn't feel like ****_that_****.**

**Sean made a sudden movement as though to brush her hair out of her face, and then withdrew his hand. Placing it back around his knees, he sighed too. "I know. I wish I could fix a lot of things, too. But sometimes, there are things you just can't fix. You can give Ginny all the wonderful advice in the world, but it's really up to her to decide what's right for her to do. No matter what you say, you can't make her break it off with Dean."**

**They sat in silence for a bit more, each taking long drags on their cigarettes. The sun sank lower in the sky, and the surface of the lake blazed red and orange in the dim light. Then Sean said,**

**"Speaking of fixing things, you never helped me fix my performance in Transfiguration. And I never helped you with Charms. Is that deal still on?"**

**Taylor looked up at him. What with her successful conversation with Sirius, trying to fathom a way to bring him back into the world of the living, and dealing with Ginny's relationship problems, she had completely forgotten about their deal. "Oh, I'm sorry, I… " Her voice trailed off again. She really didn't have the energy to make up an excuse. Listlessly, she rested her chin on her knees, returning her eyes to the lake. **

**"It's alright, I realize you've got a lot on your mind right now," Taylor brought her head up sharply. How had he found out about Sirius? She hadn't told anybody, not even Ginny. Sean went on, "I mean, trying to tell your best friend what's best for her without upsetting her, and seeing her torn to pieces like this, it's got to be so hard." Taylor put her chin back down on her knees. Thank God he didn't know about her dad. She wasn't ready to talk about that yet.**

**"Yeah," she croaked, "yeah, it's hard." **

**Without thinking about it, Sean reached up and put his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. Taylor looked at him sharply, and he quickly withdrew his hand.**

**"Er, sorry. I didn't mean…sorry." He hurriedly returned his hand back around his knees again, this time grasping it with his other hand, as though scared it might reach out and touch Taylor again of its own accord. Together they stared out at the lake. The sun had set behind the mountains, and the blazing fire on the lake and been doused along with the last of the twilight. Stars were coming out now, scattered skillfully along the sky in whimsical patterns. Taylor shifted her gaze from the now dark lake surface to the sparkling heavens.**

**Noticing this, Sean offered, "The stars are pretty."**

**"Mmm," Taylor replied, still watching the heavens avidly. "They are." **

**As she continued to stare sky-ward, Taylor was suddenly quite aware of how close Sean was, how the heat from his body wafted over to her, making her long to snuggle closer to him, to have him wrap his strong arms around her. He smelled so nice too. She shook her head mentally again. That was ridiculous. **

**"Shooting star," she said, lifting her arm to point it out. Sean's eyes followed her finger.**

**"Make a wish," he breathed; he was sitting so close his breath gently lifted a couple wisps of her hair. She felt them rise and fall, feeling tingly all over. **

**A/N: Awww, they had a sweet conversation. Unfortunately, Taylor was too worked up to really notice the attraction between them. But that's ok, it'll hit her at some point. Well, once again, please review and tell me what you think. Is it crap? Should I never write again? Is it decent? Does it (gasp) intrigue you? Is there something I'm missing? Something you want me to add? **


	10. Seriously Sirius

A/N: So, here is a chapter involving Sirius, thanks to the urge from deathpenity17

**A/N: So, here is a chapter involving Sirius, thanks to the urge from deathpenity17. I hope I did him justice, I couldn't really think of what to do, so this is the best I could come up with.**

Sirius floated around, it certainly had been a strange existence for him for a while now. Not really being alive, and not in all ways concerned dead, he led a sort of half life, drifting between the two worlds. He was in a land of complete nothing – or was it complete something? Sirius hadn't figured it out yet, all he knew was that it seemed like nothing existed, even himself. He couldn't see himself, even if he waved (or thought he waved) his hand right in front of his face. He could feel himself being present, but at the same time, couldn't. If he touched his arm, he knew he was touching his arm, but he didn't feel it. It really was a bizarre experience. He was always surrounded by what seemed to be a dense mist, but it wasn't wet. So maybe it was smoke, but it didn't smell like smoke. Whatever the case was, he had given up trying to decide where he was a while ago; it only gave him a headache. Which he supposed must be a good sign, if he could still get a headache, surely that meant something. He obviously wasn't completely dead, but that brought him back to the fact that he wasn't completely alive either. Either way, he had gotten bored of the concept some time ago.

Sometimes he caught sight of what was going on with the living – he had seen how tormented Harry had been after Sirius had died, how he sought after Nearly Headless Nick in the hopes of contacting Sirius. He had seen Harry and Ginny playing Quidditch, and something equally as upsetting as seeing Harry in turmoil was watching his own daughter cope with his death. She had taken up smoking, something he knew she never had done before, and at the same time, thrown herself into her running, she hardly went a day without going for a run. Sirius was all for exercise, but he worried about his daughter – she wasn't eating enough, and it seemed like every time he saw her, she was even thinner. His real worry was that it would become her method of control, something she could rely on to always be ok; something that she could have control over, as she had so little control over her emotions at the time. He had watched her crying night after night, sitting on the window ledge, staring out at the starry night sky. He longed to brush away her tears, urge her to take better control of herself. But instead he floated, a mere spirit, not even a ghost.

"Damn depression," he muttered, wishing he had something that he could kick or punch to take his anger out on. But in his current state, he couldn't come into contact with anything, even when he floated in the realm of the living. How he longed to reach out and comfort Harry, to reassure him that everything would be ok, even if Sirius wasn't there to always be with the boy. He wished many times that he could reach out and hug Taylor, enclosing her thin shoulders in his muscular arms, tell her that he hadn't forgotten about her.

Another thing that was being hard for Sirius was seeing James and Lilly and not being able to talk to them. He could hear their voices through the mist; sometimes catch a glimpse of them. He desperately longed to talk to his best friend and his wife, but they were dead, and he was not.

He was so sick of being stuck in the middle! He felt a flash of anger as he remembered the time he had been able to speak with Taylor – he had been hard pressed not to shed a tear at the sight of her face and the sound of her voice and knowing that she could hear him too, for once. He had felt reassured, knowing that someone was doing something to try and extract him from this limbo; this infuriating, frustrating, mind-boggling limbo. He was even prepared to properly die, so long as he was no longer stuck in the middle way.

Sirius shook his head, he wasn't mad at Taylor; it wasn't her fault she hadn't figured anything out yet. But it was frustrating. Knowing that somebody was actually attempting what seemed to be the impossible was comforting, yet infuriating that it hadn't been achieved. She hadn't even been back to talk to him again. Was she scared?

"Of course she's scared, you great prat," Sirius goaded himself. What the hell was he thinking? The girl was attempting magic way beyond her level.

"Oh, first sign of insanity, that is, talking to yourself," a voice whispered from the surrounding mist.

"Fuck off," Sirius spat, he was definitely not in the mood to converse with the mist-voice. It spoke now and then, and if anything, it reminding him of Peeves, although the mist-voice couldn't do anything physical like throwing ink pellets or unscrewing chandeliers.

"Oooh, not too friendly," the voice sneered. "Bee in your bonnet, Black?"

"Of course there's a fucking bee in my bonnet, you would have one too if you were in my situation." Sirius spat. God, how he hated this place, it was actually worse than his year in Grimmauld Place had been, even though at the time he didn't think he could imagine a place worse.

"Tut, tut" mocked that mist-voice. "Conversing with something you can't see. Yet another sign of madness."

Sirius sighed. Apparently the voice was not going to give up easily this time. "Ok, fine, I'm going mad. Maybe at least then I could have a bit of fun."

"Very good, very good. You catch on quickly, good sir. Accept things for the way they are, that a boy," the voice jangled.

Sirius growled. If this voice really was all in his head, and he really was going insane, he seriously wondered why his mind hadn't chosen to create something a little bit more entertaining. "Honestly, I've decided to accept you!" He snarled.

"Oh, hmm. Well, just so you know, a conclusion is merely a place to go when one gets tired of thinking." The voice said in a sing song voice.

"Or maybe you just get tired of thinking because it's unfamiliar territory," Sirius retorted.

"But if ignoring thinking and therefore being full of ignorance, which is bliss, why aren't more people happy?" Replied the mist voice.

"Because the people who have to wait for people to understand things are more pissed off then the people who get to be late. And there are always a lot of people waiting around for people to begin understanding." Sirius laughed, not quite sure if what he said made sense, but maybe this way fun – in a way.

"Well, ambition is a poor excuse for not being lazy and just putting things off to do someday," cackled the voice.

"Someday, however, is not a day of the week," Sirius snapped back.

"But somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly!" Screeched the voice.

Sirius hunted around in his mind, "Um, well, blue birds may fly, but red birds do too!" He said as a last resort. There was a short pause and the voice let out a great hoot of laughter, reluctantly Sirius joined in, and the two of them laughing heartily.

"That, good sir," crowed the mist voice, "was probably the worst excuse for a come back I have ever heard!"

"That it was, that it was," Sirius guffawed, too busy laughing to be embarrassed by his weak come back, clutching his side (or what he supposed to be his side) as he cracked up.

**A/N: There you go, like I said, I didn't really have a clue on how to bring this in, and the odd exchanges were just something that popped into my mind. Review if you liked, or didn't like. Ideas are always welcome!**

**pocketfullofsunshine95: Thanks for being here since the beginning! You're very encouraging. **


	11. Does He Feel Like a Man?

A/N: Apology in advance

**A/N: Apology in advance! Oh, and another disclaimer: once again, Harry Potter and the other characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Also, the song in the chapter, "Face down", belongs to Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, not me. **

**Does He Feel Like a Man?**

Ginny collapsed onto her bed, after having checked to make sure that the dormitory was completely empty, and dissolved into body racking sobs. Her whole body shook, and the tears overflowed from her depressed brown eyes and soaked into the fluffy pillow that Ginny had buried her face. She half-heartedly raised a fist and pummeled the bed a couple times before letting her arm lie limp, succumbing completely to her tears. She lay like this for a good fifteen minutes, shaking and sobbing. Finally she sat up, rubbing her red eyes viciously. Again the visions flashed before her eyes, glimpses of the events of the previous hour:

His dark, angry eyes flashing in a rage as he raised his voice and bellowed at her, his voice echoing realistically in her mind.

The vile of salamander blood he had flung at the wall, the glass shattering and the blood running down the wall like the many tears Ginny had shed.

The suit of armor that he had lashed out and kicked in his fury, causing it to topple over on its side with an almighty crash.

Once more, his eyes, they were terrifying, there was a pure hatred in them, flashing brightly and threateningly.

His hand, his strong hand that had once brought Ginny so much joy to hold, being raised and coming down forcefully across her face.

And then both his hands, with which he used to gently brush Ginny's red hair out of her face, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her violently.

Ginny, breaking free from his grasp and running, flat out, away from him, the only thought in her mind to put as much space in between them as she could.

She had run frantically until she reached the common room, desperately holding back her tears as she croaked the password to the fat lady, clambering clumsily through the hole, and trying to discreetly make her way across the common room to the stair way where she could retreat into her dormitory. Finding it empty, she had slammed the door shut, wrenched her hangings closed around her bed, and flung herself down upon it. And now she sat on her bed, the hangings drawn tightly around her bed, her eyes puffy and red from her breakdown, still hiccupping slightly. She distractedly ran her fingers through her hair, absentmindedly working out a couple tangles as she sat there. Her mind was a whirl wind. Her thoughts strayed, and suddenly, she remembered. She hadn't really meant to, it had just been on a whim, and she had never really thought about it before, but maybe there was a time and place for everything…and with that a shining silver knife that she had snuck into her pocket during breakfast in the great hall came wavering into her mind. She sat frozen on her bed for a moment, adrenaline pumping through her body at the very thought of it. Did she really want to do this? Mechanically, she moved her hand to her dresser by the side of her bed, and yanked open the bottom drawer. There, lying underneath her socks and underwear piled haphazardly into the drawer lay the knife. With a trembling hand, she deftly pushed away a couple articles of clothing, and after hesitating for a moment, snatched up the knife. It was cold in her hand, making her heart pump faster. And then, with a sudden certainty, she grasped the handle firmly in her right hand, and held out her left arm, shaking back the sleeve. Suddenly unaware of any of her surroundings, the only thing that mattered to Ginny was the knife in her hand and her pale arm held out in front of her. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Ginny dug the knife into her skin at the base of her wrist, and brought it down the length of her arm, watching as the bright red of her blood oozed out onto her alabaster skin. A drop slid over the side of her arm and landed on the bed sheets. The sight of her crimson blood blending in with the scarlet of the sheets smacked Ginny harder than anything else could.

Ginny tossed the knife away, disgusted with herself. Was this really what she was resorting to? Cutting? Honestly…Ginny's mind could hardly comprehend what she had just done, and she stared at the line of red stretching down her pale arm. And then the tears came again, not frantic like they had been before, but slowly and deliberately, sliding down her cheek as her blood slid down her arm. She sat there staring at the alabaster and crimson display in front of her. And then reaching a decision, she reached for her wand. Pointing the tip at her cut, she mumbled the spell and watched as gradually the skin grew back together and the blood was sucked away until she could never tell that it had ever been there to begin with.

She flopped back onto her bed, staring up at the canopy above her. She needed to do something, and fast, this situation was turning into a devastating one. Silently staring for a little bit, Ginny suddenly remembered that Taylor had told her that she could play some music if she ever need to. Taylor had an ipod, and had offered Ginny full use of it.

Swinging her feet to the ground, Ginny walked over to Taylor's bed side chest of drawers, where on top lay the black object with a pair of head phones. Snatching up both, Ginny headed back to her own bed, where she wrenched the hangings around it shut again, lay on her back, and put the headphones over her ears. They muffled the rest of the world oddly. Not aware of any bands specifically that she wanted to listen to, she set the ipod on shuffle. There was a drum into, followed by a guitar rift, and then the singer started:

_Hey girl you know you drive me crazy  
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.  
Still I'll never understand why you hang around  
I see what's going down._

(A tear slipped out of her eye and down her cheek) __

Cover up with make up in the mirror  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

(At this verse, Ginny had flashbacks of herself healing her various bruises with her wand, crying to herself, denying all of Taylor's insisting that her relationship was bad. Her tears came harder and faster.)__

Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.  


(Did all of this really make Dean feel better? Did it make him feel like a man, like he was in control? Was that what this all was about? Now the tears were fully flowing.)

_  
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wade around forever you will surely drown  
I see what's going down._

I see the way you go and say your right again,  
Say your right again  
Heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.  
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough  
Its coming round again.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.

Ginny lay there. This song totally said it all. Everything that she was feeling, it was a perfect song for her situation. She hit the back button, replaying the song, but this time her tears slowed down, until she was just gently hiccupping. This was it. She had to end it; she couldn't let herself get treated like this. Like a worthless piece of shit.

**A/N: Like I said, apologies to you guys. I didn't mean to make Dean into a total flaming asshole. Really, I didn't, he just turned out like that by himself. And Ginny…didn't mean for her to become so depressing, either, but at least it made her realize that Dean wasn't for her. So hopefully she can move on now.**


	12. Ginny Takes a Stand

Ginny Takes A Stand

**Ginny Takes A Stand**

Ginny sat distractedly in Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall was rattling on about…well, something, Ginny hadn't even paid enough attention to the subject when she had walked into the room to even get the gist of what it was before slumping in her seat, propping her book up in front of her and hiding behind it. Her thoughts were racing. She and Dean had had another, well, 'argument' last night, and she was quite happy to say that they weren't together anymore…

It was after Quidditch practice, during which Ginny had gotten clobbered pretty hard in the side of the head with a Bludger, and she was feeling quite sick.

"I'm fine," she waved off Harry, who had come over when the team landed on the grass and helped her off her broom. But she staggered sidewise as she stood, and Harry caught her.

"Hey, it's cool. Do you want to go up to Madame Pomfry? She can look after you." A look of concern passed Harry's face as he stood Ginny back up on her feet, standing ready to catch her again in case she fell.

"No, really, I'm fine," Ginny said smiling. It was nice to be worried over, it made her feel needed and cared for. "And besides, Madame Pomfry wouldn't have much that she would be able to do for me. It's too minor." She shook her head to clear it – not just of pain, but a funny feeling had come over her as Harry's smell drifted to her and a shiver ran up and down her spine.

"She could give you a headache potion. Are you sure you're ok?" Harry persisted, unwilling to give up.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'll be ok, it was just a Bludger. Why are you so worried anyway?" She asked. Harry's eyes traveled angrily across the pitch to where Dean was chatting animatedly with Seamus, who had come down to the pitch to watch the practice. He hadn't even spared Ginny a second glance yet. Ginny followed Harry's eyes and felt a pang of – what? Disappointment? Anger? Sadness? A slight scowl crossed Ginny's face. Dean should be the one over here with her, asking if she was ok, not Harry.

Harry seemed to voice her thoughts, concern and detest etched in his voice as well as his face: "Well, as those who should be caring for you don't seem to be paying you any attention, I figure I should spare you a moment." He paused and then added, as though to cover the emotion in his voice, "And besides, you _are _my best Chaser. I can't go losing you to a head injury during practice."

Ginny laughed and pushed Harry playfully on the shoulder. "Oh, come on. That's all you really care about isn't it? Me being well enough to fly. You and your Quidditch, Harry."

Harry pretended to look offended. "Quidditch is all I care about? More than the safety and sanity of my team members? Never!"

Ginny laughed again and this time her head greeted her with a pounding headache. She brought her hands up to her head, pressing them into her skull. "I think I'll take your advice and go to Madame Pomfry for that headache potion. This isn't too pleasant."

"Good," said Harry, clapping her on the back. Was she just tingling with nerves at his touch? No, it couldn't be, that was just the headache…or something. "Now go and get yourself fixed up, and then go get a nice dinner. You flew well today, you deserve it."

Ginny glowed at the praise. "Alright, I will. See you later," she said, waving, and then began to trot back up to the castle, carrying her broom over her shoulder, her head throbbing.

Suddenly a strong hand was on her shoulder, whirling her around. "What the fucking hell do you think you're playing at, bitch?" Dean spat in her face, his own contorted with fury. "Why the fuck are you suddenly all nice and friendly with Harry? God damn you, girl, you have no sense of decency. I'm your fucking boyfriend, I should be the one you're talking to if you don't fucking feel well."

Ginny scowled, annoyed. "Well, if you hadn't noticed, you were off having a nice chat with Seamus, and Harry happened to care enough to ask how I was."

"Bull shit!" Raged Dean. "I saw you mooning all over him, you lovesick nasty whore! You just couldn't wait to have an opportunity to fall into his arms!"

"I did not!" Shouted Ginny. "I almost fainted!"

"Yeah, right," retorted Dean. "You do know he only cares enough to ask you how you are just because he wants to win at Quidditch!"

"Well at least he cares enough to ask! I don't give a damn what his fucking reasoning is, at least he fucking cares, unlike _somebody _else, who _should_ have been immediately asking if I was ok, instead of chatting around with his friend!" Ginny had tears of fury running down her face now. How could Dean treat her like this? She remembered her realization from the night before.

"I will _not _take this from you!" Screamed Dean, raising his hand, and before Ginny could duck, slapped her across the face. Tears of pain as well as of fury now stung Ginny's eyes.

"Dean," she pleaded. "Please. Please don't do this anymore, I can't take it. Please." She raised her face to Dean, holding herself tensely, expecting another blow, scared of how he would react.

"Don't pull this innocent little girl shit on me, Ginny. I can see right through you. I can see right through your stupid little girl crush on that kid. And I hate you for it." Dean spat the last words in pure malice.

Ginny froze. "You, you hate me?" She asked, a quiver in her voice. "I, I." She fell silent. Suddenly she felt strong. She could do this, she had to. "Oh, well, then, I guess we're over." She turned on her heal, and began to march back up to the hospital, holding dearly onto her consciousness, almost keeling over from the pain in her head, yet knowing part of the lightheadedness was from joy that she had done it. She was superior.

She had almost reached the castle doors when two strong arms wrapped around her. "Oh, baby," he whispered in her ear. "Don't leave me; you know that's not true. You know I love you. I really do, I love you, you know I do."

Tears were pouring down Ginny's face in earnest now. "Dean, I don't know anything about you anymore. And I don't know what it is you feel for me, but it sure as hell isn't love." She refused to look Dean in the eyes, turning her head away from him.

Dean cupped her chin in his hand and turned her head so that he could stare into her eyes. "Oh Ginny. Ginny, I love you. I love you so much, don't be mad at me."

"Mad at you Dean? You mean I should just forget what you do to me? Just forget all those times you've hit me? All the times you've left me to cry to myself and learn healing spells all by myself just because I'm too ashamed to admit to anyone what I allow you to do to me? Dean, I can't do this anymore, I just can't." And with that Ginny wrenched herself out of Dean's grip and, sniffing greatly and angrily wiping away her tears, jerked open the castle door, leaving Dean gasping for words behind her. Heading up to the hospital, she hoped that she could pass off her tears for tears of pain in her head, not her heart.

After leaving the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfry had swiftly mended Ginny's throbbing headache and relieved the pounding, with a simple Head Healing draught, she wandered through the castle, unwilling to go back to Gryffindor Tower. In a lonely corridor, she stopped and leaned against the wall, letting the tears finally come in full force, great sobs shaking her body. She trembled with each deep, uncontrolled breath, her heart pounding against her rib cage. How could this be happening to her? How? How? How? It was all she could think, nothing logical came to her head, and the word 'how' just repeated itself over and over in her mind.

"Are you alright, my dear?" A hoarse voice barely above a whisper asked her. Ginny jerked her head up to see who was addressing her; it was The Bloody Baron, floating dismally in front of her.

"Do I look like I'm alright?" Ginny demanded, too distraught to be frightened of him. The Bloody Baron reached out a hand to touch her shoulder in what was clearly meant to be a comforting gesture, but rather left Ginny feeling even more uncomfortable than before, as it felt as though a bucket of ice cold water had been splashed over her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" He asked in his throaty whisper.

"Nothing. Well," and without knowing why, Ginny poured out everything about Dean and his torment of her to the keenly listening ghost. Finally, she was left, sobbing into her hands, "I don't even know why I'm telling you this," she finished.

"Oh, my dear. I understand you pain, well, I don't, don't get me wrong," The Bloody Baron seemed to be trying very hard to be understanding. "But I have all the sympathies in the world for you." Ginny looked up into his eyes and saw that he meant it. A faint smile came across her lips.

"Thanks, Baron," she half-whispered. "You're a good listener. I really appreciate it; it's really just what I needed."

Her half smile was reflected in his face, "Glad I could be of some assistance," he replied. "Well, if you ever need anything more, don't hesitate to come find me. I'm always here to help, even though most students don't realize this." He sighed mournfully before drifting off bleakly down the corridor, leaving Ginny alone once again. But her sobs had subsided, and she felt confidant enough to see people again.

"Miss Weasley!" A terse voice interrupted Ginny's thoughts. "Would you kindly pay attention, or would you like to demonstrate the precise way to change this caterpillar into a needle?"

Color rose in Ginny's face. "No, Professor," she mumbled, quickly coming out of her reverie and, lowering her head, tried to keep her attention focused on Transfiguration, no matter how she longed to leave the classroom and deal with her own personal life.

**A/N: Aha! Yes, Ginny has a spine! Hope you enjoyed Ginny's breakup, I was so glad to finally get this in here. I don't know yet if anything's going to happen with Harry or not, so I'll just keep writing and see what unfolds. But, once again, enjoy Ginny's strength, and please review! Anything is helpful!**


	13. Drop Dead Gorgeous

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever

**A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever! My dad broke his back, so I've been having to help a lot with that, and school's starting, so I'm running around like a mad chicken trying to figure everything out. Unfortunately I was a little lost as to what to write, so it's a little lame. Not much happens. Hopefully I'll do better in the next chapters.**

"This is impossible!" Sighed Ginny exasperatedly, throwing her quill down in frustration at the copious amount of Transfiguration homework Professor McGonagall had assigned (explain the theory of transforming a live mammal into in inanimate object and specify the circumstances where this action would be desirable). She and Taylor had been sitting in the Library for the past couple hours, plowing their way through a seemingly insurmountable mountain of homework that had been assigned for them over the weekend. Leaning back on the rear legs of her chair and letting her arms hang limp by her sides, she glance out the window, seeing what she had seen for a week now: gray, gloomy clouds, and many trickles of rain running down the windows in little rivers.

Taylor imitated Ginny and threw down her quill too, and attempted to pull Ginny's homework towards herself, "Here, let me help you."

"Come on, Taylor," Ginny wined. "It's way to hard, surely you don't understand this? I mean, it's bloody ridiculous."

"Admittedly, yes, it is ridiculous." Taylor sighed, ignoring the question of her understanding the subject, and pushed away Ginny's homework. "Way too much work."

"Seriously," Ginny groaned, "I mean, honestly – the theory? What the hell. And 'the circumstances where this action would be desirable'? Well, how about when I happen to have a worm and what I really want is a quill, or some shit like that. God damn this homework." The two of them sat gloomily in their chairs for a while, staring out at the crying sky.

"Even the sky is lamenting with us," Taylor mentioned thinking about the rain. "I haven't been outside all week, it's beginning to get to me."

"That's it!" Ginny said, suddenly sitting up strait in her chair, grinning. "We need to go for a run, clear out heads a bit."

Taylor looked dubious, "I dunno, Ginny. It's all cold and rainy outside."

"Exactly," Ginny replied, hurriedly rolling up her Transfiguration homework even though the ink was still wet, crumpling it slightly in the process, and jamming her quill into her bag haphazardly with her books. "This is the best time to go for a run."

Still Taylor looked doubtful. "Well…"

But Ginny could tell she was breaking. "Come on," she wheedled, "it'll clear our heads magnificently, and then we can warm up by the fire in the common room and finish this fucking homework." Taylor looked on the verge of giving in. "And," Ginny continued, "We can stop by Hagrid's after, before we come back up to the school, and have a cup of tea with him."

"Oh, ok," Taylor gave in, and rolled up her parchment and tossed all of her school things back into her bag and standing up. The two of them threw their bags over their shoulders and began to trot up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

As they passed a corridor veering off to the right, a boy came careening out of it, running right into Taylor, knocking her over, falling on top of her. Her books spilled out of her bag, several ink bottles rolled away off down the corridor and bits of parchment and scribbled notes flopped onto the floor.

The brown haired boy gasped, quickly standing up and reaching down a hand towards Taylor. "I'm so sorry, Taylor," he gasped, a twinkle in his bright blue eyes. "I suppose I was in a bit of a hurry – I didn't see you there until I was on top of you." He laughed, a lilting, happy sound. "Literally."

Ginny stared. Sean? Sean McCoy was talking to Taylor? _Her _Taylor? They were on talking terms? Her mind spun. Not that Taylor was unpopular or anything, she was just not that well known, and Ginny certainly hadn't thought that the girl spent much time hanging around with the very popular crew. She looked from Sean to Taylor, completely nonplused. Taylor, who seemed to be perfectly at ease around Sean, took his offered hand and he pulled her to her feet.

"Here, let me help you clean up," he said, beginning to pick up Taylor's things that had spread all across the hall. Ginny thought she saw a faint tinge come up to Taylor's cheek as she too began to pick up the scattered ink bottles. Sean continued, "So, when are you going to help me with Transfiguration, Tay?"

_Tay? _Those two were close enough that Sean called Taylor Tay? And they were arranging for Taylor to tutor Sean? Somehow, something had slipped Taylor's mind. Oooh, it'd be so cute if Taylor got a boyfriend…

"Have you been avoiding me?" Sean asked, as he folded up a couple pieces of parchment and placed them carefully into Taylor's bag.

To Ginny's surprise, Taylor laughed easily. "Well, the same could be said of you," she said. "When are you going to help me with Charms? I mean seriously, man, I need help soon, or Professor Flitwick is really going to start going bezerk on me. Did you see his face when I messed up my Hiccupping Cure Charm on Ginny and she succumbed to a frantic fit of hiccups?" Taylor laughed again. Taylor was getting help from Sean on Charms? Couldn't she get help from Ginny? Ginny was after all the best in their year at Charms.

Sean laughed too. "I did see that, actually. Over that now, though I hope, Ginny?" He asked Ginny.

"Yeah," she said, "they wore off after a while. I had such a bad stomach ache, though. Last time I let Taylor perform Charms on me until she's practiced them a lot." Thinking fast, and decided that she forgave Taylor for not informing Ginny that she and Sean were on speaking terms, and remembering the look in Harry's eyes when he asked if she was ok, she added, "You really need to start tutoring Taylor, or else I bet Flitwick's going to flunk her."

Sean pulled a face of mock horror. "No!" He said, in an exaggeratedly surprised face. "Well, that settles it, Taylor. Even Ginny says you need help, and she's your best mate. Better take her advice. So when are you free?"

With an appreciative grin at Ginny, Taylor said, "Well, actually, how about this evening? Ginny and I are off for a run right now, but afterwards I could really use some help with that homework that Professor Flitwick assigned."

"Deal," Sean looking quite pleased with himself."And you can help me with that ridiculous homework from Professor McGonagall. So Common Room, say, seven-ish?"

"You got it," Taylor replied, and with that, Sean gave her one last smile and walked off, leaving Taylor gazing after him, still holding one of her ink pots clutched in her hand.

Ginny squealed and shook Taylor's free hand, "Why didn't you tell me you were on speaking terms with that dream boat? The frickin' heart throb of fifth year?" She demanded.

Taylor shrugged. "I dunno, I wasn't really sure we were on speaking terms, just, I dunno, he started it. Just asked if I could help him with Transfiguration, and he'd help me with Charms. And then I kind of forgot about it what with everything that's been going on..." Ginny looked apologetic, thinking of her catastrophe with Dean. "And now he's brought it up again. I hope I can explain everything to him in a way that makes sense. I don't know why he chose me to help him with Transfiguration though."

"Ooooh, isn't it obvious?" Ginny asked, amazed her friend could be so slow. "He's totally into you. He doesn't care what you two are supposed to be doing as long as you're together!"

At that, Taylor laughed, play punching Ginny's shoulder. "Oh, come off it," she teased. "It's not like that at all."

"Oh, like hell it's not," Ginny laughed. "But, oooh, I'm so happy for you; you have to let me pretty you all up, won't you?"

"Oh, come on, Ginny, all he wants is some help with homework, it's not like he's checking me out." Ginny laughed at her friend, she was so naive sometimes. They continued on their way back up the stairs, continuing their discussion on whether Sean liked Taylor or not.

Moments later, they were both wearing shorts and tank tops, heading back down the stairs and out of the Great Hall out onto the grounds. Beginning with an easy jog, they started off towards the Greenhouses. Their shoes slapped the wet ground, and drops of moisture slid down their arms and faces as they picked up their pace. Ginny's breath was beginning to come in short gasps, and her legs felt as though they weren't her own, her arms pumping back and forth seemingly on their own. This was joy, this was bliss. Screw Transfiguration and Charms, homework in general, this was what Ginny loved. That and Quidditch. And Harry. Ginny shook her head, not Harry. She just liked him as a friend. He was funny and charming and witty and had amazing green eyes that pierced her heart when he looked at her…Ginny sighed. Her attempts to keep her mind off Harry were futile. Her thoughts roamed to Dean, and Ginny groaned inside. Dean had been trying to talk to her all day, catching up to her in corridors, meeting her after class; always it was the same thing: would she please, _please, _take him back? He didn't mean any of it, he took it all back, how could she do this to him? Ginny had scoffed at this last one. How could she do this to him? When he had slapped and insulted her all the time? Ginny had kept to her words, and insisted that the two of them were no longer an item. So, a little voice in the back of Ginny's head said, it's ok to think about Harry, she wasn't taken anymore. True…well, she'd have to think about this one. Her childish crush on the famous Harry Potter still embarrassed her. But still, there was no use denying that he was very adorable with that untamed black hair falling cutely into his bright green eyes, and he was so brave! And even though he spent a lot of his time fuming recently, he really had been through so much, he was still so kind and caring to Ginny. Losing Sirius and all…

Taylor began to slow down, and Ginny followed suit. Holding their hands behind their heads, the two walked around, cooling down.

"Let's not stop by Hagrid's," Ginny said, "I have to make sure you look adorable for Sean."

"Like I'm not already adorable?" Taylor teased.

Ginny laughed, "You're fine, but I want you to make a great impression on Sean. Although looks like you managed that fine on your own, I just want to make a deeper impression, leave him wanting more. How on earth did you two start talking, anyway?"

Taylor went off, explaining how she had run into him in the Common Room the weekend of the Hogsmead trip, as the two stopped walking and began stretching.

Back in their Dormitory, Ginny rushed Taylor off into the shower, "And hurry up, I still need to beautify you!" She called after Taylor, as the bathroom began to steam.

Soon Taylor was sitting on a stool in front of Ginny, looking into the mirror.

"Your hair is gorgeous, so I'm just going to leave it down. It does a really hot wave all on its own, I'll just blow dry it quickly," Ginny muttered, half to herself. "And your eyes, those are your best feature, so I'm going to play them up."

"Not too much make up, Gin," Taylor said, "I don't want him thinking I tried too hard to impress him or anything."

"Ha!" Said Ginny who had been waiting for her friend to admit this. "So you do like him?"

A blush crept up Taylor's pale cheeks, "Well, he really is very sweet, and you can't forget he is so flipping gorgeous!"

"I knew it!" Ginny said triumphantly. "So, do you want him to ask you out?"

Taylor's blush deepened. "Oh, I don't know. I mean, I don't really know him."

"And that is why you are going to tutor each other. Don't teach him too much tonight, you want to leave him needing more. And don't be too overly chatty, guys hate that. But don't be totally quiet, either, that will just be awkward. Don't be too much of a know it all, either; I know Transfiguration is your best subject, but you don't want to come off as too much of a bookworm. Let him know some of your interests, chat a bit, talk about anything, oh, and make sure to ask lots of questions about him; guys love it when you are interested in them." Ginny said all this as she swiped a very light foundation over Taylor's face, and then turned her attention to her eyes.

"Haha, wow, Ginny, that's a lot of advice," Taylor commented, trying not to squirm as Ginny applied eyeliner. "I said not too much make up," she whined.

"I'm not going to use too much, just some eyeliner, and mascara, it will really make your eyes pop. And you want him to notice your eyes, girl. The windows to your soul and all."

Taylor laughed, "Oh, come off it. It's not like we're together or anything. This isn't even a date."

"Well, it is as far as I'm concerned," Ginny said, doing a last swipe with the mascara wand and admiring the effects. "Perfect, now you are drop-dead gorgeous."

**A/N: Hey, well, hope you enjoyed, and please review!**


	14. And This Surprises You?

A/N: I am so, so, so sorry I haven't updated in forever

**A/N: I am so, so, so sorry I haven't updated in forever! Like I said last time, my Dad broke his back, so we've been dealing with that, and then school started, but hopefully now I can update a little more frequently.**

Taylor stepped out of her Dormitory moments later, her heart fluttering. Was she nervous to go meet Sean? She had talked to him before without being too nerve wracked, but after talking with Ginny and realizing that she was indeed beginning to have feelings for the boy, she definitely felt more anxious. She really wanted to make a good impression. She took a deep breath, and tugging her shirt strait, started off down the stairs.

At the bottom, she instantly spotted his curly brown hair sticking up over the top of a squishy armchair in a far corner of the room. Her heart fluttered a bit. They would be off by themselves, out of the usual hubbub of the center of the common room. Taking another breath, she headed over. Sean had moved one other chair over to the corner so that it faced his. She came up behind him.

"Anyone sitting in that chair?" She asked, before he had seen her.

"Oh, actually, I'm saving it for – " Sean looked up to see her, and a grin broke out over his face, "Well, no, not at all," he said, gesturing towards that chair. Taylor sat down nervously, noticing that they were placed so close together her knees almost hit his.

"So, that Transfiguration homework?" She asked.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sean said, holding up his hands, an adorable twinkle in his captivating blue eyes. "You're supposed to help me with Transfiguration, remember?"

Taylor could feel herself blushing. Damn. Of course she would blush now. "Well, I'm not so sure I get it either," she heard herself say. What was she talking about? She knew perfectly well what the Transfiguration homework was, and how to do it, it was Ginny who was the fool at Transfiguration. She was being a blundering fool right now, some impression she was making.

"Oh, you know you know, stop being so modest," Sean said, "You're brilliant at Transfiguration. Now be a good girl and help me?" He made sad puppy-dog eyes at her, and she laughed. How could she refuse him?

"Oh, alright," she said, and launched into an explanation of the theory of transforming a live mammal into an inanimate object.

"So, er, do you think you understand it?" Taylor asked after a couple minutes, realizing with a sinking heart that she had completely forgotten about Ginny's advice about not blathering on and on about homework.

Sean grinned. "I think so, but the real question is, what's your favorite band?" Taylor was totally taken aback at the random question. This had nothing to do with Transfiguration.

"Er," she blinked, trying to make her mind think. It was functioning so much slower right now than it usually did, "actually, I'm really into this muggle band called Senses Fail." She offered, not quite sure where this was going. "You'd laugh at me and call me an emotional fuckup for sure if you heard them – "

"I most certainly would not think that you were an emotional fuckup," Sean interjected.

"Well, they're not exactly upbeat and happy or any of that. But, seriously, they have the best lyrics. There's this one song, "The Priest and the Matador" – God, it's beautiful, the best song you'll ever hear in your life. After Senses Fail, there's definitely Brand New, so many of their songs make me so emotional, and Chiodos – I love their singer." Suddenly Taylor realized she was blabbering again. What had Ginny said? Ask him questions about himself; and here she was blathering on about her favorite bands. "So, er, what bands do you like?"

Sean smiled at her. "Actually, you and I seem to have the same music taste. I have to say, I'm a sucker for muggle bands, too, Senses Fail, Brand New, Chiodos, but what about Less Than Jake, MEST, Motion City Soundtrack, NOFX, MXPX, Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly, ah, man, I could go on for hours about music."

And with that, their conversation launched off, and Taylor felt her nerves slipping away as the conversation continued comfortably. They discussed music, artists, singers, and their favorite lyrics, until Taylor noticed that they were the last ones left in the Common Room. All at once she felt her nervous state returning.

"Er, it must be past midnight, everyone's asleep," she said, wondering if Sean wanted to talk longer or go to bed. She tried to eye him without being too obvious, he seemed to have been enjoying himself, and looked fairly comfortable. Indeed, he slid sideways in his chair so that his head rested on one arm and his legs dangled over the other.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I like it when everyone else goes to sleep; it gets so quiet and calm in here. I can lie for hours and stare at the fire, just thinking." His voice trailed off.

Without thinking, Taylor said, "You know, you really surprise me. You're all popular and good looking, but you have this sensitive side to you that I would never have expected existed until I started talking to you."

"Mmm," was Sean's reply. Taylor wondered if she'd been offensive.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that I thought you were a dunderhead or anything," she said quickly. This brought a smile to Sean's face and he laughed.

"I bet you did think I was a dunderhead, don't deny it," he laughed, leaning over to slap her knee. "I bet you thought I was a completely useless oaf who only cared about looking good and getting with girls, didn't you?"

Taylor blushed. "Well, not completely," she said, "But well, ok, just a little." She finished lamely. Sean laughed, and Taylor joined in.

"Whatever, it's all good. I didn't even think about talking to you until recently. You're like the only girl in Gryffindor who doesn't swoon when I walk by, even though you think I'm popular and good looking – " Taylor blushed, "and you've actually got brains. Plus, you've got a secret, and I personally love a mysterious woman."

Taylor started. "What do you mean I've got a secret?"

"I don't know, I can just tell. I'm not asking that you tell me, and I'm not going to try to figure it out, I'm just saying I know you have one. Ginny doesn't even know, does she?" He asked, turning his head to look at her.

Taylor watched the dying firelight play on his face, leaving deep shadows on it – they made him look much older than his years.

"No, she doesn't," she replied, not quite sure why she was telling him this. "I don't know, I'm not even completely sure what's going on with, well, me and my 'secret', so I don't really feel comfortable discussing it."

"Well, if you ever need help, I'm here," Sean said, kicking his feet up in the air and waggling them about.

"Yeah, I'll remember that," and they sat in silence for a few seconds.

Then Sean said, "So you feeling better about the Ginny/Dean deal? I've noticed that they haven't been hanging around each other very much recently."

That caused Taylor to look back over the past couple days, no, Ginny and Dean hadn't been spending very much time together, now that she thought about it. "I don't know. Ginny's sort of stopped talking about him. I hope everything's ok."

"Well, whatever's going on, I hope it's for the best. Not meaning to sound like a nosy busy-body, but in my opinion, Ginny should break it off with Dean. I mean, the strain it puts on her puts a strain on the two of your' friendship."

Taylor nodded. "I wonder if that's why she stopped talking to me. I didn't mean that to happen, I just wanted her to make a good decision."

"And I'm sure she has." They sat in silence for a couple more moments.

Then Taylor remembered what Ginny had said about leaving him wanting more. "Well, I think I'm off to bed." She said, and Sean struggled around to sit up properly in his chair, one of his knees grazing Taylor's as he did so.

"So soon?" He asked. "Well, it was nice studying with you, I learned so much, we most definitely will have to do it again sometime."

Taylor grinned, "And maybe we will crack open a book next time," she said and stood up. "Well, goodnight," and she started off up the stairs towards the girls' dormitory. She carefully opened the door, trying not to let it creak and so wake up the other girls.

But Ginny was wide awake, lying flat on her back, shooting little baubles of light out of her wand and directing them in random directions. She instantly sat up when Taylor entered the room, the baubles disappearing, and lying her finger against her lips, motioned silently to the bathroom, and Taylor followed her.

"So?" Ginny demanded as soon as they had closed the door and flicked on the light. "What happened? How'd it go?"

"Well, we actually didn't do much studying, I explained a bit of the Transfiguration homework, but that was it. He actually asked me what bands I like, that was a surprise."

Ginny rolled her eyes, "And this surprises you? I told you he didn't want to study; it was just an excuse to spend some time with you. Now tell me everything!" She squealed, doing a little dance on the spot. And so Taylor went off and completely related her evening to Ginny.

"Ooooh, you lucky girl!" Ginny said, almost dancing again. "I can't believe it! You have such an awesome guy chasing after you!"

Taylor groaned, "I wouldn't exactly call it _chasing, _Ginny dear. More of, like, I dunno…"

"Chasing," Ginny insisted.

"Oh, alright. But enough about me." Taylor said, remembering what she and Sean had talked about in the Common Room. "What about you! You didn't talk to Dean all day today." Ginny's face instantly fell.

"We had another…'incident', and I dumped him." She sighed, and Taylor wrapped her arms around the redhead.

"Oh, hunny, I'm so sorry."

Ginny buried her head in her friend's shoulder. "I think, really, really, I'm glad it's over. It was too much of an emotional strain on me, what with him being King of Assholes one day and then King of Love the next. Even faster than that sometimes. I guess it's better this way."

"Of course it's better this way, hon. He was so bad for you! He didn't treat you right at all. I have to say I'm actually happy for you."

After comforting Ginny for a while, the two girls crept out of the bathroom and tiptoed to their beds.

"Night, Tay," Ginny whispered, snuggling into her blankets.

"Night, Gin," Taylor replied.

But she didn't fall right asleep. Long after the sound of Ginny's deep breathing filled the air, Taylor lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her "secret" was not coming along well. After the weekend of the Hogsmead trip, she had made no advances. She felt like she had come to a dead end everywhere. What was she supposed to do? A single tear welled up in the corner of her eye, squeezed out, and slid down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she whispered, rolling over on to her side to gaze out the window at the black night sky twinkling with millions of stars.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Once again, it went no where, but it was still fun to write, so oh well. Plus I'm a little stumped now, anyway, so there might be a couple chapters that are there purely for enjoyment! Please review and tell me what you think!**


	15. Yin and Yang

**A/N: There, I feel very accomplished, I got an update up in a reasonably time frame. This is also my longest chapter by far, so you have many more words to enjoy!  
**

**Deathpenity17: Thanks for reviewing, and I'm sorry the encore was so long in coming!**

**PocketfulOfSunshine95: I'm glad you like Taylor and Sean, that's pretty cool that you like this pairing. Make's me feel good! I hadn't planned on Taylor having a relationship, but I decided to go with it as I wrote. And Harry and Ginny too!**

Sirius prowled around the empty area. He wished – for the umpteen millionth time – that there was something, _anything, _for him to do. Something to take his mind off this horrible nothing. He had caught a couple glimpses of James and Lilly that day – day? He didn't know what was a day anymore, it was all the same – and it was infuriating him that he couldn't communicate with them. At least _they _seemed to be in a place worth being; he had seen the goings on there, at least something happened. But here, here he was stuck with forever of nothing.

"It god damn better not be forever," he muttered to himself, momentarily forgetting about the Peeves-ish voice.

"Oh ho!" It cackled, delighted at the opportunity to take another stab at Sirius, "Talking to yourself now, again, are we?"

Sirius sighed, "And what are you? Do you happen to have multiple personality disorder, eh? The two of you?"

"Thinks he's getting smart, he does," laughed the voice, and blew a loud raspberry.

"Bah," Sirius muttered, and blocked out the voice, instead preferring to search through some of his memories. He had discovered while in the place of nothing that he had the ability to experience his own memories as if on a video (although he did not know what a video was), rather like experiencing a memory through a pensive, where he could see and hear what was going on as a bystander that was there, but couldn't interact. But at least it was entertaining. He searched through his memory until he came upon one that he felt would be enjoyable. It was with Taylor, happening just shortly after his arrival at her house.

"Let me introduce you to someone," Sirius said, leaning across the table, looking at Taylor with a twinkle in his eye. Glancing over at Tammy, he dropped his voice to a low undertone, "Just don't let Tammy see us go. She wouldn't be very happy." A mischievous twinkle illuminated his eyes.

Taylor glanced over at her mother, who was sitting in the living room, perched on a chair, diligently filling out a cross word puzzle.

"Hyrcinian!" She exclaimed as she realized what an answer to a clue was. "A mythical bird from Germany whose feathers are said to light up!"

Taylor grinned, her mother was concentrating so hard on the puzzle, she probably wouldn't have noticed if a Niffler decided to rampage through the house. Together father and daughter rose from the table, and skirting around the living room, taking furtive glances at Tammy, crept towards the door. With a final lung, Sirius grabbed the door knob, quietly and slowly turned it and began to open up the door. With a great creak the door swung open. Both Sirius and Taylor grimaced and looked anxiously at Tammy, but the woman was bouncing in excitement hurriedly scribbling down a word, totally oblivious to the creak of the door shouting,

"Holly! One of the best protection herbs – guards against lightning, poison, and evil spirits!"

Sirius and Taylor glanced at each other, shared a grin, and slipped out the door, sliding the door shut silently behind them. They crept down the stairs of the front porch, being very careful not to let them groan, and then jumped onto the ground.

"Score! Ten point for sneaking off unobserved!" Sirius stated, as though declaring the scoring of a gaming event, miming drawing the number ten in the air. Taylor mimed clapping enthusiastically, jumping up and down. They high fived each other, and then Sirius beckoned to Taylor, and she followed him. To her surprise, he first led her to a trap, where he found a ferret. Sirius released the dead ferret from the trap and, slinging it over his shoulder, continued on up the driveway.

"What's that for?" Taylor asked, trotting along behind him.

"You'll see," Sirius called over his shoulder, "Now come on!" He quickly turned off their driveway and set off down the mountainside, winding their way through the tall swaying pine trees.

After about ten minutes, Taylor asked, "So where exactly are we going? And why couldn't mum go? And what on earth is with that disgusting dead ferret?"

But Sirius merely laid a finger against his lips and continued further into the forest, whispering, "You'll see." Finally Taylor noticed a clearing to the right that Sirius veered towards and started approaching.

"Now, don't move too suddenly, and don't do anything to offend it." Sirius said, swerving around a pine tree and stepping into the clearing.

"Offend wha– " But Taylor very soon saw quite plainly what she was supposed to be not offending. A giant – what was it? It was an extremely magnificent animal, although what exactly it was, she wasn't quite sure. It was a deep stormy gray and had the body, hind legs, and swishing tail of a horse, but its head was that of a giant eagle, with great talons half a foot long, clever bright orange eyes and vast widespread wings. It was standing at the other end of the clearing, tethered to a tree over there with enough room to walk about it. Pawing the ground with a hind leg, and scratching the air with its left front claw as they stepped into the clearing, it eyed them suspiciously.

"Ooh, dad, what is it?" Taylor asked, standing in awe at the majesty of the creature.

"Hippogriff," Her father grunted, "Name Buckbeak, well, actually Witherwings now, he's on the run from the Ministry same as me." At the sound of Sirius's voice, the Hippogriff stopped its antics and turned its head slowly so that its intense left eye was fixed upon him.

"So that's what that dead ferret is for," Taylor realized, and received a wink from her dad.

"Too true, have to stay on his good side, don't I? Very proud creatures, so be polite when you go near, it's best if you bow first." Sirius strode across the clearing, extending his hand as he went.

"Hey, Witherwings, it's me, I came back to see you," he said in a low, calm voice. When he was ten feet from the creature, he stopped, and bowed low. Taylor watched anxiously as the Hippogriff eyed him for a second, and then dropped into what was unmistakably a bow too. Sirius took a few steps forward, and, after tossing the dead ferret skyward, which Witherwings snatched out of the air with ease, he lifted up his extended hand to stroke Witherwing's beak, and the beast closed its eyes as though in contentment.

"Come over, now, Taylor," Sirius called to his daughter over his shoulder, gesturing her to move closer across the clearing, "just be sure to bow when you come close."

Taylor gulped. Given the choice, she might rather have stayed back at a safe distance from the dangerous looking creature. But an overwhelming curiosity filled her, and the dignity and poise of Witherwings called to her. She took a deep breath, and began to walk forward, her knees shaking a bit, but also eager to get close enough to the stately creature. Stopping where Sirius had, ten feet from the creature, she gazed up into the intelligent orange eyes, and then slowly lowered herself in a bow. Coming back up, she watched Witherwings closely, and there, sure enough, came his bow again. Grinning, she stepped forward to stand beside Sirius, reached up her hand and stroked the steel gray feathers along its strong neck.

"He's gorgeous,' she whispered as she felt the smooth feathers glide beneath her hand.

"Isn't he?" Sirius replied.

"Where, did you – " Comprehension dawned on her face. "No," she said.

"Oh, yes," Sirius laughed. "The one and the same that I escaped from Hogwarts on."

"Why you sly little bugger!" Taylor cried; play slapping her dad's shoulder. "You never said he was still with you!"

"Ah, and a very smart move on my part, I must say."

"Surely Mum knows nothing about this. She would have a cow if she knew!" Taylor gasped.

"Of course Tammy doesn't know! She would have a whole herd of cows if she knew she was harboring more than one being currently being hunted by the Ministry. The only reason she lets me stick around is because she loves me." Sirius explained, smiling jovially at Taylor. "Beautiful creatures, though," he added as an afterthought.

"Yes," Taylor murmured in agreement, admiring the glossy sheen of Witherwing's coat.

"How bout a ride?" Sirius asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Really?" Taylor asked excitedly, "I'd love one!"

"Sweet, here, let me give you a hand up," and after boosting Taylor onto Witherwings's back, he untied Witherwings, and climbed up in front of Taylor.

"Grab me so you don't slide off his rear end!" He shouted, holding the former teather as a sort of rein, and as soon as Taylor had fastened her hands around her dad's waist, Witherwings reared up into the air, leaving Taylor hanging onto her dad to keep from slipping off over Witherwings's rump, and clawing the air with his front legs, his mighty wings flapped out, revealing an enormous wing span, and they lifted off the ground.

Sirius let out a shout of glee as they sped into the air, rocking backwards and forwards each time Witherwings flapped his massive wings. After circling the clearing once, steadily climbing higher in the air, Witherwings took off over the forest.

Taylor watched as the trees grew smaller and smaller below her, until she could no longer discern each individual tree and they meshed into a single carpet of green. She saw the red road that she often went for runs along snaking through the mountains; a little ribbon following the curves of the hills. A smaller red ribbon branched off from the road, and at the end of it, she saw her house, a small curl of smoke rising from the chimney. Above her the sky stretched out in egg shell blue from horizon to horizon, untouched or marred by clouds. The cold air rushed over her fingers, leaving them frosty cold and numb, whipped into her eyes, making her squint against the oncoming wind, causing them to tear slightly, and rushed through her hair, making her thick curly locks fly out behind her. She wanted to toss her arms out to the side and throw her head back and whoop to express thorough enjoyment the ride, but the constant rocking warned her not to. Instead, she contented herself with gripping her dad tightly and gazing around avidly at the amazing scene stretched out below her.

"This is – " she stopped, trying to find a way to describe the experience, "God, there's no words for it! It's just woooooaaaaa!" And she left out a whoop of joy.

"That basically sums it up, doesn't it?" Sirius called over his shoulder, laughing.

The Hippogriff soared over the ridge of a mountain, covered with a slight dusting of snow on its peak, and then the mountain dropped away sharply, cascading into a lake of darkest blue. The sun glinted brightly on the surface, little golden mirrors splashing around. Huge boulders lay protruding out of the icy waters.

"Want to stick our feet in?" Sirius asked.

"Of course!" Taylor replied, and Sirius urged Witherwings with the tether to drop forward in a sharp descent that made Sirius and Taylor slip forward on his back a few inches, towards a large boulder near the edge of the lake with a flat top. Witherwings landing hard on the rock, and Taylor was jolted, very glad that she was still hanging on to her dad. The huge wings stopped flapping and folded in towards Witherwings sides. Taylor slid off and landed on the rock, Sirius close behind.

Taylor sat down to untie her shoes, and then took off her mismatched socks, one purple, the other yellow, and stuffed them in her shoes. Her toenails were painted lime green and she waggled her pale toes in the sunlight. She scooted on her behind towards the edge of the boulder where the lake water slapped up gently against it. Sirius joined her and they held their feet in the air.

"Ready?" Taylor asked.

"Ready," came Sirius's reply.

And with that, the two of them plunged their bare feet into the icy depths.

"Ooohhh!" They both gasped, and wrenched their feet out of the water. Taylor grasped her chest, the water had been so cold on her feet she had hurt her lungs while breathing in so hard. She pulled her feet back up onto the rock, dripping water everywhere.

"That was freeeezing!" She breathed.

"Let's lower on feet in slowly," Sirius said, his feet too resting on the rock.

"Ok," and they both submerged their feet, gradually this time, into the dark blue water. Finally, their legs hung down over the side of the boulder, and Taylor kicked her feet around playfully in the frigid water.

"It's like yin and yang," she commented. "The boulder is very warm, but the water is very chilly."

"Yup," Sirius replied lazily, leaning back onto his elbows. "Life is all about balance. Even our basic living, not just the whole good, evil thing – for example: breathe in, breathe out. Expansion of the lungs, contraction of the lungs. Finding, or losing. Loving, or hating. Fire, water. Happy, sad. Feminine, masculine. Cold, hot. Soft, hard. Truth, lies. All, none. Freedom, slavery. Peace, war. Light, dark. Weightless, heavy. Life, death. Stability, turmoil. Balance, chaos…" his voice trailed off as he gazed out across the lake.

"Life is nothing without balance." He continued after a silence that lasted for a few serene minutes. "Yin and yang is a representation of everything, of how things work together. If one does not know how to balance out all these aspects in life, they are destined to a life full of ups and downs, and crazy, unexpected events. One opposite could not exist without the other, and they must coexist together harmoniously."

Taylor glanced over at Sirius. He face was profiled against the blue sky, his dark eyes staring straight ahead at something Taylor couldn't see, and his hair blowing gently in the soft breeze.

"Wow, dad. That was really meaningful," Taylor said after a few moments of contemplation. "I didn't know that you thought like that. Isn't Yin and Yang a muggle concept? How do you know about it?"

"I was interested in the Eastern muggle cultures when I was younger. And well, you know," Sirius said, turning to look at his daughter, "a man has to have balance in his life, and after what happened to me…those years in Azkaban…I really have to try and see that someday, the good will balance out that bad. And it already is. Seeing your mother for the first time in so many years, realizing that her love still burns just as strongly for me as mine does for her, getting to know you – this has been one of the best times in my life." He reached out his hand and rested it on top of Taylor's. Taylor was blushing slightly, and gazing downwards. It moved her deeply to hear somebody talking like that, especially because it was her dad.

"It really is," Sirius assured her, and she looked up into his eyes, and they smiled back at her. Taylor smiled too.

"Thanks dad, that means a lot to me," she half-whispered.

They sat there enjoying the warm sun while their legs in the cold water became steadily numb with the wind playing through their hair. Finally Sirius drew out his feet from the lake, resting them on the warm rock, and Taylor did likewise. Their legs were swollen and red, and all feeling was gone from them, and as Taylor pressed hard on her calves, the skin turned white beneath her fingers and the color was slow in coming back to her leg. They sat with their legs outstretched on the rock, letting them dry in the warm sun.

"Well, I suppose we really should be getting back to the house now," Sirius said, pulling on of his socks onto his foot.

"I s'ppose," Taylor responded, pulling her own socks on her feet, "before Mum realizes we're gone."

Soon they were mounted on Witherwings, flying over the green trees below them, following the snaking road back to their house. Witherwings once again leaned forward in a dive for the ground, and father and daughter slid off. Sirius patted Witherwings gently before tethering him again in the forest clearing. Together they set off through the trees, winding in and out between them.

At last they were creeping back up the steps of the front porch.

"What do you reckon she's still at that crossword puzzle?" Sirius asked with a glint in his eye.

"If she's not, I'll eat one of those dead ferrets," Taylor replied. Sirius put his hand on the doorknob and gently turned it silently, swinging the door open and with only the slightest creak. They stepped through the door and closed it shut behind them. They slowly crept across the floor and peaked around the wall into the living room. There, sure enough, Tammy still sat perched on her chair, the newspaper on her legs, quill in hand.

"Oh, of course!" She cried, taking absolutely no notice of her daughter and husband, "Circe! The Greek sorceress who was widely known for her knowledge of drugs and herbs, often turning those who offended her into animals through the use of cunningly brewed potions!"

Sirius sighed as his memory came to a close. Those few months he had spent with Taylor and Tammy had been some of the most enjoyable, most fun-filled times of his life. Well, not counting the many times he and James would get into trouble, but it was right up there with it.

**A/N: So here's some Sirius! Hope you enjoyed; please review!**


	16. Spilling Secrets

A/N: Here's the next chapter

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! The story is once again going somewhere, finally. Read and review to you enjoyment.**

**Thanks for reviewing, PocketFullOfSunshine95. I'm hoping to get in some more moments like those. Hope you enjoy this new addition!**

The morning of Halloween dawned bright and chilly. The warm, delicious smell of cooking pumpkin wafted up through the corridors, tickling the noses of the sleeping students and waking a few of them up. Taylor sat up, breathing deeply; she really loved Halloween. Suddenly a thought occurred to her: it was Halloween, wasn't Halloween famous for being the day that dead sprits haunted Earth? Perhaps this was her day. Even though Sirius wasn't technically dead… She glanced over at Ginny, who was still in a deep sleep. Taking advantage of this, Taylor pulled "Beyond the Veil of Death" from under her bed and propped it open, trying to find something that would help her find or talk to Sirius. She flipped aimlessly through the volume, desperate to find help.

"Worship of the Dead? Building Alters to Honor the Dead?" She muttered, "What kind of nut do they think is reading this? Oh, this is good: When to know the Dead is Really Dead, page 693." She flicked through the pages, until she found page 693 and, curling up in a comfortable position leaning up against the wall, started reading:

_Has a person close to you, perhaps an adored loved one died? Are you finding it hard to accept the fact that they really are dead? Perhaps you have mixed feelings, and know your loved one is out there, where you can still contact them. You may even believe that you can bring your loved one back to yourself. Well, this chapter may have some good news for you. Although it is not very likely, there have been a select few wizards and witches who have not properly died, and are therefore within reach of bringing them back into the world of the living. This is an extremely rare phenomenon, so we do not wish to get your hopes up very high. The only known instances of non-successful deaths are under the circumstances when the person falls through the Archway of Death. This relic is bursting with very rare, tremendously Ancient Magic, a form of which has been lost to the present world of Modern Magic. The Ministry has now confiscated this individual artifact, and it is rumored to exist within the Ministry of Magic's Department of Mysteries. Unspeakables from the Department of Mysteries are said to be attempting to study the properties of the Archway and how it works. At this point in time, no one alive knows how the Archway is capable of its ability to preserve the soul and body of one who has supposedly died, but fallen through the archway, where it floats in a middle realm between the land of the living and the land of the dead. To our knowledge, no one has successfully managed to re-obtain the body and soul from this middle land into the land of the living, although there have been many attempts at it. However, this experimentation has come to an abrupt stop, as the Ministry now has control over the Archway of Death, and allows no one near it. This infuriates those witches and wizards who have spent their careers investigating and exploring the Archway. No secret – _

"Taylor?" Taylor jumped and snapped shut "Beyond the Veil of Death", gasping with shock. Ginny had awoken while Taylor had been submersed in reading, and was now standing over her, looking very questioning. Taylor tried to shove the book out of sight, but Ginny was too fast; she snatched the book out of Taylor's hands and read it incredulously.

"'Beyond the Veil of Death', Taylor?" She turned the book over in her hands, examining it. "This has to be from the Restricted Section, how did you convince some teacher to let you have it? Actually, _why _did you want to check it out?"

"It's nothing, Ginny," Taylor said, attempting to take the volume from Ginny. She wasn't ready for this; nothing had – nothing could have – prepared her for this.

"It most certainly is _not _nothing," Ginny said, beginning to flip through the pages. "Good lord, girl, this book is intense. Come on, I know you're hiding something and you're not telling me. Why can't you tell me? Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Taylor said defensively. She sat staring at Ginny, who was giving her a very firm look in return. Finally she caved.

"Oh, all right," Taylor sighed, and patted the bed beside her. Ginny sat down and Taylor started. Not knowing how to beat around the bush, she bluntly stated:

"Sirius Black is my dad." She glanced at Ginny, who was staring at her.

"Come again?" She asked.

"Sirius Black is my dad," Taylor stated again.

"I caught that, but what does that have to do with…" Ginny's voice trailed off as she read the title of the book again and a look of comprehension dawned on her face.

"Yes well, Dumbledore thinks that I can…well, actually, let me start from the beginning. You were there when Bellatrix Lestrange hit him with that curse, right? Well the curse wasn't the killing curse, so he wasn't dead when he fell through the veil between the arch. Apparently this arch has some ancient powers about it so that when somebody falls through it who isn't dead, they get transported to this place that is somewhere between the land of the living and the land of the dead. Many people have tried to figure out the secret of this arch, but they haven't succeeded. But Dumbledore thinks he knows the answer. He's not completely sure how the whole operation would work, but because I'm a blood-relative of Sirius, he thinks I can be the first to ever retrieve someone from that middle land."

Ginny was staring. She hadn't heard of anything so extremely far fetched in a long time. Taylor sighed; she had known that Ginny would take it like this. Ginny would probably try to discourage Taylor from attempting it, it really was such a ridiculous idea to begin with, and not very likely to succeed, only ending with her own hopes got up, and then smashed to bits. Taylor was too close to giving up in desperation; the very last thing she needed was somebody to try to convince her not to do it, she would surely cave.

"So, you're – you're going to bring Sirius back to life?" Ginny asked, amazed.

Taylor fidgeted with her hair, twirling it around her finger. "Well, not exactly back to life because he isn't exactly dead, remember? But yeah, that's the general idea."

"Wow." Ginny sat in astonishment for a couple moments. Then she said, "That is so amazing! You are so brave, trying to attempt this task all by yourself. That's just, wow, girl! You are, like, officially my hero." Taylor was surprised, this was definitely not the reaction she had expected. Ginny wrapped her arms around Taylor, and hugged her tight. "This is great news! Have you told Harry?"

"No," Taylor said guiltily taken aback at being declared Ginny's hero, "I meant to, I really did, but I just, I wasn't ready to talk about it. For some reason, it's really, I don't know. I feel like the more people who know, the more people are really counting on me to be successful, and what if I'm not? What if I fail terribly? I would have disappointed so many people."

"Oh, come on, you won't fail!" Taylor made a sound of disbelievement. Ginny turned to look Taylor in the eye. "You won't. You're brilliant, and determined, you'll find a way to make it work! Now, let's go, we have to find Harry, he might be able to help you!" Ginny cried, jumping up from Taylor's bed, the forgotten book falling heavily to the floor with a loud thud, its cover open and some of its pages bent beneath it, and grabbed Taylor's hand, pulling the girl to her feet. Ginny temporarily looked scared.

"You're so light, Tay. And pale. Are you eating right?" She asked.

"Well, I guess I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and maybe a little depression…but really, I'm fine, don't worry about me." Taylor held back as a fit of dizziness over took her, leaning on Ginny for support. Ginny looked unconvinced, but led Taylor out the door to launch their search for Harry.

They found him at the breakfast table with Ron and Hermione. "Harry, I need to talk to you," Ginny said, tapping Harry on the shoulder.

"Ginny, I thought you were over Harry?" Ron said in his normal, tactless way.

"This isn't about me, dear brother, it's actually Taylor," Ginny snapped.

"Seamus said that that kid Sean was after Taylor and she was off limits to everyone," Harry said, looking surprised. Taylor was surprised too. Was Sean really into her? Her thoughts wandered to the beautiful brown haired boy and speculated where he was at this moment. She was jerked out of her reverie by Ginny.

"Honestly, you guys," Ginny said briskly, "all that matters in life is not girls. Seriously. This is important. I'm _serious_," she said, emphasizing the word 'serious'. Taylor wondered at Ginny's strange use of 'serious' twice. Then it hit her. Sirius.

Harry sat staring at Ginny for a second before Taylor saw sudden realization dawning on his face.

"Seriously?" He asked. Ginny nodded. Ron was looking from Harry to Ginny and Taylor incredulously.

'What the – " He started, but Hermione interrupted him.

"Ron," she said impatiently. "This is obviously serious."

"I get it, I get it, it's serious, would you please tell me what is so serious?" Ron said in aggravation. Hermione looked at him pointedly. Slowly a look of realization crept into Ron's face too. "Oooh." He said. "But how?"

Ginny looked at Taylor, "Hermione and Ron can come, too, can't they?" She asked.

Taylor looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Oh, I don't know, it's really personal…"

Ginny interrupted, "Ron and Hermione knew and him too." Ginny looked into Taylor's eyes, willing her to agree. Finally, Taylor nodded.

"Alright, fine," she said, "but let's go somewhere, more…private."

Five minutes later found Taylor, Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Hermione walking along the edge of the lake, Ron still grumbling about having to leave his breakfast behind. Taylor nervously took out her pack and lit a cigarette, puffing on it slowly. At last she stopped and turned around, looking at the crew following her. Ginny nodded at her encouragingly.

She took a long drag on her cigarette, trying to slow down her beating heart. How would Harry react? Would he be angry she didn't tell him? Would he be angry she even brought it up? Would he be willing to help? Would he have any ideas to lead her in the right direction? She took a deep breath and said hastily, "I'm Sirius Black's daughter."

There was a stunned silence. Then Harry spoke up. "What?" He looked completely nonplused. Taylor flicked the ashes off the end of her cigarette, buying time, and then shrugged.

"Sirius Black is my dad," she said again.

"Are you sure?" Ron asked. This made Taylor laugh, relaxing her.

"Of course I'm sure. He came to my house after you three set him free on Buckbeak.

Harry stared. "That's amazing. I never knew, how come he never told us?"

Taylor shrugged again, "I think he really cared about you, and I already had a mom, and well, you had no one, so I think he wanted you to be the center of his attention. I got kinda, well, kicked to the side for a while, while he cared for you." She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but knew she failed. Ginny lay a comforting hand on her arm. Taylor blinked away the tears threatening to form in her eyes, and distractedly took another drag on her cigarette, looking off in the distance until the tears retreated. The others gave her a moment.

"Wow." Hermione said. "Wow. I'm so sorry, I didn't know…"

"Of course you didn't know," Taylor said, taking another drag on her cigarette and slowly blowing out the smoke.

"But the real reason that we're telling you this is because, well, don't get too excited, Harry, but Taylor might be able to bring Sirius back." Ginny said. Taylor shot Ginny a look, she had been planning on breaking the news more slowly, less suddenly, trying not to raise too much hope.

But, seeing as how that decision had already been made for her, she figured she had to tell the story now, and so she repeated what she had told Ginny just a few moments before in their dormitory, giving the details, and even telling about the time that she had actually spoken to her dad in the mirror.

"So you see," she finished, "I might need you guys's help with figuring this thing out." All three of them were staring at her, Ginny walked over to give her a hug.

"That's really, really great," Harry said finally, his voice scratchy and gruff – full of emotion. "I'll help you do anything to try and figure this out." Taylor pretended not to notice the tears in his eyes, as he had been gracious enough not to "notice" hers. Ginny left Taylor's side and stepped over to Harry in turn and wrapped her arms comfortingly around him, running her fingers soothingly through his hair. His hand found hers on his shoulder and clasped it tightly.


	17. What to Do?

What To Do

**A/N: Hey all my lovelies! Here's the next chapter, believe me; it's leading up to an event! Read and enjoy! And reviews are, of course, always welcome.**

**What To Do?**

The Great Hall certainly was completely decked out for the occasion: hundreds of bats flew around, fluttering the light from the many candles lit and floating in mid air. Four large pumpkins stood one in each corner, each carved into an elaborate face, glowing from candles lit within. Taylor smiled; it was nice to come to something so expected, what with all the uneasy thoughts floating around her head.

"Are we going to the feast?" Hermione asked, looking at Taylor, and everybody else turned to look at her too. They had spent the whole day discussing Sirius, telling stories about him, and just in general discussing what the plan would be. Unsurprisingly, nothing had really come from the conversations, and everyone was still at a loss as to what to do, although everyone was certain that whatever they were going to do, they should probably do it tonight.

Taylor furrowed her brow in thought. "I don't know. I'd love to go, you know, it's great, but then again, I don't want to give up what could be my perfect chance to find something out." A part of her mind strayed to the feast, and a small part of her voiced that if she didn't go to the feast, she wouldn't have to worry about eating too much. She quickly pushed that thought away. She'd been having nagging thoughts like that for a while now, and had since lost weight. Somehow, she just wasn't hungry though.

At that moment, Sean chose to walk by. "Hey, Tay!" He said, waving energetically to her, "Coming to the feast?"

Taylor stalled, trying to make up her mind. Now that Sean asked her, she really wanted to go. What wouldn't she give to spend the evening sitting and chatting with her new interest as opposed to trying desperately to talk to someone who was thought to be dead? Honestly, she thought, was that even a choice? She decided on a compromise.

"Yeah, of course I'm coming!" She smiled as her eyes met his, and as she blushed, she momentarily forgot that there were people standing around her, and the fact that she had to try and bring her supposedly dead father back into the living world, and everything else, feeling like it was just her and Sean. Then she gave herself a mental shake. She was falling harder for this boy than she ever had before for anyone else, and this was getting ridiculous. As Sean turned to walk into the Great Hall, she turned to face Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny, her cheeks still flushed. She caught Ginny's eye and smiled even wider and blushed a little deeper as Ginny smiled knowingly back to her and winked. Taylor noticed that Harry and Ginny were standing very close to each other, and remembering their intimate embrace earlier, made a mental note to ask Ginny if there was anything going on between the two of them. It sure would be good for Ginny if she could find somebody who was supportive of her and really cared for her.

"We can go for a bit of it, and then cut out, does that sound ok?" She asked, feeling a little nervous at being the one 'in charge'. Everybody nodded.

"Sounds fine," Harry said. "Do you think…" His voice cracked again, and everybody looked away politely so he could wipe his eyes – everyone except Ginny, that is, who brushed her hand discreetly against his. "Taylor," he began again, "do you think we'll actually see him tonight?"

"I hope so," Taylor said, "and I hope he has some good advice for us, too. I'd say we certainly need it. I for one do." Everyone nodded and murmured in agreement.

Then the five of them went off to find seats at the Gryffindor table, Ginny taking the one furthest from Dean. Dean shot Ginny a look that Taylor couldn't quite read, before turning his head away from them abruptly and engaging in conversation with Seamus. Taylor glanced at Ginny to see her reaction, but the redhead was holding her head high and either hadn't seen Dean's look, or else was ignoring it. Taylor thought it was probably the latter. Harry sat down next to Ginny, Taylor on her other side, picked up his fork, and then put it back down, poured himself a goblet full of pumpkin juice, watched as he swirled the contents around for a few seconds, and then put that down too, letting out a heavy sigh. Hermione was picking at her food, cutting it up into tiny bites, and then scootching them around her plate, every once in a while nibbling a small bite. Ginny was scooping her mashed potatoes into a mound, and then flattening it, and then scooping them back up again, looking totally absent minded. Ron was the only one who was actually eating; the amount he was shoveling into his mouth seemed to be enough for all of them combined. Taylor hadn't even bothered with filling her plate with food. There was no way she could eat right now, not with this tension hanging over her. Right when she decided that it was totally stupid for them to even be there when they should have been trying to discern this conundrum, she saw Sean rise from his seat, wave goodbye to his friends, and plopped down right next to her.

"What's up, fleet foot?" He asked her, puling some roast tenderloin closer to him and piling some on his plate, followed by a spicy pineapple salsa. Taylor looked on as Sean took a giant bite and chewed, looking first at Taylor and then at her plate.

"What, are you allergic to food?" He asked, swallowing, noticing her completely empty plate. "Considering as much as you run girl, you need your food. Come on," he wheedled, wafting the smell of his pork tenderloin towards her. "It's delicious!" He stabbed some on his fork and waved it under her nose. "Just a bite," he coaxed.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not really all that hungry," Taylor said, pushing the fork away.

"Not hungry? How could you not be hungry with all this delicious food all around you?" Sean demanded playfully.

"I'm just, well, I'm watching what I eat," Taylor said. She hated talking about what she ate and what she didn't eat. Her friends were constantly bugging her about it, and it wasn't really a conversation she wanted to continue with Sean.

"Watching what you eat?" Sean asked incredulously. "Girl, you are thin as a rail, damn it, you are _thinner _than a rail. There's no way you need to watch what you eat!"

An inner struggle was taking place within Taylor. She _had _developed a food problem recently, she had noticed that. She wasn't sure exactly how it had started; she had never worried about what she ate before. It started off with watching the fat in her diet, first eating her toast with no butter on it, and drinking water instead of the whole milk the school offered for breakfast. Then she had started counting, numbers, numbers, numbers, her head was filled with numbers so often now. It consumed her. Time that she should have spent studying, or figuring out what to do about her father, she counted. She knew the calorie and fat content of every single food that passed her lips. She had started drawing up tables and charts of what she ate, and recently, more often than not she went hungry. She had noticed that she paid attention less well, that she constantly felt lightheaded, that she was cold all the time. She knew it wasn't good for her, knew it was completely unhealthy, but she couldn't stop. Meals had become her least favorite time of day, and she tried her best to avoid them if possible. She just didn't even _want _to eat anymore.

And now, here she was, Sean wafting the delicious smell of roast tenderloin under her nose. A pain in her stomach told her that she really was hungry. She didn't feel hungry, but she also didn't want Sean to think her weird, or troubled. He already knew she had a secret – well, a not-so-secret secret, now – but how much weirdness could he take in one girl?

"Oh, stop it," she laughed, pushing away the fork again. "I'm just a vegetarian," she said, thinking this the most ingenious thing she could come up with.

"Oh," Sean wrinkled his nose, "one of _those, _are you?" For a moment he looked utterly disgusted, and Taylor was beginning to think she had somehow made a huge mistake, when he laughed.

"Alright, then. That's fine. Here, help yourself to this salad, it looks delicious – if you're really into that kind of thing," he laughed again, taking the liberty to dish her out a giant heap of lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, carrots, green pepper, almonds and olives from a nearby salad dish with the silver tongs.

Taylor picked up her fork, refusing the salad dressing that Sean offered her, wrinkling up her nose in turn and saying that she absolutely loathed dressing, and began to eat, momentarily forgetting about what was going to happen (or maybe not happen) that night, and savoring the biggest meal she had eaten in as long as she could remember, relishing in the moment with Sean.

All too soon, Ginny was poking Taylor's elbow.

"Hey, psst!" She hissed under the clinking of silverware and chatter of merry students, "We should be getting going!" Taylor nodded.

"I have a really bad headache," she groaned, holding her head in her arms. It was actually true, her head was pounding, blood was pumping loudly in her ears, and she felt a bit dizzy. Nerves, she supposed. That or lack of food. Had she eaten today? She couldn't remember. Shaking her head, she moaned.

"I think I'm going to bed, all this babble is echoing in my head." Sean looked at her, eyebrows raised.

"You were fine two seconds ago," he said suspiciously, eyeing her.

"Yeah, well, you know how these headaches come," Taylor said, hoping against hope that she didn't sound too much a fool. "You're doing fine, and then just BAM! Next second it feels like your head is being split apart."

"Mmhmm." Sean hmmed, eyebrows still raised. Ginny jumped to her feet, dragging Taylor up after her by the shoulder of her robes.

"Come on, Tay, I'll make you some tea in the common room," she said loudly and pointedly, giving a look to Harry, Hermione and Ron. Hermione stood up too.

"Ginny, you know how bad you are with charms like that, I'll come and help, we don't want Taylor being burned or scalded or poisoned or have her tea taste like pepper or cheese or, or I don't know, carrots or something," she babbled. Ginny glared at her.

Harry and Ron stood up too, Harry mumbling something about if Hermione and Ginny were going he might as well also, Ron grunting something in agreement. Before anybody else at the table could say anything more to them, they bolted out of the Great Hall and up the marble stairs.

"OK," Harry said when they reached the hallway where the Gryffindor Common Room was located, and they slowed down, breathing heavily.

"Did something happen?" The fat lady asked as they drew level with her, "is the feast over already?"

"Gauntlet harrow," Hermione panted to her impatiently. The fat lady huffed and swung forward crossly.

And then they were all standing in the empty Common Room, circling around Taylor, looking at her expectantly.

"Well?" Ron asked; he seemed to be rather perturbed at having to leave the feast before the desserts came out.

"Well?" Taylor repeated, getting agitated herself and flaring up. "Well? Come on, I told you guys flat out earlier today I have no fucking clue what the hell I'm doing. Don't 'well' me, I'm just as lost as any of you."

"Taylor!" Ginny said disapprovingly. "We're here to help, don't bite our heads off!"

Taylor opened her mouth to retort when Hermione interrupted. "Stop it!" She said firmly. "None of us know what we're doing, and I think each of us is as scared as the next person. But Taylor, you _are _the one who knows more about this than any of the rest of us. Please help us to understand what we might be able to do to help." Taylor continued frowning momentarily, and Ginny was about ready to throw up her hands in exasperation at her friend when Taylor nodded her head.

"OK. I'm sorry I jumped on you. So last time, when I talked to dad first," and she went off, explaining how she had set up the whole ritual last time, about the music and the timing and the candles. She could feel Hermione's skeptical look on her.

"Look, I know it sounds like a hell of a lot of bogus, that's what I thought at first too, but I figured I had nothing to lose by trying it, and it worked. I know it seems like a lot of hocus pocus, but if you have a better idea, I'd love to hear all about it." She said, looking each of her friends individually in the eye.

"Actually," Ginny spoke, slowly and a little hesitantly, "I rather think we should try the Room of Requirement."


	18. Dashed Hopes

**A/N: I am really, really sorry that I have been so bad at updating. My life went up in tourmoil in October, and I couldn't even get myself together enough to do my homework, let alone free writing. Unfortunately, I am doing NanoWrimo (check it out!) this month, so basically you can't expect another update from me this month. So I hope you enjoy this, I got it up as soon as I could!**

**Dashed Hopes**

Everyone stared at her, dumbstruck. It was such an obvious solution to their conundrum, it had never occurred to any of them, and all of them were wondering how they had managed to overlook it.

"That's brilliant!" Harry said finally after a stretch of time in which everyone wished they had come up with the idea. And with no more ado, Taylor, Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny were climbing back out of the portrait hole.

The fat lady harrumphed at them as the climbed through. "Oh, don't be concerned about my time, I obviously have nothing better to do than just sit here and open and close the door for you." She called after their retreating backs.

"Yeah, thanks," Ron responded to her over his shoulder as they all trotted off at a brisk speed, retracing their steps back down the corridor. Thundering back down the stairs, and hurling themselves down corridors, they finally reached the empty corridor containing nothing except a large vase and a painting of Barnabus the Barmy teaching Trolls how to do the ballet. Harry and Taylor walked feverishly up and down the stretch of bare stone wall opposite the painting, muttering,

"We need a place where we can contact Sirius, we need a place where we can contact Sirius, we need a place where we can contact Sirius." The third time they walked by the wall, they turned quickly on their heels, robes flying behind and twisting around them.

"Yes!" Harry almost shouted, and Ginny performed a little happy dance right on the spot. Large double doors had appeared in the wall, which had been completely blank a moment before. The doors were tall and slender, hewn from cherry wood, completely free of adornments, except one circular pull that hung on the right hand door. Harry lunged forward, seized the handle, and pulled, hoping against hope that it would be what they wanted. The door swung open with ease.

A blast of white light assaulted their eyeballs. It felt like they were staring into a bright white room lit by its own sun. They all squinted cautiously into the room, filled with wonder. They had never seen the Room of Requirement do this. A thick mist seemed to be billowing out of the doorway.

"Well, we'd better go in, I suppose," Taylor said, and clenching her hands, which had begun to tremble with a little fear and anticipation, into tight fists, she stepped towards the open door. She led them all into blinding white mist, Harry following closely on her heels.

The substance resembling mist was neither cold nor wet, in fact, if Taylor hadn't been seeing it, she wouldn't have believed it was even there. Although, her mind asked, did she really believe everything she saw? At this point, she didn't know what to expect, and she had absolutely no idea what she was getting herself into.

Taylor had just a half of a second to register all this when she suddenly felt the floor drop away beneath her feet and she plummeted downwards. She let out a shriek that was whipped away from her in a second as air rushed by her. She could feel, more than hear, the others falling behind her. And then suddenly, she stopped. Completely bewildered, she looked down at her feet, she was not standing on anything she could see for there was only the white mist billowing below her, and when she stamped her foot, it came in contact with absolutely nothing. Her foot just sank down until her hip couldn't stretch any further. She was suspended. Watching the others "land" if that was what you could call it, beside her, she observed how they sunk down slightly as their weight was absorbed into thin air, and then lift back up a bit.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Ron asked, his face white and his freckles standing out clearly.

"No idea," Harry said, stamping his foot as Taylor had done.

"We're suspended. I think," Hermione's voice faltered, and then continued, "I honestly think we made it to the nothing place. We're in nothing, we're surrounded by nothing, we're even standing on nothing. I think the Room of Requirement did its job perfectly."

"You know, I think you're right," Taylor agreed. "Now the question is: Where is Dad?"

They all looked at each other. How were they supposed to find something – someone – in nothing? Ginny shrugged at the unasked question, and Taylor's words hung suspended in the air.

"Rather," a voice came out of the mist, seeming to come from every direction at once, "I think the question is how we can get out of here."

Taylor spun on the spot, and there, standing right behind her was a tall man, thick wild hair, glittering, amused eyes and all.

"Dad!" She found herself shrieking, her voice acting of its own accord, not hers. She flung herself (although how she did, she had no idea, it was ignoring the basic laws of physics – there was nothing for her to push herself off of) towards him, and throwing her arms around him. Sirius wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, grinning all over his mischievous face.

"Taylor!" He said, and tears welled up in his eyes and spilled over, tracing wet tracks down his cheeks.

Harry stood back a little, this was the first time he had seen his Godfather since the incident – since the man had fallen through the veil. Harry didn't know how to act. For the most part, he couldn't believe this was happening. He was positive that he was in a dream and at any moment he would wake up Halloween morning, and find that Taylor wasn't Sirius's daughter, and that there really was no chance of Sirius being within reach of bringing back into the world of the living and that all of this really was some ridiculously bizarre dream. This was all so extremely strange – how could it possibly be true? It was impossible. It had to be.

Sirius lifted his head and looked around. Eventually his eyes came to rest on Harry. Once more his eyes shone with a striking brilliance. He slowly let go of Taylor and stepped around her, his arms raised in disbelief. And everything hit Harry. The enormous truth of it collided with him so hard, he felt as though he had been slapped across the face.

"Sirius?" He asked, barely over a whisper.

"Harry," Sirius breathed. "Harry, I can't believe I can finally see you again." He held up his arms and wrapped Harry in a tight embrace. Ginny, Taylor, Ron and Hermione stood there awkwardly while the two shared their moment. Finally they broke apart, and Harry looked away, wiping away the tears that clung to his eyes and threatened to spill over.

"Well," Harry croaked, his voice gruff with emotion. "Well, now we have found you…what next? Can you just follow us through the door?"

"Door?" Barked Sirius. "There's a damned door in this God-forsaken place? If I'd known that to begin with, I'd have been out of here pronto."

"Well, I don't know if the door is even really here…and I don't know if it would stick around if it was. I'm not exactly sure how this worked at all," Hermione said tentatively from Taylor's right. "I've been thinking about it and it just doesn't make much sense to me. We found this place by walking into the Room of Requirement. Obviously, it's not _in _the Room of Requirement, so I don't know for sure if you'll be able to come out with us, Sirius. Well, to be completely honest, actually, I'm not sure if _we _will be able to get out. We might be stuck."

"Right jolly thought that is, Hermione," Ron groaned through the pale mist-like substance.

"Damnit. I should have thought about that before we came in!" Taylor moaned, slapping her forehead. She could have kicked herself.

"It's not your fault, Tay," Ginny said soothingly. "None of us thought of it."

"Well, not until it was too late," sighed Hermione.

"Oh, come on, we don't even know if it is too late, Hermione," Sirius said bracingly. "Let's check. I might finally get my chance to leave this god damned place."

"Sirius is right," Harry said, "Let's go check."

"Well," Hermione said in her matter-of-fact tone, "We fell quite a ways when we entered here, so it would only make sense to go up to find our way back out." Everyone stared at her.

"That would be a brilliant idea, Hermione," Ron said, "except you forgot one thing: _how _exactly are we supposed to go up?" Hermione looked stumped at that.

"What if…" Taylor's voice trailed off, and then she started again, "what if we could sort of, you know, swim?" In experimentation, she stuck her arm out above her head and, cupping her hand, brought it back down to her side as though performing the freestyle stroke vertically. To her surprise, and all around her, she rose a few inches off the ground.

"Brilliant!" Sirius cried, thrusting his arms forward and executing a breast stroke, propelling himself upwards. Soon all of them were swimming through the air.

"Somewhere…around…here..." Taylor breathed, her eyes searching desperately for the door she knew – she hoped – would be there. Slowly through the mist penetrated the faint dark form of the double doors that she pulled herself towards. The tall dark door with ornate handles suddenly loomed out of the mist. It was still propped open, they way they had all left it when they fell through the open space into the nothing. A smile broke out over her face. She would soon be back in the world of the living. She would have her father back. She could be happy. It suddenly hit her how truly unhappy she had been.

She laid her hand on the frame of the door, waiting for the others to catch up with her. Soon they were all grouped around the opening that led back into the living world, each of them looking very excited. Taylor caught Harry's eye and they grinned at each other.

"Well," she said, "How about you first, Dad?" Sirius beamed at her.

"Alright," he said, and struck out for the door. But something was wrong. Every time he pulled himself towards the door, he didn't get any closer. He couldn't touch the door. He frowned and pulled harder through the air, clawing desperately at it. But no matter how hard he fought, he couldn't reach it. He tried jumping, swimming, crawling – everything he could think of, Sirius tried. Finally he stopped trying, his arms hanging limp at his sides. Taylor could see tears of disappointment forming, glittering, in his eyes. She looked away, not wishing to see her father's frustration.

Inside Sirius's head was a whirlwind of disappointment. For one fleeting moment, he had believed that he had finally found a way out of this miserable place. But that hope had been ripped away from him. Just like so much in his life. Lily and James had been ripped from him. Then he had been bereft of his freedom. And then he had lost his life, Harry, Taylor, and Tammy. Everything he'd ever had he'd lost. Why him? Fury rose inside him.

Taylor gripped the door frame, also feeling the rage boiling up inside her. It wasn't fair! They were so close, why wasn't it working? What had gone wrong? If this didn't work, what was going to? She just couldn't understand why it wasn't working.

"I can't." Those two dead words dropped from Sirius's mouth and plummeted between them, falling into the depths of the nothing.

"Yes, you can!" Taylor exploded. "Of course you can, we just have to figure out what's the matter and fix it."

"Taylor," Hermione said softly.

"No!" Taylor shouted. "Just be quiet, it will work! It has to!" She grabbed her father's hand and heaved backwards, trying to pull him towards the door. But some invisible force held him back. Tears of fury pricked at Taylor's eyes. She squeezed them shut, trying to force them away. She couldn't cry. She pulled harder.

"Taylor," Hermione began again.

Taylor dropped Sirius's hand and looked away from them all. "Alright." She muttered. "Alright. Fine. All of this will just go to waste. It doesn't even matter." And with that, she turned on her heel (as best as she could in the condition in which she was standing), and strode through the door. Instantly the mist disappeared, and she was back in the corridor with the painting of Barnabus the Barmy. Scowling furiously, she ran up the hall, trying to put as much distance between herself and her disappointment


	19. Dumbledor's Words of Advice

**A/N: I know I said that I probably would not be updating this in November, but this chapter came to me while I was attempting to continue my NaNoWriMo, and I decided to write it down. Hope you guys enjoy!**

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It had been a week since Halloween, and Taylor was still moody and angry. She had almost completely stopped eating, not even going down to the Great Hall for meals, preferring to spend her time strolling around the grounds, cigarette in hand and glowering at the world. She found herself sleeping less and less, spending the nights crying in her bed, listening to music sitting in the window seat staring out at the dark grounds, or brooding by the glowing embers of the dying fire in the Common Room. Barely speaking to even Ginny, she shut herself up in her own world which consisted solely of being angry at the world. She just couldn't understand why it hadn't worked, and therefore fumed about it constantly.

At first, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had tried to talk to her, approaching her between lessons and in hallways, while she sat in the Common Room. Slowly, as they got absolutely no response out of her, Hermione and Ron had stopped trying to talk to her, but Ginny and Harry had persisted. The two of them would spend a while every night sitting next to Taylor in the corner of the Common Room, holding quiet, shushed conversations of what had happened in the Room of Requirement. Taylor never spoke during these discussions; she merely sat, curled in her chair, staring unseeingly in front of her at the flames dancing in the fire place. She may have never uttered a word, but she still appreciated their company. She liked knowing that there were other people trying to help her figure out this giant conundrum – even though she was not doing much herself recently.

The early Friday morning sun found Taylor sitting by the bank of the lake, knees clutched to her chest, wand by her side and a burning cigarette in her hand as she stared out across the lake. Golden and radiant beams from the sun began to reflect on the lake's glassy surface as the bulbous sun began to peak slowly over the indistinct tree tops, which cast enormously long shadows over the tranquil grounds. Her fingers were numb from the cold, and she couldn't feel the soft form of the cigarette she clutched between the first and second finger of her right hand. Bringing her hand deftly up to her lips, she slowly breathed in, inhaling the tobacco for a long breath. She lowered her hand, and opening her mouth, slowly let the smoke unfurl from her lips, swirling in the chill air and rising up until it had dispersed above her head. Unhurried, she closed her eyes slowly and held them closed for a second, blocking out the world temporarily. A tear squeezed out from beneath her closed eyelid of her left eye and slid down her cheek, gaining speed until it dropped from her chin and landed wetly on her knee. Opening her eyes, Taylor saw the world through a blurry haze of tears. Angrily, she raised her left hand, the one not clutching the cigarette and rubbed her eyes viciously. She didn't want to sit around and cry anymore. She didn't know what she wanted.

The sun crept higher in the sky, clearing the tree tops and shining in full, bright, early-morning strength onto the quiet Hogwarts grounds. At that moment the birds in the Forbidden Forest broke out into song, the voices from their tiny bodies swelling in strength from the sheer multitude of them. A faint smile played across Taylor's lips at the sound of it.

Suddenly, without so much as a warning, someone sat down next to her. Taylor recoiled slightly as she had recently started to when anybody sat too close to her. She said nothing and didn't even look around to see who had found her and come to see her at this early time in the morning, preferring to take another long drag on the cigarette she clutched in her hand as though it was the only thing that could connect her to this world, and was the last hope for her sanity. She was in the process of slowly letting the smoke escape and expand from her lips again when the person sitting beside her spoke.

"I never understood you to be one to ignore your friends in such a way when you need them most, Taylor," Taylor recognized the voice, and chocked on the smoke that she was exhaling. Coughing, she turned to see an old wizard with half moon glasses and a long bead and hair and wearing robes of deep purple splashed with stars and moons sitting on the frigid ground beside her.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir!" She exclaimed as soon as she had breath enough to speak. "I'm so sorry; I didn't know that was you sitting there!" She couldn't believe that Professor Dumbledore had heard enough about her life and what was going on to know that something had gone desperately wrong. But then, she supposed, he was the Headmaster, and surely had many ways to know what was going on with all of his students. And he might have been keeping closer tabs on Taylor in particular, seeing as how he had been the one who had suggested that she embark on this ridiculous journey to bring her father back. However, what did surprise her more was that he had cared enough to locate her at this early morning hour and had come down to talk with her.

"It is completely understandable to become immersed in one's thoughts when grief and fear is befuddling the brain." Professor Dumbledore said smoothly.

Taylor spoke without thinking. "I'm not in grief, and I'm not scared." She said defiantly. She knew this was a lie as she said it, but she hated to be seen as weak by other people. Especially by the Headmaster of her school, the very man who had told her and encouraged her to embark on this seemingly impossible task to begin with.

"Ah, of course not," Professor Dumbledore sighed. "However, you do know that neither fear nor grief are signs of weakness, Taylor. They prove that you have a heart. It only says that you are confused – and rightly so, if I might say so."

Taylor frowned and took another drag on her cigarette. It was hot on her lips, and when she looked at it, she saw that it had burned down to the end. Buying as much time as she could before replying to her Headmaster, she ground the burning end into the frosty ground to put it out, and then rolled it in between her fingers until all the rest of it fell out and sprinkled the ground. Finally she looked up at Professor Dumbledore, who was still staring at her intently with his piercing blue eyes. She hurriedly glanced back down at the cigarette contents strewn across the ground, fighting back tears again.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "You're right, of course. I am scared. Man, I'm terrified, and I'm also so discouraged. I just don't know what to do! I want so badly to do the right thing, I want desperately to succeed, but somehow it just seems like everything I try turns out to not be successful. And each time I fail I feel more and more desperate. I can't help it. It's just so discouraging, sir."

Professor Dumbledore nodded his silvery head, his half moon glasses catching the sun and sending little reflections into Taylor's eyes. "Perfectly understandable." He paused for a moment, and Taylor waited for him to continue holding her breath, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to say something to knock her out of the awful stupor she had been in for the past week. And continue Dumbledore did.

"You are attempting something that has stumped wizards who have been studying this for centuries – all with only a simple book that speaks more of, ahem, dubious magic forms and a desire, a wild, passionate desire to see your father again. You, who until recently, knew your father not at all, are perhaps driven harder than almost anybody in the world to accomplish this –"

"Sir," Taylor interrupted, "Sir, why did you not tell Harry? He's in a higher year than me, and he's done more dangerous tasks than I have, isn't he better suited for this kind of thing? And he was close with my father too, seeing as how Sirius was his godfather."

Dumbledore gazed at her over his sparkling half moon glasses. "Yes, Harry has done more "dangerous" things, as you say, but he doesn't have the drive you do. He has a passion, but where that passion lies is with Voldemort. He, though even he does not know this and would deny it to his dying day, would rather seek revenge upon Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange than figure out this complicated bit of magic. He likes instant gratification, he also likes sacrifice. And he loathes failing at something. You, you know you may not succeed. Yes, you may find it difficult to accept failure too, but you also know it is not the end of your life or the world if you do not. You have been strong enough to get through most of your life without a father figure, and though you would much rather have a father than not, you know you can succeed in life with out one. Harry can be a driving force for you. He has immediate passion, and he's stubborn and persistent. But you are patient. For you, too, is the matter of blood. A person's relations are more complicated than any wizard can ever dream; I by no means would ever say that I know about it all. But who we are related to in this life, we have an eternally long connection, and a very powerfully strong one to them. Being close to someone and actually being related are totally different things.

"I did not tell Harry because of the grief he was going through at the time, and I also knew that he would get immediately desperate if something didn't work. Watching him at the end of last year was devastating, chasing after Sir Nicolas D'Mimsy Porpington, in hopes that he could see his godfather again. And after that, he lost his passion. He lost everything accept his anger. And when your vision is befuddled by anger, it is very difficult to look at the whole big picture. You, however, let your anger come, and your sadness, but you always kept a small light on your end. Though, in all honesty, I did expect you to tell your friends sooner." He didn't say it accusingly, but Taylor hung her head just the same, feeling slightly ashamed. But Dumbledore clucked his tongue.

"I was not berating you, Taylor, I was just merely stating. But you did open up to them, and that was a giant step. Which brings me to why I came down here to talk to you in the first place." Taylor lifted her head to look at Dumbledore.

"I know that you are feeling quite devastated, but think. Do you think that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny would not stand by you? They all care about you greatly, and it's hurting Ginny specifically, that you are refusing to talk to her. You do not need to do this alone, and I by no means expect you to." Taylor nodded slowly.

"In fact, I expect you to go up to the castle and talk to her today. She is willing to do whatever she can to help you," Dumbledore stared off across the lake for a couple seconds before rising swiftly and carefully to his feet and leaving Taylor staring out over the lake alone.

She stared so long over the lake, which steadily lost its deep dark blue in favor for a lighter hue as the sun rose up high above the treetops, that her eyes began to hurt and her hands and body began to warm in the comforting sunlight. She brought her hands up to her eyes and rubbed them hard. Little lights exploded beneath her eyelids. When she opened her eyes she was ready. Picking up her cigarette butt to throw out up at the castle, she stood up and began to trudge slowly up the hill towards the castle.

The warmth inside the castle felt amazing on her numb limbs. She stretched out her fingers a couple times trying to get them to regain circulation. Rubbing them together quickly, she stepped into the Great Hall. There, as she had expected, Ginny sat with Ron, Harry, and Hermione at the Gryffindor breakfast tables. Approaching them warily, Taylor recalled how she had treated the four for the past week and hoped that they would forgive her. She saw them exchange looks that clearly said 'uh oh, here she comes' as she drew nearer to them. Sitting down in the chair next to Hermione and opposite Ginny, she breathed in slowly and said,

"Hey." Her voice stopped and she looked down at the plate sitting on the table in front of her.

"Hey," Ginny replied cautiously, as though afraid that Taylor was going to jump on her if she said anything offensive. Taylor winced; she didn't want her best friend to be scared of her.

"I'm sorry about this past week," Taylor babbled, lifting her eyes to look at each of them in turn, and all in one breath blathered on, "I was so sure that it was going to work, I had gotten my hopes up so high, and then, when it didn't work and I couldn't get him to come through, I just felt like I'd failed miserably, not only myself but also all of you guys, and especially you, Harry, and then – "

Ginny held up her hand smiling. "We understand, Taylor, it's OK."

"Really?" Taylor asked, nonplussed.

"Yeah, sure, right guys?" Ginny asked, looking around at Harry, Hermione and Ron, who all nodded. "See? Just, next time, remember, we're here for you support, we're here to help you, we _want _to help you." Taylor smiled reluctantly.

"Thanks" she said. Suddenly feeling a whole lot better than she had in weeks, she abruptly realized that she felt starving, and pulled a pan of eggs towards her, spooning some out on to her plate and soon the eggs were joined by salsa and a buttered piece of toast. Taylor began to eat enthusiastically, feeling as though the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from her shoulders.


	20. More Than a Friend

**A/N: I'm on Chapter 20! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's just some cute stuff. I'm thinking about where I'm going with this story. Well, I Know where I am going, I just need filler. I have decided that there will be a lot more angst. Don't read if you don't like. Will probably involve deep depression, more of the eating disorder Taylor has already shown, maybe some more cutting. I'm a f'ed up person myself and I can't seem to keep this kind of stuff out of my stories. Hopefully it will add to the story, not take it apart. Tell me if it's not working. Well, you won't see more of it until later chapters, not in this one.**

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: I'm glad you liked my Dumbledore! I had a lot of trouble with him, and I wasn't totally satisfied that he was in character, so I'm glad you liked it.**

**And yeah, starting nanowrimo late would probably be a bad idea. I get behind as it is. But I finished, so I'm back to this story, and I swear I will be updating more often!**

Taylor sat at the desk. It was in a private corner of the library, just her, and her homework, which she had spread all across the table in front of her. Pluto's moon chart lay at her left elbow, an ingredients list for a Exhaustion Solution lay, marked and scribbled upon somewhere near the upper regions of the table, a complex drawing of a Popileo Plant (the magical cousin of the Poppy, it could help induce a sleep full of exciting dreams) sat to her right on top of voluminous notes from History of Magic on goblin wars, and she was currently pouring over her Vapid Charm notes from Charms. She thought this charm was especially funny, and even funnier that Professor Flitwick saw it fit to teach to his students. It was designed to reduce the recipient of the charm into a dull, charmless, almost stupid level. How Professor Flitwick thought that this charm was relevant was beyond Taylor, but she thought it could be quite funny to use if only she could figure out how to perform the charm. As much as it was a silly spell, it was very difficult to master, and the wand movement itself had to be just right or else it was likely that the recipient might instead develop scales all over their body. Which Taylor figured might have some use, but couldn't really see it for anything besides annoying.

Taylor had been sitting in the library studying for hours, taking advantage of a Saturday during which Ron, Harry, and Ginny all had Quidditch practice. She supposed Hermione was probably also holed up inside the library, but didn't really feel like having company at the moment, completely enjoying the solitude. Taylor rested her chin on her hands, letting her eyes slide out of focus; she had been staring at the same page of notes for a long time without taking in anymore than she had during the first few seconds of observing the writing.

"Studying hard, I see," a voice said behind Taylor, erupting in her consciousness, making her jump. Clutching her chest where her heart felt like it was beating out a rhythm a thousand beats per minute, she whirled around in her chair, scowling at the person who had so rudely interrupted her. She found herself looking into eyes of brightest blue, sparkling with mirth. As suddenly as it had come, her anger dissipated as she grinned.

"Hey Sean," she said, feeling a fait blush creeping up her cheeks. Damn, why did she have to blush now, _why_? Waving vaguely at the table behind her, strewn with papers, she blustered, "yeah, you know, just trying to get in some studying while people are down at Quidditch practice, you know, it's always good to try to keep up, but of course, this isn't what I do all the time, you know, it's not like I'm some sort of weird bookish know it all or anything – " Why was she blathering?

"Hey, it's cool, no worries," Sean said coolly, waving aside her bumbling talk easily. "I was thinking of doing some catching up myself. I have a most unfortunate habit of leaving all my work until the last minute." He grinned lopsidedly. "Mind if I join you at your table of notes?" He asked, gesturing at the chaotic table behind Taylor.

"Oh, of course, you'd be great, I mean, that'd be great," Taylor stammered, hurriedly sweeping a pile of papers from the table and trying to organize them into a pile so that Sean could have some room at the table. Expecting Sean to sit across from her she had cleared an area across from her, but he surprised her by pulling a chair from a nearby table and positioning it right next to her. As he sat down, dropping his bag at the side, he seemingly mindlessly brushed his arm against hers. Instantly, Taylor felt a tingle rush up and down her spine at the contact. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw Sean smile in a satisfied way. Deciding she must have imagined it, she shook her head to clear it.

"So what do you need to work on?" She asked as she cleared the area in front of Sean so that he could have some room to place his own papers. Sean looked on the verge of saying something, but held it back. Instead he grinned his captivating smile again. Taylor felt her heart flutter.

_Fool, _she muttered to herself. _Don't let yourself get so caught up in him. You have other things you should be thinking about, and besides, he's probably not interested in me anyway, so why deceive myself?_

"Well, basically I have to work on anything that's been assigned in the past month, honestly," he laughed. "I really meant it when I said I leave things to the last minute."

Taylor gaped at him. "How on Earth do you pass your classes?" She asked, genuinely interested.

Sean grinned. "That's where I was hoping you'd come in."

Taylor felt her heart plummet. _See?_ She said to herself. _He really isn't interested in me at all. All he wants is to get me to help him with school. Fuck, why the hell didn't I see this coming? _She felt completely pissed at herself. How could she have been so foolish as to think that this charming, damn good looking boy would be interested in her, a quiet, moody, troubled girl?

Sean's smile faltered, the look on Taylor's face must have betrayed the thoughts that were whirring around her head.

"Oh, no," he said quickly, "no, I didn't mean it that way. I wouldn't use you. You have to know that. I like being around you, I really do." And for the first time, Taylor thought she saw the faint glow of a blush creeping up his neck. _He must mean it_, she thought. _I've never seen him blush before, he's always so cool._

"Sorry, I didn't mean to go all emotional on you," he said, quickly recovering from his momentary lapse into sensitivity. "I guess you just bring out sides of me that I've never really paid attention to before."

Taylor felt herself blushing again "I bring out sides of myself I didn't know I had," she joked, trying to bring some humor into the conversation. There was an awkward silence. Taylor found herself grinning uncomfortably. Finally Sean laughed.

"Well, anyway, moving on," he grinned at her, "honestly, I do need help studying. And," he laughed, "maybe I should actually do something school-related this time instead of drawing your attention away by asking random questions that have absolutely nothing to do with whatever we are trying to work on."

"Yeah," Taylor agreed. "Charms first?" She asked.

"Sure, here hold on a second," and he rummaged around in his bag for a second before pulling out several bits of crumpled parchment. He smoothed them out on the table in front of him, trying to flatten out the crinkles. "Yup, this is Charms," he said when he could read them. Taylor grinned.

"Maybe you should use my notes," she suggested. "Mines are pretty legible, and complete," she said, looking dubiously at Sean's meager notes.

"Maybe, here can I borrow your notes on the Calming Charm? I wasn't, er, quite paying attention to what Flitwick was saying that day."

"Because you pay so much attention on a regular basis," Taylor joked, rolling her eyes, and Sean slapped her arm. Once again, Taylor felt the thrill rush up her arm.

"You know I try. Ok, well, maybe I don't try, but _now _I'm trying." His look of complete honesty convinced Taylor.

"Oh, alright," and she began rummaging through her notes to find the notes from last Tuesday. "Here, she said, extracting them from the pile. "These should be pretty complete. And just ask me about anything if you're still confused." She handed the parchments to Sean, who took them and bent over them in an earnest concentration she hadn't expected from him. She smiled to herself for a second before directing her attention back to the Vapid Charm. They worked for several minutes in silence until Taylor noticed something odd. Sean kept fidgeting in his chair, scooting around and changing positions every once in a while. She could understand that, she'd had fits of being unable to sit still before, but what she did notice was that every time Sean moved, his chair inched the tiniest bit closer to hers. She smiled to herself for a second before returning to her notes, pretending not to have noticed. Suddenly as he shifted once again, bringing his hand down to his lap from the table where it had been propping up his head, his hand landed on her knee.

"My bad," Sean said, removing his hand quickly. "You know how it is; sometimes I just can't seem to sit still."

Taylor nodded. "Of course." Then a thought occurred to her. "How about we take a walk around the grounds and maybe lap the lake to get out some of our energies and then return to this tedious task?"

Sean looked delighted at this suggestion. "Sounds great," he agreed, unceremoniously shoving his muddled notes into his bag and handing Taylor back hers, which she took, and after neatly gathering up all of her pieces of parchment and organizing them by class and date, tucked them orderly into her bag.

"Ready?" Sean asked, standing up and swinging his bag over his shoulder. "Lets drop our bags off at the dormitory so we won't be burdened down by them on our walk."

"Ok," Taylor agreed, heaving her heavy bag up and beginning to stagger along with Sean.

"Do you carry your life around with you in that bag?" Sean asked as they left the library, Madam Pince scowling after them as though they had wrecked havoc in her realm, and headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Well, I have all my notes and books in here, so I suppose I'm carrying around a part of my life with me. I mean, not that school is completely my life or anything, it's just, well, you know, an important part, but I do other things too, like – "

"Chill, you're blabbering again," Sean said. "I didn't mean anything by it, I was just commenting on the fact that it looks like you're carrying five tons of bricks around with you."

"Well, textbooks weigh a lot."

"Too much, in my opinion, I prefer to just carry around the bare minimum, and I figure I can always borrow a book off someone in class."

"True, ignatious opperlunt," Taylor said to the Fat Lady, who swung open to allow the two of them to pass into the Gryffindor Common Room. They separated and each went up into their own dormitories to deposit their bags. While in her room, Taylor headed to the bathroom where she looked at herself in the mirror. She was slightly flushed, giving her the look as if she'd been outside in the cold, but her eyes were sparkling. She groaned as she tried to pat down her hair. As always, it had way too much volume and was billowing out from her head. After spending a couple seconds bemoaning it, she remembered that Sean was down in the Common Room waiting for her. After one more quick pat, she dashed out the door and down the stairs. Sean was waiting by the portrait hole.

"Ready?" he asked as she came up to him.

"Yep," she replied, grinning. She couldn't help it; Sean just made her want to grin.

"Ladies first," Sean said, gesturing for Taylor to go through the hole first. Beaming at him, she did. As she was climbing through though, she felt Sean's hand rest slightly on her shoulder as she passed by him. Smiling to herself, Taylor was glad he couldn't see the blush that faintly tinged her cheeks.

When they stepped through the great front doors, the chill air immediately nipped at their noses and ears. Taylor was glad that she had thought to bring her jacket, which she pulled tightly around her, and retracting her hands into her sleeves to protect them from the frigid air.

Sean leaned back his head and breathed into the air, his breath billowing out. He smiled. "I love seeing my breath," he said.

Taylor nodded. "Me too. Actually that's one of the reasons I started smoking."

Sean looked at her in surprise. "You still smoke?" He asked unbelievingly.

Taylor grimaced, "Yeah, I do. I've been smoking a lot lately, unfortunately. When I get stressed it's something I like to do, just walk around and smoke a cigarette – it's really nice if I can get outside with the stars out and look to the heavens, momentarily forgetting my worries."

"You do seem really stressed, I know that you didn't speak even to Ginny for a while recently," Sean commented, sneaking a sidelong look at her to see if she reacted. She didn't, holding her face still, completely emotionless. "You know, if you never need anything, I'm always right here to help you. You can rant to me, you can complain, or I can just be a shoulder to cry on. Honestly," he added when Taylor looked skeptical.

Taylor screwed up her eyes and looked far ahead. They had reached the lake and were beginning to circumnavigate it. They walked together silently for a while, and then Taylor reached into her pocket and drew out her pack, tapping it on her hand, withdrawing one cigarette, and lighting it with her wand. She puffed on it for a couple seconds, still avoiding Sean's sideways glances. Finally he spoke.

"Can I ask you something?"

Taylor took her cigarette out of her mouth, flicked it to knock off the ashes on the end and said, "Shoot."

"Would you mind telling me why you're so preoccupied all the time?" Sean had stopped, Taylor walking a couple paces before realizing he wasn't with her anymore. She turned around and walked back towards him, this time she was looking him strait in the eye, not avoiding him.

_Tell him, _a little voice in her head cried. _You could do with as much moral support as you can get. And he's trustworthy, he really truly cares about you. _But another voice replied, _remember, the more people you tell, the more pressure is on you to succeed! You don't want that, now do you? In fact, it's been exactly what you've been trying to avoid._

Taylor dropped her gaze, "I can't tell you," she mumbled to the ground, turning away slightly. Not wanting the cigarette anymore, she dropped it to the ground and ground it into the earth with her foot. Suddenly she felt two hands on her shoulders, turning her back to face Sean. He took one hand, and with a finger under her chin, lifted her chin up until her eyes met his. His gaze was intent and searching as he stared at her, and Taylor felt like he was seeing into her soul, which left her feeling quite vulnerable, and she let her eyes fall so that she was no longer looking him in the eye.

"You know, I only want to help," Sean whispered softly, "I don't want to hurt you in any way. I know how hard it can be to keep something locked up inside of you without telling anyone…" His voice trailed off. "I only want to help you," he repeated.

Without warning, Taylor felt tears stinging her eyes. Her vision became clouded with them and she blinked fiercely to try to force them away. But something had broken inside her; some dam that had been held up for a long time broke under the gentleness of Sean's voice and his simple words. Without quite knowing why, Taylor found herself full out crying, tears streaming down her face as all her locked up emotions gave way. But Sean did not say anything, as she had expected him to. He said no words of comfort, did not try to be reassuring. Instead, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and hugged her tight to his chest as Taylor succumbed to her sobs, her shoulders shaking. Sean lifted one hand from her shoulders and began to run his fingers through her hair, and finally giving up on all the dignity she had hoped to retain, Taylor let herself lean closer to him, burrowing her head on his shoulder.

For one blissful moment she was able to let go, stop worrying. She let go of her fears, her responsibilities, everything that had been building up upon her for weeks, weighing her down so she could barely make it through each day. She didn't think about her dad, or her friends, or the uber amounts of homework her teachers had piled on her, all she thought about was letting go. And Sean let her, continuing to hold her close to him, stroking her hair and whispering in her ear that everything was going to be all right, no matter how bad things seemed at the moment. And Taylor let him, she let him take care of her.

Finally she withdrew her head from Sean's shoulder, the tears had ceased and she was only hiccupping slightly. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy and her cheeks were still wet, but she smiled weakly.

"I'm so sorry," she hiccupped, "I didn't mean to fall apart on you like that. I shouldn't have lost control. What must you think of me now? Blubbering like a giant baby?" She let her eyes drop from his, feeling more and more embarrassed by the second, and she made to pull herself out of Sean's hug. But he tightened his hold and hugged her even more tightly to his chest, rubbing her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey," he whispered into the top of her head, "it's ok, alright? Don't worry about it. And of course I don't think any the worse of you. You needed to let that out, I understand. I don't blame you." He seemed unwilling to let her go, and the two of them stood like that for a while, until Taylor turned around, not pulling out of Sean's grip, but they stood close, Sean still holding her to him, and together they stood staring out over the lake. The golden sun was just beginning to set behind them, casting their shadows long and lanky and rippling across the grass. Taylor leaned back so that her head rested on Sean's shoulder. It felt so right, so perfect, standing there like that with him. It surprised her that she didn't even feel embarrassed or anything. At this point, she didn't know what was going on between them, but for the moment she was content with just this. She closed her eyes and focused on the heat radiating from Sean's body into hers through the chill evening air. She also breathed in deeply, savoring his smell. She couldn't quite specify what it was, but she liked it and she breathed deeply and smiled.

"Taylor?" His deep voice reverberated in his chest and Taylor could feel the vibrations.

"Mmm?" She responded, too content to be particularly verbose.

"Do you think…" Sean's voice trailed off, and then he started again. "What do you think is going on between us?"

It was a question Taylor didn't want to hear, and she was silent for a few minutes, not wanting to answer. She didn't know the answer, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to look for one.

"I'm sorry, I guess this is a really bad time. I mean, obviously you're pretty unstable right now, that was really selfish of me."

"No, no, it's not your fault. I mean…well, I guess it's a question that needs to be asked. What do you think about it?"

In his turn, Sean was quite for a moment. At great length, he said, "Well, if I was going to be honest, I'd say that I'd really like you to be more than just a friend. But I also understand that you're going through a rough patch in your life, and you might not be ready for that kind of thing – if you even feel the same way about me, that is. I don't want to impose anything on you."

Taylor swallowed hard. She's always had a very hard time conversing about her feelings, especially when it came to things like this. Not that she'd had much experience with it. She had dated for a couple months a muggle boy who lived next to her, but nothing serious. The boy was too clingy and wanted too much dedication and commitment from Taylor that she wasn't willing and ready to give him. He also asked too many questions about herself and her mom. But was she ready now? She had to admit to herself that she _had _been feeling things for Sean for a while now. And it was a different situation, maybe she could date him. But was she ready? Was she in a bad place in her life to even be thinking about it with all the other things she was dealing with?

Sean let go of her suddenly, and Taylor realized she had stalled for too long.

"Sorry," he grunted. He thought that her answer was no. And in that moment, she realized that she did want to be with him.

"No, wait," she said, turning around to see him beginning to walk away. Immediately he turned to look at her, raising his head to look her hopefully in the eyes. "I," she blushed hard. "I do like you, Sean, of course I'd like to be more than just friends." She babbled quickly. Sean's face lit up as he smiled.

"Really?" He asked, stepping closer to her.

Taylor felt like her smile was going to crack her face it was so big, she felt so happy and light-hearted at the moment that she thought it was a wonder she was still firmly planted on the ground.

"Yeah," she said, grinning. There was an awkward second while they stared at each other, and then Taylor said, "Want to continue our walk?"

"Of course," Sean said, and reaching out to take hold of her hand, they started off around the edge of the lake, their shadows rippling blackly across the surface of the lake.

**A/N: Awww, how cute! Hope you enjoyed. Please review, I'd love to hear what some of you think. Is the story crap, suggestions to make it better, I'd like to hear anything!**


	21. Chess

**A/N: Here's Chapter 21! Hope people have time to read this, as I think everyone is on winter break now. I have off until mid January, so I'll be trying to get more chapters up soon.**

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**Chess**

Taylor's good mood as a result of Sean asking her out lasted only momentarily. As soon as the first bright glow of happiness in her stomach began to fade, her mood rapidly spiraled downhill. She spent most of her time either sitting in her dormitory or walking around the grounds when she wasn't in class. Not even being able to concentrate long enough to finish her homework, her grades began to spiral down with her mood. Sean could not figure out what the problem was, constantly demanding if it was something he had done or said that was making her this upset. Taylor always insisted that it had nothing to do with him. In truth, she didn't really know herself what was the problem. It seemed like she had become so used to depression, it was her natural state of mind, rather than being happy. She had also stopped eating again. An apple here and there, enough yogurt to keep her going, and many, many cups of black coffee were what she ingested. Sean was worried about this too. Taylor was running more than ever now, often getting up early to run, and sometimes staying up late to run. Her sleep was a disaster. When she was able to sleep, which was a rare occasion, she constantly dreamed of seeing her dad and being able to do absolutely nothing about it to help him, always awaking upset and agitated. Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Hermione could not do anything, even though Sean had cornered Ginny several times and demanded that she help her ailing friend. On those times, Ginny had glared hard at him and told him that if he thought that she wasn't doing everything in her power to try and help Taylor, he was a buffoon and not worth anyone's time, to which Sean had politely agreed, not wishing to cause any more of a disturbance than necessary.

"Taylor!" Ginny cried, walking over to her friend's four-poster bed. "It's time to get up, want to go down to breakfast?" There was no answer, so Ginny yanked back the curtains. The bed was empty, only her covers piled on her bed. Ginny sighed and sat down hard on the bed. She didn't know what to do; she was at a complete loss. Nothing seemed to be helping Taylor, she hadn't even mentioned her father in a week. Putting her head in her hands, Ginny rubbed hard at her eyes, making little lights pop in her head. She had thought about going to Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore, but she didn't want Taylor to think that she was butting into her life.

_Although her life damn well needs butting into, _Ginny thought. Agitated, she stood up and walked gloomily out of the door and down the stairs into the Common Room. It appeared to be empty at first, most people still in bed, and those who were up were down at breakfast, until she saw Harry sitting in the corner in an armchair, knees pulled up to his chest and staring out into space. It was such a vulnerable position for him to be in, Ginny had never seen him like this. Carefully, she picked her way through the room towards him.

"Harry?" She asked softly, getting no response. "Harry?" She tried again, louder this time. Still Harry did not respond. Lifting a hand, Ginny touched his shoulder, at which point he jumped and let out a squawk of surprise.

"Sorry to scare you," Ginny said. "Are you doing ok?" Harry stared blankly at her, and then shifted his gaze once again onto the distant nothing, giving his head a sort of nod and a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders. Immediately alarm bells went off in Ginny's head. Harry did not just shrug his shoulders when asked if he was ok, he had always insisted that he was fine, even when he wasn't.

"Harry, what's wrong?" She demanded, trying to sound soft, which she wasn't used to being, and at the same time worried, which she was. Harry sighed, looking up into Ginny's eyes.

"I don't know…" His voice trailed off. "It's like Taylor's mood is infectious and I caught the disease," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. "It's no big deal, I'll be better in a bit, I'm just feeling fairly melancholy right now."

Ginny sat down on the arm of his chair. "Perfectly understandable," she said. "I feel kind of the same way…I just know that I have to be strong, because I know that somewhere along the line, Taylor is going to snap, and it won't be pretty when she does. I'm hoping to hopefully mellow it out as much as possible, but she won't let me – or anyone – help her." Harry nodded.

"I miss Sirius," he croaked, and Ginny knew that he had just admitted his real reason for being upset. Suddenly she felt sympathy poor over her towards Harry. She awkwardly hugged him (being seated on the arm of his chair made it rather hard) and ran her fingers soothingly through his hair like her mum did when any of her children were upset.

"I know," Ginny whispered. "It must be so hard for you, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help…I know he was the only family you had left, and he was jerked so unkindly from your life."

Harry nodded jerkily again. "Actually, I'm kind of mad a Taylor. I know she probably can't help the funk she's in, but I wish that we could be working harder on this whole thing; I desperately want to see Sirius again. I…" His voice broke off, and Ginny saw a tear squeeze out from his eye and trickle down his cheek. She took her thumb and gently wiped it away.

"I feel bad, I know it's not Taylor's fault that she's falling apart at the seams, but I still have this anger at her. I know it's horrible, I'm such a bad person, she's in such a bad place, she doesn't deserve this anger…"

"Harry, you are not a bad person." Ginny insisted, taking his hand and beginning to massage it, kneading and rubbing, this always made her feel calmer when her mother did this. "I know I feel a bit angry at Taylor too. I wish there was some way we could snap her out of it."

"Do you think we should talk to Professor Dumbledore or McGonagall?" Harry asked.

Ginny paused. She did think that they should. "Not yet. We should give her a while to try and figure this out on her own. I don't want her to get mad at me for butting into her life."

"Yeah, you're right. I just hope she figures this out before too long. I can't take much more of this. I dream of the night Sirius died every night. She didn't even see that."

"Do Ron and Hermione know that you keep having these nightmares?" Ginny asked, studying Harry's face. He looked away from her.

"No," he mumbled. "They always get so tied up about me. I don't want to be another burden on their plates."

Ginny nodded. She often felt the same way at home. With all her brothers being into one thing or another, always in some kind of trouble, especially Fred and George, she had taken to not really telling her parents when she was having problems. She just didn't want to overwhelm them further than they already were.

They sat in silence for a little while, Ginny still rubbing Harry's hand, dimly aware that she was sitting with her long time crush touching his hand. But there seemed to be more pressing matters than that on hand.

Suddenly, Harry asked, "Do you want to play chess?" Ginny looked up at him.

"Sure," she nodded.

"Ok, hang on, I have to go get my board," Harry said, and looking much better, sprang out of his chair and up into the boys dormitory. A few moments later, he came pounding back down the stairs, clutching the board in one hand and a small box containing the pieces in the other.

He plopped down into his chair again, and Ginny obligingly got off the arm of the chair and grabbed a nearby table, which she pulled over, and then sat on the ground opposite Harry.

"Hang on," Harry said again, going a bit red. "You can't sit on the floor, here take my seat," and he bounced up, offering Ginny his chair. Ginny cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Always the Gentlemen, eh, Harry?" She asked, but she smiled and took the seat anyway, her heart pounding a little faster than normal. Maybe, just maybe the Boy Who Lived was coming around to her.

_Don't get your hopes up, _said a voice in her head, _he's probably just being a gentlemen. _

_Don't be like that, _Ginny replied, _I was enjoying the thought._

"White or black?" Harry asked, tipping the box over and the pieces spilled out on to the board, which Harry had already placed on the table between them.

"Black," Ginny said.

"You don't want to go first?" Harry asked.

"Na, you forget, I'll beat the stuffing out of you whenever I start."

"According to…?" Harry asked, eyebrows raised.

Ginny grinned, "You forget, once again, I'm the little sister of the boy who got past McGonagall's giant chessboard."

"Ah," Harry said, "I did forget. I suppose I'm in to get my ass whooped, aren't I?"

Ginny's smile broadened, "You bet you are."

Later on in the game, one of Ginny's Pawn's inched forward towards Harry's Bishop as she egged it on.

"No!" Harry shouted, trying to bat it away. "Not my Bishop! Not with a Pawn!"

Ginny giggled and swatted Harry's hand away, "Sorry, next time you'd better wake up earlier if you want to win!" But she couldn't help feeling a slight swoop in her stomach as her skin brushed against Harry's. Their eyes met briefly and Harry gave her a grin that Ginny felt was totally disconnected from their game.

Ginny had soon captured many of Harry's figures and was nearing a check mate. At one point Harry threw his hands up in the air.

"Ah," he exclaimed, "You Weasley's! Why do I ever even try to play against you?"

"It's good for the Boy Who Lived to get beat now and then, it will keep your head from growing too big." Harry prodded a Castel forward and immediately one of Ginny's Knights jumped on him.

"Check Mate," Ginny grinned. Harry examined the board. It was a legitimate check mate.

"Alright, alright," Harry said, but he was grinning too. "You win." Ginny could feel herself beginning to drown in his smile

"What's Ginny won now?" Came a voice from behind Harry and they both jumped.

"Ah, Ron, Hermione" Harry said, suddenly looking really guilty. Ginny felt a swoop somewhere in the pit of her stomach. "Ginny just won at chess," he gestured towards the board.

"Well, is that any surprise?" Ron asked, prodding a first year out of nearby chair and pulling it over to join Harry and Ginny.

"So, guess what?" Hermione asked, perching herself very uncharacteristically on the arm of Ron's chair, like Ginny had on Harry's some time earlier.

"What?" Ginny asked.

"That Ancient Runs exam that I thought I bombed, I actually got one hundred percent on it, although that's only because I did the extra credit, if I hadn't, I would have got a ninety eight percent." She looked genuinely put out.

"But surely, Hermione," Ginny said, "that's better than bombing it?"

"That's not the point! The point is I should have studied harder, my grades are going to crash."

"If my grades were crashing like your grades, I would be very happy," Ron pointed out. Hermione merely scowled at him.

"You don't understand," she muttered. Then she continued, "I'm spending too much time thinking about this Veil and Sirius thing. It's been the only thing I can think about for a while now. And I just can't seem to come up with a logical plan! I can't believe I'm failing this." She looked even more put out than before.

Harry scowled. "Me too. Ginny and I were just saying…" he trailed off and looked at Ginny. This was her friend; maybe he shouldn't be saying this.

"We were just saying," Ginny said and Hermione and Ron's heads snapped on to her face from Harry's, "That Taylor needs to get on it. I don't know what her problem is right now, but honestly, if she is not going to be able to pull herself together, she needs to get help."

"You're willing to just intrude upon her life like that?" Hermione asked.

"Not yet," Ginny replied gravely, shaking her head. "Not yet."

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**Hope you enjoyed! A little chemistry between Harry and Ginny. Well, if I don't update from now until Christmas, have a very merry Christmas, or whatever Holiday you celebrate!**


	22. Explanations

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! But I rather like this chapter, hope you guys do too. **

**Arainrhod: Glad you're liking my story. But this isn't supposed to be a Ginny/Sirius fic. I'm sorry, I've gotten a couple reviews about that. I think it's because the characters I picked were Ginny and Sirius for the categorization of my story. But this will probably be Ginny/Harry, I'm really sorry! But I may think about doing a Ginny/Sirius fic. **

**PocketfullofSunshine95: Thanks for the review! Taylor may begin improving sometime soon. It depends on how I'm feeling, I suppose.**

**Read and review, thanks!**

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**Explanations**

Taylor ran up the stairs to her dormitory; she had been out running around the grounds, and she needed desperately to take a shower before going to class. She bumped past Ginny as the red-head came down the stairs.

"Where…?" Ginny asked as Taylor flew past her.

"Shower!" Called Taylor over her shoulder.

Once in the bathroom, she stripped off her wet shorts and tank top, and jumped into the shower, pummeling the hot tap. It didn't work; the water came out in torrents of freezing water. Swearing, Taylor shivered and began to shower quickly. All of a sudden, a loud ringing began to sound in her ears, her head began to pound, and she was overcome by dizziness. Next thing she knew, she was sitting on the floor of the stall, the water a cascade of ice down her back. Shaking badly, she stood back on her feet and finished her shower, trying to throw off her dubious feelings. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel tightly around her, but not before she glanced at herself in the mirror. What she saw shocked her. Her hip bones protruded, she could see her ribs, and her clavicle stuck out like a knife. Her knees stuck out knobbily and her wrists here very tiny. Shaking her head, Taylor ignored it, wrapping the towel tighter around her. She wasn't really that skinny; one of the girls must have bewitched the mirror to show people skinnier than they really were.

Taylor dashed out of the bathroom, still a little shaken from passing out in the shower and the disturbing image in the mirror and quickly pulled her black school robes over her head. Just as she was grabbing her bag to dash out the door, she realized she had put them on not only back to front, but also inside out. Swearing some more, she ripped them off, turned them right side out, and pulled them back over her head on the right way. Picking up her bag, she dashed out of the door and down the stairs, at the bottom of which she smashed into someone.

Picking herself up off the floor, Taylor looked up to see Sean. She smiled, seeing him always made her a bit happier.

"Hey, there," He said, smiling at her too "Ginny told me you were up there. Need a hand up?" He asked, offering her a hand, which she took gladly, and he pulled her easily to her feet. A look of concern passed his face. "Taylor, are you doing ok? You're light as a feather. You haven't been eating much, are you feeling well?"

Taylor glanced down at her feet, the ringing beginning to pound in her head again, black dots obscuring her vision. She swayed slightly. "No, I'm not feeling all that well," she said. Sean put out a hand to stabilize her.

"Do you need to see Madame Pomfry? I'm sure she can fix you in an instant."

Taylor flared up, "So now I need fixing do I?" She demanded, scowling at him. Sean withdrew his hand slightly.

"Sorry, no, I didn't mean that, of course not, I was only saying – "

"Well, don't," Taylor said irritably, inwardly hating herself for treating him like this. A pained look shot though his beautiful blue eyes.

"Taylor, what's wrong?" He asked, taking her by the shoulders and making her face him.

"Nothing, I need to get to class," Taylor said, ducking under his arm and heading out the portrait door. Not fast enough though. As Sean watched her leave, he saw her hand come up to her face and heard a hearty sniff. He frowned after her. There was something seriously wrong with his girlfriend and he had absolutely no clue what it was, and she didn't seem about to let him in on it.

"Ginny," he muttered. He had to talk to Ginny; she would know something of what chaos was going on in Taylor's mind. He stood there for a moment longer until he realized that he was supposed to be in Potions. Grabbing his bag and cursing himself, he flung himself down the corridors and stairs to get there in time, which he didn't manage, but was only a few minutes late.

Professor Slughorn barely looked up when he entered the dungeon. Sean wasn't one of Slughorn's chosen few, and so therefore he chose to basically ignore him, which Sean wasn't about to complain about.

Taylor tapped her foot impatiently. Sean had come to class a few moments after her, looking haggard. He glanced at her, and cautiously made his way over to her, taking the seat next to hers.

"Feeling better?" He asked as he sat down, dropping his bag next to him. He noticed that her eyes were red and watery and she sniffed as though she had been crying. But she smiled, and he inwardly cheered. She was smiling at him again!

"Been better," she said wryly. Sean placed a hand on hers.

"You'll feel better; just tell me about anything, ok?" He asked. Taylor looked down at her Potions book, pretending to read, but Sean could see that her eyes weren't moving. "Please?" He begged. Slowly, very slowly, he saw her nod her head the tiniest bit. He was satisfied. Maybe he would be getting some answers now.

But after Potions they had a free break, and Taylor insisted that she needed to finish some homework. She looked exhausted and Sean knew she hadn't been sleeping or doing homework, so he left her alone and searched for Ginny.

He found her sitting with Harry Potter, and his two friends, whom Sean was pretty sure were called Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. He hesitated, not sure if he could talk to Ginny in front of them. He cleared his throat anxiously. "Ah, Ginny?" He asked and the red head looked up at him. He thought he saw a moments realization dawn on her face. "Can I er, talk to you?" Sean asked awkwardly. Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked up. "Er, in private, I guess?" He asked, wishing Ginny would say something.

Ginny closed the book that she had been reading and looked at him. "Is this about Taylor?" she asked. Sean nodded. "It's ok," Ginny said, "Harry, Hermione and my brother are kind of in on this."

"You mean she's told _them _something, and she hasn't even told me anything?" Sean demanded, feeling hurt. He _was _going out with her, didn't that merit him anything in Taylor's eyes? Apparently it did not.

"Well, yes," Ginny said kindly, "but she only did because I made her. She didn't want to tell them. It's…relevant."

"And I'm not relevant to her?" Sean exclaimed, feeling even more hurt.

"Sean, you have to understand." Ginny was holding out her hand imploringly. "Here, please sit down."

"No, thank you," Sean said stiffly.

Ginny sighed. "Sean, this is very personal for Taylor, I don't think I can disclose it to you without her permission. If she hasn't told you…" she trailed off at the look on his face. "She's going through a really rough patch." She looked around at the others. "Well, we all kind of are."

"She's a feather," Sean croaked. "She doesn't weigh anything. I know she runs all the time, but I can't get her to stop, and I can't get her to eat. She cries all the time and I know she doesn't sleep and her grades are dropping lower than mine. There's something majorly wrong with her. She needs help. She's going to go bonkers on us." He hadn't meant to say it, and was horrified that it had slipped out.

"I mean," he said, trying to amend what he had said, "if she's not sleeping…well, lack of sleep can lead to insanity. Literally. I don't want that, I don't think any of you do. We have to do something for her."

"We have to let her try and figure this out by herself," Harry said. Sean scowled at him. He barely knew Potter, why was he talking to him like this?

"She's killing herself!" He practically shouted, earning glances from around the common room. "She practically fainted on me this morning. She's sick!"

"I know," Ginny sighed. "Won't you please sit down?" Sean huffed and threw himself down on the floor.

"Is it me?" He demanded. He needed to know. Ginny looked shocked.

"No, no, no," she said quickly, "it's definitely not you, definitely not at all, she really likes you, you know. No, it's something totally different."

"And I suppose I'm just not allowed in on this little secret?" Cried Sean. "I'm her effing boyfriend. I care about her too! I want her to be well! I asked out a pretty girl with fire and humor, not a wasting away, withering up, shell of a girl!" He was getting desperate. Did they not understand? He cared about Taylor.

Ginny sighed again. "Sean, if you want to know anything, I have to say that you have to ask her. It's up to her to tell you."

"But she won't tell me anything!" Sean outbursted. Ginny gave him a look. "Fine!" He bellowed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm leaving." And with that, he stood up and strode out of the portrait hole.

Sean didn't see Taylor in the Great Hall at lunch, or in the rest of her classes all day. Feeling scared, he was worrying about her, he began to search the school. Finally he found her tucked away in a corner in the library, head on her arms, parchment strewn all around, sleeping soundly.

"Tay," he said softly, sitting down in the chair next to her and shaking her shoulder, trying not to wince at how frail it was. She didn't move. "Tay," he said again, shaking her harder.

"Moonstone doesn't have the ability to enhance hallucinations," Taylor said, and then promptly woke up, looking blearily up at Sean. Immediately her face fell and she began to cry. Sean scooted his chair closer to her and drew her small frame into his lap, stroking her hair.

"Sshh, shh," he murmured, "it's going to be alright." In fact, he didn't think anything was going to be alright, but he thought that wasn't the right thing to say to a distraught girl. They sat like that for a moment, and then Sean said, "Will you please tell me what's going on Tay? I'm worried to death about you, and you won't tell me anything." Taylor clung to his shirt and continued to cry. Hating himself for saying it, Sean continued, "Tay, I'm afraid if you don't tell me what's going on, I can't be with you, it's hurting me too much to watch you." This brought Taylor's head whipping up, her brown eyes staring into his. Her face crumpled.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She looked around as though making sure they were alone, and then drew a shaky breath. "You should know…" she looked around again.

"We're all alone, if that's what's bothering you," Sean said.

Taylor nodded. "Well," she began, "I guess I should start off by saying that it's my father." Sean looked questioningly at her; she had never before mentioned her father at all. "He well, he died." Sean nodded, this was definitely cause for distress, but Taylor pressed on. "He was, he was Sirius Black." Sean's eyes widened at that. "But you know he's innocent, right? You saw that in the newspapers?" Taylor asked, and Sean nodded.

"Well, you know then that Bellatrix Lestrange killed him, right?" He nodded again. But this happened last semester, why was Taylor continuing to get worse and worse now? "Well, he didn't really die." Sean looked at her incredulously. "See," Taylor said, desperate to get it all out not that she had started. "There's this archway in the Ministry of Magic, I, I forget what it's called at the moment…" for a second her face was blank and confused, as thought trying hard to remember something.

"Anyway, the spell Belatrix Lestrange shot at him knocked him through this archway. It's like a passage way between the land of the living and the land of the dead. But Sirius passed through it alive. So he didn't die, he's just…floating around in between worlds." Sean looked at her curiously, trying to fathom what she was saying. What did she mean by this?

"I'm trying to bring him back," Taylor finished in a whisper. Sean looked completely taken aback.

"But that must be magic way beyond NEWT levels!" He protested. "This isn't healthy, you shouldn't be doing this."

"I shouldn't?" Taylor asked him softly. "I shouldn't be trying to get my own father back?" Sean dropped his head.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I didn't mean – "

"That's alright," Taylor said, taking his hand and squeezing it. It was the first time she had been affectionate in days. "But yes, it is very complicated."

"And you told Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but not me?" He asked. Taylor hung her head.

"I told Ginny because she found me out, and then she insisted that I had to tell Harry because Sirius was his godfather, and telling Harry is the same as telling Ron and Hermione…" She looked up at him, her eyes begging. "But I see now that I should have told you. I need all the support I can get."

"Well, I'll do my best to be all the support you need," Sean said, hugging her tightly to him, and breathing into her hair. Taylor snuggled into his chest. He wanted to ask her about her health, tell her to stop being so harsh to her body, but he felt like they had delved enough into her emotional state today, and was grateful that she had opened up to him. At least he knew what was going on now.

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	23. Falling Apart

**A/N: Sorry Taylor's falling apart so bad. She'll pull herself together. **

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: Glad you like Sean, he's really growing on me, too. I wish I could have him for a boyfriend. Ha, that's probably why he is the way he is.**

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**Falling Apart**

Taylor stood in her room. It was well past midnight, around 2:30 the clock down in the Common Room had read. She had just spent hours down there, staring into the fire. She had no energy, no motivation, nothing. She felt like an empty shell. After standing meaninglessly, aimlessly in the middle of the dormitory for a while, she decided to take a shower. Walking into the bathroom, she closed the door softly behind her and flicked on the lights. In the corner was a large bathtub with clawed feet. Shivering – she was always cold lately – she decided that a hot bath would be nicer than a shower. And besides, if she was already lying down, she didn't have to worry about passing out in the shower.

_But you might pass out and drown, _a small voice in her head said.

_Do I care? _Asked another voice, one that had been growing increasingly louder all the time. _Do I really care if I pass out and drown?_

The first voice was quiet, and Taylor was a little unnerved. She hoped she cared if she drowned…didn't she? Shaking her head, she realized she didn't know what she cared about anymore. Right now all she cared about was a hot bath. She slipped out of her robes, letting them fall to the ground in a black heap. Drawing in a shaky breath, she turned slowly to face the mirror. She was once again surprised by what she saw. She didn't see fat, she truly saw all her bones. And she looked younger, she looked like a little girl, having lost all signs of hips and most of her breasts. Taylor's skin was sallow, and there were dark marks underneath her eyes, which were red from crying and lack of sleep. She brought her hands up to her eyes and rubbed them.

"Take care of yourself, now, dear," the mirror said breathily, and Taylor jumped.

"I am taking care of myself," she snapped, and the mirror harrumphed.

"Because you are oh so healthy right now," it wheezed.

"Shut it," Taylor snapped again and turned her back on it, walking over to the large bath tub, kneeling down next to it. She turned on the faucet and made sure that the water was hot before she started filling up the tub. Finding a bottle of scarlet bubble bath stamped with the Hogwart's crest on it on the floor next to the tub, she turned it upside down and watched as the red liquid poured into the tub. Magically there were instant bubbles, large and red and shiny, and the tub smelled wonderful. Breathing deeply, Taylor pulled herself to her feet and then stepped into the filled tub, turning off the tap. She sat down slowly, sliding down until her chin was resting just above the bubbles. The heat of the water felt amazing, it seemed to relax her as she hadn't been relaxed in a long time. Closing her eyes, Taylor let her mind wander, only to find that she couldn't think. Her brain seemed to have shut down. She tried, and failed, to remember what had gone on in her classes that day. She was sure she had gone to class, but she couldn't remember a single thing. She would have to go over her notes…if she had taken notes. She had taken notes, hadn't she? Maybe she hadn't. Certain that she was going to fail, Taylor once again felt dismay wash over her. Why couldn't she do anything right anymore? Nothing. Nothing ever worked out for her anymore; she was even beginning to fail at Charms. All of the teachers were asking her if she was ok, and she was spending more and more time out of class. Not ditching, just unable to muster the energy to go to class. She was numb and sad. More than sad, she thought, snorting a little. Way more than sad, it scared her how deep she was in depression. She felt like she couldn't move. It didn't help that the trio and Ginny were pressing her to start advancing with figuring out Sirius's situation again, and Sean was always asking her if there was anything he could do to help. She felt like yelling, _yes, yes, make it all stop, make it go away!_ But when she asked herself what she wanted to stop, she could barely come up with an answer. The best she could come up with was the throbbing pain that was constricting her lungs, making her breathe shallowly and slowly, the tears that came unbidden at any time now, the racing thoughts about how she would never be good enough, the ache inside her that wanted to pull herself together but for some reason could not. Taylor sighed, and a few of the bubbles in front of her took off into the air.

The warmth of the bath was soothing to her, and she felt her heat beat slow down and began to take deep breaths, feeling like she might be able to face the world again. Maybe. But then another rush of emotion washed over her, and in despair, she took a deep breath, and Taylor sank even lower in the tub, trying to disappear into the foamy bubbles. A few tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. Glowering moodily at the wall opposite her, Taylor took her hand and began tracing absent-minded patterns in the bubbles.

Slowly the bubbles began to disappear. They lasted much longer than normal bubbles would have, but in the end, she knew they would leave. The water was getting cold, too. Trying to hold back more tears, Taylor contemplated getting out of the tub. Why did everything make her cry nowadays? Frustrated and angry, she rubbed her eyes hard, dismissing the tears.

Suddenly she began to feel severely uncomfortable, and no longer wished to relax in the tub. Getting out, she stepped carefully on the rug next to the tub and began to drain the bath tub. Squeezing the water out of her hair into the water swirling down the drain, she began to feel slightly nauseated. She was shaking violently, and her stomach was killing her. She grabbed her head, watching as the bathroom tipped ominously. And then she bolted for the toilet, where she dry heaved. There was nothing in her stomach to bring up. Crying, Taylor lay curled around the toilet, wishing that the world would end, she was so sick of it, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Hello?" A voice came from the other side of the door, and Taylor muffled her sobs. "Are you ok in there?" It was one of the girls in her dormitory.

Drawing a deep breath, pulling herself into a kneeling position, and willing herself not to heave again, she stammered, "Ye- yes, I'm fine. Just taking a – a bath."

"Oh. ok." Silence. "Are you sure you're ok? You sounded like you were being sick. Do you want me to get Professor McGonagall?"

_God, no, not Professor McGonagall, _Taylor thought, _if anyone finds out what a mess I am right now, I'll be in for it for good._

"No, no," Taylor insisted. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a second. Just taking a bath."

"OK," and Taylor heard the padding of feet walking away from the door. Lying back down at the base of the toilet and holding her stomach, Taylor grimaced. It was a mark of how bad she felt that she didn't mind being curled on the floor of a bathroom at the base of a toilet. She felt like she was sliding in and out of consciousness, the scarlet tiled floor sometimes blurry in front of her, and then going blurrier until the scarlet faded into black. She didn't know how long she would stay unconscious for, and then slowly the scarlet tiles came back into a hazy focus. Her head was hammering, her heart pounding uncomfortably in her ears, and she felt an odd, tingly sensation in her feet and hands.

_Maybe I'm cracking, _Taylor thought grimly, _Maybe I am finally losing my mind. If this is insanity…_Her thought trailed off. If she was going insane, that was a big problem. Maybe she did need help. But no, she couldn't ask. She had to be strong. She could make it through this. She was just being weak. Realizing that she was shivering and shaking and still wet, Taylor got up to wrap a towel around her. She stood there in the bathroom for a long time, clutching the towel around her, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. Why was everything so _wrong?_

"There, there, dear," crooned the mirror, "everything will be alright, just you see. Don't worry about it now."

Taylor didn't know if she wanted to hug the mirror for being kind or smash it for intruding.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	24. Ancient Runes and Sneers

**A/N: Hello there, I am so sorry about the long wait for the update. I have no excuse besides lack of ideas…writer's block. It sucks. I don't like this chapter very much, but I have another one coming up (I'm in the middle of writing it) that I like a lot better, and I have a nice idea for another one. So hopefully there'll be quicker updates!**

**PocketfullOfSunshine95: When I first read your review I thought you said "offended" instead of "affected" and I was really very sorry. But then I read it again. And I am glad that you got the feeling out of it, I know it wasn't very long. And another thanks to you: you're the only one who has stuck with me from the beginning, and I really appreciate that!**

**Ancient Runes and Sneers **

Ginny sat in the back of her Ancient Runs class room, absently twirling her wand in her left hand and scribbling with her quill on the desk with her right hand. She didn't really know anybody in this class and therefore didn't really have anyone to talk to. She dipped her quill back in her ink and returned it to the table where she continued her scratching. Glancing down she saw that she had been embellishing the letters HP. Even though nobody could see (she was sitting at the back and nobody was near her) she blushed deeply and glanced around, covering the two letters up with her hand. She hadn't acted so childishly in a long time. She had gotten over her silly little crush on Harry forever ago. But her blush deepened as she remembered their chess game and the little less than innocent hand brush, Harry's deep green eyes, those beautiful, captivating eyes engulfing her…Ginny shook her head. She needed to really start paying attention in her classes, she was spending so much time dwelling on this now.

_Harry is not interested, _she told herself firmly, forcing herself to scratch out the two pretty letters scratched into her desk, resisting the urge to add the letters GW. She blushed again at the thought. Where were these thoughts coming from? She had left her feelings for Harry in the past. Well…not that she had ever exactly given up on him, but she had certainly left these silly things behind. They were so girlish. Writing his initials on a desk! Honestly! What had become of her? Taylor would scoff. Or would she? Maybe she wouldn't now, actually, that she was involved with Sean. Ginny smiled to herself, thank God Sean had stepped in and scooped up Taylor, that poor girl needed all the help she could get, and Ginny had to admit that the boy was enthralled with Taylor. Like she was still enthralled with Harry.

_Bad, Ginny, bad, _Ginny told herself firmly. _Do not think that._

_But it's so hard, _said a different part of her. _He's just so…likeable. Fuck, he's had my heart since before I even saw him. Is that such a bad thing?_

_Yes, it is, _said the other part of her. _He will never like you. You're just his best friend's little sister. He could never like you. _

Ginny sighed. Unfortunately that voice was right. She would never be liked by the famous Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived.

"Miss Wealsey," a voice cracked through her thoughts. Ginny snapped her head up to see who was talking to her. Her Ancient Runes teacher was looking at her with a beady eye – along with the rest of the class. She felt a blush creep up her neck to her face and then spread to her ears.

"Yes, Professor?" Ginny asked, hoping that it hadn't been too long that the Professor had been trying to get her attention.

Apparently it had been a while that he had been trying to get her attention for he sighed and shook his head. Ginny felt herself blushing deeper.

"Would you mind translating this passage for us, Miss Weasley," he asked, tapping his wand on the chalk board at the symbols scribbled there.

Ginny squinted at the board, she was in the back and it was difficult to make out the odd scratches.

"Um…" she said, trying to bide herself some time, she honestly hadn't paid attention in this class for a while. She recognized one symbol: it meant "hunting"…and those meant "witch" and "wizard".

Ginny decide to take a stab at it. "A witch um…hunt is a search for witches or er…evidence of witchcraft, often involving muggles giving over to mass hysteria, moral panic and mob um…lynching. Women were in more danger than men. The classical period of witch hunts in Europe falls into the Early Modern Period, about 1480 to 1700, spanning the er…classical, no. Um…similar, no. Sorry, Professor, that's as far as I can go," Ginny finished lamely.

The Professor gazed at her for a second, tapping his wand in his hand before nodding his head. "Very well, Miss Weasley, that was acceptable. Who would like to finish the translation?"

One of the Ravenclaws in the front row thrust her hand into the air and Ginny rolled her eyes. _Show off, _she thought. The Ravenclaw read the rest of the passage at top speed, hardly taking a breath, and earned her house ten points. Ginny rolled her eyes again before sinking back into thought.

Finally the bell rang, and Ginny sprang out of her chair, slammed her copy of Translating the Runes of Ancient Times into her bag along with all of her notes and hurried out of the classroom. _Bloody class, _she thought as she dashed down the hallway to the Great Hall for lunch. Suddenly something caught her around the ankles and she went sprawling across the floor, sliding along a few feet on her stomach, her bag emptying its contents all over as it too skidded along. Looking up she saw Malfoy lower his wand.

"Trip Jinx, Little Weasel," he sneered and then walked off. Cursing Malfoy, Ginny scrambled to find her wand but by the time she had found it amongst the debris of her schoolbag, Malfoy had disappeared.

"Don't worry about Malfoy," a voice said, "He's just an abnormally large git."

Ginny looked up and her heart plummeted and the color in her cheeks rose a couple degrees. There stood Harry. Had he seen the whole thing?

"Here, let me help you," he said, dropping to his knees and beginning to pick up all of her books and placing them back in her bag.

"Thanks," Ginny said, beginning to help him, shuffling her parchment into order.

"Are you ok?" Harry asked, looking at her intently. When Ginny looked back a slight tinge appeared in his cheeks too and he quickly looked away. She laughed.

"Of course I'm alright, I only tripped." She was trying to sound confident and sure of herself, even though inside her heart was pounding.

Harry grinned. "Of course. May I help you up?" He asked, standing up and extending his hand to Ginny who was still on the cold floor. Ginny grinned and took his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. They were standing very close, Ginny could see the patterns in Harry's eyes quite clearly. She quickly took a couple steps backwards, blushing.

"Thanks," she said, picking up her bag.

"Mind if I walk down to lunch with you?" Harry asked, Ginny nodded and they fell into step together. Ginny's thoughts dashed around in a mad effort to try to find something to say to Harry.

"So, how are you doing?" She asked. Lame, how lame was that? Very lame.

Harry smiled, "I'm doing alright, better than I was in the Common Room a couple of days ago when we played chess. Good game by the way."

"Thanks," Ginny grinned. "You fought well; you just can't beat a Weasley."

"Oh, someday I will, mark my words," Harry said.

"In your dying day, dear Harry," Ginny laughed, wincing a little inwardly at calling him "dear".

"Dear, now am I?" Harry joked, punching Ginny on the arm.

Ginny made sappy, doe eyes at him, "Yes, my hunny bunches of sweetums," she cooed sarcastically. Harry laughed.

Together they walked down a flight of stairs, laughing and joking all the way. Inside, Ginny was glowing with happiness. She was having an actual, extended conversation with _THE _Harry Potter, and not making a fool of herself.

Still two floors above the Great Hall, Harry interrupted their conversation about Quidditch. "Ginny?"

Ginny stopped mid-ramble. _Fuck, I've gone on too long, he thinks I'm annoying, _she thought. "Yeah?" She asked, discretely crossing her fingers behind her back.

"I'm still thinking a lot about this whole Sirius thing." Ginny would have let out a sigh of relief that that was the problem not her, if the subject hadn't been so intense. The smile slowly faded off her face, to be replaced with an expression of worry.

"Me too, but I can't think of anything else to do. The Room of Requirement didn't work, something about it was wrong, but I don't understand _what _was wrong, you know? And Taylor said that Dumbledore wanted her to do this because she was the only one who could. Something to do with blood – relations. But I don't understand that. We could all see Sirius on Halloween, so it's not that. And we could talk to him. I just can't understand what it is that Taylor can do that we can't."

Harry mmhmmed, staring ahead of him down the corridor. "I miss him so much, Ginny. I really do. Every time I think that maybe, just maybe, I might see him again, my stomach knots up and I feel like crying and laughing and shouting all at the same time. I just want this so badly."

"I know you do, Harry," Ginny said, resting her hand comfortingly on Harry's arm. "We all want this to work, but it seems like it's up to Taylor to do this. I just wish I could figure out what it is that she can do."

"We're repeating ourselves," Harry said, smiling slightly.

Ginny grinned reluctantly. "I think that's because there's nothing else to say. What else can we say on the matter? We've already beaten the subject to a pulp. I just can't come up with anything else to say."

"I know," Harry sighed, "I know. It's just every time I think that he might come back, that I might be able to see him again, maybe even live with him someday, I get all flustered. I get so excited. It makes me nervous. I want more than anything else in this world to bring him back. It's really hard too, because I was just finally beginning to accept that he was really gone, and now it's shoved in my face that he might come back. It is so strong, Ginny; I want to work this out so bad." He looked over at Ginny and blushed. "Sorry, I was rambling," he said.

"Don't apologize, Harry. You need to talk about this. I know you do, and I will listen to anything you need to talk about. I will always be here for you, I hope you know that."

Harry was suddenly possessed with the urge to envelope Ginny in a tight hug, or at the very least take hold of her hand and squeeze it.

_You can't Harry, _he told himself. _She's Ron's sister. She's out of bounds. _

_But, _said a different voice, _what harm could a friendly hug do? _The other voice did not answer. Harry was completely torn. He settled on touching her shoulder hesitantly.

"Thanks Ginny," he said. "That really means a lot to me."

Ginny smiled and looked up at him. And before either of them knew what was going on, she had wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug, resting her head on Harry's chest. Harry stood flabbergasted for a bit, and then returned the hug, hugging Ginny tight to him.

"Always, Harry," Ginny said into his chest.

"Oh look, it's Potty and the little Weasel," said a sneering voice and Ginny and Harry broke apart to see Malfoy walking towards them.

"Nobody wants to see that," he sneered.

"Malfoy!" Harry exclaimed. "Where are you doing here?"

"You don't own the castle Potty, I'm allowed to walk down this corridor." And with that, he pushed past them and continued down the hall.

"I swear," Ginny muttered, unconsciously flexing her hands as they urged to grab hold of her wand. "Sometimes I just want to curse him into oblivion."

"I hear you," Harry said as they both watched Malfoy's retreating back.

After glowering at the place where he had disappeared around the corner for a while, Harry said, "Well, no use just standing here. Let's get going." And they finished their walk down to the Great Hall for lunch in silence, each brooding on the questions whirring around in their confused heads.


	25. The Unknown Forest

**A/N: Like I said, here's my next update, probably the fastest I've updated ever! I know this chapter is kind of strange…kind of Lion-the-Witch-and-the-Wardrobe type, but it came out so I posted it. **

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: I'm glad you're a Ginny-Harry shipper. I hadn't been planning on putting it in the story, but it came out, so there you are. And I've had some people who thought it was going to be a Ginny-Sirius fic, so I'm glad you like this paring. **

**The Unknown Forest**

Taylor hadn't been down to dinner. Again. It was becoming routine. She just didn't feel like eating dinner. She didn't feel like eating. In the back of her mind she had a vague sense that she was doing damage to her body, but she was so preoccupied that the thought never really made it into the forefront of her consciousness. Instead she stayed up in the Common Room, which was temporarily empty. It was nice like this, not having to pretend to be ok and all around everybody else. Now she could just sit there and brood, or do whatever she felt like doing. All of a sudden, she decided she fancied a walk around the castle. Grabbing an extra sweater – the hallways were always drafty and she was always cold lately – she stooped out of the portrait hole and down the corridor away from the Gryffindor Common Room.

Pulling the sweater over her head, she meandered down the hallways, taking a random turn left and continued down the passage way. There was a staircase, and deciding to take it, she placed her foot upon the bottommost step. Immediately the staircase began to shift, and she grabbed onto the railing for balance. When the staircase had stopped moving, Taylor looked back behind her towards the corridor she had been walking down, and then up to the top of the stairway. Deciding she'd go with the unknown, she began to climb up the stairway. When she reached the top, she found herself in the middle of a hall way that was completely empty. She looked around, feeling a little let down; she had been hoping for something exciting.

Taylor climbed up the last stair and stepped out into the corridor. As though it had known she was coming and was prepared for her, instantly the hall way was flooded with a dull, orange glow that lit the hall way in a soothing manner. Musing that her favorite color was orange, she decided she liked the place, Taylor took another couple of steps down the hall way, waiting for something else to happen. When nothing did, she felt severely disappointed. She didn't know what she had expected, but it had been something a bit more exciting than this.

And then, much to her surprise, slowly a door began to appear in the wall right in front of her. The door was tall and into its dark, polished wood was carved scenes of fauns dancing in meadows, dwarves dining in great underground tunnels, elves running lightly through the forest, centaurs gazing intently towards the starry heavens, and fairies dancing among the flowers. Taylor stood, staring at the door, for a moment too absorbed in the details etched into the door to actually open it.

Overcoming her fascination, she reached for the handle on the door, which was gleaming gold and shaped like a lion's head. She grasped it and turned it.

Sunlight streamed out of the doorway, temporarily blinding Taylor as her eyes had been accustomed to the orange glow of the passage way.

She stepped through the door and without thinking, closed it behind her. As she looked around, it seemed as though she had stepped right out of the castle into a brilliant forest, positively bursting with life.

Turning to look at the door that she had walked through, Taylor saw the same door that she had seen appear in the corridor she had just left, just standing there in the middle of the air. Smiling, Taylor turned away. As she walked away from it, she stared around in awe at the amazing forest. Radiantly colored flowers were strewn across the forest floor, which was carpeted with a deep green moss which was springy underneath her feet. Great trees – their girth had to be ten feet around – rose majestically up into the sky, their branches spreading out to form a giant green canopy overhead, and sunlight slanting down in shafts from between the branches. There were glittering butterflies that flitted from flower to flower, dragonflies that zoomed around, and the birds in the trees were singing a beautiful song. It was a peaceful place, and it held an air of timelessness, as though one could spend forever there and never age a day.

Spinning around on the spot, her arms spread out to her sides and staring up into the leafy sky, Taylor laughed out loud for the first time in a very long while.

"I love Hogwarts," she said, contentedly closing her eyes and letting the soft sunlight pour inside her.

Still grinning, she resumed walking around, continually taking in her stunning surroundings. She couldn't remember feeling this happy in a long time. Her heart felt light, in fact her whole body felt light and she wouldn't have been at all surprised if she had just risen off the ground to float in the air. It was as though there was a giant bubble of happiness growing inside of her, filling her up to the brim. She felt as though she was in love with the whole world.

Taylor walked on, gazing around her. She came to a little clearing where the sun light was less filtered through the branches and shone brilliantly onto the bright green grass below. Little yellow and pink flowers dotted the mossy ground. All at once deciding, Taylor sat down right in the middle of the clearing, closing her eyes so she could take in the world around her through her other senses. Her ears were filled with the sounds the birds singing into the air, the swish of butterfly wings and the buzz of bumble bees as the busied themselves with the flowers. She felt a gentle breeze caressing her skin. She could smell the distinct scent of the flowers, and the earthy smell of the grassy and mossy ground. Taylor breathed deeply, letting herself sink into nature.

Suddenly she heard a sound that was definitely not natural – the crack of a branch. Eyes flying open, Taylor stared around, trying to find the producer of the sound. And then, there, behind a tree, almost completely out of sight, stood a woman. When the woman noticed that Taylor had seen her, she stepped forward lightly, barley seeming to touch the forest floor.

She was tall and willowy with flyaway dark brown hair in which was braided different colored flowers. Her eyes were the same deep green as the moss beneath her feet, and she was dressed in a light, flowing dress that hung from one shoulder. Taylor took in a deep breath. The woman was beautiful, and yet, while Taylor stared at her as she approached, she knew that the woman was not human. She was too…perfect.

And then the woman was standing right in front of Taylor. Suddenly feeling quite awkward, Taylor scrambled to her feet.

"Hello," the woman said in a soft sing song voice. Taylor couldn't help herself; she gaped in silence at the vision of perfection in front of her. The woman did not seem put out by Taylor's silence.

"Call me Aster," she said, in the same lilting voice. Mutely, Taylor nodded. And then, without warning, without planning it, she blurted out:

"What are you?" Promptly, Taylor blushed scarlet. "Sorry…didn't mean…too bold…offend…sorry…" And her voice trailed off.

The woman laughed, it was a bright tinkling sound that made Taylor immediately comfortable. "Do not worry; I am not offended in the slightest, dear Taylor." Taylor didn't ask how this woman knew her name; in fact it seemed almost natural. "I am a wood nymph." And with that she smiled and Taylor couldn't help but smile back at her, still speechless. The wood nymph draped a comforting arm around Taylor and she hugged the frail girl close to her.

"You're greatly troubled, aren't you hunny," she said, but it wasn't a question.

Taylor nodded and, without warning, began to cry. She was letting out all the pent up tension she had been feeling for weeks and weeks. She turned into the wood nymph and buried her head in the willowy figure's shoulder. The woman wrapped both arms around her, holding Taylor tightly.

"There, there," she murmured soothingly into Taylor's ear, "it will all be alright, just you wait and see."

Taylor looked up with tears streaking down her cheeks. "How do you know?" She hiccupped. "It's all so…difficult. And it doesn't make any sense to me. I don't know what to do about it all."

"I know, I know." And she stood there silently holding Taylor for a while longer, for as long as Taylor needed to calm down.

"Come on, follow me," said the wood nymph, taking hold of Taylor hand, who trotted behind the nymph as she headed off into the forest. After walking for a bit, they reached what must have been the oldest tree there. It was huge, and at the base of the tree was a crack big enough for a person to step through. The nymph squeezed Taylor's hand and stooped slightly and walked into the tree. Taylor followed, although she did not have to stoop, not being as tall as the nymph. When she had walked through, Taylor stared around. Inside the tree was big enough for Tralawny's whole tower room to fit in. Shafts of sunlight poured into the tree's depths, softly lighting the earthy room. There were several stools made out of tree limbs situated around the room, and the wood nymph deposited Taylor into one of them before heading off into a corner where she busied herself. When she came back she was holding two cups full of an amber liquid.

"Here, tea," she said, pressing the cup into Taylor's hand, who took it gratefully.

"Thanks," she whispered, and then, realizing she was whispering, cleared her throat and said louder, "thanks." She took a sip of her tea and immediately felt the warmth of it spreading out throughout her whole body, comforting her and calming her down.

"Not at all, not at all," sang Aster, taking her own cup and, pulling a stool closer to Taylor's, sat down upon it.

"So, how are you doing?" She asked, looking concernedly at Taylor.

"Fine," was Taylor's automatic response.

"Of course you're not fine. Tell me how you're really doing." It was not a command, but Taylor didn't think once of lying.

"Alright," she sighed, "I'm doing terrible, actually." The nymph nodded, bringing the tea cup up to her lips and sipping. Taylor did the same.

"And I know my friends are all really worried about me, and I don't mean to cause them this much trouble, but I can't seem to pull myself together."

"But they are your friends, and they accept you no matter what your feeling," said the nymph wisely.

"Yes, they do. And I love them greatly for that. They will never know how much I appreciate them for standing by me at this time in my life."

"I beg to contradict you; on the contrary I'm sure they know exactly what they mean to you, although if you feel they don't, perhaps you should tell them. People always like being told they are appreciated."

Taylor nodded. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right, that's what I do," said the wood nymph smiling. Taylor couldn't help herself and she smiled too.

"You're so sure of yourself," Taylor said. "I don't know how you do it."

"I'm just confident. It comes naturally to nymphs. We are for the most part, right about everything, so it's quite easy to be confident. For humans, on the other hand, who make blundering mistakes their entire lives, have a much harder time feeling confident in their selves."

Taylor pulled a face. "Glad to hear you're so confident in my race," she said.

Once again the nymph laughed her musical laugh. "Oh, but humans are darling creatures. They are just so adorable. Every time they screw up, they swear they learned from their lesson, but the next thing you know, they're back, screwing things up again. It's just so cute."

"I never thought as humans as being 'cute'" Taylor said and took another sip of her tea. "We're so violent most of the time. We always have wars and crap like that."

Aster's face darkened slightly for a bit. "That is true. If there is one thing humans seem completely unable to learn, it is the ability to coexist together peacefully."

"Too right you are. I find it quite despicable sometimes," Taylor said. "I just don't understand why people can't just get along, it shouldn't be that hard. Yet it always seems as though there is one person completely intent on ruining a peaceful life."

"Too true, too true. But I would like to believe that deep down, no matter how very deep down; mostly all humans have a heart that can be unburied."

There was a moment of silence, in which they each sipped their tea, and Taylor's mind whirled around trying to catch up with what was going on.

"So," she finally said, "what is this place? I've never heard about it from anybody. It's kind of like the Room of Requirement, but not at the same time. Is it always a forest or does it change like the Room of Requirement does? Do any of the other students even know about this place?"

"Hmm," murmured the nymph. "What is this place? You chose to ask a very difficult question. I'm not exactly sure what this place is, or how to describe it so you can understand it. It's only here for students who are having very big problems are present. I believe the corridor itself is only present when said student is there. Otherwise, I think this place doesn't exist."

"That explains why I've your eyes. They are – forgive me, I do not mean to be rude or anything – dull. There is a lack of light, of life, in them. I can see very clearly that you are one who has been going through some rough times. I'm right, aren't I?"

Still blushing, Taylor nodded.

never heard of it," Taylor said.

"Yes. I think it's designed to bring peace to troubled students, to attempt to bring them a little happiness, a little relief, even if it is for a very short while."

"Oh," Taylor blushed. "Is it that obvious that I'm not doing so well?" She asked, half-dreading the answer.

"To this place it is obvious. And if I may say so, your eyes say it quite plainly too. There is a light that is not in

"I'm not asking you to tell me what is going on, what is going through your mind, it is not my place to discus that with you. What I mean to do is help relax you a little, make you smile for a little while," Aster said with a smile on her own face an Taylor felt her own face cracking into a smile too.

"Well, I think it worked. I do feel calmer. Like I can actually face life now."

"Do be warned though," said the wood nymph musically, "it does not have lasting effects. It is only meant to temporarily help you; you must seek help elsewhere to continue the happiness you find here into your life outside of this place."

Taylor grimaced. "I figured there'd be some sort of catch like that. So I can't say I'm surprised. Just a little disappointed, but I know that I have to work out my own problems myself."

"There may lie the root your problem. You think you have to do everything yourself. Maybe you do not need to; maybe you can get help from your friends, maybe even your professors if your troubles are that bad. But by no means do you have to do this all yourself." Aster looked at Taylor knowingly over the rim of her tea cup.

"Ug. But I don't want to worry other people. This is my problem."

"But what you may not see, sweetheart, is that by not telling others – especially those who are close to you – you are hurting them more. You can't tell me they think you are getting along just fine and dandy."

"I don't know…" Taylor's voice trailed off. Aster gave her a look. "Oh, alright, I know they're worried about me, but I don't know what to tell them."

"Maybe it isn't so much what you tell them, as the fact that you actually tell them something."

"Damn, are you always right?" Taylor asked.

The wood nymph smiled, "We've already been over this, of course I'm always right."

Taylor sat and mulled all this over for a while, gradually drinking her tea until only the cold dregs were left swirling around at the bottom.

"So, what do you say that you head back to Hogwarts and try again?" Asked Aster, taking Taylor's tea cup over to the sink and rinsing it out.

"Well, alright," Taylor said, "but do you think I'll be able to find this place again?"

"That all depends on how you are doing. If that corridor feels as though you need this place, it will appear for you. Just be warned, it does not always appear in the same place, it can come into existence anywhere throughout the castle."

"Ok," Taylor said and together they ducked through the gap in the tree, to be blinded by the full force of the sun. Her eyes streaming slightly and blinking rapidly, Taylor let her skin absorb some of the warmth of the sun. Together Aster and Taylor walked back to the place where the door stood, hanging in mid air. Aster wrapped her arms around Taylor once more.

"Now, promise me you'll remember what we talked about," she whispered into Taylor's ear.

Taylor smiled, "Of course I'll try to remember."

"Well, then, I suppose that is the best I will get right now," Aster said, letting go of Taylor and holding her out at arm's length. "You take care of yourself, alright hunny?" She asked.

Taylor nodded. "I'll try," she said, and then turned away from Aster and took hold of the handle and pulled the door open.

_Here I come, real world, _she thought as she stepped through the door and closed it gently behind her.


	26. Anything Is Possible

**A/N: Here's my next chapter, another happy one! I'm on a role! **

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: You like my imagination? Why, thank you. Glad you like Aster, I'm going to try to fit her in some more. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Anything is Possible**

As Taylor walked down the corridor, which had remained lit with its comforting orange glow, her heart still felt light and happy, and she smiled as she put a little skip in her step – something she hadn't done in ages. She stepped onto the staircase and turned around to look down the corridor. As she had expected, the stair way immediately began to move and she grabbed a hold of the banister for balance and watched as the corridor disappeared.

_I hope that when I need to, I can find that place again, _Taylor thought, heading down the staircase and turning back down the hallway towards the Gryffindor Common Room, still walking with a bounce in her step and a slightly goofy grin on her face.

"Lemon drop," she said to the fat lady, who smiled and swung forth. Taylor ducked into the Common Room and looked around.

She soon found the head of curly brown hair sticking above an armchair pulled close to the fire that she was searching for and she walked towards her boyfriend. Bending down when she reached the armchair, she whispered in Sean ear:

"Hey, love." Two simple words and Sean jumped dramatically.

"What the fuck?" He half shouted, whipping around. When he saw Taylor, his frown disappeared, replaced by a smile. Taylor grinned back and sat herself down on the arm of Sean's chair and kissed him on the cheek.

"Who are you and what have you done with Taylor Kennedy?" Sean demanded.

"Come off it," Taylor said, swatting his shoulder.

"Honestly, you're so…" his paused searching for the right word. "Bright." He finished.

"Had a good day," Taylor said simply, not sure why she wasn't telling Sean about the beautiful forest she had discovered.

"Well, you should have more good days," Sean said, taking hold of her hand and resting their entwined fingers in her lap.

"I'll work on it," Taylor replied. She felt an almost overwhelming bubble of happiness and love towards Sean boil up inside her. Sean grinned, and suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her off the arm of his chair into his lap where he held her tightly and buried his head in the nape of her neck, breathing in her smell.

"You always smell so amazing," he murmured into her hair. Taylor grinned and leaned into his chest. They sat there for a while, contented.

"So really, why are you so happy today? I was beginning to think that the happy Taylor had vanished."

Taylor squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, I got to talk to…someone today and she helped a lot. Brought to light some things." And reminded suddenly about Aster telling her she should remind her friends how much she appreciated them, she said,

"You know you're amazing, right? You mean a lot to me."

"Wow, thanks for saying that," Sean said. "So I'm guessing this girl you talked to wasn't Ginny." It wasn't a question, but Taylor replied "No" anyway.

"Not Hermione?"

"No."

"Luna?"

"Nope."

"Is she a Gryffindor?"

"No, you'll never guess right anyway," Taylor said.

"Who says I won't guess right? I still have many ideas. Hmm…if she's not a Gryffindor…wait; she isn't even a student at this school, is she?"

"No, she isn't."

"Is she from Hogsmead?"

"No."

"You're impossible, do you know that?" Sean demanded.

Taylor laughed. "Yes, I do."

"So who is this mysterious girl who helped you so much? I want to thank her." Sean made puppy eyes at Taylor. "Pleeeease tell me," he wheedled.

"I'll tell you later," Taylor said. "Right now I just want to relax."

"Well, go right on ahead and relax." Sean said, taking his arms from around Taylor and beginning to rub her back. Taylor made a sound of contentment.

They sat like that for a while until Taylor found herself drifting off, and suddenly toppled over Sean's knees and crashed to the floor, jerking her awake.

Sean was looking at her in surprise. "Are you ok?" He asked worriedly.

Taylor looked up at Sean and suddenly began to laugh. Sean watched, still concerned, for a while, and then broke out laughing himself.

"You're a funny one," he said, reaching his hand down to help her up. Taylor took it and stood up.

"Thank you," she said, brushing herself off. She stood there for a second, head tipped to the side, and then said,

"Let's go for a walk."

Sean looked surprised. "Now? It's dark out."

"Exactly."

"We're not allowed – "

"Since when have you been concerned with the rules?" Taylor demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Alright, alright, let me get a cloak," he said, levering himself out of the chair and heading off up to the boys dormitory. Taylor stood there for a bit before realizing that she should grab a cloak too. She dashed up to the girl's dormitory to find Ginny on her bed, lazily flicking her wand at the ceiling, making butterflies appear out of nowhere.

"Hey, Gin," Taylor said, throwing clothes and books out of her trunk trying to find her cloak.

"Hey Tay, where are you going?" Ginny asked, sitting up as Taylor found her cloak and stood up, draping it over her shoulders.

"On a walk with Sean," Taylor said, fastening the clasp at her throat.

"It's dark out," Ginny pointed out.

"Not quite dark, it's still twilight."

"Same thing."

"Alright, well have a good time," Ginny said, lying back down on her bed.

"Will do," Taylor said and dashed back down to the Common Room to find Sean waiting for her, wearing a long black cloak with silver fastenings.

"Ready?" He asked, holding out a hand, which Taylor took.

"Yep," she said, and they headed out of the portrait hole and down through the castle and out on the grounds. The sun was just sinking below the mountain tops, casting a halo of light onto the tree tops. At the other end of the sky little stars were beginning to pop out and shine through the darkness. Sean wrapped an arm around Taylor's waist and they trecked down the slope towards the lake. Taylor leaned her head on Sean shoulder as they walked; watching as the grounds gradually became darker and darker. They walked in silence for a while, each absorbed in their own thoughts. For once, Taylor wasn't thinking about her father or anything to do with him, instead she was brooding on the forest within the castle.

Finally Sean asked, "So, what are we doing out here?"

"Mmm?" Taylor responded, who, having not been paying attention, didn't hear the question.

"What are we doing out here?" Sean reiterated.

"I don't know, enjoying the serenity I s'pose," Taylor said nonchalantly.

"You're a funny one, do you know that?" Sean said.

"I s'pose," Taylor said again.

"What's on your mind?" Sean asked.

Taylor stopped and looked up into the sky. The sun had finished sinking away and the vast sky spread out above them, millions of stars blinking down at them.

"The sky is so vast." She murmured, almost to herself. Sean was going to say that that wasn't what he had asked, but decided against it.

"Yes, it is," he agreed instead.

"It makes me feel like there are endless possibilities, that anything is possible. That reality stretches on and on forever until it gradually turns into unreality."

Sean didn't think this was the time to point out to Taylor that this wasn't making one iota of sense to him.

"It is kind of a comfort, like I can dream big, and no matter how big my dreams are, there's a way that they could come true. There's something bigger out there. I don't mean God, or any gods or goddesses or anything like that. It's just…something bigger. Much larger than life, huge, gigantic, ginormous!" As she said this last word, Taylor flung out her arms. Sean couldn't help it; he let out a snort of laughter. Taylor looked at him reproachfully.

"So you think that this little world we live is just reality and there's nothing more to it?" She demanded, apparently under the impression that he was laughing at what she had said rather than what she had done.

"No, no," Sean said quickly, "nothing like that. It's just," he gave a little laugh; "you looked so _cute _just then!" And he started giggling. Taylor stared at him.

"When?" She asked, surprised to hear her boyfriend giggling.

"When you just – wham! Tossing your arms out like that, it was so adorable; it looked like you were welcoming the whole world – hell, more than the whole world – the whole entirety of existence into your arms with love." Taylor stared at him.

"Well, I s'pose that I am. I mean, it's better to love than to fear or hate." Sean wrapped her in a hug.

"You're so sweet." He whispered in her ear.

"Why thank you," Taylor replied, turning around in Sean's embrace to face him and wrapping her arms around his neck, staring into his eyes.

"The whole galaxy is reflected in your eyes," she quietly observed. Sean leaned down slowly and Taylor found her eyes fluttering closed. Their lips met and Taylor felt as though her own feet had left the ground and she herself was flying up into space. She pulled Sean closer to her and deepened the kiss. She felt as though a roaring fire was lit up inside her, rising up and heating her whole body.

After a bit they broke apart and Sean sank down, pulling Taylor down with him so that they were sitting on the ground, Taylor between Sean's knees. He wrapped his arms around her thin shoulders (deciding it wasn't the time to accuse her of not eating) and enveloped her hands in his, intertwining their fingers and resting his chin on her shoulder.

After a bit, Taylor asked: "Why me?"

Not having been listening, Sean said, "Mmm?"

"Why me?" Taylor asked.

"What do you mean?" Sean asked, hoping this wasn't going where he thought it was going.

"Well, you could have had any girl in the school, basically," Taylor mused. "I mean, the other girls in my year besides Ginny were so mad at me, along with a couple Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs even a couple of Slytherins. So why did you decide to pick me?"

Sean tried not to sigh; he was hoping she wouldn't ask this question. Not that he minded answering, not at all, it was just that he knew she was asking this because she had no self esteem. He hated that she didn't think highly of herself, as he himself did.

"Well, for starters, I think you are a very beautiful girl," he began, "and I think you are intelligent. You are courageous and intuitive. You are very loving of other people – and not just people, you care for animals and the earth. You are motivated to do well, but not overly so. You aren't bitchy or stuck up or anything like that. You don't try to control other people and you stand up for others. In short, I think you're just plain amazing." He paused, wondering if he should say it, and then continued, "And I wish that you would see yourself in the same light. I wish you could see how truly incredible you are."

"I'm not incredible," Taylor half growled. Sean squeezed her hands.

"Yes you are," he insisted. "And I will not stand for you putting yourself down."

Taylor sighed and leaned back into Sean's chest. "You're pretty damn amazing yourself," she told him.

"Why thank you," Sean murmured into her ear.

After a while Taylor said, "We'd probably better get back in to the castle before somebody finds us."

"I suppose," Sean said, "but I was so comfortable."

"Maybe we could do this more often," Taylor suggested.

"Good idea. Here," Sean stood up and offered Taylor his hand, which she took, and pulled her to her feet.

Sean wrapped his arm back around Taylor's waist and together they headed back up the sloping lawn to the castle, which was a great black shadow against the night sky, with a few windows still glowing golden as a few people were staying up late. As they walked across the grass, Taylor felt a drop of rain fall on her cheek, soon followed by another and another, and then it was as though the sky opened up and it began to pour rain down on to the two. Taylor shrieked and wrapped her cloak more tightly around herself. Breaking apart, the two started running towards the castle to get out of the downpour. Sean grabbed the door handle and wrenched the door open and they scuttled inside, swiftly closing the door behind them.

"Miss Kennedy! Mr. O'Keefe!" A sharp voice called out and Taylor winced. She had hoped to find the entrance hall empty. No such luck. She looked up to see Professor McGonagall striding towards them.

"It is an hour and a half past curfew!" She snapped at the two of them. "What do you think you were doing out on the grounds at this hour?"

Taylor blushed, but Sean said, "Please, Professor, we were looking at the stars. Taylor was showing me some constellations and planets."

"And why don't you just pay attention in your Astronomy class, Mr. O'Keefe?" Demanded the upright Professor.

"Er," Sean stuttered. "It's nice to get a peer's outlook on the subject. The Astronomy teacher is so…distant."

Professor McGonagall sniffed. "I suppose that is true." She looked at the two of them piercingly and Taylor had the distinct impression that Professor McGonagall (who seemed to actually be holding back a knowing smile) knew exactly what they had been doing out on the grounds together. She supposed it wasn't that difficult to deduce. "Next time the two of you wish to 'look at the stars' I would prefer if you came to me first to ask permission."

It was all Taylor could do to keep from gaping at her head of house. Was Professor McGonagall letting them off, merely telling them to ask her next time?

"Now I suggest you both get back up to your Dormitories and to bed," she said.

Taylor decided that it was probably best to leave quickly before Professor McGonagall changed her mind about their punishment. The same thought had apparently occurred to Sean, for he grabbed her hand and practically ran with her up the magnificent marble staircase.

A few floors up he slowed down to a walk.

"Can you believe out luck?" Inquired Taylor. "I can't believe she let us off."

Sean shrugged. "Don't want to sound big headed or anything, but I think she has a bit of a soft spot for me."

Taylor actually laughed. "Like Professor McGonagall has a soft spot!"

"Hey, I'm just saying. And it got us off the hook, so works for me."

Taylor play slapped his shoulder, "You're so full of yourself."

Smiling evilly at her Sean said, "Well, one of has to be."

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"You know what I mean."

"I know you know that I know what you mean." Sean poked Taylor in the side and she squealed. Laughing, they headed up to the Gryffindor Common Room together.

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	27. Swirling Away

**A/N:**

**WARNING: This may be triggering. If you cut or have problems with food (or if you find this type of thing offensive), and are trying to recover, please don't read this, I don't want to be the reason you relapse. The eating disordered bit really isn't bad, but the cutting part may be really triggering. So you have been warned, don't flame me. **

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: Sorry Taylor seems to be relapsing in this chapter. I guess things have to get worse before they get better. But please don't be mad at me!**

**Swirling Away**

Taylor rolled over in her bed and let out a soft moan. While on her stomach she could feel her hip bones digging into the mattress, lying on her back it was her vertebrae that dug down. Wondering what had woke her up; she sat up, her eyes blurry. As soon as she had, she realized two things: one, she was absolutely freezing cold; and two, she had a pounding headache. It felt as though someone was hitting her in the head repeatedly with the blunt end of a riffle. She threw the blankets off her, shivering violently. As soon as she stood up, the world reeled, rising up to meet her and then went black and it felt as though all the blood in her body was rushing to her head. She stumbled and grabbed on to a bed post for balance. Slowly she shook her head to clear it, and then held it in her hands for a few seconds, waiting for the pounding to cease. Finally feeling a bit better she began searching through her trunk and found a thick wooly sweater which she pulled over her head and a pair of warm socks which she also pulled on her feet. Thus bundled, she padded in her socked feet over to the bathroom, where she flicked on the light switch and quickly closed the door so as not to wake up the other girls by the light. She stared at herself in the mirror. The harsh lighting did not help to make her look any better.

Her skin was waxy and pale, with bright pink spots high on her cheeks; otherwise her face was deathly white. Her eyes no longer sparkled and she had huge dark circles under them. Even her hair was looking worse, brittle and frayed. Deftly she ran her hand over her hair, which had once been thick and shiny and smooth, grimacing at the roughness she felt now. The tendons on the back of her hand popped out and her wrists were very tiny. Taylor stared at herself. When did she start looking like this?

As she was still shivering quite a lot, Taylor decided to take a hot shower. Her head still pounding, she pulled back the shower curtain and turned on the hot tap. Stepping back she pulled her sweater back off over her head, which was soon followed by her pajamas and socks. She glanced at the mirror, shaking with cold. A sickly sight met her eyes. Without even raising her arms in the air, she could see ever one of her ribs through her skin looking like the strings of some morbid instrument, her cheekbones stood out sharply, her collar bones stood out like two knives, one on either side of her neck which was thin and with the tendons also standing out, her hipbones stuck out in front and out her back, her belly almost concave, and every one of her vertebrae protruded under her skin down her back. Her breasts were barely existent. Her skin was a splotchy blue, purple, and red, which she assumed was from her being so cold. She looked completely emaciated, and Taylor wondered how she could even sit up in bed, let alone walk around school and go to classes.

Dragging her eyes away from the starved sight in the mirror, she stepped towards the shower and stuck her hand out into the stream of water coming out of the shower head to test the heat of the water. It was hot. Steam was billowing out and forming a thick condensation on the mirror. Quickly Taylor stepped into the shower and pulled the scarlet curtain with a golden lion closed behind her, standing in the hot spray that was now coursing down her body. She hugged her twig arms tightly across her thin chest and stood huddled under the spray, willing her body to warm up. She was staring down, watching the water swirl down the drain, water running off the tip of her nose. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the warmth she felt gradually seeping into her body and throughout it. It felt as though the whole world was on her shoulders, her legs trembling. There was a terrible ache in her stomach. Suddenly giving in, Taylor slid down the side of the shower and sat on the floor, her hair hanging wetly on her shoulders, the water from the shower nozzle still pouring down upon her. And then the tears came. They flowed down her cheeks silently, mingling with the shower water.

How long she sat like that, she didn't know. The only thing she did know was that there was an abrupt knock on the door. Taylor didn't answer, but she immediately forced herself to stop crying and got a grip on herself. The knock turned to pounding and then the door flew open.

"Taylor, what are you doing, trying to drown yourself?" Ginny's voice demanded.

Taylor blinked and wiped her nose on her hand, trying not to sniffle. "No, just taking a shower," she replied.

"At fucking four o'clock in the morning?" Ginny asked skeptically.

"Yeah, I was freezing," Taylor said.

"Well, maybe if you had some meat on your bones, you wouldn't be so cold all the time." Ginny's voice now sounded accusing. Taylor didn't reply, she just sat in the shower, the water still pouring down her face.

"Taylor, you're killing yourself," Ginny said, now her voice sounding sad. Taylor still didn't say anything. She thought she heard Ginny harrumph and then mutter something that Taylor couldn't quite catch before closing the door again with a snap and leaving Taylor alone in the steamy room.

Sitting there, Taylor didn't know what to do and the tears started again. She was so confused. She had a deep ach inside her that had nothing to do with being hungry and everything to do with the deep depression that had gripped her for so long. She knew that what she was doing to her body was bad, she knew that it was from malnutrition that she was now constantly cold and always felt light headed, couldn't concentrate worth shit or remember anything and why she sometimes blacked out. But she couldn't make herself eat. Every time she tried, she just couldn't. The food tasted like sawdust in her mouth and it was like trying to swallow a rock. Her stomach hurt and she didn't want to put anything in it. Taylor put her face in her hands and began sobbing uncontrollably; glad for the splattering of the shower water on the tub floor she sat on to cover up her cries. Her whole body shook and trembled with the sobs, which totally racked through her. She rocked back and forth, crying into her hands. Leaning back she banged her head on the shower wall. Thump, thump, thump. She hated herself. She hated everything about herself. She was useless, worthless, pathetic. She was a waste of space. She didn't deserve the air she breathed. She couldn't do anything right. These thoughts and others raced through her mind, around and around, torturing Taylor until she felt like she was going to explode with the sadness that was filling her up. She needed it out. She had to get it out.

Stumbling out of the shower, water pouring off her skeletal frame onto the plush scarlet rug beneath her feet, Taylor immediately started shivering again, even though the bathroom was full of billowing steam from her hot shower; without being directly under the hot rush of water, she was cold. She grabbed the round knob of the second drawer down under the sink and pulled it open. Her hand searched around in it frantically for a moment before her fingers found the cool, hard touch of a razor blade, one she had hidden in there a while ago. The finger that had found the razor blade was split open by the sharp edge. Holding the razor in her other hand, Taylor put her finger in her mouth and sucked on it.

Sliding back into the shower, Taylor stood underneath the warm downpour and inspected her body. It needed out, she had to get it out. Most of the feelings of despair seemed to be coming from down in her stomach, so it made sense to start there. Taylor, her hands not shaking at all, placed the shiny blade in the fleshy skin inward from her hip bone, dug the point in, and cut a line parallel to her hip bone. Blood instantly oozed out, big drops rolling down her skin before mingling with the water and running, watered down, down her leg and down the drain. They were big and fat and desperate, large tears, just like those that flowed down her face. The tears of blood showed more pain than those on her cheeks. Numbly she lifted the blade back up to the start of the cut and repeated the action, cutting deeper into her skin, more blood sliding down and down. It felt so good; there was a euphoria in the pit of her stomach, a sudden rush in her head. She was letting out the intense feelings, letting out the depression, letting out the self-loathing. It would be gone from her; she would make sure of it. She repeated the motion again, digging even deeper into her skin, barely feeling anything. Again and again she sliced through the same place, the tears of blood trickling down her skin. The tears of salt on her cheeks had stopped coursing down her face and her breaths were slowing down. She took a deep breath, a little shakily at first, into her lungs and held her breath, watching the red-stained water twirl down the drain. Her troubles were sliding away from her. It was as though the blood oozing out of her skin and dripping down her body was carrying everything she had bottled up inside her away down the drain.

The tears having stopped, Taylor stood there in the hot downpour trying not to sniffle. She felt immensely relieved, as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was such an amazing feeling; she could never have dreamed that cutting into her skin, that self-mutilation could feel so good. No wonder people did it. Taylor closed her eyes and breathed deeply, in and out, in and out, enjoying the temporary relief she was experiencing. Staring at the deep crimson cut on her lower belly, Taylor did not feel any guilt at all. She didn't feel bad for disfiguring herself, she almost felt as though she had deserved it. Holding the silver razor blade underneath the spray from the shower nozzle, she watched as the water splashed onto the shiny blade, mixing with the scarlet blood, and then more droplets of water washed the ruby colored water away, leaving the blade looking completely innocent, not looking as though it had just finished injuring a scared girl. Her body was shaking slightly, as though she had just fallen down the stairs or had a bad scare. Adrenaline was pumping through her blood, and her heart pounded fast, but her head didn't hurt anymore and the terrible aching feeling inside her stomach had disappeared. The endorphins that were released when she had cut herself were coursing through her body, making her feel vibrant and alive as she hadn't felt in a long time.

Suddenly, Taylor sighed deeply. She put the razor blade down on the soap dish and let her hands droop limply at her sides, her head also hanging down, the hot water streaming into her eyes. Ginny was right, she knew that. But she just didn't know what else to do. Her life was in total uproar. She had control over nothing. However, she could control one thing. She could control what she did to her body. She could hurt it, she could starve it. That was control. It was control over something at least. Maybe it was minimal control, but it was some. It was enough.

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	28. Running Into A Lie

**A/N: I'm very sorry about the long wait! I know I always say that I'll try and be better, but maybe I'm just not meant to be a fast updater. Sorry! Anyway, here's the next chapter, I hope you like it. And please, review!**

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**Running Into A Lie**

Taylor's feet pounded on the hard ground as she ran around the castle, the sun barely grazing the tops of the dark trees. It was early morning and she was out on her morning run.

_Faster, further, harder, faster, further, harder, _she chanted to herself with every step, pushing herself to run more. She had to get this run in, she had to run, she just had to. She felt as though her mind would explode if she didn't. Her breath caught in her chest, the cold air catching and making her lungs feel like they were being scrubbed red raw. Her joints hurt, it felt as though they were popping and clicking against each other with every move she made. Her head was spinning and her world kept threatening to go black again as it did so often now, but Taylor frowned and then opened her eyes wide, willing herself to hold on to consciousness. The ach in her stomach was back, and she had a terrible stitch in her side that was making her want to bend over double and collapse, but instead she continued pushing herself further. She could not – would not – be weak. Stopping and collapsing would be weak. She had to be strong. She was so pathetic for wanting to stop, she couldn't. She wouldn't let herself. Tears stung her eyes as the pain in her chest heightened. It was sharp and stabbing, and all of a sudden, Taylor stumbled to a stop, clutching at her painful chest. It felt like someone was slicing it open with a knife. The world spun when she stopped and as she was distracted by her the pain in her chest and she wasn't concentrating on staying standing, she fell hard to her knees, coming into contact excruciatingly with several sharp rocks. Taylor didn't move, she stayed there, kneeling on the painful rocks, grabbing her chest. Her heart was performing some sort of weird pattern, beating fast, slowing down, sometimes even seeming to double beat. Her mind spun, there was something drastically wrong right now. This was not normal, she knew that. But she pushed that thought to the back of her mind; she was being weak again. Why must she always be weak? She was such a pathetic excuse for a human. She was a waste of precious space on Earth. It might be better if she just died right now.

The breaths still coming sharp and fast, she gasped. Her mouth was dry and she had some sort of build up in it. Taylor tried to spit it out, but it didn't work very well as her mouth was too dry to spit. The pain was still sharp in her chest, and her heart still beating irregularly. She was starting to get panicky. What if she couldn't make it back up to the castle? Maybe she would sit here for a while and wait until she felt a little bit better – at least enough to walk back up to the Common Room, she still needed to take a shower. Her legs were shaking too much for her to stand on them at the moment, so Taylor crawled over to the nearest tree, which she leaned up against, legs sticking out at odd angles as she didn't have enough energy to pull them into a comfortable position, and still clutching at her chest.

Slowly the pain began to cease and the world wasn't shaking or threatening to go black and her legs had stopped quivering. Sitting there leaning up against the tree, Taylor tried to dismiss the situation as merely tiredness. She hadn't slept very well last night, surely she only needed a nap and she would be better. That was all she wanted to do recently, anyway. She couldn't sleep worth shit in the night, she was always so cold, no matter how many pairs of socks and sweats and sweaters she wore, she always spent the whole night shivering under her blankets. But in the day, all she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and drift off into sleep. She would go to classes and sit there with her head on her arms, barely with the energy to take notes. She had to force herself to, even though she couldn't seem to retain any information anyway.

Deciding that she would go back up to the castle, take a shower and then crawl under the covers and try to sleep instead of going to class, Taylor stood up experimentally, holding onto the trunk of the tree for stability. Once she was certain that the world wasn't going to veer up to meet her and that her legs could support her weight, she took a few steps hesitantly forward. Encouraged, she straitened up and began to walk more confidently. It seemed as though the castle was never going to get any closer. Not normally did the grounds seem this steep, she was laboring immensely just to walk back up to the castle. That definitely decided it; she was going to stay in bed this morning. Not that anybody would miss her. Well, that was a lie, Ginny for sure would be pissed at Taylor…but that wasn't that rare of an occasion anymore; Ginny always seemed to be angry at Taylor now.

Taylor was enormously relieved not to meet anyone she knew as she made her way back up to the Gryffindor Common Room and whispered the password (Sponge cake) weakly to the Fat Lady, who looked worriedly at Taylor and asked,

"Are you all right, dear?" as she swung open. Taylor decided to ignore the Fat Lady and climbed feebly through the portrait hole. The Common Room was thankfully empty, and Taylor began to climb laboriously up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. She entered into her and the other girls in her year room and headed towards the bathroom. A nice warm shower seemed in order right now. After stripping out of her running clothes, Taylor stood under the warm running water, washing her hair. Stepping out of the shower she wrapped a thick towel around her and blew hot air out of her wand to dry her hair quickly; she didn't need her wet hair making her cold. After pulling on the warmest pajamas she owned, she crawled into her bed, yanking the curtains closed around her bed and then burrowing deep under her blankets, even pulling them up over her head in an effort to stay even warmer. It made it hard to breath, but at least it was more heat. Almost immediately Taylor drifted off to sleep, listening to her abnormally slow heart beat.

Hours later Taylor woke up. She was actually warm for once, and extremely comfortable. It was hard to imagine that several hours earlier she had felt so bad while out running on the ground. Taylor was a little mad she had been so weak earlier. She wiggled around, getting even more comfortable and closed her eyes softly, wafting into a dose. Finally she decided that she had better get out of bed and go to some classes. Looking at her clock, she realized she could make it to Charms if she hurried.

Unwillingly crawling out from under the covers, and wearily standing up, Taylor made her way to her trunk where she pulled out a pair of robes. Quickly, so as to avoid as little time exposed to the cold air as possible, she took off her pajamas and pulled the robes on over her head. They satisfactorily hid the fact that she was emaciated. After looking around hastily for her bag, she found it, heaved it over her thin shoulder and headed off down the stairway to her Charms class.

Taylor met Ginny while she walked up the hall towards the Charms corridor.

"Where have you _been?_" Ginny demanded as soon as she saw Taylor and hurrying up to her.

"Sleeping," Taylor replied, somewhat avoiding Ginny's gaze. "I wasn't feeling too well." As she said this, she felt her heart begin to act up again, pounding fast and then slowing down again. Her mind whirled, and Taylor stumbled. Ginny automatically reached out a hand to catch Taylor.

"I'm fine," Taylor said, waving away Ginny's helping hand and straightening back up.

"Taylor, there's something majorly wrong with you," Ginny said accusatorily.

"I'm fine," Taylor repeated impatiently. She didn't need Ginny worrying about her. Ginny fell back, feeling hurt. She watched as Taylor walked through the Charms door.

Taylor's world went black and she didn't even feel anything as she crumpled to the floor.

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**A/N: Once again, please review! Tell me if you have any ideas, suggestions, stuff like that. Compliments, criticisms, they're all welcome!**


	29. In The Hospital Wing

**A/N: Taylor's finally somewhere getting some help. This may take a few chapters. Ah, and I feel I must apologize for not updating in forever. I know I always say I'll update sooner. I try, I really do! But I lost my USB that my story was on for a while, so I couldn't. But now I found it! Read and review please!**

**In The Hospital Wing**

Taylor's brain felt fuzzy, there was definitely something wrong. She also had a throbbing headache. Her arms by her side felt insanely heavy as though they had been filled with lead, and her legs felt heavy and disconnected at the same time. Taylor had a very peculiar sensation that she was actually floating high above the earth and if she opened her eyes and looked down, she would see Hogwarts far below her. But she did not want to open her eyes; they too felt immensely heavy and it seemed that it would take way more energy than she had to open them. No energy, she had no energy at all. She was very comfortable right at the moment, she was warm for once, and she felt as though she could have just stayed there for forever.

There was a sound from next to her, and Taylor became vaguely aware that there was somebody next to her, but as soon as she tried to focus her attention on them, she felt herself drifting back off into a deep sleep.

However many minutes – hours? days? – later, Taylor felt herself slowly regaining consciousness. She still felt extremely comfortable, and as though her limbs were filled with lead and like she was floating miles above the earth, but the headache was gone. She might be able to open her eyes. Trying hard, Taylor's eyes fluttered open, but she immediately closed her eyes tight again; it was really too bright with her eyes open.

A little while later, Taylor decided to try and open her eyes again. This time she was prepared for the light, and squinted. Gradually her eyes got used to the bright light and she slowly opened her eyes further. She was lying in a bed with the curtains closed around her. But they weren't the scarlet bed hangings that were in her dormitory, they were the crisp white linens of the Hospital Wing. The Hospital Wing? What was she doing in the Hospital Wing?

A gap was jerked open in between the bed hangings and Madam Pomfry's kind but worried face appeared peaking in through the space.

"Oh good, you're awake, hunny," she said, sliding the curtains open far enough for her to slide in. She held a cup full of some lime green potion in her hand, which Taylor eyed suspiciously.

"What's that?" She demanded, still eyeing the goblet. Surely it was full of something that was bound to be nasty.

"It's a potion of concentrated nutrients. You, my young lady, are extremely malnourished." She set the cup down on the bed table next to Taylor head and began fussing with the covers on Taylor's bed.

"Did you sleep alright?" The nurse asked, straightening Taylor's pillow. "I gave you a warming draft, I hope that warmed you up, you were cold as ice."

"I slept fine, I was actually warm for once. What happened?" Taylor asked. Her memory was fuzzy, the last thing she could remember was going to Charms, but she couldn't remember actually going into the classroom.

"You passed out," Madam Pomfry said shortly. "And no wonder," she continued, "you are severely underfed."

"I am not," Taylor denied, "I'm fine." And in an attempt to prove her point, she tried to sit up. Almost immediately her head spun and she crumpled back down onto her pillows, her head throbbing.

"You most certainly are not fine," Madam Pomfry said, "but for now we'll avoid that conversation and get you to consume this potion."

"I don't need that potion." Taylor argued. "I'm fine," she repeated.

"You need this potion," Madam Pomfry said imperiously, beginning to help Taylor sit up slowly so that she wouldn't get dizzy. "And you will drink it."

"I won't," Taylor said defiantly, and silently she secretly wondered why she was being so adamant against drinking it.

"This is my Hospital Wing, Miss Kennedy," Madam Pomfry said, now beginning to sound a tad angry. "And you will do what I say or else I will contact the Headmaster and get him to come down here to deal with you." She steadied Taylor in her sitting posture and then positioned the pillows behind her to prop her up. Next the strict nurse forcefully pressed the cup of lime green potion into Taylor's pale, tendon-y hand. "Now drink up," She ordered authoritatively. Taylor took hold of the cup and held it, staring down into the green depths for a long time. Surely this potion was not good for her.

"Good lord, girl," Madam Pomfry said exasperatedly, "it's not poisoned for goodness sakes! I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't need help, I'm fine." Taylor said yet again.

"That is the third time you have said that, young lady, and I quite disagree with you. Now, you _will _drink this potion." Madam Pomfry was clearly becoming quickly displeased.

"Why do I have to drink it?" Taylor demanded. What was wrong with her? Usually she wasn't this adamant about not doing things. Usually she did what was asked of her if the situation called for it.

Madam Pomfry made a movement as though to throw her hands up in frustration. "Because, girl, you are in severe danger at the moment. Now drink." It was clearly the end of the discussion. No more was going to be said, Taylor could see that. She had lost the argument. Slowly, she raised the cup full of the potion to her lips and drank. The potion was thick, but tasted pleasant enough. After finishing the whole cup of potion, she handed the goblet back to Madam Pomfry.

"There now, that wasn't too bad, now, was it?" Madam Pomfry said, taking the cup, clearly pleased that Taylor had finally agreed to drink the potion. Taylor made a face and made to lie back down upon the bed, intent upon going back to sleep.

"Oh no you don't, hunny," Madam Pomfry said hurriedly. "While you're up I need to take your vital statistics."

"My what?" Taylor asked, severely disappointed that she couldn't go back to sleep at the moment.

"Your vital statistics. Just to make sure everything in your body is functioning normally." The nurse sounded as though she quite doubted that everything was functioning normally in Taylor's body.

"Oh, ok," Taylor said. "What do you need to do?"

"I need to take your heart rate and blood pressure, weigh you, get your height, I'll need a urine sample and a blood sample, and then I'll ask you some questions."

"Oh," Taylor said, thinking of how her heart had been beating irregularly and extra slow lately. Were there other things wrong with her? Was Madame Pomfry going to read these "vital statistics" and determine that she was ill? She wasn't sick…she was just, well, not feeling so great. But surely it was nothing that a nice long nap couldn't fix. She just needed more sleep, that was surely the thing. But no, Taylor was not sick, she knew that. She would know if she was sick, wouldn't she? She didn't have a fever or anything, just a slow heart beat. And there was that blacking out and constant dizziness and lack of concentration, always being fatigued, and continuously being cold. But surely those things did not mean that she was sick. Surely not.

Madam Pomfry whipped a clipboard out from seemingly nowhere and placed it down upon the table beside Taylor's bed and withdrew a stethoscope from one of the many pockets in her starched white apron.

"This may be a bit cold," the nurse said, sticking the cold stethoscope down the front of Taylor's robes and placing it upon her chest. Taylor gasped; the stethoscope was extremely cold on her bare skin. Goose bumps erupted all over her body. Madam Pomfry first counted watched her watch for sixty seconds to time Taylor's heart beat and then instructed Taylor to breath in and out slowly, counting the seconds on her wristwatch, and then put the stethoscope on Taylor's back, first on the right side and then on the left side, telling Taylor to breath in and out slowly again. She pursed her lips tightly and mmhmmed in an unsatisfied way, writing something down upon the clipboard.

Then she took out a blood pressure cuff from another pocket and wrapped it tightly around Taylor's arm, pumping it up until Taylor's arm hurt from the pressure and then gradually letting the air out. Mmhmming again, but nodding her head as though it was what she had expected, she made another mark on the clipboard. Taylor tried to look at what she was writing down, but Madam Pomfry twitched the clipboard out of Taylor's view.

"What is it?" Taylor asked, curious as to what Madam Pomfry's mmhmming meant.

"Significantly low heart rate and blood pressure. Disturbance in your heart's rhythm." The nurse said shortly.

"Is that bad?" Taylor asked. Madam Pomfry gave Taylor a look that clearly said 'of course it is, what do you think, silly girl?'

Then Madam Pomfry grabbed Taylor's hands, "Mmm, poor circulation, dear," she said. "Are your feet also cold?"

"I'm always cold," Taylor said.

"Of course you are," said Madam Pomfry. Taylor didn't know what to say to this so she didn't say anything.

Holding out a hand, Madam Pomfry then said, "Come on dear, on to the scale now with you."

"I don't want to get weighed," Taylor protested, but Madam Pomfry pulled the covers off her, grabbed her under the arms and easily lifted her out of the bed, placing her in her bare feet on the floor, keeping a hand in the small of Taylor's back as the frail girl wavered with dizziness.

"Come on, hunny," said the nurse, and drove Taylor forcefully towards the scales.

Taylor stepped on the scales and watched as Madam Pomfry gradually slid the weights around to determine Taylor's weight. The scale tipped at 115 pounds. Madam Pomfry made another mark on her clipboard. With a snap of her fingers, a tape measure jumped out of her pocket and unraveled along Taylor's height.

"Five foot, nine inches," Madam Pomfry muttered after glancing at the tape measure, more to herself than to Taylor, putting down another mark on Taylor's chart. The nurse turned to Taylor.

"That makes your BMI exactly seventeen. Do you know what that means?" She asked Taylor, who shook her head.

"It means you are underweight. Underweight begins at a BMI of eighteen point five."

"Oh," said Taylor, who couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Mmm," said the nurse. "Now the bathroom is right over there; here is a cup. If you wouldn't mind, would you take a pee in the cup and then return it to me."

Taylor gave the nurse a disgusted look. "Do I have to?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid you do," said Madam Pomfry, pushing the paper cup into Taylor's hand, who took it reluctantly.

When Taylor returned, Madam Pomfry took the cup and placed it on her desk, and then turned to Taylor.

"Now, come sit over here on this chair, I need to take a blood sample." Taylor looked worried, but the nurse didn't say anything to comfort her, merely led her over to the chair and took out a needle.

"Which is your wand arm?" Madam Pomfry asked.

"My right," Taylor replied.

"Right then, you can look away if you wish," Madam Pomfry said, and Taylor looked away from her left arm, where the nurse was standing with the needle. "There, now, breathe out," instructed the nurse and Taylor breathed out, and felt a sharp prick in her nook of her arm. She wanted to jump, but didn't. After a short time, the nurse said, "There now, all done." She took a cotton swab and patted the prick she had made in Taylor's arm before pointing her wand at it and the pin point of blood healed up.

"Now you can head back to your bed, I just want to ask you a few questions first, dear," Madam Pomfry said, patting Taylor on the shoulder. Taylor tried to stand up, but swayed. Whatever was in the lime green potion definitely wasn't helping with her dizziness. Madam Pomfry's arm whipped out of nowhere and caught Taylor, and the nurse's hand stayed on Taylor's shoulder while the frail girl walked towards her bed, where she instantly collapsed.

Taylor wanted to sleep; she didn't want to answer any questions. Without asking, Taylor lifted up the blankets and cuddled under them.

"That's quite alright, hunny," said Madam Pomfry. "I'm going to let you go to sleep soon, don't you worry. I just need to ask you a couple more questions."

Taylor tried hard not to sigh; she wanted to sleep so badly, but a little sigh escaped her mouth.

Madam Pomfry grinned grimly. "I swear I'll let you go to sleep soon, sweetheart, I'll give you a goblet full of a potion for a dreamless sleep and another warming draught, but I really need to get these question."

"Alright," Taylor sighed.

"That's the ticket, dear," said Madam Pomfry. "Now, I take it you've been very tired recently?"

"Yes," answered Taylor, and for good measure, she added, "but I really don't sleep very much lately."

"And why is that?" Asked Madam Pomfry.

"I'm not sure, I mean, I'm really stressed, but I really just can't sleep. And I'm always so cold. It wakes me up at night I'm so cold."

"That was going to be my next question," and Madam Pomfry paused in her questioning while she made several marks on Taylor's chart on her clip board.

"And from what I've noticed while you've been in here, and because you came in from fainting in your Charms classroom, am I right in understanding that you've been dizzy and fainting a lot recently?" Taylor nodded, feeling too bad to answer.

"Now these next questions may seem personal, but I need to know the answer. Have you had constipation lately?" Taylor nodded again, beginning to really feel embarrassed. "And are you still having your period?" Madam Pomfry continued, seemingly oblivious to Taylor's discomfiture. Taylor shook her head.

"I stopped getting it a couple months ago," she replied. Madam Pomfry made some more notes on her clipboard, nodding her head.

"And how has your memory been lately?" Asked Madam Pomfry asked, her quill poised to take down Taylor's answer. Taylor snorted.

"It's been terrible," she responded, and Madam Pomfry nodded and made another note on her clip board.

"What has your depression level been lately? On, say, a scale of one to ten?"

"Oh, pretty bad," Taylor said, wishing she didn't have to answer all these questions, she felt like they were making her out to be some sort of disabled, pathetic person. "I guess maybe an eight or nine. Like I'm not completely ready to commit suicide or anything."

"Completely?" Repeated Madam Pomfry, eyebrows raised. Taylor cursed herself.

"Well, you know…" her voice trailed off.

"Have you been self-harming?" Taylor blushed; she couldn't find her voice to answer she was so embarrassed, so instead she nodded.

"Can I see it?" Madam Pomfry asked. Taylor looked up into the nurse's face and shook her head. "I won't tell anybody," the nurse said, so Taylor reluctantly flicked back the blankets she was cuddled under and pulled up her shirt to show Madam Pomfry her lower abdomen, where the cut shone, wide and deep. Madam Pomfry's eyes looked pitying, so Taylor quickly lowered her shirt, and the nurse made yet another mark on Taylor's chart with a flourish.

"And now would you mind telling me about how much you eat per day?" She asked. Taylor stalled, not knowing what to say. Of course she was barely eating at all, but she could hardly tell the school nurse that.

Madam Pomfry sighed. "Alright, don't answer, but I know you're scarcely eating, I can tell by how much you weigh, you know." Taylor half frowned, she hated being so easy to read. Madam Pomfry smiled sadly and then rested the clip board on the table beside Taylor bed. "Well, we're done here for now," and Madam Pomfry pulled the covers back up on Taylor and then stood up, picking up the clipboard.

"I'm going to get you your potion for a dreamless sleep and the warming draught, and then you can sleep, hopefully warmly, as much as you wish, alright dear?" She called over her shoulder. Soon she had returned, holding a goblet full of a purple liquid and another of red, which she handed to Taylor, who took them gratefully and drank the both quickly.

Madam Pomfry took back the goblets and closed the curtains around Taylor's bed, which Taylor was barely aware of before she drifted off into the most blissful sleep she had had in a long time.

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	30. Not Fine

**A/N: I'm on chapter 30! This is a short chapter. Taylor is still not so well. Being in the hospital is being very difficult on her, which is why she's so weepy. She still hasn't come to terms with the state of her health, and is struggling to accept it. Anyway, I'll let you just read this. And please review if you have time, I'd love to hear from you!**

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**Not Fine**

"I'm fine!" Taylor insisted, close to the verge of tears, for what felt like the thousandth time. It had been a couple days since she had been admitted to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfry was still refusing to let her out of the hospital wing, saying that Taylor was in no "right state" to go back to the school.

"You are most certainly not "fine", young lady!" Madam Pomfry snapped, normally she was the queen of patience, but Taylor was really trying her. ""Fine" people do not starve themselves, exercise so much they pass out, cut themselves, refuse to talk to their friends, fail their classes, Taylor the list of what's wrong with you could go on for a very long time!"

"But I swear, I'll be better, just let me go!" Pleaded Taylor, tears welling up in her eyes and threatening to splash down her cheeks.

"I can't let you go, are you trying to die? If I let you go, I might as well be offering death right to you." Frowned Madam Pomfry.

"I'm not going to die, I'm not that sick. I'm not going to _kill _myself," Taylor cried, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. Madam Pomfry muttered something that sounded like "_yet_". Taylor was so frustrated she wanted to scream.

"I just got your blood work back and it's all abnormal. Your electrolytes are all out of wack, you have low blood sugar, low white blood cell count, and low potassium. I think your liver and your kidney's are ok, as far as I can tell. But young lady, this is looking pretty serious."

Taylor sighed heavily and flopped down on her bed. She was very frustrated, she was lonely – nobody had yet been able to visit her in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfry kept turning away her visitors – she was feeling bad. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, her whole body ached. She felt like throwing something, but knew that that kind of immaturity would definitely not convince Madame Pomfry of anything besides the fact that she was uncontrolled.

"Ok…ok." Taylor sighed. "I'm sick. That make you happy?"

Madam Pomfry harrumphed. "No, it does not, but it's a step. Now here's your cup of nutrients. I know we can't restore your body to a healthy state overnight, but this will help. You need more nutrients right now than you can obtain from merely eating, so will have to continue taking this potion."

Taylor sat up and took the goblet and stared down at the green potion inside it. It hadn't been bad the first time she took it, but after taking it continuously for the past couple of days, she had begun to loath it. Wrinkling her nose, she raised the goblet to her lips it and drained it, grimacing when she was finished.

"Good girl," Madam Pomfry said absentmindedly, taking back the goblet from Taylor.

"I'm not a dog, you know," Taylor grumped; her temper was through the ceiling lately, everything set her off since she'd been admitted to the hospital wing.

"No need to be snippy with me, dear," said Madam Pomfry. Taylor frowned, she knew she was being rude, but being cooped up was driving her mad.

She had spent the first night in the regular wing of the hospital, but the next day Madam Pomfry had informed her that she would be staying in the hospital until she could balance out some much needed nutrients. Taylor had then been moved to a separate, private wing that branched off of the regular wing. This one was smaller, with only one bed and a bathroom adjacent to it. Some house elves had gathered some of her clothes from her dormitory and brought them to the hospital wing for Taylor. She had spent the past couple days in her pajamas. The elves had also brought Taylor all of her school things and the homework that her teachers were assigning.

"Ok, I'm sorry." Taylor sighed, lying back down on her bed.

There was silence in the room for a little while; Taylor stared moodily up at the ceiling. Madam Pomfry left the room, carrying some of Taylor's old sheets from the room (she had just changed them). Taylor rolled onto her side and curled into a ball. A tear slid down her cheek. Her eyes gazed unseeingly along the thin hospital blanket on top of her bed. There was complete turmoil in her mind. She guessed there was a problem with her, that's what the facts said anyway. But she just couldn't bring herself to completely believe it. She wasn't ready to fully admit it to herself. She thought longingly of the razor blade hidden in her bathroom drawer. Since Madam Pomfry knew that she was a self-harmer, the nurse had taken great pains to be sure that Taylor had nothing around her that she could harm herself with. She had to be under supervision when she did her homework because her quills where sharp. She wasn't allowed a comb, paper clips, anything that might be pointy. Cutting was a form of escape, and Taylor desperately needed an escape. She curled tighter into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees and hugging them close to her.

"Hunny?" Came Madam Pomfry's voice.

"Mmmm?" Mumbled Taylor, staying where she was.

"You have a visitor." Taylor's heart leapt, she had a visitor?

"Can I see them?" She asked, dreading that the answer would be no. "At least for a little bit?"

"I think you may have a visitor for a little while, I don't see why not," replied the nurse.

Taylor uncurled from her ball and rolled over to see the doorway. Sean was standing in it. Taylor couldn't help it; her face broke into a grin. She leapt off her bed, but instantly the world went dark and she collapsed. Even with the special nutritional potion that Madam Pomfry was giving her every day, she still wasn't in good enough shape to be moving rapidly from a lying or sitting position to a standing one.

Instantly Sean was kneeling by her side, a friendly hand on her shoulder. As her vision cleared, she looked up into Sean's face, and was shocked to see tears there. Sean sat down and pulled her into his lap, holding her head to his chest with one hand and running the fingers of his other hand through her hair.

"Oh, baby, oh baby…Taylor" he breathed into the top of her head. "I can't believe I let you get like this. This is terrible. I'm terrible."

"Sean," Taylor sighed, tears flowing freely down her face. "It has nothing to do with you, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Please, please, don't blame yourself." She snuggled into Sean; she felt as though he was saving her from all of her problems.

"But I should have noticed, fuck, I noticed, but I should have said something – to McGonagall or someone. Anyone. This is my fault, I let you get like this, I can't believe it. What kind of boyfriend – hell, what kind of person – am I to let this happen to you?" Sean muttered, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping into her black hair.

"Sean," Taylor tried to say sternly, but choking on the word. "I told you, it's not your fault. It's really not. It's nobody's fault but mine. I screwed up."

"Don't say that, baby," Sean said suddenly. "It's not your fault. Don't blame it on yourself."

"But it is," sobbed Taylor.

"Sshh," whispered Sean, "let's just not talk about it, it'll only upset you more, and God knows that's the last thing I want to do." Taylor stayed in Sean's lap, leaning up against his chest. She could hear his heart beating beneath his robes. It was a comforting sound, and it gradually calmed her down while Sean continued whispering to her in a caring voice. Slowly her tears slowed until her eyes were no longer leaking. Still she leaned her head against Sean's chest listening to the comforting thump thump thump of his heart beating away. At that moment she felt an overwhelming affection for him swell up in her heart.

Noticing that she was sniffing less, Sean took his right hand and lifted her chin to look her in her eyes. Bright blue eyes stared into deep brown ones. Taylor attempted a weak smile, and a hint of a smile played across Sean's lips. Gently Sean leaned down and pressed their lips together briefly.

"C'mon," he said, standing up and gathering Taylor in his arms and carrying her over to her bed and placing her down upon the blanket, and then lay down next to her, hugging her boney form close to his chest. She snuggled into him and closed her eyes. This was the most calm she had felt since her collapse outside the Charms classroom. Her brain had been in complete turmoil for a long time, but right now she was temporarily relieved. Taylor drew a deep breath, and then sighed. Maybe she could properly relax now. Slowly her thoughts drifted off, lazily.

The next thing she knew, Sean was stirring next to her. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. She rolled over to look at him.

"I think we fell asleep," she said, smiling a little sheepishly. It was the first sleep she'd had since entering the hospital without being aided by a sleeping potion.

"Yeah, I think so," Sean replied. "You feel better?" He asked.

"A lot better." Said Taylor. "Thanks, Sean. Thanks for coming to see me."

"Of course I came to see you. I've come every day since you've been in here, but this was the first day Madam Pomfry let me in to see you. I'm glad she did."

At that moment, who should appear in the door but Madam Pomfry. "Young man, you've been here three hours, I dare think that is long enough." Sean gave Taylor a disappointed look.

"I'll stop by to see you after class, ok? Don't worry, I'll be back." And he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Taylor smiled weakly back.

"Thanks," she replied. "I'd appreciate that."

Sean stood up and walked towards the door, where he placed one hand on the door frame and turned around. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something, but then seemed to think better of it, shut his mouth, turned around, and left the hospital wing.

Taylor fell back against her pillow. She could feel tears beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes again. Blinking rapidly, she forced them back. She wouldn't cry. Rolling over, Taylor took her pillow into her arms and hugged it tightly to her, burying her face in it.

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	31. Maybe

**A/N: Hey all! Here's a quick update. Still dealing with the hospital thing, but these things take time, you have to be patient. Thanks so much for continuing to read my story, and once again, reviews are always greatly appreciated. **

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Ginny sat with Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the Gryffindor Common Room in a comfy chair in front of the fire. She watched the flames rise is crackling tendrils and the glowing embers that burned beneath the blackening log. Lifting a hand she traced a pattern on the arm of her chair with one pale finger. Everything was falling apart, just like that log, just like the frayed ends of this armchair. It was burning down around her ears, it was frazzling apart. Ginny's life was chaos. Well, just one part of it, but that one part was a major part at the moment.

Sean crawled heavily through the portrait hole and then sank tiredly down into an armchair beside Harry. "Well, Madam Pomfry let me see her," he said in a toneless voice. Ginny's head jerked up.

"And?" She prompted, gazing intently into Sean's bright blue eyes, hoping to discover some sort of sign in them and failing. Sean sighed.

"She's in a bad way. Super skinny. If anything, it looks like she's lost weight since she's been in the hospital, but maybe that's just because I'm really noticing it now. And I saw her in her pajamas, not those blasted school robes. You can't tell anything in those robes. She could be a walking skeleton and you would never know. I just can't believe it. I should have said something. I noticed something was wrong. We all noticed something was wrong. But we made a grave mistake – we cared more for giving her privacy than her life. Madam Pomfry told me that it's not life-threatening for her yet, but it could get that way." He sighed again, and sunk low in the armchair, stretching his legs out towards the fire.

"It's not your fault, you can't go blaming yourself, Sean. Sure, we all noticed, but we can't play the blame game," said Ginny. "I feel completely guilty for this whole situation, too. But we can't go feeling that. We have to be strong. We have to be prepared for when she gets out of the hospital. We can't let her get worse, now that we know what we're dealing with."

"You're right, Gin," said Harry and laying a hand on her arm. Ginny looked at it, but Harry didn't remove it. "We all have to be strong to support Taylor."

There was a pause as everybody stared into the flames, each engulfed with their own thoughts. The Hermione said in a slow voice, "Well, I guess that means that we're forgetting about Sirius for the time being?"

Her words hung in the air as everybody thought about them. Harry sighed heavily and removed his hand from Ginny's arm. "Yeah, you're probably right, Hermione," he said, "as much as I hate it, I guess this is more important. I mean, Sirius hasn't gone anywhere and doesn't seem likely to be going anywhere soon, so I think we're better off concentrate on getting Taylor better."

Hermione looked at Harry. "I know you really miss him. Just because we're helping Taylor get better doesn't mean that we can't still try to think of ways to bring him back into the land of the living."

"That would be nice," Harry said. "I just want to bring him back so badly! It's this constant itch, I can't forget about it. He's always there in the back of my mind. Always – at meals, in class, at Quidditch practice."

Hermione smiled slightly. "Even at Quidditch!" She joked, trying to bring some humor into the situation. The corners of everyone's lips turned up slightly. "Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad of a joke," Hermione said.

Ron and Harry both let out a chuckle. "Ok, ok, Hermione." Ron said. "You're right though, Hermione. We can't let this situation bring us all down. Like Harry and Ginny said, we need to be strong. But we should try to be happy. I know it's not a happy situation, but we need to make the most of it."

"Says Ron The Great Sage," said Ginny, smiling for real now. Everyone laughed. The air seemed lighter all of a sudden and Ginny felt like she could breathe better. "Did Madam Pomfry mention when Taylor will be getting out?" She asked.

"No," said Sean. "She said she needs to balance out some stuff first. I don't know how long that will take. Hopefully not that long. I'm beginning to miss her pretty badly."

"Me too. Actually, I miss the old Taylor. The happy one. The one who was smart and funny and so alive. This Taylor we've been dealing with has been so different."

"Taylor is a strong girl herself. But she will need to decide to get better. Before she decides that, it is totally out of our control." Stated Hermione. "We can't force her to get better."

Ginny grimaced. "I wish we could."

"But we can't go about this forcefully. We have to respect her. I know that we let her go too far, but we still have to give her the chance to recover on her own. We just have to be watchful about it." Said Hermione.

"What would you have us do?" Sean asked angrily, sitting up taller in his armchair. "Let her die on us because she refuses to feed herself?"

"No," said Hermione gently. "I want her to live just as badly as," Sean harrumphed, Hermione continued, "no, really I do. Maybe I'm not as close to her as you or Ginny, but I certainly do not want her to die. All I'm saying is that we can't force-feed her. She would hate us for that. If she refuses to eat, you know what we have to do?"

"No," Ginny and Sean said together, both glaring at Hermione.

"Report her. As we should have a long time ago. To McGonagall or Madam Pomfry. If it is beyond our control, we need to hand her over to the people who _can _make her eat."

Ginny slumped in her chair. "I know you're right." She glowered. "But I want so badly to just push the food down her throat. I mean, how hard is it to eat?"

"Well, I guess it's hard for Taylor. I can't relate," said Hermione. "But I can sympathize. Do we all swear that if we feel that Taylor is going out of control, that we will report her to the proper authority?" Hermione asked, looking each one of them searchingly in the eyes.

Harry and Ron nodded, Sean mumbled "sure", and Ginny paused before saying, "I suppose so. It's the best we can do." After that they all sat there, no one knowing what to say. The past couple days had been particularly draining on Sean and Ginny. Ginny had cried when Madam Pomfry had refused to let her see Taylor. She rarely cried, but she knew her friend was toying with death, which she couldn't stand. Ginny rubbed her eyes, making little red and yellow lights pop in her vision. She was so tired from all this worrying. Finally she groaned.

"I'm going to bed," she announced, pushing herself to her feet by the arms of her chair. She swung her bag over her shoulder.

'G'night," said Harry.

"'Night," Ginny replied, and began to climb the stairs to her dormitory. When she got there, she flung her bag down beside her bed and dropped down onto her mattress. She hadn't done her homework, but she was dead tired with worry. Homework would have to wait for the weekend.

Ginny slowly changed into her pajamas. When she had her top off, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She had tied her brilliant hair back in a pony tail, but wisps of hair had escaped the hold and framed her face, which was tanned and freckled from spending so much time outside playing Quidditch. Her shoulders and arms were well muscled from playing Chaser. Her stomach was very pale. Ginny wondered what Taylor hated so much about herself that she could starve herself like that. Was this really all about weight? Somehow, Ginny didn't think so. There had to be an underlying problem. Something deeper that was making Taylor act this way. Ginny turned away from the mirror and pulled her night shirt on over her head. Wearily, she crawled underneath the blankets and flicked her wand at the burning lamps and they immediately were extinguished.

Ginny lay in bed staring up at the dark ceiling. Christmas was coming. She wondered what everybody was doing for the holiday. Ron had mentioned that Harry would be coming to the Burrow for Christmas, and she wondered if Taylor could come, if only so Ginny could keep a watch on the girl. Slowly Ginny's thoughts swayed towards Harry. He had been so…touchy lately. And he seemed to be where ever Ginny went. A faint smile played across her lips. Maybe The Boy Who Lived was finally noticing her. And just in time for Christmas. Rolling over, Ginny knew what Christmas present she would be wishing for. Even while she thought that, she wondered if that was too much to ask for. Maybe she was overreacting to mere friendliness. Maybe Harry didn't really like her like that. But maybe, just maybe, he did… Ginny smiled into her pillow.

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	32. Freedom

**A/N: Hi there! This took a bit longer to update. All I can say is – read on! And please review if you so desire. I'd really appreciate your criticisms. I want to do another chapter with Sirius in it, but I'm a little short on ideas, so if you have any, I'd love to hear them!**

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: Thanks for continuing to read! I was a little worried that you didn't like the story any more.**

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**Freedom**

Taylor lay in bed in the dark. Large shapes loomed at her in the dark. It was well past midnight, but still, Taylor couldn't sleep; Madam Pomfry had forgotten her potion of dreamless sleep and the warming draught, and Taylor couldn't seem to fall asleep, as well as being freezing cold. She rolled over so that she faced into her pillow. She stayed like that until she began to feel suffocated, and then she rolled back over onto her back. Shaking with the shivers, Taylor gripped the thin hospital sheets and blanket over her head and left a small opening so she could breathe through it. This helped a little, but she was still shaking. Sleep was ever evasive, and her mind was no solace. Her thoughts whipped around, unkind and burning. Every part of her life was being belittled by her conscious. But when it started on Sean and Ginny, Taylor sat bolt upright.

"No!" She declared into the darkness. She wouldn't let herself start on Ginny and Sean. They were her rock, they were what where keeping her tied to this world. She felt on the nightstand next to her bed for her wand.

"Lumos," Taylor whispered into the dark and instantly the end of her wand lit up and she held it over her bed. The large, looming shadows disappeared as the light spread across her room and some of her ill thoughts dissipated with the darkness. The light quivered as her hand shook as her whole body was raked with cold. She reluctantly crawled out from under the semi-warm blankets, rummaged around for a sweater, pulled it over her head, and huddled back under the covers, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Feeling slightly better but still shivering, Taylor reached for the book beside her bed. It was a good one, full of adventure and danger, just like Taylor liked, perfect for disappearing from the world into. She rested the book on her legs and let it fall open to her marked place. Holding her wand above the pale pages covered with little black words, she began to read.

She had been reading a good half hour when she heard sounds from Madam Pomfry's office. Quickly, she closed the book and shoved it onto her nightstand, whispering "nox" and resting her wand on the nightstand along with the book right as her room flooded with light, with Taylor still sitting up.

"Can't sleep, hunny?" The kind nurse asked.

"Ah," said Taylor, and then figuring that the nurse already knew, said, "yes. Or, well, no, I can't."

"Oh, dear me, I forgot your potions, didn't I?" The nurse asked. Mutely Taylor nodded.

"But, really, shouldn't I be working on trying to sleep without it? I mean, I don't want to be dependent upon that potion." She said, fiddling with her blanket, and not mentioning how very cold she was.

"I think you have much worse to worry about then being dependent upon a sleeping potion. If that is the worst of your worries, then we are doing quite well," responded the nurse.

"Yeah, well…" Taylor drifted off. She hated when Madam Pomfry talked like this.

"Now, I'll bring you those potions," Madam Pomfry bustled out of the room, and quickly returned with the familiar goblets of purple and red potions.

"Here, dear," she said, handing the goblets one by one to Taylor. Figuring she might as well take it, Taylor thanked her and drained the goblet of sleeping potion. She really did want the warming draught, she was still shaking with cold, so she took that goblet and drank it too. Immediately she felt the familiar warmth and drowsiness stealing over her. She returned the goblets to Madam Pomfry and had hardly lain down before her eyes closed and her mind shut off to the world around her and the one of turbulence inside her head.

Taylor awoke hours later to see the sun pouring in through her open window; somebody, probably Madam Pomfry, had opened the curtains. Looking out the window, Taylor saw that the sun was well above the tops of the trees of the Forbidden Forest, so it must be rather late in the morning. The window had been opened a crack and Taylor could hear the music of the morning birds floating in through the window. She smiled, she liked morning.

A few minutes later, Madam Pomfry backed into the room, carrying a tray heavily laden with food and three goblets. Placing the tray on the table next to Taylor's bed, she gazed at Taylor with a look of concern etched on her face, as she always did in the morning.

"How are you feeling this morning, dear?" The caring nurse asked. Taylor shrugged.

"Not too bad, actually. After you gave me those potions I slept pretty well."

"Well, that's always good to hear," said Madam Pomfry, giving Taylor a small smile. "Now eat your breakfast, I expect you'll be out of here my noon, and I'm sure all your friends will be very glad to see you."

"You're letting me out?" Taylor asked, smiling, a warm feeling of happiness beginning to glow in her stomach and gradually growing until her whole body felt warm.

"Yes, dear. It's Saturday, so you'll have the weekend to rest and get used to being back in the school before you head back to classes on Monday."

"Thanks," said Taylor, completely heartfelt. Madam Pomfry smiled as she looked down at Taylor.

"Now eat your breakfast," she said, sitting down beside Taylor's bed as she always did to overlook Taylor and make sure she ate all of her food. Taylor turned to her breakfast tray. It was laden with two eggs, sunny-side up, two pieces of toast, two pieces of sausage, and three goblets – one of pumpkin juice, one of the potion of concentrated nutrients, and the other a warming draught, which Taylor was glad to see as the effects of last night's potion was already wearing off and instantly drained it.

Taylor started on the eggs, cold eggs were nasty. She sprinkled some salt on them, topped them with salsa and began to eat. She cut them into little bits, and ate each bit separately, setting down the fork between every bite. When she had finished them, she ate a piece of toast, ripping it apart slowly and eating it that way. After that she drank some of the potion of concentrated nutrients and then stopped. Her stomach was stretched full. After months of not eating much, she had a hard time eating everything Madam Pomfry gave her. It had taken her a half hour to eat what she did, she ate so meticulously. She looked up at Madam Pomfry, who was looking at the plate that was not quite empty.

"Eat a sausage, drink the rest of your potion of concentrated nutrients, and I'll be happy," Madam Pomfry sighed, looking a little disappointed. "I do wish you would eat more, but I understand, we must take small steps." Taylor felt a little bad, she was trying, after all; she really was. She picked up her fork again and played with the sausage, pushing it around on her plate before cutting it up into little bits just like she had with the eggs. Spearing a piece, she lifted it up to her mouth and slowly chewed it. Taylor repeated this until she had finished all the bits of sausage. Then she reached for the goblet of nutrients. She gazed down into its depths for a bit, and then raised it to her lips and drank it down. Returning the goblet to her tray, she wrapped her arms around her stomach, which felt like it was going to burst.

"I know, it's uncomfortable, isn't it?" Said Madam Pomfry, picking up Taylor's tray of unfinished food. Taylor nodded and lay back on her pillows. "Alright, well, I'll let you out in a bit, ok, hunny?" Said the nurse as she walked back out the door. Taylor didn't move; her stomach felt like it was killing her. She lay there on top of her blankets for a long time while her stomach slowly digested her food. Fighting the urge to get up and start doing crunches, which Madam Pomfry had caught her at several times and had scolded her roundly for it, she forced herself to keep lying down.

After what felt like hours, during which Taylor drifted in and out of sleep, her stomach finally felt ok, and she sat up. The sun had moved higher in the sky so that now it was located somewhere over the castle where Taylor could not see it. Taylor looked over at the clock on her bedside table; which read eleven forty-five, almost time to be free. She smiled again; she was very excited to get out of the hospital. She couldn't wait to see Ginny and Sean; she hadn't had much time with either of them during the time that she had spent cooped up in the hospital.

Finally Madam Pomfry came back into the room. "That'll do, I think," she said, smiling at Taylor's smile. "I take it you're ready? I'll get a house elf to bring your things back up to your dormitory so that you don't have to drag it through the castle."

"Thanks," Taylor grinned, standing up. She was less nauseous now and she didn't sway.

"And I'll also send a house elf up to your dormitory with your sleeping potion and warming draught each night. I don't think we'll need to wean you off those quite yet. No purpose in trying, really." Said the kindly nurse. "Well, stay healthy, dear, I don't want to see you back in here!"

"I don't want to come back in here," replied Taylor, turning to leave out the door. Madam Pomfry began to gather up the sheets and blanket from Taylor's bed.

Ten minutes later found her climbing through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor Common Room. She stood there for a few seconds, feeling awkward and a little out of place after being gone from the school for so long, before she saw Ginny's bright red hair in the corner of the room, grouped around Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

As she approached them, Ginny looked up. A look of pure delight crossed her freckled features and she half-screamed, attracting the attention of the whole Common Room,

"Taylor!" Ginny squealed and leapt up and raced over to Taylor, throwing her arms around Taylor's neck.

"Taylor, you're out! How come you didn't tell us you were getting out today? How do you feel? You look loads better, you have some color in your cheeks now, you look so much healthier, how are you?" Taylor smiled at Ginny's many questions, hugging the red head back.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, to which Ginny tsked.

"You always say you're fine, even when you're not." She said. Taylor's smile faltered, hoping she wasn't going to receive a lecture from the hot-headed red head the second she got back from the hospital.

"But no matter, come over here," said Ginny, seeming to realize that it was not the right moment to be lecturing Taylor, grabbing Taylor's arm, and pulling her over to where Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been watching from. Hermione jumped up to drag over another armchair for Taylor to sit in.

Sitting down, Taylor once again felt herself feeling awkward. She didn't know these three very well, and she didn't feel all that comfortable around them, especially after her episode in the hospital. How much did they know? And how much did they suspect? Taylor didn't know what to expect from people. Not knowing what they knew or what they thought left her feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable. She twisted her hands nervously in her lap.

"It's nice to see you again," Hermione said kindly. "How are you doing?"

Taylor wished the bright witch hadn't asked that question. How was she supposed to be feeling? She had just been released from the hospital for fainting. How did Hermione think she felt?

"OK," Taylor mumbled into her lap. There was an uncomfortable moment while nobody said anything.

"Well," said Taylor, still staring at her lap, "I think I'll go for a walk around the grounds." She stood up, but Ginny stood up with her. Taylor said nothing to Ginny and strode towards the portrait hole. Ginny caught hold of her thin arm when she had reached it.

"You're not going for a run, are you Taylor?" Asked the red head anxiously, looking at Taylor nervously as though she expected the frail girl to collapse at any time. "I know Madam Pomfry wanted you to not be active."

"No, I'm not going to run. Just, I don't know, sit down by the lake or something," Taylor muttered. She didn't know what she wanted, but after longing so for companionship while in the hospital, she now found herself wanting to be left alone.

Ginny continued to stare concernedly at Taylor. Finally she asked, "Can I come with you then?" She seemed very hesitant to ask, as though she thought Taylor might blow up at her. "I don't know, you might want some company or something…" her voice trailed off.

Taylor cocked her head to one side, considering Ginny's offer. She knew that Ginny really wanted to keep her under surveillance to make sure that she didn't do anything drastic, but still…

"Sure, you can come with me," she sighed, a slight smile playing on her lips. Ginny grinned and took Taylor's hand.

"Then come on!" She said, half dragging Taylor out of the portrait hole.

When the red head and the brunette stepped out from behind the huge oak front doors and onto the steps beyond them, they found a watery winter sun beaming down upon them. A chilly mist that had lain around the grounds in the morning had lifted, leaving behind a land bathed in the cold light, for even though the sun was shining brightly, it did not warm the earth below it. The air was sharp and bit painfully at the nose and ears. The two girls pulled their cloaks more tightly around themselves and headed off down a path towards the lake. When they reached it, Taylor climbed up upon her customary rock, with Ginny close behind her. They sat side by side staring at the lake. One of the giant squid's tentacles was floating near the surface of the water; they could see it wavering in the water.

"So how are you really?" Ginny asked, glancing at Taylor, who could tell that this was a question that Ginny had been really wanting to ask, and really wanted a truthful answer for it. Taylor continued to stare out across the lake to avoid looking at Ginny.

"To tell the truth, not so well," she said, almost inaudibly, so that Ginny had to lean closer to her to hear the words. "But I'll be OK. It's just rough…I don't know. How much has Madam Pomfry told you?"

"Only that you're a bit malnourished and that's why you fainted," said Ginny. "Which I guess I could have seen for myself. I always was telling you that you needed to eat more, but you never listened to me."

"It's not just about eating," stated Taylor, still staring off across the lake.

"What do you mean?" Ginny asked, tilting her head to one side.

"Well, just that there's a lot of stuff involved with it. It's more complicated than just deciding to eat more."

"But you are going to try to eat more, right?" Ginny asked worriedly.

Taylor paused. "I'll try," she said shortly.

"Good. Because I love you Taylor, and I don't like to see you hurting. I know you're hurting, and it hurts me to see you like this." Ginny's voice was soft and cracked a bit, as though she was holding back tears. Taylor felt an overwhelming guilt rise up inside her. This wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to hurt those people closest to her. It was just happening…it was all out of her control.

"I know," said Taylor, and now her voice was thick with emotion, too. "I didn't mean to hurt you. That's the last thing I want to do."

"I know, I know," murmured Ginny. And then she had flung her arms around Taylor's bony shoulders and was hugging her small frame close to herself, sobbing into Taylor's shoulder. Taylor raised her arms and wrapped them around Ginny and the two girls sat like that, hugging each other, crying into each other's shoulders.


	33. Winter Wonders

**A/N: So sorry it took me ages to update! I had finals and then a major case of writers block, but now I have this written, so read and enjoy, and if you so wish, please review!**

**PocketFullOfSunshine95: I'm glad you like the conversations. I sometimes have a hard time with them. Sometimes I go back and reread my writing and realize that the conversations sound pretty forced. I work really hard to have the conversations flow normally, but it can be hard. And again, thanks for reading and reviewing!**

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**Winter Wonders**

Taylor was sitting in her seat in Transfiguration, the last class of the semester, with five minutes to go. She had gotten out of the hospital in time for a week's worth of classes and then it was Christmas Break. Professor McGonagall was just finishing up her lecture.

"The only homework I am assigning you over break is to research into the transformation of inanimate objects into animate ones. We will be doing a project on this after you get back from your vacation." The sharp professor picked up her pieces of parchment with notes sprawled across them and tapped them on the desk to straighten them out, and then picked up several more scrolls of notes and tied them together while the class noisily shoved their books, parchment, and quills into their bags.

"And have a good holiday," Professor McGonagall added, as though in an afterthought as several of the quicker students began to leave the classroom. Shouts of "Merry Christmas!" and "Happy Holidays!" floated around the room.

When Taylor had finished packing her quill into her bag, Ginny grabbed her arm impatiently, looping her arm through Taylor's so that they walked arm-in-arm out of the classroom and into the Christmas holidays.

"At last! Freedom!" Ginny said, almost skipping with Taylor along the crowded corridor. "I wish you could be spending Christmas with us."

"I know, but I haven't seen my mum since the beginning of the school year," Taylor sighed, "but it would be fun to be at the Burrow for Christmas."

"Oh well. Let's not let that ruin today; I don't have to leave until tomorrow morning." Ginny said as they dodged a giggling group of Hufflepuffs walking away from the Charms corridor. "When are you leaving?"

"Day after tomorrow. Mum has to finish up some work in London before she can come home." Taylor said, hitching her bag up higher on her shoulder as she and Ginny wove through the mass of students. Ginny had to fight to keep from frowning slightly. She was disappointed that Taylor wasn't spending Christmas break with her where she could keep an eye on the frail girl. She supposed that Taylor's mother could look after her daughter well enough, but Ginny liked to be in control of things. Ginny had been paying attention to what Taylor ate ever since she came out of the hospital and hadn't been encouraged by what she had observed. Taylor picked at her food, pushing it around and cutting it into tiny bits, but rarely eating much. Ginny felt awkward about addressing the issue with Taylor, which was why she hadn't said anything yet. And now here was Christmas and Taylor was going to be gone from Ginny's sight for two whole weeks. Feeling irked, Ginny tried to clear her mind and focus on the conversation.

"Sweet, well let's make the most of the time we've got left. Want to go outside? I saw it was snowing while we were in class, which would add to the snow we got over the night. What say you?" Ginny asked.

"Sure, I love the snow, and with all the homework the teachers have been assigning this past week, I haven't been able to go outside at all." Replied Taylor, who indeed, with all the make up work she had to finish on top of the normal homework, hadn't had the time for much of anything besides school. So the two girls changed their direction from heading towards the Gryffindor Common Room to starting for the great oak doors and the crisp white world beyond them.

When the two of them reached the steps leading down from the castle, they paused and stood there for a few seconds, eyes closed, and faces tilted up towards the sky from which big flakes of snow were falling thick and fast. They stepped off the steps, which had been cleared of snow, and sunk half way up their calves in snow. Ginny grinned at Taylor, who returned her grin and they started running, as best as they could, through the deep powdery snow. Finally they collapsed in the snow a few yards away from the Forbidden Forest.

"Snow angles!" Cried Ginny, and the two spread their arms and legs out in the snow and began to sweep them back and forth. When they were finished, they stood up to admire their work.

"Mine's named Stephanie," announced Taylor. "Who's yours?"

"Angela." Said Ginny promptly.

"It can't be Angela," countered Taylor.

"Why not?" Ginny demanded. "She's an angel, so therefore she is called Angela."

"Ok, whatever, I guess that works. Let's build a snow man," suggested Taylor.

"Alright, I've got the bottom," said Ginny, beginning to pack some snow into a snowball and rolling it around on the snowy ground to collect more snow on it. Taylor followed suit and soon they had three balls of white snow stacked on top of each other. Ginny stood back to scrutinize it.

"Well, it's a start, but my hands are freezing," she said.

"Mine too," said Taylor, breathing on her cold hands. The snow on them melted in her warm breath, but her fingers were still numb and red. They hadn't stopped to put on scarves, mittens, or cloaks.

"We can finish this later; I think my fingers are going to fall off." Ginny said. So they picked up their bags from where they had dropped them in the snow and started to follow their footprints back up to the castle.

When they reached the Gryffindor Common Room, they stood by the fireplace gratefully, holding out their hands to defrost them. Their robes had been packed with snow, which melted as they stood close to the roaring fire, leaving puddles around their feet. They were alone in the Common Room; most people had left school immediately after the last class of the day.

Taylor turned to stare out one of the large windows, which in the summer let the light and heat of the sun pour into the Common Room and now, through the pale snow was letting in a dim gray light. Taylor watched as the flakes fell continuously from the sky, swirling through the air. The branches of the trees of the Forbidden Forest were heavily laden down with the snow. Every once in a while, a branch would dip with the weight of the snow, which would slip off the branch with a muffled _fwump _into a soft white pile on the snowy ground beneath the tree.

"Snow is so beautiful," Taylor mused. "It turns the whole world into this peaceful sanctuary. It's so…powerful. But silently so, do you know what I mean?" She asked Ginny without turning to look at her.

"It is beautiful. Stunning. It totally transforms the world. Makes it like a Christmas card. Perfect. And," Ginny grinned, "Hagrid's cabin is perfect, with the smoke furling up from the chimney."

"It is. The perfect addition to the perfect landscape." Taylor agreed, watching as the smoke from his chimney curled up into the pale sky.

Ginny watched her friend closely. She desperately hoped that something drastic wouldn't happen over their break. Ginny didn't think she could stand any more of this worry. It was heavy and leaned upon her shoulders all the time; she was never free from it. It lurked behind every corner, eyed her from across rooms, snuck up on her unexpectedly. It was almost enough to make her sick. Ginny suppressed a sigh and looked back at the fire. The orange flames leapt and danced in the fireplace and she found herself envying them; they looked so free and carefree, without a worry, just burning brightly. The logs were burnt black and embers glowed brightly from under them, their light wavering and flickering.

Ginny turned around and sat down in the armchair closest the fire to continue watching the dancing flames. Taylor turned away from the snow-covered window to face the glowing Common Room again and sat herself down in the armchair next to Ginny.

"I love fire, too," she sighed, watching Ginny watching the fire.

"Sometimes I wish I could be like that – the absolute freedom the flames have," Ginny murmured.

"Yeah, wouldn't that be nice? No boundaries, nothing, just you and the logs and the air." Taylor replied. She paused, and then continued, "Sean really likes fire, too. He told me so. I think certain kinds of people are drawn to it. The freedom, the power, it's very attractive."

"Sean's a good kid. I'm glad you're together," Ginny said offhandedly.

"Yeah, me too." Taylor paused again, and then voiced one of the things that had been bugging her lately. "But sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I mean, I have so many problems, and I know they hurt him so much. And I guess that goes for you, too. I don't deserve such good people in my lives. I don't deserve your love and care for me."

"Don't say that," Ginny replied immediately. "Don't think that for one minute. You are an amazing person; you're just having a bit of a difficult time right now. But what kind of friends would we be if we left you now? No friends at all, that's what. It would be downright low to do that. Real friends stick with each other through everything – through the ups and the downs. That's the mark of a real friend."

Taylor didn't respond for a few moments and Ginny looked over at her, surprised to see a tear track glistening in the firelight down her cheek. "Thanks," choked out Taylor, "that means a lot to me."

"Of course," replied Ginny. "And you know I mean every bit of it, right? And I know that Sean feels the same way. If he didn't, he wouldn't be with you. But he still is. He's stuck by your side this whole time because he cares about you."

"I just don't want to be the 'depressed girlfriend', you know?" Taylor said. "I feel like such a burden on him."

"If you were indeed a burden on him, like I said, he wouldn't be with you. But he likes you and cares about you – a lot. So he stays with you." Ginny stated.

Taylor laughed half-heartedly, "Guess I'm just a little – well, very – insecure."

"I know," sighed Ginny.

They sat in their respective armchairs for a while, staring at the flames dancing in the hearth.

Suddenly Harry sat down on the arm of Ginny's chair, while Ron plopped down in an armchair next to it, and Hermione stood by, looking on.

"Hey you two," Harry said.

Ginny shook herself out of her reverie. "Hey," she replied.

"So what are you up to?" Asked Harry, twiddling with a loose thread coming out of Ginny's arm chair.

"Not much," said Ginny, "Just came in from making a snowman outside."

"It's freezing out there!" Ron said.

"Yeah, especially without mittens or cloaks or hats," Taylor said, smiling, holding her hands out to the fireplace to continue warming them up.

"So what are you guys up to?" Ginny asked.

"Wondering what you would say to a visit to Hagrid's?" said Harry.

"Sure," Ginny replied, "it will be good to see him before term ends. Taylor?"

"Sounds good to me," Taylor said, standing up. She clung to the arm of her chair to keep herself upright. She hadn't eaten enough that day, she knew it, because standing up made her dizzy. Nobody else seemed to notice anything. Harry stood up and offered his hand to Ginny to help her to her feet. Ginny took it smiling. Ginny thought she caught a knowing look flash on Hermione's face. Had Harry told her anything? Ginny's insides felt all light and fluttery at the thought.

They all bundled themselves up in warm cloaks, mittens, hates, and scarves before heading out of the portrait hole. They were beginning to overheat as they walked through the castle and were grateful to reach the huge front doors where they stepped out into the crisp evening air.

Their breath billowed out in front of them as they made their way through the deep, heavy snow on the way to Hagrid's hut. Their robes and cloaks were covered in snow and their shoes were wet by the time they reached his front door. Harry lifted up a mittened hand and knocked three times on the door. Right at that moment they heard the whistle of a teapot, which was stopped as it was hastily taken off the stove, and next thing they knew they were looking at Hagrid's hairy head peering out at them from behind the door.

"Hi, Hagrid," Harry said.

" 'low," said Hagrid, still standing in the doorway.

"Er, can we come in?" Harry asked.

"Oh, yes, o' course ye can come in," Hagrid said, quickly moving out of the way so that they could step over his threshold and into his warm hut. A fire was burning merrily in the fireplace, warming up the small hut.

"Sit down," Hagrid said, "I'll get ye all cup o' tea, hold on." And he began rummaging in his cupboard, pulling out six mugs and setting them on the table and pouring hot water into all of them.

"Sorry, I'll I've got is tea bags, that OK?" He asked, picking up his silver tin full of tea bags.

"That's fine," Hermione assured him, and Hagrid placed a bag in each of their steaming mugs.

"Sugar?" He asked, handing round the sugar bowl. Everyone picked some sugar up with the copper spoon in the sugar bowl and poured some in their mugs, stirring.

Taylor leaned her face over her mug so that the steam rising up from it warmed her face; she had goosebumps all over, she was so cold. She closed her eyes to concentrate on warming up, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

After they were all settled at the table with a huge mug of steaming hot tea, Hagrid having brought out a tray of gooey chocolate chip cookies and sitting down between Harry and Ron, Hagrid looked around at them.

"So what have ye all been up ter?" He asked, picking up his gigantic mug of tea and taking a gulp of it. The tea was still boiling hot, and tears sprung up in Hagrid's eyes at the pain of the hot liquid.

Hermione was cradling her mug of tea in both hands, warming them up on the sides of the mug. "Well, it's Christmas break and we're all leaving soon, so we thought we'd give you one last visit before we left."

"Thanks, I appreciate the company." Said Hagrid. "What are you all doing fer break?"

Ron was blowing on his tea to cool it down. "Harry's coming with me and Ginny to the Burrow," he said.

Hermione said, "And I'm going home to my parents. I think they want to check and see how everything at school's going, what with Voldemort back and everything."

"Ar, yeah, I know a lot of parents are worried about their kids." Said Hagrid. "They all want to check up on their kids, see how they're doing."

"I know, they've been really worried about me all term," Hermione said. "I keep telling them that Hogwarts is one of the safest places because we have Dumbledore and all the other teachers, but they're still really worried."

"Arch, but parents are always protective of their children. They'd rather that their kids were at home with them instead of having them somewhere else." Hagrid replied. "So what are you doing fer break, Taylor?" he asked Taylor, who was still hovering her face over the top of her mug, clutching it in both of her hands, trying to warm up.

"My mum is working for a bit longer on a project in London, so I'm staying here while she does that, and then I'm going home to see her after she's done," she replied.

"That should be nice, you used to see her all the time, and now you haven't seen her since September." Hermione said.

"Yeah, she should only be working for a couple of days before we're going home together." Taylor agreed.

"How are you getting there?" Harry asked. "The Hogwart's Express will have left already."

"She's coming to pick me up and then we're going to fly on brooms home." Replied Taylor.

"Where do you live, anyway?" Ron asked. "You've talked about your home, like when Sirius came to visit you after Harry and Hermione rescued him, and it sounds like you're in the mountains."

"We are in the mountains. Not too far from here, actually, which is how we can reach it on brooms. Bit further North." Said Taylor. "It's a really cool place, actually. It's out on this dirt road really far away from civilization, it's great. Mum works from home mostly, but every once in a while she has to go out to work in the direct place."

"Don't you get lonely?" Harry asked. "Being so far away from people?"

"It's not that bad, really. I actually like it. I do a lot of running around on the trails back there. We get some muggle hikers and backpackers around our house sometimes. Mum always invites them in for food and tea. It's pretty fun."

"What's a backpacker?" Ron asked, looking puzzled.

"Backpacking is where muggles strap big backpacks on their backs and carry like tents and sleeping bags and cookware with them while they hike around the mountains on long trips. Me and Mum have done some of it, and it's really amazing. You feel so close to nature."

"Sounds nutty to me," said Ron, laughing. "They seriously carry all that stuff around on their backs? Isn't it heavy? I mean, they don't have lightening spells or anything."

"The backpacks can be heavy. I've had one that was eighty pounds one time," Ron made a grimace. "But it's really not that bad. You get used to it. And the scenery is so distracting, you don't really notice how tired you are."

"I bet. Carrying eighty pound packs on your back while you climb around up and down mountains. I bet it's a total laugh." Ron said sarcastically.

Taylor laughed, "No really, it actually is!" This was the most comfortable she had every felt with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. It was just like talking to Ginny. Harry laughed too.

"I've heard of muggles doing that," he said. "Of course, it never was the Dursley's thing. Anything to do with exercise and Dudley hates it. Especially if it doesn't involve hitting anybody."

"Yeah, well, backpacking is definitely not for the weak or undetermined," Taylor stated. "You have to be pretty motivated to make it up some mountains with that pack on your back."

"I could imagine." Said Hermione. "I never have gone backpacking with my parents. They're dentists…not very much interested in that kind of thing. Actually, Mum is hilarious, she freaks out if she can't have her electronic toothbrush."

"Her what?" Asked Ron, grinning.

"An electronic toothbrush," replied Hermione. "You plug it in and the bristles vibrate to help clean your teeth. Muggles don't have charms on their toothbrushes to help clean their teeth, so they have to figure out how to clean their teeth better without them. I keep trying to get Mum and Dad to try the wizard toothbrushes I've bought for them, but they want to stick with their little electronic ones. They just don't think magic and teeth should mix."

"Your parents are nutters," Ron said.

"Oh, thanks, Ron." Drawled Hermione sarcastically.

"I mean, I don't mean," Ron stuttered. "Well, I mean, my dad is nutters too, what with his fixation with plugs. And Taylor's parents aren't exactly sane. Her mum takes her backpacking and just look at Sirius, he – " Ron halted, blushing, and looking between Harry and Taylor. A silence fell over the table. Harry and Taylor both looked intently out the window, avoiding looking at any of the others.

"Well," Hagrid said, not seeming to have noticed anything, and everybody looked at him, relieved. "Ye all should be getting back up to the school, it's getting dark out."

"You're right, Hagrid," agreed Hermione, jumping on the turn of conversation.

They all drained the last of the tea that was floating in their mugs and stood up. Ron grabbed another chocolate chip cookie. Once again they all wrapped themselves up in their cloaks and scarves, pulled their hats on over their heads and pulled on their mittens.

"Thanks for the tea, Hagrid," Hermione said as they all stepped over the doorway and out into the twilight with snow falling gently on their heads. A bit of a wind had sprung up and was now blowing the snow into their faces. Bending their heads against the wind and wrapping their cloaks tighter around themselves, the five of them headed back up to the castle.

When they finally reached the great oak doors, they were glad. The temperature had dropped dramatically while they had been in Hagrid's hut, and even bundled as they were, their fingers, noses and ears were all very cold. Finally they reached the Gryffindor tower, and clambered through the portrait hole after Harry had said "Shugarblakes" to the Fat Lady.

Once in the Common Room, Harry, Ron and Hermione all went up to bed while Ginny and Taylor stayed down to warm themselves up by the fire. Taylor took her armchair and pulled herself close to the fire so she could feel the warmth better. They sat like that for a bit, happily discussing their Christmas vacation plans, until they gradually talked themselves quiet, while they stared at the dancing flames.

Finally Taylor sighed and pressed her hands into the arms of the chair, levering herself into the air.

"I'm off to bed, I guess," she sighed.

"G'night," replied Ginny. "I'll be up in a bit."

"'Night," said Taylor and began to climb up the stairs to her dormitory. When she reached it she saw that a house elf had brought up her sleeping potion and warming draught. Smiling wryly to herself, she downed them both, returning them to her bedside table. Once again she immediately felt the familiar warmth and drowsiness creeping over her. She took off her school robes and, averting her eyes from the great mirror in the room, quickly pulled on her sweats and a hoodie, for even with the warming draught, she still got cold at night and being cold kept her awake. Yawning, she climbed into her bed and crawled under the blankets, pulling them up to her chin and rolling over onto her side, curling into a ball. Sighing to herself she smiled, she felt somewhat content for the first time in a long time. Gently she closed her eyes and gradually drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	34. Perfection

**A/N: I am SO sorry I haven't updated in ages! I think it's been a month. I've been so stuck with the story though. I'm sorry if this chapter sounds forced. I think I did a decent job on it, but it may still not flow like usual. I know where I'm going, but the problem is, I don't really know how to get there. It's just so frustrating. But anyway, read and enjoy, as always!**

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**Perfection**

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Ginny had left with her brothers and Harry, Sean had gone to Jamaica for the holiday, Hermione had gone home to her parents, and most of the other students in the school had also left; Taylor was left alone in the Common Room for the day. She had just woken up, having allowed herself to sleep late as she had nothing else better to do. The golden sun was peaking in through the huge windows in the Common Room, throwing large heaps of warm light on the floor and furniture. Taylor was curled in one of the armchairs basking in the sun and the radiating heat from the fire place, resisting the urge to go on a run. She knew that was out of the question, but she still ached to go run. The one big thing that was stopping her was not her health, but the fact that the grounds were covered in three feet of powdery snow. It was way too much work to run through that much snow. Inches she could handle, feet she could not.

Taylor looked around the room, feeling bored. She could work on her homework, but she didn't think much of that idea. There was no one to play chess or exploding snap or gobstones with. No body to talk to, no body to laugh with, she was just alone. She was reminded of her hospital stay, lying in bed with nothing to do, sometimes getting up to do homework or else writing or drawing. The long hours filled with nothing.

During her time in the hospital, Taylor had spent hours dwelling on her dad and what she was supposed to do about the whole situation. The only conclusion she had been able to draw after all those consuming hours was that she didn't know what to do, which wasn't very satisfying. In fact, it was extremely unsatisfying, and it left Taylor feeling anxious and upset. She was also very disappointed in herself for not being able to come up with a solution. Knowing she shouldn't, she still beat herself up about it. She felt that she should have succeeded by now; when Dumbledore had first told her about Sirius and she had decided to take on the challenge, she certainly hadn't imagined that it would take this long. Taylor felt like she really needed some encouragement. She needed someone with wisdom, who was smarter, older, somebody who knew more about life and its dilemmas – she needed someone like Dumbledore. He surely hadn't left the castle? Did he leave the castle during breaks? But what did you do when you wanted to see the Headmaster? Taylor had no idea. She didn't even know where his office was. She knew that Harry had spent quite some time speaking with the Headmaster, so he must know where Dumbledore's office was, but Harry was gone for winter break.

Taylor sighed and wiggled in her armchair, which was pulled close to the fire, and brought her legs up to curl with her like a cat. Really, there was nothing to do. Taylor didn't know how she felt about that. She liked being lazy for once, but she also would welcome something that would distract her from her thoughts inside her head. Why were her thoughts so intrusive?

Her stomach growled faintly. "Eat breakfast," she told herself. She did not want to eat, but Ginny and Sean would want her to. There might still be something left in the Great Hall to eat. An internal struggle ensued. She may not want to eat, the thought of food made her feel queasy but Sean and Ginny would want her to. She didn't want back in the hospital, and to be honest, she had not eaten anything since the two of them had left the day before. "Just a piece of toast, one small piece of toast, maybe some jam. You can do this."

Fighting the part of her that was telling her not to eat, Taylor uncurled herself from her chair and headed out the portrait hole and down through the castle towards the Great Hall and breakfast. When she entered the Great Hall, she saw that the ceiling was showing a cloudy overcast day outside. The house tables were not set up, instead there was one long table with a few scraps of breakfast left on it with a few students lingering around it. There wasn't much left as it was so late in the morning. Taylor grabbed a piece of toast and spread some cherry jam on it. Taking it with her, Taylor left the almost empty Great Hall.

She stepped out into the brisk morning air. No more snow had fallen, but the air was still crisp and bit at her nose. The snow crunched beneath her feet as her mind strayed back to her dad. Her mum wasn't done with her work in London yet, so she still had a bit of time to work on it before she left Hogwarts. Not that she knew what exactly to work on, but she could think about it some more. Taylor kicked some snow up into the air and watched the sparkling flakes fly through the air.

Taylor was freezing. She hadn't thought to grab her cloak from her dormitory before she went down for breakfast. Looking crossly at her toast, she decided she no longer wanted it and tossed it into the lake. It floated on the top for a while, became water-logged and sank out of sight. Almost immediately she thought of Sean and Ginny and felt guilty. Feeling worse for this, Taylor wrapped her arms tightly around herself, teeth chattering. She already missed Ginny and Sean. They had been here for her when she felt like there was nothing else left in life for her. But she missed her mum too. She hadn't seen her mother since September and was eager to see her again. Maybe they could discuss Sirius and come to some conclusion with her help that Taylor, Ginny, Sean, Harry, Ron, and Hermione had overlooked. Feeling a little heartened, Taylor looked back at the lake, upset that she had thrown out her toast. She actually felt hungry, and even more than that, she felt like she could actually eat now and be happy about it, something she hadn't felt in a while. Maybe there was still something in the Great Hall, or maybe lunch was out now, actually.

Rubbing her hands up and down her arms, Taylor started through the snow back up to the castle. Her feet were numb and snow caked the end of her robes. Snowflakes were beginning to drift down from the clouds through the cold air, landing on her eyelashes and her nose. Taylor smiled. Life was feeling pretty good for the first time in a while. She was alone, but it was snowing, she was going to see her mum soon, she was hungry and felt like eating; life was alright.

Later in the afternoon found Taylor back in the Common Room, curled in her chair by the fire, staring into the flames. She had just eaten dinner in the Great Hall, and was feeling rather uncomfortably full. Eating still had that effect on her – she had spent such a long time not eating that she now felt uncomfortable when she did eat. But she was feeling alright. Sitting staring at the flames, her thoughts strayed towards her father again. Maybe she ought to look at the book Dumbledore had given her again; she hadn't looked at it in months.

Uncurling herself from her cat-like position in the armchair, she stood up and climbed up the stairs into her dormitory. Taylor pushed open the door and strode over to her bed, where she kneeled down and peered under it. She had shifted several boxes that she had stashed under there out of the way before she found the large leather bound book, "Beyond the Veil of Death", shoved deep under her bed. She extracted it from under the bed and set it down on her lap, brushing off the dust that had gathered on the front cover to properly see the title of the book in large silver letters imprinted across the black leather covering, which she traced gently with her forefinger. She fingered the frayed edges of the thick book and flipped through the pages for a second before putting it under her arm, standing up, and making her way back down to the Common Room to her cozy armchair right next to the fireplace.

Taylor sat down and curled her legs under her like she had been before, rested the heavy book on her knees, and let it fall open to the contents page. Her eyes flowed down the page, trying to find something that would catch her eye, something that could help her. She could always try the thing that she had tried earlier that year – the thing with the mirror – to talk to her dad again. She did want to talk to him. She hadn't talked to him since Halloween when they had gone into the Room of Requirement. But for that matter, she could just go back to the Room of Requirement again. That would be easier. Taylor glanced up at the clock that hung on the wall above the mantle – it read 7:30. She had time to go and check out the Room of Requirement before it was time to be back in her dormitory. Deciding that was what she was going to do, Taylor stood up and made her way back up to her dormitory where she dug out a jumper to wear in the cold, drafty hallways, pulled it on over her head, hurried back down the stairs and out through the portrait hole.

Ten minutes later found Taylor walking along the seventh floor corridor until she reached the large vase standing beside a stretch of clear wall. She closed her eyes and began to walk, thinking _I need to see my dad again, I need to see my dad again, I need to see my dad again._ All the while she felt slightly doubtful, what if the room didn't come into existence? When she had finished walking, she stood for a second with her eyes shut tight, and then opened them to look at the blank wall, only now it wasn't blank anymore. In its place were two tall, thin, double doors with a circular pull on the right hand door. Smiling hopefully, Taylor grabbed hold of the handle and pulled the door open.

The blinding white mist billowed out of the Room beyond and Taylor squinted into it. Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the door way and immediately began to fall, as she had expected. When she stopped, Taylor looked around. Once again she was surrounded by a thick swirling mist – for lack of a better word.

"Dad?" She called softly, feeling a little small in this whiteness surrounding her. There was no answer, and she began to doubt that she had come into the right place. Maybe the Room of Requirement had fooled her, or maybe it was confused as to what she had wanted.

"Dad?" She called again, peering into the thick white mist. Now she thought she saw something moving towards her. Taylor crossed her fingers. A head a thick, shaggy black hair emerged from the mist, her dad, looking exactly the same as she remembered him.

"Taylor!" He cried, throwing his arms wide, and Taylor rushed towards him, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Oh Dad!" Taylor cried, squeezing her dad tight to her chest. "I've missed you so badly!"

Sirius's hug tightened. "I've missed you, too, hunny." he said gruffly. "So how are you doing? What have you been up to?"

Taylor looked up into his face and decided that she wasn't going to tell him what had really been happening in her life. "Oh, you know. It's alright. It's Christmas vacation now."

"Already?" Sirius asked. "Man, I am really beginning to lose track of time while I'm stuck in here." Taylor stopped looking at her dad and hung her head.

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Oh no, I didn't mean that," Sirius said quickly as he realized his mistake. "I didn't mean it like that. It's not your fault. That was totally tactless of me. That's not what I meant."

"It's alright," Taylor responded, hugging her dad again. "But I am trying. I just am completely lost right now. I don't know what to do at all."

"I know." Sirius sat down on the nothing and patted the spot next to him. Taylor sat down next to him. "What you are trying to do is extremely difficult. I understand that it is very hard on you, and that it is way beyond what should be expected of you."

"I just wish I could figure this all out. I'm so sick of it always being here in my head, bugging me. I am constantly thinking about it. I don't mean to sound like I don't care about you, because I do, that's why I think about it so much. I just wish that I could just know what I'm supposed to do about this and do it so that you can get out of this place and so that I can have a moment of peace. Where I don't have to stress about this." Taylor said, kicking her legs back and forth.

"I wish I could help you. But in all honesty, I don't know what to do at all, either. If I did, I would definitely help you." He paused. "And I know it's been really hard on you." Sirius paused again, looking at Taylor, who was purposefully not looking in his direction. "Look, I know that you spent a period of time in the hospital not too long ago." He took Taylor's hand and squeezed it. Taylor looked into his face, and saw that his eyes were especially bright. She blinked hard and looked away again. "I get glimpses of the real world every once in a while and I saw that." Sirius continued. "You don't need to hide it from me. And I know that it's probably because of my situation that you have been so stressed."

"It's not all your fault." Taylor said. "I wish you didn't know. I know it's hard enough being in this place all by yourself day after day without knowing what's going on with me."

"But I want to know what's going on with you," Sirius interjected. "You're my daughter and I love you. I care what happens to you. And to be honest, I would rather know the truth, no matter how bad it is, than know nothing about what's going on in your life."

"Yeah," Taylor sighed. She didn't say anything else, and sat there, staring out at nothing in particular.

"I'm still sorry," she said finally. "You know, I'm not doing this on purpose. If I could fix it, just fix it, I would, you know."

"It's not your fault. You're a human being." Sirius said, looking out at nothing, too. "Shit like this happens to humans; for reasons we can't explain. We'll work through it though. We will get you the help you need and I, and your mother, and all of your friends will be here to support you through this, no matter what."

"Thanks," Taylor said. She was silent for a while and then she said, "But you do know, I know that doing this to myself hurts you and my friends. I know that. And the very last thing I want to do is hurt you. But I can't seem to stop doing this to myself." She stopped talking and then continued, "If it was as easy as just eating again, I would do it in a heartbeat. But it's not that simple. It's this war inside my head and I can't make it stop. It's so difficult. I just hate myself so much." She stopped again, her throat swelling up and tears pricking at her eyes. She sniffed and blinked hard; she didn't want to cry.

"That's what I don't understand. Why do you hate yourself so much?" Sirius asked, reaching over and wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders, hugging her close to his side. "You're a wonderful, amazing, brilliant, kind, caring person. You are so many things that you just can't see in yourself, and I wish you could. You mean so much to so many people."

"I just feel like shit _all the time._ I feel so unworthy of your love and mum's and Sean's and Ginny's. Like I don't deserve to be happy. I deserve to hurt. I feel like I can't do anything right, ever. I just feel like I'm not good enough. For anyone. For anything. I'm just not good enough."

"Of course you're good enough. What do you want, perfection?" Sirius asked. Taylor didn't answer. "That is what you want, isn't it?" He asked, and Taylor gave a tiny nod. "Look, you're human. Humans make mistakes. Even Dumbledore makes mistakes, he says so himself. You're not meant to be perfect, and if that's what your expectation is, you're always going to be upset at yourself." He hugged Taylor closer to him. "Just try and think about that, OK?" He asked.

"I'll try," Taylor responded. "I do try. I don't know. I can't explain it."

"You don't have to. I'll try and understand with what you can give me."

They sat like that for a while and then Taylor said, "I'd probably better be getting back. I know it's vacation and all, but Filch is still as evil as always. Wouldn't let that be an excuse."

"Alright, but think on that. You don't have to be perfect." Sirius said, standing up.

"I will. Thanks, Dad." Taylor said, hugging her father.

"And Taylor?" Her dad called after her.

"Yeah?" Asked Taylor turning around to look at Sirius.

"I know you can do this," Sirius said, smiling grimly at her.

As Taylor walked back to her dormitory, she dwelled on their conversation. They had gotten nowhere with the whole bringing Sirius back conundrum, but their talk had had a great impact on her. She would really try and accept herself.

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	35. What it's Worth

**A/N: It's finally Christmas! Took me long enough to get here, but I finally did. Anyway, hope you have fun reading, and please review!**

**What it's Worth**

Taylor sat on a tall stool at the bar around the kitchen, swiveling around on it and peeling potatoes, which were heaped in a blue glass bowel beside her, the shavings piling up on a plate in front of her. Tammy was sitting across from her, chopping some carrots, a pile of chopped carrots in a pile to her right and a few long carrots waiting to be chopped. Taylor was back home with her mum and they were preparing for their Christmas dinner. Tammy and her daughter were enjoying a cup of tea while they were getting the dinner ready. The turkey was roasting in the oven, a cherry pie was cooling on a rack near the sink, broccoli was steaming on the stove, where there was also a pot of boiling water waiting for the potatoes that Taylor was peeling, and a jug of butter bear was cooling in the fridge.

Outside was white with snow, glistening from every surface. It was evening, the last rays of the sun shining brightly in through the living room window across from the kitchen, leaving long shadows across the house. Their Christmas tree, a tall majestic pine, stood in the corner of the room, bedecked with icicles that would never melt, glittering golden and silver stars, little everlasting snowflakes sparkling on the branches, and real tiny fairy lights glinting throughout the boughs. Candles were tied onto the end of each branch; their flames bewitched to not burn the tree. There were pine boughs hung above every doorway with holly berries and pinecones in the middle of them. Garlands were woven around the banister and a wreath of pine boughs was laying on the table, with small white candles inside, their flames dancing in the air.

Tammy put down her knife, picked up her mug and took a sip out of it, looking at Taylor over the rim of the blue ceramic mug. "So I heard about your hospital stay," she said purposefully and a little awkwardly. Taylor blushed and looked down at the potato peelings in front of her. Their brown outside skins contrasted starkly with the white of the insides of the potato.

"Professor Dumbledore sent me a letter about it." Tammy continued while Taylor kept staring at the potato skins.

"I hope that you got the help that you need," Tammy pressed on. She took a deep breath, as though determined to say everything that was on her mind. "You don't look that good. I mean, you look fine, well, not fine. I mean, you still look really skinny – too skinny. You look unhealthy." Taylor persisted in staring at the potato peelings, but she could feel the sharp stabbing of tears in her eyes.

"I just want to make sure that you are going to be OK, hun," Tammy said, reaching across the counter to grab a hold of Taylor's hand, who didn't move her hand out of her mother's grip. Taylor blinked hard. She hated talking about this problem; it always made her feel so embarrassed. She wished people would just leave her alone.

"You know, mum, I really don't know that everything is going to be OK," she replied, gulping and blinking harder.

"Oh, sweetie," Tammy said, hurrying around the counter to wrap Taylor tight in her arms. "Sweetie, I'm here to help you. If there's anything, absolutely anything, that I can do for you, I will do it in a heartbeat."

Taylor sighed and wiped away her tears angrily. "I guess I'll be OK, mum. I'm just having a hard time coping right now."

"I realize that. I just wish you would reach out to your friends or me instead of starving yourself."

"I'm not starving myself. I'm perfectly fine." Taylor said, resuming peeling the potatoes, finishing up the last one. "There, they are ready to be put in the pot now," She said, standing up and walking around the counter to the stove, where she dumped all the potatoes into the pot of boiling water there and placed the lid back on the pot. Taylor walked back around the counter, scooped up the potato skins and walked over to the dust bin where she dumped the peels in.

"Please don't change the subject, hun," Tammy said, looking at Taylor. "I don't think you're fine. You've been much quieter now than you were before you left for school in September. You're more reclusive. And that's not mentioning that you've lost about thirty pounds since I last saw you."

"I'm fine, I was just stressed with school and trying to figure out how to bring dad back here to us." Taylor said, leaning up against the counter.

"I knew you shouldn't be trying to do that," Tammy said immediately.

"What?" Taylor burst out. "Are you serious? Mum, this is my chance to get my dad back! I have to try, I just have to."

"Well, you have tried. Why can't you give up on it?"

"Give…what? Give up? You want him back, too, don't you?" Taylor asked incredulously, staring at her mum.

"Of course I want him back, sweetheart, but I don't want to lose you in the attempt." Tammy said a little impatiently.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," Taylor said softly. "I can't believe you would say that. I have to try more. I know I haven't done the best I can yet."

Tammy threw her hands up in the air, frustrated. "I'm just trying to save you, Taylor. I've already lost Sirius; I can't lose you, too."

"You're not going to lose me, I'm fine. I'm just…just having a setback." Taylor said stubbornly.

Tammy sighed, letting her arms hang limp at her side. "Well, I know I can't stop you, so I might as well try and support you through this. But hun, remember, it's not worth your life. One life has already been lost to the world through this whole affair; we don't need to add yours to it, too."

Taylor recognized her mum's offer of support to help her bring her dad back. "Thanks, mum," she said quietly. Tammy walked around the counter again towards Taylor and they hugged for a moment.

"Hunny, it's Christmas, I don't want to argue with you," Tammy said.

"I don't want to argue, either. Dumbledore's right, we need to be strong and stand together. We can't be ripping apart our families." Taylor replied.

"You're right." Tammy said, and then she whispered into her daughter's dark hair, "I love you, sweetie."

"Love you, too, mum," Taylor murmured into her mother's shoulder.

The rest of preparing the dinner and the dinner itself passed without any more mention of the subject. After dinner, mother and daughter made hot chocolate and sat around the fire, which was burning brightly and merrily in the hearth, curled in squishy armchairs and chatting casually. Though neither of them mentioned the kitchen incident from earlier that evening for the rest of the night, there was a slight aura of formality between them.

They had turned off the lights in the house and were sitting in near darkness, the room lit only by the glow of the firelight and the dancing light from the candles that were placed artistically around the room by Taylor and her mother. The icicles, snowflakes and stars on the tree glimmered and glinted in the soft light from the flames.

Taylor smiled as she watched the flames flickering and wavering in the hearth and held her mug of hot chocolate in both hands, which were soaking up the heat from the mug, close to her face so that she could feel the warm steam rising up from inside and brushing against her cheeks. She was so content. She relaxed her eyes and the flames of the fire blurred into one orange and red glow.

A tall grandfather clock stood next to the fireplace, its long pendulum swinging back and forth steadily, its face reflecting the lights of the candles placed throughout the room. The long minute hand ticked into a vertical position on top of the hour hand and the twelve bongs rang throughout the room as the clock announced the arrival of midnight.

Taylor yawned widely involuntarily and stretched her arms up over her head, flexing her fingers.

"Mmm, I'm tired," she yawned again, standing up. "I think I'm off to bed."

"Good night, sweet dreams sweetheart," her mum replied, standing up, too. She walked over to Taylor and they hugged, Taylor squeezed her mum tight, breathing in her mum's scent.

Taylor climbed the stairs to her room, feeling happy. When she reached her bedroom, she changed into her pajamas, and took out her warming draught and sleeping potion, which Madam Pomfry had provided her with for use over the holidays. Pouring each into a cup and then downing it, Taylor thought about what her mum had said about Sirius. She didn't think that her health was bad enough to give up on this project. Just a bit longer, and she was sure to figure it out.

Just then she heard a tapping on her window pane. Looking up, she saw a brightly colored tropical bird flapping outside, tapping its long beak on the window pane. Hurrying over to her window, she threw it open and the bird swooped in, landing on her night stand, a roll of parchment and a small package attached to one of its legs. Taylor hurriedly untied them both from the bird's leg and unrolling the parchment.

_Hey Baby,_

_Jamaica is wonderful. It's so warm and the beaches are amazing – beautiful sandy beaches with the great ocean sweeping up them. We've done quite a bit of snorkeling since we've been here. The wizards here are all so laid back. There's hardly even a Ministry. The people who are higher up are so nice, anyway. My dad is here on business, and he took me into their Ministry's building and everyone is so friendly. Everyone talks to everyone about everything and anything. There's no use in being in a hurry here, I don't think these wizards even know what that word means. Ha ha. It is really nice to not be so rushed. _

_I hope your Christmas is good. Was it just you and your mum? You did eat dinner, didn't you? Please eat, sweetheart. For me? _

_Anyway, when I went to the post office to send you this, I was surprised to see that they don't use owls. All these tropical birds were perched everywhere. It was so bright in there with all the colors. This bird seemed up to the long flight. Isn't he pretty? I thought that you would like him._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Sean _

Taylor smiled. This was the perfect ending to her Christmas. She picked up the package and unwrapped it. Inside was a small mirror with a silver frame decorated with fairies. As she looked at her own reflection staring back at her out of it, the mirror said,

"Hey beautiful!"

Taylor laughed and set the mirror on her night stand and looked at the bird. It had bright, colorful plumage and a beady black eye that it was gazing at her with intently. She reached out and stroked its head; its feathers were very soft.

The sleeping potion was beginning to take effect, so Taylor let the bird out of her window, shut it again against the cold winter air, and climbed into her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and rolling on to her side, drifting off into a happy sleep.


	36. A Snowy Romp

**A/\N: So sorry it's been forever once again since I updated. It's summer, I thought I'd be updating more often. Anyway, here's this chapter, I had some fun writing it. And please review! Thanks a million :)**

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**A Snowy Romp**

Christmas vacation was over, and students were returning to the castle, which was still snowed in and with frost on its window panes, for school. Taylor had gotten back in the morning, and had spent the day out in the grounds, walking through the deep snow. The snow crunched satisfactorily under her feet as she walked, her cloak whispering over the snow and her nose, ears, and cheeks beaten bright red by the crisp air. Her dark hair was speckled with snowflakes, a few of which clung to her eyelashes too. She didn't know when the others were getting back, but she was content with wandering the grounds by herself for now. Over the holidays she hadn't had much contact with Ginny or Sean, but she assumed that both of them must have been busy.

Her dark eyes scanned the grounds. None of the students were out on the cold grounds; she thought that the ones that were back must be unpacking. Taylor had unceremoniously dumped her trunk next to her bed before taking her walk first around the castle, and then heading out to the grounds. Snowflakes fell on her nose and melted with the warmth of her skin. She held out her mittened hand and watched as a few snowflakes fell on its dark fabric. The intricate patterns of the white snowflakes stood out starkly on the dark background. She studied the shapes made by the white flakes. It always amazed her how water crystals in the air made such beautiful designs. Also there was the hard to grasp idea that none were the same. She knew that it was chance the way that the flakes formed, but had to wonder – in all the years that it had been snowing on Earth, she was expected to believe that no two snowflakes had ever been the same? She thought that over the years, there had to have been two that were the same.

Still musing about this, and not watching where she was going, Taylor was taken by complete surprise when her foot unexpectedly struck a rock that was hidden underneath the disguising snow which sent her sprawling to the ground, planting face down into the freezing powder. She stood up on her knees, wiping off the cold snow that was beginning to melt on her face, laughing at her clumsiness. Her now wet face was beginning to feel icy in the crisp air. While her hands were over her face, somebody grabbed her from behind and lifted her to her feet.

"Aaahh!" She yelled, turning around quickly to see who was there. There, with his brown hair flecked with snowflakes and his bright blue eyes glinting in his flushed face stood Sean. Taylor smiled and flung her arms around his neck, hugging him tight to her.

"Hey baby!" Sean said, holding her head close to his chest and kissing her on top of her head. "How are you?"

"Sean!" Taylor cried. "I didn't know you were back."

"I just got back when I saw you walking around down here. And I have to say, you are very graceful. You should try out for the ballet. With such grace as you possess, they'll be lining up to get you in their dances." His twinkling blue eyes danced merrily as he teased her, winking and grinning widely.

"Oh, shut up," Taylor said playfully, slapping his shoulder. "That rock jumped up and bit my foot. That's what happened."

"Sure, of course that's what happened," grinned Sean. He wrapped his arms around her waist and, lifting her up, spun in circles on the spot with her. On their fourth turn, he tripped over his own foot, wobbled, and tumbled down into the snow, Taylor landing on top of him, both of them laughing.

"You're one to talk," Taylor said, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked down at Sean. "I mean, you should have been in the ballet years ago, it's clearly your calling."

"Of course it is, but I had to wait until I could have you as a dance partner. With skills such as ours, we'll be stars in no time!" Sean grinned, his hands still on Taylor's waist. Taylor tilted her head back and laughed harder, and then collapsed, resting her head on Sean's chest as she continued to shake with mirth. Sean rolled them over so that he was lying on top of her, and brushed some snowflakes off her cheek.

Sean leaned down and kissed her. "So what say you, fleet foot?" He asked, twinkling blue eyes gazing down into dancing brown ones.

"What say I what?" Taylor asked, a grin playing on her lips. Sean rolled off her and kneeling, turned away for a second. And then with a sudden jerk, he twisted around and threw a snowball at her, which hit her on the shoulder.

"Snowball fight!" Sean roared. Taylor scrambled to her feet and packed her own snowball, which she hurled at Sean, who dodged out of its way and chucked another snowball of his own at her, which hit her in the stomach as she moved too slowly to escape it.

Packing another snowball, Taylor aimed carefully and flung it at Sean. It narrowly missed him over his shoulder, while his hit her on the side of her head as she turned to keep from being hit in the face.

"Hey!" She shouted. "No fair! You've got three hits, and I've got none!"

"Not my fault!" Sean laughed, dancing around another snowball she had tossed at him. He drew back his arm and pitched another snowball at her, this one hitting her hip as she quickly turned away from it.

"Come on, take your hit like a man or dodge it!" He laughed.

"Well, seeing as how I'm not a man, and – " She broke off as another snowball of Sean's hit her square in the face. Howling, she abandoned the snowball she had just rolled and lobbed herself at Sean, who was caught unawares, and the two of them went flying back to the ground, swallowed up in the powder.

Sean quickly scrambled to his feet and took off running, Taylor hot on his heels. She grabbed him around the waist, and he spun around to face her. With one smooth movement, he swept her off her feet and tossed her unceremoniously over his shoulder like a sack.

"Put me down!" Taylor laughed, pounding on Sean's back with her mittened hands, her face turning a deep red as all the blood rushed to her head as she hung upside down over Sean's back.

"Never!" Sean said, running laboriously through the deep snow with her. Suddenly he tripped yet again, and once more the two of them went sprawling. They sat up; each laughing fit to burst, looking at each other. At the sights of the other with snow plastered over their face, they only laughed harder.

Taylor took off her mittens and wiped the snow off her face, Sean doing the same. Slowly their laughter died down until they sat in an almost silence, Taylor hiccupping a little. Sean caught her eye and Taylor started laughing again. Finally, they sat there, smiling occasionally, but a bit calmer. Then out of nowhere Sean hit Taylor in the face with another snowball. Taylor threw her arms up over her head in defense.

"Ah! No more!" She cried, but laughing just the same. "Stop, stop!"

"Oh alright, sissy. Way to ruin all my fun." Sean teased, but dropping his next snowball anyway. He crawled towards her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and Taylor leaned her head on his shoulder.

"So how was your Christmas?" Sean asked.

"Oh, it was fine," Taylor said. "Mum and I had a bit of a row, but it wasn't bad. She was worried about me and told me that I should stop trying to bring dad back into this world. I got really mad at her over it. But it's OK," she quickly added as Sean looked worried. "How was yours?"

"You know, it wasn't much of a Christmas. Or, well, we did the whole presents and dinner thing, but it was on a beach and we had oysters instead of turkey. I got a sunburn, actually. Rather strange, I thought, but it was still good." Sean said, hugging Taylor close to him. They sat together in the snow, each gradually growing more wet as they continued to sit there, watching as the sky turned from gray and cloudy to cloudy tinged with blood red and orange. The stars did not pop out as the cloud cover was too thick to permit their light to reach through them to Taylor and Sean.

Taylor wiggled closer to Sean and tilted her face up for a kiss, which Sean gave her. When they broke apart, Sean's eyes searched hers. She felt like he was reaching for her soul. He looked like he was trying to decide something. He opened his mouth, and then closed it. He opened it again and said,

"Taylor, I – " But he stopped himself hastily, blushing faintly.

"What?" Taylor asked, still gazing intently up at him.

"Never mind, it was nothing." Sean said.

"What do you mean, 'never mind'?" Taylor asked, wondering what was going on in Sean's head.

"It was nothing, it was stupid," Sean said.

"Well, what was it?" Taylor asked again.

"Really, it was nothing. Can we leave it?" Sean asked Taylor, he was looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Sure, I guess," Taylor said. She was still looking at Sean. "Is there something wrong? Do you want to tell me something?"

"I'll tell you later." Sean said.

"Why later?" Taylor asked.

"Because right now is not the right time," Sean stated. Taylor didn't push it, but she was left feeling uneasy. What was it that Sean was going to tell her?

"I'm freezing," Taylor said, finally. She was shaking with the cold, and felt chilled to the bone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot," Sean said, hastily standing up and helping Taylor to her feet. "I'm pretty chilly, too. Come on, let's get up to the Common Room, there'll be a fire there. Maybe even some cocoa, too."

"Sounds amazing to me," Taylor said. Sean's hand found hers and they walked back up to the castle hand in hand, covered from head to foot in snow, their damp robes dragging in the snow.

As Taylor was getting into bed, a horrible thought entered her mind. What if Sean didn't like her anymore? Was that what he was going to tell her, and he was just too nice to? Taylor felt like crying. How could she left herself get so emotionally involved with a guy? How could she be so foolish? She had to start distancing herself from Sean. She didn't want to be hurt anymore than was necessary.


	37. Miscommunications

**A/N: I know I kind of left the last chapter as a bit of a cliff hanger and it took me a little while to update. Well, read and review! And thanks a million for reading my story! :)**

**The Dagdah's Priestess: Thank you for reading my story and your great reviews! It means a lot to me that somebody will actually review it. I usually have a lot of fun writing Sean and Taylor together, so I'm glad you like it!**

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**Miscommunications**

When Taylor woke up the next morning, it took her a while to remember why she felt so crappy. And then the memory of her thoughts last night tumbled down upon her and she felt even worse than before. She sat on her bed, staring at her feet for a long time, until Ginny asked her if she was coming down for breakfast.

"Oh, yeah, I am," Taylor said. She quickly stripped off her pajamas and pulled her school robes on over her head, threw her bag with her books in it over her shoulder and started down the stairs with Ginny. Sean was waiting for her at the bottom. At the sight of him, Taylor felt a lump rising in her throat. Sean smiled widely at her, and she wondered why he was bothering. He tried to take her hand, but she pulled her hand out of his and kept walking. Ginny looked at Taylor curiously.

"Taylor, what's wrong?" Sean asked, catching up with her and Ginny.

"Nothing," Taylor said stiffly.

"Why are you upset with me?" Sean asked, trying to look her in the eyes, but Taylor was avoiding his gaze.

"I'm not," Taylor said, still avoiding looking him in the eye.

"Taylor, could you please tell me – "

"I think you know what's wrong," Taylor said, and continued walking with Ginny. Sean fell behind, looking hurt and bewildered.

"Did you and Sean have a fight or something?" Ginny, who glanced over her shoulder at Sean, asked curiously as they headed down to the Great Hall.

"No, not exactly. Well, we were hanging out yesterday outside and he was going to say something, but he stopped himself. I think that he was going to say that he doesn't like me anymore and just doesn't know how to tell me." Taylor voiced what was bugging her. "And I just don't understand what happened. I thought we were doing so well." She paused, and then continued, "I hope it's not because I'm such an emotional wreck. I know it's hard on those who are closest to me. I never meant to hurt him, and I definitely never meant to scare him off." Taylor broke off, not knowing what else she wanted to tell Ginny.

"Have you asked Sean about this?" Ginny asked. "Maybe you're just interpreting this wrong. You have to communicate with him. He looked really hurt this morning when you blew him off. Communication is key, sweetie. Why don't you ask him?"

"I already asked him, remember?" Taylor said. "And he wouldn't tell me what he was going to say."

"Well, I think you should tell him what you're thinking he was going to say, and confront him about it. Maybe you're not thinking what he was thinking. But," she said as Taylor made every sign of wanted to interrupt, "if that's really what he was going to say, at least you will know the truth, even though it would hurt like hell. But," Ginny continued louder, as Taylor was looking like she wanted to interrupt her again. "If that's not what he was going to say, it would be stupid to be mad at him over nothing."

Taylor was struggling not to cry. "I don't really want to talk to him at all." She said.

"Taylor – " Ginny started.

"No, Ginny." Taylor said. "Maybe I'll talk to him later. Not now."

"You just really need to communicate with each other, I'm sure that's what this is, a miscommunication!" Ginny called after Taylor's retreating back.

"Ah!" She exclaimed, standing outside the Great Hall that Taylor had just entered and throwing her hands up in the air.

"Is Ginny mad at you, too?" Said a voice behind her, and Ginny turned to see Sean, whose face looked crumpled.

"Well, I don't know if she's mad or not, but she's being impossible." Ginny said. "I told her that she needed to talk to you and she's being totally unreasonable about it."

"Why is she mad at me?" Sean queried hopefully. "Did she tell you?"

"Well, yes, I do know," Ginny said. "But shouldn't you two work this out for yourselves?"

"Please, just tell me?" Begged Sean. "So I can have at least a clue as to why she's suddenly so mad at me?"

"OK, well, yesterday apparently you were about to say something to her and you stopped yourself. She thinks that you were trying to tell her that you don't like her anymore." Ginny said.

"Blimy, no! Is that what the problem is?" Sean asked incredulously and blushing slightly at the same time.

"Yes, that's what's the matter with her. Is that not what you were going to say?" Ginny asked curiously.

"Quite the opposite, actually," said Sean, who was looking really uncomfortable and blushing deeply. "I was, well, OK, I was going to tell her," he paused. "I was going to tell her I love her." He finished quickly and quietly so that Ginny had to lean close to hear him, looking down at his feet, his face a bright red.

"Oh," said Ginny, a bit taken aback. "Well, that's quite on the opposite end of the spectrum. Why didn't you tell her?"

Still looking at his feet, Sean mumbled, "I didn't want to scare her away from me. If I come on too strong like that, she might not want to be involved with me anymore. It's too soon to be saying that, and I don't want to lose her. It's just sometimes when I'm with her, the words just want to come out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. I'm scared they're just going to slip out someday."

"Well, you need to tell Taylor what you've told me. She's falling apart thinking that you don't like her." Ginny said.

"I just told you, I can't tell her!" Sean said.

"Well, at least tell her that you really like her, or something to cheer her up, or she's going to fall apart again."Ginny said

"I don't want to scare her," Sean repeated.

"You don't have to tell her you love her; just tell her that you care about her. Say you care about her a lot. You don't have to declare your undying love for her, just reassure her that you're not about to up and leave her for another girl." Ginny reasoned.

"If she'll let me tell her. She completely gave me the cold shoulder this morning. Will she talk to me anymore?" Sean asked.

"Of course she will. Just tell her that she has to hear you out. Tell her you have something important to tell her. Although come to think of it, that might scare her, too, thinking that what the important thing you're going to tell her is that you don't care for her anymore."

"Damn. What am I supposed to do?" Sean demanded. "I have to talk to her, but if I try, she'll think I'm breaking up with her. Wow. That's just spectacular." He said sarcastically. "Hang on," he said, realizing something, "you could tell her. Could you tell her for me?"

Ginny frowned. "I'm not going to be your messenger. This is between you and her, you have to tell her."

"You are no help whatsoever." Sean said flatly.

"Yeah, well, this is your relationship, not mine." Ginny shrugged.

"I thought girls loved gossiping about this kind of thing," Sean said, eyebrows raised.

"Or something like that," Ginny shrugged again.

"Ah!" It was Sean's turn to throw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Fine, it's time for class now; I'll have to talk to her later."

Taylor successfully avoided Sean for the whole day. She would dart in and out of class without looking at him, and never giving him the slight chance of talking to her. It was dinner time finally, and as Sean approached the Gryffindor table and scanned up and down it, noticed that Taylor wasn't there, just as she hadn't been there for lunch.

"Damn. She's going to start starving herself again." He cursed. His mind was whirling around and he felt a sort of panic rising in his throat.

'Whoa, man, calm down.' He told himself. 'Just think, where would Taylor go?' Sean stood there for a moment thinking hard. The library? Perhaps. The Owlery? Maybe. The grounds? Quite possible. The lake – that was where Sean would look first.

But when Sean had waded through the snow to the lake, he found it completely deserted. Nobody was there. After a quick scan of the rest of the grounds, Sean sat down on a tree that had fallen over. So where would Taylor be? Sean decided to climb the stairs up to the Owlery but it was empty except for a few owls and a lot of ice on the stairs. He was beginning to feel really frustrated and annoyed now. Where was Taylor? Why did she always have to jump to the worst conclusion? This whole thing was over some stupid miscommunication, and so now here was Sean, looking for Taylor to tell her that he was going to say just the opposite of what she thought he was going to say. It was all messed up and confusing. He decided to check the library and see if Taylor was hiding in some lonesome corner, but after he had peered into every nook and cranny he was forced to realize that Taylor wasn't there either. Sean scowled and looked at the window. He could see his frustrated face frowning back at him.

Ten minutes later found Sean dragging himself disappointedly through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor Common Room. He saw Ginny's flaming red hair in the corner of the room with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He walked towards them, hoping that Ginny would have some idea of where Taylor was.

"Hey, Gin," he said as he approached her. She looked up at him with a knowing look on her face.

"Looking for Taylor?" She asked, but it was more of a statement.

"Yeah, I've been all over the place, and I can't find her," Sean said.

"That's because she's up in the Girl's Dormitory." Ginny explained.

"Perfect." Sean said sarcastically. "I can't go up there. Will you tell her that I want to talk with her?" Ginny looked on the point to refuse, probably because she didn't want to involve herself in this situation. "Please?" He added.

"Oh, alright," Ginny consented, giving in. "I'll go tell her, but I'm not making her come down here."

"Fine, just tell her I really want to see her." Sean said, glad that at least Ginny wasn't going to refuse him.

Ginny stood up and made her way across the Common Room to the stairway up to the Girl's Dormitory. Sean stood there, rocking up on his toes and down on his heels nervously.

"What's wrong, Sean?" Hermione asked kindly.

Sean looked at her, deciding what to tell her. He decided on the truth. "Well, I almost said something yesterday, and she took it the wrong way. And now she's mad at me, and I just want to tell her what I was really going to say."

"Oh," said Hermione.

"You have to be careful with girls," Ron said sagely. "They're likely to misinterpret everything you say."

"Because you have oh so much experience with girls," Hermione retorted hotly.

"Well," said Ron slowly, clearly spotting danger, "I'm just saying…" He let his voice trail off.

The awkward moment was broken by Ginny coming down the stairs.

"She says to meet her outside the portrait hole and you two can talk out there," she informed Sean.

'Yes!" Sean exclaimed, making a triumphant gesture. "Thanks a million, Ginny. I owe you one." And with that, Sean hurried across the Common Room and out of the portrait hole. He stood there, at first he leaned up against the wall, then he started pacing back and forth, and then began rocking on his feet again. He was nervous; was Taylor going to just leave him out here and not actually come out? It had to have been at least ten minutes since Ginny had said that Taylor would see him, and the Fat Lady had already asked him five times what he was doing.

Finally the portrait swung open and Taylor climbed out. Sean thought her eyes looked red, and felt a pang of regret that he had caused her this much pain to cry more.

She didn't look him in the eye. "What?" She asked, staring intently at the wall over Sean's shoulder.

"I, er," Sean paused; this was harder than he had thought it was going to be. "So I know you thought that yesterday I was going to tell you that I don't like you anymore." He paused again, but Taylor didn't encourage him to continue.

"And, er, I just wanted to tell you that that's about as opposite from what I was thinking as you can get." His heart was thumping in his chest and his palms were feeling a bit sweaty.

"Er, Taylor?" He asked. She was still staring resolutely over his shoulder. He stepped towards her and put his hand on her cheek, tilting her head down a bit. "Can you look at me?" He asked softly. Taylor blinked twice, and then made eye contact with Sean, who kept his hand on her cheek.

"I care about you Taylor, I care a shit ton." He paused feeling awkward, he had never said anything like this to a girl before.

"Taylor, I care more about you than I ever have for anyone before." Taylor was gazing intently into Sean's pleading eyes.

"Really?" She breathed.

"Yes, really, truly," Sean whispered. And he leaned his head a bit closer to her, searching her eyes. She didn't pull back, and, encouraged, Sean closed the gap between them and kissed Taylor passionately. Slowly Taylor reached her arms up until they were wrapped around his neck and pulled them closer together, Sean's hand still on her cheek.

He felt something wet on his cheek and when he opened his eyes and pulled away from Taylor, he realized that she was crying. And then she started laughing – crying and laughing at the same time. He smiled nervously, not sure what to do now.

"I'm sorry I'm such a fool, Sean," she said as she tried to gain control of herself.

"Oh, come here, you," Sean said, and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulled them back into a tight embrace and kissed Taylor again passionately.

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	38. Morning of Beginnings

**A/N: How cool is this? I'm sitting at my work and I'm updating my story. (I work at a coffee shop / bakery.) Anyway, here's my next chapter. I know, it's soon, too! I'm doing good. So read and enjoy, and if you like, please review!**

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**Morning of Beginnings **

Ginny was sitting on a small stone bench at the top of the Owlery, thinking. She was wearing a heavy winter cloak, a woolen hat pulled down tightly over her ears and mittens. Her nose and ears were cold and her cheeks were bright red from the frigid air. It had snowed again the night before, leaving Hogwarts castle and the grounds blanketed under even more snow.

Having just sent a letter to her mum, Ginny was sitting overlooking the grounds, gazing out towards the Forbidden Forest and watching as the sun rose up over the tops of the trees. It was a deep glowing ruby that gilded the tree limbs still weighed down with snow until they too were lit up and shone gold in the crisp morning air, with the tall majestic mountains rising up behind the trees, the sun shining blood red on top of the snowcapped peaks.

She had woken early so that she could spend some time by herself. After sitting in front of the roaring fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, she had decided to come up to the Owlery for the view. The grounds were draped in glistening white and snow lay heavy on the trees branches. It was very peaceful.

Unexpectedly, Ginny heard the crunching of snow as somebody walked up the Owlery stairs. Not really wanting to see anybody up here, she turned around to see who it was and saw a black-haired, green-eyed boy.

"Harry!" Ginny said, smiling. She didn't mind this interruption. Harry started and looked up. Obviously, like Ginny, he hadn't expected anybody to be up here at this time.

"Hey Ginny," he said when he saw who it was and came over to sit next her. "How are you?" He asked. "You look…worried?" He said, trying to come up with the right word.

"Eh," Ginny shrugged. "Just thinking. You?"

"Same." He replied shortly. Ginny was keenly aware that, as the stone bench they were sitting on was quite small, he was sitting very close to her and she felt a little tingly at his nearness. She could smell his scent. Ginny wondered if Harry was feeling the same way. She thought that recently every once in a while she had noticed him looking at her with a certain look in his eyes, but maybe she was just imagining things. Ginny's hand was on the bench beside her. Harry made to put his hand down and it landed on top of Ginny's. Ginny saw him blush and move his hand closer to his body.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's alright," Ginny said, and deciding to be brave, said, "I'm not going to bite your head off for touching my hand."

"Yeah, well," Harry said shiftily, "Ron would." Ginny smiled.

"Well, I promise I won't tell him," she said. Harry smiled, too. "So what brings you up here?" Ginny asked. "I'm pretty sure you're not sending the Dursleys a letter."

"Yeah, right, they'd really appreciate hearing from me." Harry snorted sarcastically, "No, I was just thinking that, well, now that I don't have Sirius, there's nobody I write letters to anymore. I just wanted to come up here. You know, well, I don't know if you do, but I don't know how to describe it."

Ginny took Harry's hand and squeezed it. "I know this is really hard on you. We just need to, I don't know, come up with something that works. We will bring him back though, we will," she repeated forcefully, with a blazing look in her eyes.

"I hope so," Harry said to his knees. They sat like that for a moment, silent. Then Ginny noticed Harry looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He looked like he was stealing himself to say something.

"Want to go on a walk with me?" He asked, not quite looking at her.

"Sure," Ginny said, and when she caught his eye, they both blushed and looked away quickly. Harry followed her as they walked down the icy steps of the Owlery. At the third step from the bottom she slipped and Harry shot out a hand to catch her.

"Careful now," he said, his hand still on her arm, even though she had regained her balance.

As they walked out across the grounds, Ginny couldn't help walking close to Harry, their cloaks sliding softly over the snow together. They talked and laughed as the sun began to rise in earnest, and the grounds were bathed in the bright sunlight. As Ginny walked, she wondered what Harry's intentions were, if he had any. He had mentioned Ron not liking Harry touching her. Ginny wondered if she had the guts to ask Harry for herself what he was thinking. She decided she didn't. Why ruin what she had at the present moment?

When the sun had risen properly, the two began to walk back to the castle, where they met Ron and Hermione in the Great Hall for breakfast. Ginny noticed that Hermione had looked between her and Harry as though she suspected something, and Ginny felt a flush rising in her cheeks. Harry, who didn't seem to notice anything, sat down next to her and pulled a plate of scrambled eggs toward him.

"I'm starving," he said as he began to pile the eggs on his plate.

When everybody had finished eating, they all stood up, but Hermione drew Ginny to the side as Ron and Harry walked out of the Great Hall.

"Well? What happened?" Hermione asked in a hushed voice. Ginny noticed that Hermione was looking really happy.

"Nothing really," Ginny said and noticed how much disappointment was in her voice.

"Are you kidding me?" Hermione asked. "I thought for sure he was going to ask you ages ago, he's been watching you for weeks now."

"Has he really?" Ginny asked.

"Oh come on now, you're saying you haven't noticed?" Hermione demanded.

"OK, well, I did notice, but I was thinking it was all in my head," Ginny said.

"At the rate Harry's going you'll be finished with Hogwarts before he asks you." Hermione said, looking irritated.

"I know," Ginny sighed. "I don't know what to do about it. I feel weird asking him because of that stupid crush I had on him when I was younger."

"This is so frustrating!" Hermione broke out. "I wish he'd just get his head around the whole Cho fiasco and your being Ron's sister and ask you!"

"You're frustrated?" Ginny asked, smiling wryly. "How do you think I feel? When he asked me to walk around the grounds with him, I thought for sure that was when he was going to ask me. I don't know, maybe he just lost his nerve."

"Well, Harry's got a lot of nerve when it comes to the Dark Arts, but when it comes to girls, he's practically spineless." Hermione said.

"Hermione!" Ginny reprimanded him.

"Well, he is, you can't deny that he is," Hermione said, hands on her hips as she looked at Ginny.

"Well, no, I can't," Ginny said, smiling crookedly. "I just wish he would go ahead and ask me! Or tell me something, or even just go ahead and kiss me, for goodness sake!"

"Maybe I can say something to him," Hermione said, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I wonder how I can approach him. He's so naïve, he thinks that none of us have noticed anything. Well, maybe Ron hasn't, but seriously, he's like the only one. But Harry will probably deny everything, as he thinks that none of us know."

"Really, more people have noticed?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, Lavender and Pavarti were talking about it in our Dormitory a couple nights ago."

"Really? Damn, I just wish he would go on and ask me! Seriously, what is his problem?" Ginny asked.

"We've already established that he's spineless when it comes to girls," Hermione smiled. Ginny made a face.

"Ron told me that Harry said one time he'd rather take on Hungarian Horntail again than ask out a girl," Ginny commented.

"That's Harry for you," Hermione agreed. "Take on the Dark Arts no problem, but trying to face a girl and tell her he likes her, that's totally out of the question."

At that moment, Ron and Harry reappeared by Hermione's side. Ginny blushed slightly at seeing Harry. "What's taking you so long, Hermione?" Ron demanded.

"Nothing, just discussing things far above your intelligence level with Ginny," Hermione said, rolling her eyes at Ginny.

"Whatever," Ron said. "Now are you coming to Charms or what?"

"Of course I'm coming, Ronald." Hermione said, and then as she was walking away up the marble staircase towards the Charms corridor with Harry and Ron, said in an undertone to Ginny, "I'll try and talk to Harry, k?" Ginny smiled and nodded.

As Ginny stood in the entrance way with students pouring out of the Great Hall to head off to their morning lessons after a lengthy breakfast, she smiled to herself. She had spent a morning with Harry and Hermione thought that he liked her. How lucky was she? This was going to be a great day.


	39. Finally

**A/N: I'm sorry in advance: there is a sentence taken directly from a HP book (HBP) in here. I did not create that sentence. Just saying, so you don't get all upset at me! Oh and…if some more stuff seems somewhat like the book…I'm really very sorry. I was feeling very unimaginative at the time and I wanted to say it, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it. **

**Anyway, please read, enjoy, and review!**

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Ginny and Taylor were walking down the corridor, having just got out of Transfiguration when Harry, Ron and Hermione appeared from a Charms classroom ahead of them.

"Hey!" Ginny said, jogging a little to catch up and joining them, Taylor right behind her.

"Ginny! Taylor!" Said Hermione. After glancing at Ginny pointedly, she added, "Ron, I need you to come to the library with me."

"Why do I have to go?" Ron demanded, Hermione's meaningful look completely lost on him. "I don't want to do my homework now; I have the whole weekend to do it. And why don't you want Harry to come, too?"

"It would do you good to get some of your homework out of the way." Hermione told him.

"But I don't want to!" Wined Ron, acting just like an overemotional toddler.

"Oh, just come on," Hermione said.

"I'll come with you, too," Taylor said, smiling at Ginny and winking slyly.

Ginny and Harry were left alone as Hermione took Ron's hand pointedly and dragged him away from the scene, Taylor glancing at Ginny over her shoulder. Harry looked at Ginny awkwardly and Ginny looked back at him. Was this going to be the big moment?

"Well, Ginny…" He said and his voice trailed off. He looked at her, obviously wanting to say something, Ginny felt like she could almost hear him thinking.

"Yeah?" Ginny asked, cocking her head to one side a little, hoping that this would finally be her lucky moment. They stood like that for a second, Harry looking more and more nervous.

"What?" Ginny asked again. Something seemed to crumple in Harry's face.

"I was just…I just. Um, great flying in our last practice," he said. Ginny stared at him, completely let down.

"Oh, thanks," she said, with no real feeling. Ginny stood there for a second more, feeling entirely disappointed. She had thought that Harry had been so close asking her out. Turning around quickly so that Harry wouldn't see the disappointment etched in her face, Ginny walked down the corridor, holding her head up high and refusing to let the tears threatening to fall to do so. Then she heard footsteps running quickly up behind her.

"Ginny!" Somebody grabbed hold of her hand and, swinging her around, kissed her. When he pulled back, Harry had a brilliant blush creeping up his cheeks.

"I just wanted to do that," he said, smiling lopsidedly, but still looking a little nervous and ignoring the cat calls from the few students in the corridor with them.

"So did I," Ginny replied, and, wrapping her arms around Harry's neck, kissed him again, to more cat calls.

When they broke apart, Harry took Ginny's hand, and ignoring all of the people in the hall, began walking with Ginny down the hall.

"So, what made you finally get the nerves?" Ginny asked, smiling up at Harry's green eyes.

"Hermione told me to get a move on or somebody else would get you," Harry said. "Smart girl, that Hermione. She knows what she's talking about. I thought I'd better act on her words before it was too late for me."

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"So?!" Taylor squealed when she saw Ginny, grabbing Ginny's hands.

Ginny pretended to not know what Taylor was talking about. "So…what?" She asked, know that it would exasperate Taylor.

"What happened?" Taylor, who seemed on the point of bouncing up and down, demanded, still holding on to Ginny's hands.

"He kissed me!" Ginny said, grinning, and she found that she couldn't stop smiling.

"Yes!" Taylor exclaimed, first throwing her hands up in the air and then throwing them around Ginny, hugging her tightly. Ginny hugged her back excitedly. "I knew he'd get up the nerve at some point." Letting go of Ginny, Taylor did a sort of dance on the spot.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you!" She exclaimed.

"I know! I mean, I'm happy, too!" Ginny said.

"So, what was it like?" Taylor asked, taking Ginny's arm and beginning to walk with her down the corridor. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"

Ginny giggled. "Well, to be honest, he's not much of a kisser, but hey, I can teach him, right?" Still grinning hard, the two friends walked down the hall, linked arm in arm, giggling, and running into each other occasionally.

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The news that Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter were dating seemed to be of major interest to the female students of Hogwarts, and even a lot of the boys, and was a main topic of conversation in the hallways, at meals, and in Common Rooms for a while. Many girls came up to Ginny, asking her what it was like to date "the Chosen One", to which Ginny smiled and politely refused to say anything. Boys kept asking Harry why he was lucky enough to have dated two of the prettiest girls in the school. Cho Chang and Dean Thomas purposefully avoided any place with Harry and Ginny anywhere in the vicinity.

"You'd think they'd have better things to talk about," Ginny commented one Saturday afternoon while they all sat around the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. "I'm getting sick of answering stupid questions."

"Like what?" Harry asked, interested.

"Like whether or not it's true that you've got a scar shaped like the Dark Mark on your arm from when you fought You Know Who." Ginny said, wiggling slightly in her armchair to get more comfortable, disrupting Crookshanks on her lap so that he had to resettle himself and then continued cleaning himself.

Harry snorted. "What rubbish. If I got a scar shaped like the Dark Mark on my arm I would have done everything in my power to make it disappear."

"People will believe anything. I heard some fifth year girls in the lavatory the other day talking about how Ginny and Harry got together was that Ginny slipped him a love potion." Hermione said, looking up from her Ancient Runes essay.

"What?" Cried Ginny, sitting up straight, making Crrokshanks hiss and leap off of her lap.

"I told them that Ginny would never need to slip Harry a love potion, she's got everything going for her anyway." Hermione said, flipping a page in her book and scribbling another line on her parchment.

"I bet that shut them up," said Harry, reaching out and taking Ginny's hand.

"Thanks, Hermione," Ginny said, resettling herself back down in her armchair.

"Her – mi – o – nee!" Ron moaned from his place on the floor near the fire. "Pleeeease can I look at your Defense Against the Dark Arts homework?" Throwing his quill down in frustration and slamming his book shut. "I can't find any of the answers to this bloody fill-in-the-blank form."

"There're there, I'm telling you, Ron," Hermione said, not looking up from her essay.

"But I've looked a million times!" Ron cried in exasperation.

"Well, you must not be looking in the right places," replied Hermione.

"Here, Ron, you can see mine," Harry said. "I finished mine last night."

"Harry!" Hermione snapped, finally looking up from her writing. "Don't let him copy off of you. How will he learn that way?"

"Oh, come on, Hermione, lighten up. He's been working on it the whole evening." Harry reasoned.

"Yes, well, at some point in his life, he's going to have to do stuff by himself. How do you think he's going to be able to do that if you always help him?" Hermione demanded.

"You know, I _am _sitting here in the room with you two, you can talk _to _me instead of _about _me." Ron said sulkily.

"Shut up, Ron." Hermione quickly sent him a look of disgust.

"What?" Ron cried.

"Ron – " Hermione began, but Harry cut her off.

"Here, Ron, copy this," he said, tossing his already filled out paper at Ron. "Hermione calm down. It's just school."

"Just school?" Hermione exploded. "Just school? This "just school" is training us for our later lives. We need to study to be successful outside of school."

Ron and Harry shared equally exasperated looks.

"Er, Ginny?" Taylor asked tentatively.

"What?" Asked Ginny.

"I feel really stupid at asking this question right after that conversation, but could you help me with my Charms homework?" Taylor blushed, avoiding Hermione's eye.

"I wasn't talking about you, Taylor. I was only talking about Ron. He seems to think that he should be able to get through school by copying all of my homework. You at least do your own work." Hermione said, crossing out a line that she disliked in her essay.

Ron scowled. "You just like Taylor better," he said.

"Whatever you say Ronald." Hermione replied, rolling her eyes.

Ginny stood up and went to look at Taylor's homework.

Harry stretched. "Well, as I'm done with my homework, could I borrow Ginny when you two are done?" He asked.

"Sure," Taylor said.

After Ginny explained the Charms homework quickly to Taylor, she straightened up and walked over to Harry, taking hold of his hand. The two of them smiled at Taylor, Ron, and Hermione and clambered out of the portrait hole.

"Where do you think they're going?" Ron asked, craning his neck as though he could still see Harry and Ginny.

"It's none of your business, Ron," Hermione said, back to her essay.

"Yes, it is too my business!" Ron exclaimed. "She's my little sister!"

"And he's Harry. You don't trust him?" Hermione asked wearily.

"She's my sister," Ron repeated.

"And you don't trust Harry?" Hermione reiterated.

"Well, yeah, I do trust him, it's just…" Ron's voice trailed off while he continued to peer at the portrait hole.

"Oh, Ron. Just let them be. You'd rather it was Harry than Michael or Dean, right?" Hermione asked, looking up from her essay again.

"Yeah, I would, but still – "

"Ron, let them be." Hermione repeated. "It took Harry long enough to get around to asking her, they don't need you butting in."

"I'm not butting in. And what do you mean it took Harry long enough?" Ron asked.

"Harry's been watching her for ages. I told him that he needed to get a move on or some other guy would ask her." Hermione said simply, still looking up at Ron from her essay.

"Ron, Ginny knows what she's doing," Taylor said. "You don't need to worry, she can take care of herself." She wasn't going to bring up the problems that Ginny had had with Dean. Nobody knew about them besides her, and she wasn't about to change that.

"I know." Ron said.

"And Harry's a good kid," Hermione said.

"I know that!" Ron said again.

"Well, then, what are you worried about?" Hermione asked.

"I – she's my sister!" Exclaimed Ron.

At that moment, Sean walked up. "Hey, Tay!" He said, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek "Doing anything?"

"Just finishing up my Charms homework." She said.

"Want to go for a walk?" Sean asked.

"Sure," Taylor said, closing her book immediately. "I would love to."

As she was leaving with Sean, she could hear Ron demanding,

"Why is it that they're all in relationships and I've got nothing?"

"Gee, Ron, I wonder," Hermione said sarcastically. "But if you haven't noticed, I haven't got anything either."

Taylor smiled as she took hold of Sean's hand and the two of them climbed out of the portrait hole.

"Wouldn't it be sweet if Ron and Hermione got together?" She asked.

"Ron and Hermione?" He repeated. "They're always fighting."

"I know, I think they're really into each other." Taylor said.

"What gives you that idea?"

"Oh, my female instincts are telling me," Taylor said. Sean stopped walking and pulled Taylor into a kiss.

"Did your female instincts tell you I was going to do that?" He asked when they parted. Taylor just laughed.

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	40. Jumping Off The Astronomy Tower

**A/N: I'm on chapter 40!**

**As The Dagah's Priestess pointed out, I haven't written anything on Sirius in forever, and I'm really very sorry about that. It's depressing to me, but I'm having a really hard time with coming up with more things for them to try. I will get around to it though, I promise! Unfortunately, not in this chapter.**

**But please, please, please review if you're reading this. It's so sad to see how many hits I have and I don't even have as many reviews as I have chapters. **

Taylor kept glancing at the large clock on the wall; it felt like the minute hand wasn't moving at all. She fidgeted in her seat and continued to doodle on her parchment. Professor Binns was still droning on and on about…well, to tell the truth, Taylor hadn't paid attention to what he was lecturing on. Only fifteen more minutes remained before class was out and then it was the weekend. She looked over at Ginny, who was dozing against the wall she was sitting by, her head nodding. Looking in the opposite direction, Taylor saw Sean slouched in his seat, elbows on the desk and head in his hands. They were all bored beyond belief. Professor Binns continued, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the class was asleep.

Taylor was drawing a picture of a knight fighting a dragon on her parchment. She embellished the sword and added some rocky ground for the two of them to stand on. Then she sketched in the dragon's fire blowing towards the knight, who had his Goblin-made shield up to protect him from the blast. Next she added a clutch of eggs that the dragon was protecting. She was just adding details to the knight's armor when the bell rang, surprising her. Quickly rolling up her parchment and tossing it in her bag along with her quill, Taylor joined the throng of students flowing out of the classrooms and down the corridor.

"Some class, huh?" Said Sean, who was walking next to her.

"Yeah," Taylor sighed. "Some class. I managed to pass the time doodling though. I was intent on giving my knight beautiful armor."

"I wish I could draw," Ginny said from Taylor's other side. "I can't even draw a heart, it's pathetic."

"Same here," Sean agreed. "I try and draw a star and it turns out all lopsided and funny looking."

"Yes, well, leaving drawing behind, it's the weekend and I am stoked!" Taylor said.

"Why?" Sean asked.

"Because this means no more boring classes, no more tedious lectures, no more scribbling notes down for three days," Taylor replied.

"Three days?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, three day weekend, isn't it?" Taylor said.

"Oh, you're right!" Sean agreed. "We have Monday off. This is awesome."

The three continued walking in no particular direction for a while before they all stopped in front of a large suit of armor.

"So, what are we doing?" Sean asked, looking around, a little lost looking.

They all looked around, realizing that they weren't headed in any specific direction.

"Ah…" Ginny said unintelligently.

"I don't know," Taylor said. "I want to do something different, something we haven't done a million times already."

"Like what?" Sean asked.

"Like, like…," Taylor said, thinking of something interesting to do. "Like I don't know," she concluded finally. "I just know that I'm incredibly bored of what we do all the time. I want something new."

"I know what you mean," Sean agreed, "but I can't think of anything different except jumping off the Astronomy Tower, and somehow that just doesn't seem right. The actual jumping sounds like fun, but I don't fancy the landing too much. Seems like it'd be a bit rough."

Ginny and Taylor both laughed. "Yeah, I'm all up for the jumping," Ginny said. "But I'd like to bail out before the landing. Unfortunately there's not anywhere to bail out to."

"Yeah, well, now that we've established the fact that jumping off the Astronomy Tower is rather undesirable, can we move on to thinking of something that is?" Taylor asked jokingly.

"That's where the problem is," Ginny had just said when two ghosts floated out of the wall they were standing next to.

"But my dear Friar," A pompous looking ghost in tights and with a ruff around his neck was saying to a fat monk, "Surely Peeves doesn't deserve another chance. How many times has he wrecked havoc around this school and still Dumbledore lets him stay. I mean to say, what is he going to get away with before he is finally chucked out?"

"Nickolas, I do say, he deserves another chance. He has some decency er, very deep down, I am certain of it." The Fat Friar replied to Sir Nickolas.

"Decency, my arse!" Nearly Headless Nick erupted. "That poltergeist doesn't have an ounce of decency in him, no matter how deep down you look!"

The Fat Friar looked glad to see Sean, Ginny, and Taylor to interrupt him from his argument with the almost-beheaded ghost. "Oh, hullo there," he said mournfully. "What are you three up to?"

"Wishing we had something interesting to do," Ginny said.

"What did Peeves do this time?" Sean asked eagerly.

"Oh, the usual, causing mayhem, of course." Sighed Nearly Headless Nick. "He smeared Professor Flitwick's classroom with Professor Sprout's supply of dragon dung fertilizer all over the walls."

"Yuk," said Taylor, and making a noise of disgust.

"Yuk is right," agreed Sir Nickolas, "Mr. Filch is infuriated, but the Fat Friar here still thinks he should remain here."

The Fat Friar looked upset that Nearly Headless Nick had returned to this topic of discussion. "Well, what are you interested in doing?" He asked Ginny, Taylor, and Sean, trying to change the subject.

"Well, we were talking about jumping off the Astronomy Tower, but none of us fancy the landing very much, so we gave up on that idea," Ginny explained.

"Ah, yes, the landing for you live ones would be quite the shock," sighed Nearly Headless Nick. "You might have to join us as ghosts – of course only if you decided to stay here."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather not have to make that decision any time soon," Sean said, with Ginny and Taylor nodding in agreement.

"Well, I'm afraid I will not be of much help in your quest to find something entertaining to do." The Fat Monk said apologetically.

"Nor will I," said Nearly Headless Nick. With that the two ghosts proceeded to pass through the wall opposite to the one from which they had just emerged.

"Well, that was lots of help," Sean said sarcastically, but grinning.

"Yeah, let's go up to the Common Room. Maybe something will be going on up there." Said Ginny.

So the three turned and walked back up the corridor they had just walked down towards the Gryffindor Common Room. On the way they ran into Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were in the middle of a conversation.

"I ain't got none," Ron was saying.

"I haven't got any," Hermione corrected him.

"You ain't got none, either?" Ron asked, grinning at the exasperated look that exploded across Hermione's face.

"Ron!" She said in a reprimanding voice.

"Hermione!" Ron replied, grinning more widely. The others couldn't help grinning, too, as Hermione looked about to explode.

"When will you grow up and act more mature?" She demanded.

"Why in the world would I want to act mature? That would take all the fun out of life!" Ron said. Ginny, Taylor, Sean, and Harry all laughed.

"Oh, you are so impossible!" Hermione exclaimed, slapping Ron's shoulder. Ron laughed and picked Hermione up and threw her over his shoulder. Hermione dropped her bag and slapped Ron's back repeatedly.

"Put me down!" She demanded, but laughing just the same.

"Never!" Said Ron, and began running up the corridor with her.

"Ron! I am a Prefect!" Hermione yelled. "For goodness sake, you are a Prefect!" She kicked her legs and continued slapping Ron's back but to no avail.

Harry, Ginny, Sean, and Taylor followed them at a slower pace, Harry picking up Hermione's bag and carrying it with him.

Taylor nudged Sean. "I told you they were into each other," she said.

"Who?" Harry asked. "Ron and Hermione?"

"Oh, come on Harry. You're telling me you had no idea?" Ginny asked, looking incredulously at her boyfriend.

"Well…" Harry said, watching as Ron disappeared around the corner with Hermione, "I did sort of have an inkling."

"Good, because it's pretty obvious. I've been wondering how long it's going to take them to realize it," Ginny said. "If Ron's anything like you, it will be a while," she added jokingly.

"Hey, I'm not that bad, am I?" Harry asked.

"Well, no, you're not, but it did take you long enough to ask me out." Ginny said.

"But I never really did ask you out. It just sort of…happened," Harry said fairly.

"So…does that mean we're still unofficial?" Ginny asked with a playful gleam in her eye.

"No, no we are!" Harry said quickly.

"But you've never asked me out," Ginny pointed out.

"Alright, alright." Harry stopped walking and dropped both his bag and Hermione's. Then he got down on one knee in front of Ginny and took her hand. "Will you, Ginny Weasley, go out with me?" He asked, barely keeping in his laughter.

Ginny, who was fighting the giggles, too, said formally, "Of course I will, Harry Potter." At that Harry stood up and swept Ginny into a kiss. Taylor allowed them a bit before she said,

"OK, I'm really glad you two are now officially official, but I think it's time to move on down the corridor." Harry and Ginny broke apart, Harry blushing but Ginny looking completely unabashed. Harry picked up both bags he had been carrying and they all began to walk down the corridor again.

They soon caught up to Ron and Hermione, who were collapsed, laughing, in the middle of the next corridor they walked down. As soon as Hermione saw them rounding the corner, she instantly stopped laughing and stood up quickly.

"Ron, don't do that!" She said, pointing her finger at him in a lecture-ish way. "You cannot just pick me up and run around with me" Now her hands were planted firmly on her hips, but Taylor could tell that she was fighting hard to not smile.

"Funny, I thought I just did," Ron said, standing up, too. Hermione backed away.

"Don't you touch me, Ronald Weasley," she said. She turned towards the rest of the group and saw her bag in Harry's hand.

"Oh, thank you, Harry," she said, taking it from him. "At least one of you is mature enough to act his age," she shot at Ron. Harry didn't seem to know how to respond to this.

"Whatever you say, your highness," Ron said.

Soon they were all back in the Gryffindor Common Room. Unfortunately, nothing particularly interesting was going on. Sure, people were playing wizard's chess, gobstones, and exploding snap, but they wanted something new to do. They all huddled in a corner of the Common Room, sitting around a table.

"So…" drawled Ginny, who was sitting on the arm of Harry's armchair. "What now?"

"If I knew, we wouldn't be sitting here," Ron said, tossing a ball he had found on the table up in the air and catching it repeatedly.

"There's always the Astronomy Tower to jump off of," Sean reminded them, grinning.

"Sean! We're not even allowed up there! And what in the world would make us _want _to just off the Astronomy Tower?" Hermione said, completely shocked, looking at Sean like she had only just seen him clearly for the first time.

Taylor, Ginny, and Sean laughed. "It's kind of an inside joke," Taylor explained to a puzzled looking Hermione.

"Well, let's try and think of something that we would actually do," Harry said, who was massaging Ginny's shoulders.

They all sat in silence for a while, looking at each other until Taylor started giggling.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"We all looked so solemn there, like we were considering who was going to be the next to die or something," she said. They all laughed. Harry put on a serious face.

"This is no laughing matter," he said pompously. "What we are to do with our free time is a very important issue, and we must not take it lightly." They all laughed again. Ginny kissed Harry.

"Please!" Ron moaned. "Not in front of me!"

Ginny scowled at him. "I can do whatever I want, dear brother," she said, but Harry was blushing again and avoiding Ron's eye.

"This is getting us nowhere," Hermione said huffily.

"Well then, what do you suggest we do, All-Knowing One?" Ron asked.

"How about we…cook?" Hermione asked, smiling.

"Oh, no, not another house elf thing!" Ron cried exasperatedly.

"No, I don't want the house elves to cook, I want us to bake. Cookies, say?" Hermione said.

"You want _us _to cook?" Ron said, surprised, looking at Harry and then at Hermione.

"No, I was talking about the other two boys sitting over there," Hermione rolled her eyes and pointed at two seventh years who were sitting at the table next to theirs. Ron looked over at them.

"Why do you want them to cook with you?" He asked suspiciously.

"I wasn't being _serious_, Ron," Hermione rolled her eyes again. Ron opened his mouth to say something but Ginny cut across him.

"Hermione, exactly where are we supposed to cook?" She asked. "The Gryffindor Common Room doesn't have a kitchen."

"In the kitchens, of course. I'm sure the house elves will let us," Hermione reasoned.

"Hermione, you've finally gone insane," Ron said, staring almost with admiration at her.

Hermione looked at him. "Do you have a better idea?" She demanded.

"Yeah, something that doesn't involve a stove," Ron said.

"Ron, baking cookies doesn't involve a stove," Hermione pointed out.

"Well, whatever it involves, how about something else?" Ron said gesturing hopelessly and looking pleadingly at Harry.

"Oh, Ron, you're being pathetic," Hermione said. "Come on, let's go down to the kitchens," she said.

Ginny, Taylor, Sean, and Harry all looked at each other.

"Well, we don't seem to have a better idea," Taylor said, shrugging.

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	41. Messy Cooking

**A/N: I think my writing has been a bit odd lately, I've been having strange inspiration, I guess. But it was still fun to write. And at least I've been updating regularly, instead of like once every other week. Anyway, please read, and pretty, pretty, pretty please review! I want to know what all of you think of my story! **

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**Messy Cooking**

"You've got to be joking," Ron said. "You're not honestly saying we're actually going to do this." He looked pleadingly at Harry. "Come on Harry, and you Sean, can you really say you _want _to cook?"

Sean shrugged. "I don't see why not. I mean, we don't have anything else better to do, so we may as well. Besides there's the chance the house elves won't let us use the kitchens anyway."

"I guess I agree with Sean," Harry said, looking apologetically at Ron. "I mean, what else are we going to do? Complain that we don't have anything to do?"

"Well, if we must do this," Ron sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "Let's go."

"Let's put away our bags first," Hermione said, looking excited that they were going to act upon her idea. They all rose from their armchairs and hauled their bags up to their respective dormitories and met back down in the Common Room.

Ten minutes later found them all standing in front of a painting of a bowl of fruit. Hermione reached out a finger and tickled the pear. It giggled and squirmed and turned into a doorknob. Hermione seized it, pulled the painting open and they all walked into the kitchens. Taylor, Sean and Ginny, who had never been in the kitchens before gazed in awe at the huge room before them. It was set up like the Great Hall above them, with long tables set up directly under where the house tables were set up.

Instantly three house elves appeared before them, bowing low and saying,

"Good afternoon, Sirs and Misses," in their high squeaky voices. "How is we to help you today?"

Hermione looked pained at their bows. "We were wanting – "

But Ron cut in front of her. "Cookies," he finished.

The house elves looked delighted. "What kind of cookies is you wanting?" Asked a particularly skinny house elf. "We has chocolate chip and snicker doodle and gingersnap and peanut butter and oatmeal raisin – " he said, counting each different kind of cookie on his fingers.

"We were wanting to bake the cookies ourselves," Hermione cut in. The house elves looked surprised.

"Sirs and Misses is wanting to bake the cookies yourselves?" Asked a shorter and squatter elf dubiously, as though this was a very strange thing to want to do.

"But if you could spare us the trouble and could just hand us some, we'd be fine with that, too," Ron said quickly.

Hermione frowned at him. "No," she said. "We want to bake the cookies ourselves," she repeated. Ron frowned back at her.

"No, you want to bake the cookies yourself, the rest of us would rather just – "

"Ron, you are impossible," Hermione started to say.

Ginny, who sensed a full blown argument brewing, said sharply, "Ron, it won't kill you to bake cookies. Let's just cook and be happy about it. Then we can do something you want to do, but please act mature about this instead of like a whiney prat who is just annoyed because you didn't get your way."

"Watch who you're calling a whiney prat!" Ron

"Oh, Ron, come on, just leave it, will you?" Harry said unexpectedly. "Cooking isn't that bad. I used to cook for the Dursleys all the time, and it's actually alright."

"Oh, OK," Ron said, giving in to his best friend.

"Well, now we've got that cleared up!" Said Hermione, clapping her hands. "Are you OK with us using the kitchens to cook?" She asked the nearest house elf.

"Of course, Miss!" Said the elf. "You is welcome to use whatever you is wanting in our kitchens!"

Hermione smiled widely. "Let's make chocolate chip cookies," she said, "they're the only ones that I can completely remember the recipe for." She smiled slightly apologetically and began to bustle around, taking out flour, sugar, brown sugar, eggs, butter, salt, baking soda, vanilla, chocolate chips, and other cooking ingredients for the cookies along with two big bowls, a fork, and a cookie sheet. Soon she had everything sitting out on the counter and she beamed at the others.

"We're ready!" She said, grinning widely.

"OK," said Sean, taking Taylor's hand and stepping forward. "So, what do we do?"

"Here, you can measure the flour," Hermione said, handing Sean a large silver canister with the word FLOUR imprinted upon it. Sean took it and moved towards the counter.

"So how much flour do we need?" Sean asked, taking the lid of the flour tin.

"Two and a quarter cups," Hermione replied, handing Sean a stack of measuring cups. Sean took them and found the cup and the quarter cup and handed them to Taylor, who put them on the counter.

Sean picked up the container and tried to pour some into the measuring cup straight out of the container. He missed spectacularly and flour was dumped all over the counter, flew up in their faces and fell to the floor. Taylor laughed and then started to cough and brushed the flour off her face.

Sean looked at Taylor grinning. Taylor watched him warily. Suddenly Sean scooped up some of the flour and tossed it in Taylor's face. She put up her arms quickly and so avoided most of the flying flour.

"Sean!" She said, trying to sound reprimanding, but ruining the effect by laughing.

"Yes, Taylor?" Sean asked innocently. Taylor lunged for some of the flour heaped on the counter and tossed some in Sean's face. Sean dodged the majority of the flour, laughing.

"You two are so immature," Hermione said. Taylor grinned at her and then both she and Sean scooped up more flour and tossed it at Hermione.

"Paaa!" She cried, blowing the flour out of her mouth. She paused, looking like she was making up her mind about something, and then, with a very different, very un-Hemrione-ish look lighting up her face almost manically, she dug out some flour from the container and dumped it right on the top of Ginny's head, making the red head look like she had just been out in a flurry of snow. Ginny shook her head with her eyes shut tight; flour flew everywhere.

Harry grinned, popped the lid off the sugar canister, scooped some out, and poured it on Ron's head, who dashed out from under the downpour of white sugar and, picking up a stick of butter, mashed it into the front of Sean's robes. Sean yelled and turned the vanilla bottle upside down on Taylor's head, who squealed at a very high pitch and quickly found some powdered sugar, shaking the vanilla that was streaming down her face out of her eyes. She took a handful of the powdered sugar and blew it all over Hermione, who waved her hands in front of her face and started coughing as she inhaled some of the powdered sugar.

"No, no!" Squealed several house elves. "Sirs and Misses! You is destroying the kitchen! You is making great messes!"

Ron and Harry chucked several eggs at the house elves, who dodged them and the eggs splattered on the floor.

"Sirs and Misses! You is making horrible messes!" They cried again as they ducked behind a great stove. Ron chucked an egg at Hermione, and it struck her square in the chest. Ginny tossed flower at the book worm, and it plastered itself to her eggy front.

Laughing hysterically, they all slumped onto the floor. Sean clutched his side as he laughed, butter smeared all down his front, flour sticking to it.

"Oh god, that was fun," he wheezed.

Ron looked around at them and started laughing harder. "Somehow when I heard we were cooking, I didn't imagine it quite like this."

"Yeah, this has got to be some of the messiest cooking I've ever done," Taylor giggled, squeezing some vanilla out of her hair.

"Yuk!" Hermione exclaimed as she stuck her fingers in the mess of egg and flour on her front. She looked at her fingers and wrinkled her nose. "This is disgusting, Ron."

"Sirs and Misses!" Squealed the nearest house elf. "This is a terrible mess!"

"Don't worry," Taylor said as she stood up, "We'll clean it up."

"We will?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Yes, we will, Ron," Hermione said firmly. "What did you expect us to just leave this mess for the house elves to clean up?"

Ron looked like he was dying to say "yes" to that, but he restrained himself.

"You wouldn't happen to have a broom handy?" Harry asked the house elf nearest to him.

"Oh yes, we has," the small elf said and hurried off, returning within seconds with a broom.

Harry began sweeping, soon joined by Taylor and Sean, who had also received brooms from nearby elves. After they had finished sweeping, Hermione took a mop and mopped up the egg, butter, and vanilla on the floor while Ginny and Ron wiped down the surfaces around the kitchen that had be sprayed with flour and sugar. After about twenty minutes of cleaning, they stepped back and looked at the kitchen.

"Well, it looks like we're pretty much back to where we started…besides the fact that Hermione's got flour and egg on her front, Taylor has vanilla in her hair, Sean has butter all over himself, and we're all covered from head to foot in flour and sugar." Ron said, looking around, grinning.

"Yeah, my vote now is to head directly to the showers and change robes," Taylor said. The others nodded.

"Maybe we'll come back later to cook, I'm kind of done with the kitchen for now," Harry said. Everyone looked at Hermione, who, to their surprise nodded.

"I think we've had enough fun in the kitchen for now," she said, trying in vain to wipe the flour and egg off her front with a towel.

Everybody laughed at her attempts, looking around at each other.

"We are all a big mess," Harry said, smiling.

So with that, the five friends trooped out of the kitchen, leaving the poor house elves goggling after them, and back up through the castle towards the Gryffindor Common Room and a hot shower.

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**A/N: Awww, come on, you know you're DYING to press that little review button below! It's calling your name! :)**


	42. Too Much To Drink

**A/N: Here's my next update. This is set when Sirius was younger, before Harry was born. Have fun, and please review!**

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Sirius Black, James Potter, and Lily Evans entered Murphy's Pub, a bar/dance club in Diagon Ally. The room was hazy with smoke and the very air seemed to throb with the music being played by the live band in the corner of the room. Witches and wizards crowded the dance floor and more lined the bar, laughing and drinking deeply.

The three were enjoying a Friday night after a long week of work. Remus and Peter had been unable to make it, however. They hadn't dressed up much. James' hair stuck up hopelessly at the back and Sirius' long hair had the messy-but-attractive look to it. Lily on the other hand, looked like the only one who had taken a brush to her hair. It hung a bit below her shoulders in lustrous waves. Her green eyes danced happily.

"Let's get drinks!" James bellowed at the other two over the music and the three young people headed towards the bar, James with his arm around Lily's waist.

"Three Firewhiskeyes!" James called to the bar tender, a young red headed witch who was wearing very revealing dark green robes and he handed over a few silver Sickles to her. She smiled and, scooping the Sickles off the counter into a till, turned around and filled three glasses with smoking liquid. She fluttered her eyelashes at a handsome Sirius, who was obviously single as she handed him his smoking goblet. Sirius grinned cheekily at her when he took it and winked, making her blush slightly, but she grinned back.

Sirius and James threw back their glasses and drained them immediately. Lily rolled her eyes at them and sipped at her drink in a slightly more dignified way.

"Hey love," Sirius addressed the pretty bar lady again, "mind pouring us another glass?" The lady took James' and Sirius' glasses and refilled them. This time the two friends drank slower. Sirius scanned the room, looking over the dance floor and along the bar.

"Scoping your next dance?" James joked at him, pulling Lily closer to him and kissing her on top of her head. "I've got mine!" And with that he pulled Lily to her feet and led her onto the dance floor. Sirius stayed at the bar, still scanning the room.

At the end of the dance, Lily and James returned to Sirius who was still at the bar, drinking his fourth Firewhiskey.

"What's up, Padfoot?" James called over the loud music. "How come you haven't found a dance partner yet?"

"Still scoping, Prongs, still scoping!" Sirius explained loudly. Lily ruffled his hair.

"Has your charm left you, Sirius?" She demanded. "Lost your touch with the ladies?" She looked at the glass in Sirius's hand. "Need to get drunk before you can make a move?"

"As if!" Sirius laughed, tossing his head to shake his dark hair out of his eyes.

The band in the corner struck up a new, fast Irish tune. Lily laughed, draining the rest of her Firewhiskey and pulled James to his feet and back onto the dance floor.

I'll tell me Ma when I go home  
The boys won't leave the girls alone.  
They pull my hair, they stole my comb,  
But that's alright till I go home

She is handsome, she is pretty  
She is the belle of Dublin city  
She is courtin' one, two, three  
Please won't you tell me, who is she?

Sirius looked over the heads of the dancing crowd and saw a head of thick raven hair. He watched as the gorgeous girl laughed with her friends. She had a beautiful smile, he thought. Sirius continued to drink his Firewhiskey from his glass, gazing at the girl over the rim.

Albert Mooney says he loves her,  
All the boys are fightin' for her.  
They knock at the door and the ring at the bell  
Sayin' "Oh, my true love are you well?"  
Out she comes as white as snow,  
Rings on her fingers, bells on her toes.  
Jenny Murphy says she'll die,  
If she doesn't get the fellow with the rovin' eye.

Sirius was still watching the girl. The bar lady leaned on the bar opposite him so that her bust showed clearly as she looked at him.

"So, what brings you here tonight, handsome?" She drawled, trying to bring Sirius's attention back to herself. Sirius looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

"That pretty lass right over there!" He said, smiling and pointing at the girl with the black hair. The bar lady frowned.

"It wasn't my charm that brought you to Murphey's?" She pouted. Sirius grinned at the woman and put his hand on hers that was lying on the bar.

"Not tonight, love! Hey, pour me another?" He asked, holding up his empty glass. Still pouting, the bar lady turned around to refill his goblet and handed it back to him. Sirius raised it to her in a toast. She smiled blandly back at him, but then left to flirt with a man sitting further down the bar from Sirius.

She is handsome, she is pretty  
She is the belle of Dublin city.  
She is courtin' one, two, three.  
Please won't you tell me, who is she?

Sirius grinned as he watched the pretty girl throw back her head and laugh at something her friend had said. Suddenly she looked up as though she felt his gaze. Their eyes locked. Sirius grinned more widely and winked obviously at her. She grinned cheekily at him and winked back. Sirius couldn't help smiling more at her smile, then remembering his cool, his shook his head to ruffle his hair again, and drank some more.

Let the wind and the rain and the hail blow high  
And the snow come shovelin' from the sky.  
She's as sweet as apple pie  
And she'll get her own lad by and by.  
When she gets a lad of her own,  
She won't tell her Ma when she gets home.  
Let them all come as they may,  
But it's Albert Mooney she loves still.

She is handsome, she is pretty  
She is the belle of Dublin city.  
She is courtin' one, two, three  
Please won't you tell me, who is she?

James and Lily returned to Sirius' side, both laughing. James beckoned the pretty bar lady back, holding up his and Lily's empty glasses. She poured them each a fresh goblet of Firewhiskey, took one glance at Sirius, who was still watching the raven-haired girl and frowned.

"Hey!" Sirius yelled at her over the storm of applause from the crowd and quoted the song at her, voice lilting to the tune. "Please won't you tell me, who is she?"

Still frowning in a disappointed way, she replied, "She's new in town!" And walked away swiftly towards the man she had been flirting with.

James followed Sirius's gaze and saw the black haired girl. "Go for it, Padfoot," he said. "She's certainly pretty enough for you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded.

"Sirius has pretty high standards," James joked. "He's got to find a girl who matches him in looks." Sirius smiled and drained his fifth Firewhiskey. He shook his head slightly.

"Hey, there," James said. "Slow down there, mate, or you'll be passed out soon. Don't forget last time!"

Sirius smiled back at James and Lily. "I might be done for now. I've got a girl to catch!" He put his glass down on the bar and stood up. He blinked hard and grinned again, shaking back his shaggy black hair.

"How do I look?" He asked, smirking at the couple.

"Dashing, as always, mate. Go and get her!" James said, clapping Sirius on the shoulder, turning him around and pushing him towards the raven-haired girl.

Sirius sauntered across the floor until his stood behind the girl. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Hello, beautiful," he said, grinning down at her.

"Well, hello there, handsome," she smiled cheekily.

Sirius leaned down and whispered in her ear, "She's as sweet as apple pie."

The girl smirked. "Who?" She asked. Sirius was thrown off.

"You, of course," he said. The girl laughed.

"You flatter too much," she said.

"Care to dance?" Sirius asked, holding out his hand. The girl smiled and looked at her friends, who smiled back at her. She took his hand and stood up, allowing Sirius to lead her to the dance floor.

As Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist he said, "So, does my apple pie have a name?"

"Of course," she grinned.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Sirius demanded.

"Why would I? This is fun," she replied.

"You know, most girls are falling over themselves to be with me," Sirius said, looking carefully at her face. The girl merely smirked at him. Sirius decided he liked her spunk. He caught James' eye over her shoulder and grinned at him.

"Well, I'm not most girls."

"No, that you are not," Sirius agreed as they swayed to the music. Sirius leaned close to her and whispered in her ear, "So what is my apple pie's name?"

"Tamara," she replied, her dark eyes dancing. "But you can call me Tammy."

"Alright, Tammy," Sirius replied. They swayed for a few more seconds. "Don't you want to know my name?" Sirius asked.

"Sure, why not?" Tammy said.

"It's Sirius, Sirius Black," he said.

"I like that."

"I'm flattered you like my name," Sirius said.

"Sirius; not a very common name," commented Tammy.

"No, I suppose not," Sirius agreed.

They danced until the end of the song, and then Sirius, with his arm around Tammy's waist, said,

"Come meet my friends, won't you?" And led her over to where James and Lily were sitting at the bar.

"So who's your beautiful new woman, Sirius?" Lily asked, leaning against James.

"This is Tammy; Tammy, this is Lily and James. They're some of my best friends from school." Sirius did the introductions.

"New woman?" Tammy raised her eyebrows at Sirius. "Quite the lady's man, I'm guessing?"

"Well, you know," Sirius said, grinning at her. "Got to have fun!"

"Oh, I'm sure you have plenty of fun," Tammy said.

At that moment, a tall, dark haired man sidled up to Tammy and slipped his arm around Tammy's shoulders.

"Ready to go, Tammy?" He asked, looking bemusedly at Sirius' stunned face.

"Catch you later, then, Sirius," Tammy called, turning around and, looping her arm through the man's arm, walked out of the pub, laughing with him. Sirius stared after her.

"I thought she was flirting with me. And the whole time she was somebody else's girl." He said in a monotone.

James too looked disconcerted. "Well, she did spend a lot of time with you and not him," he said, trying to sound comforting.

"Yeah, but she left with him," Sirius said in total disbelief, still in a monotone.

"What," Lily said, smiling, "not used to getting turned down by a girl, Sirius?"

Sirius frowned at the red head. "As a matter of fact, no, I'm not, Evans. And I don't like it, either." He added, still scowling in the direction of the double doors that the beautiful raven haired girl had disappeared through with the man.

Finally he turned towards the attractive bar maid and gave her some more silver. "Double Firewhiskey," he said.

"Sirius!" Said Lily reproachfully. "I thought you said that you were done for tonight."

"I was, but I have no one to impress now, I might as well get completely wasted and make a fool of myself like always," Sirius reasoned.

"Sirius, you are completely helpless," Lily said exasperatedly.

"Lily," it was James' turn to be reproachful. "That's not fair. Sirius is not helpless."

"Every time we go out for a drink, Sirius always takes it too far and you have to take him home and take care of him," Lily said. "If for once in his life he could say no to a drink – "

"What's the point in that?" Sirius asked, as he took the double Firewhiskey from the bar maid and downed it. He stood there looking right at Lily. "It would take all the fun out of life."

"Whatever, Sirius, just don't come crying to me when you have a hangover tomorrow."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I don't often complain about my hangovers," he said, which was completely true. Sirius hardly ever complained about his hangovers.

Lily and James went back out to the dance floor while Sirius stayed behind at the bar, flirting with the bar maid and drinking more Firewhiskey.

"So what's your name, pretty lady?" Sirius asked.

"Ivy," she said, leaning on the bar again.

"Wha' a purdy name," Sirius said, nodding.

"Are you sure you want another one?" The pretty bar maid asked as Sirius held up his yet again empty glad.

"Jus' keep it comin'," Sirius slurred.

"That will be way too many, I'm not selling you anymore," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and refusing to take the glass that Sirius was trying to shove into her hands.

"No, no more for you. You've had more than enough," Ivy said, still refusing to take the glass from Sirius.

"Oh, stop bein' a spoil sport. I can hold my whiskey, I've had what? I can't remember how many, but I'm sure I can hold some more." When she made no move to give him more, Sirius tried a different tactic.

"Hey pretty lady," he said, a little slurred. "You're so beautiful. I've never seen something as beautiful as a peacock."

"As beautiful as a peacock?" The bar maid repeated, eyebrows raised.

"What about a peacock?" Sirius asked, looking at her in surprise.

"You said I was a beautiful as a peacock," replied Ivy.

"I would not say something like that," Sirius said, looking at Ivy confused.

"You just said – "

"Say, can I have another?" Sirius asked, holding up his glass for her.

"No, you may not," Ivy replied. Sirius let his arm fall and clanked the glass back onto the table. He looked out across the pub where people were dancing in the middle of the floor. He could see James and Lily dancing together. This seemed to put him in a bad mood, because he scowled.

"You know," Sirius said to the pretty bar lady, "I usually can get whatever girl I want." The bar lady looked at him and said,

"I can imagine why," batting her eyes at Sirius.

"But that Tammy girl went off with a different man," Sirius said, frowning. "I must have something in my teeth." He bared his teeth at Ivy. "Do I have anything stuck in my teeth?" He asked. Ivy looked put upon that Sirius had brought up Tammy.

"No," she said stiffly, hardly looking at him.

Not noticing her cold behavior, Sirius still looked thoughtful. "I wonder what he has that I don't."

"The girl," Ivy supplied icily.

"Yes, but why? What's wrong with me?" Sirius asked, his voice getting louder.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with you," Ivy replied, smiling seductively. Sirius looked at her.

"You don't think so?" He asked still loud and his face turning red.

"No, I don't," she said, looking glad that Tammy had be dropped from the conversation.

"Hmm. Well apparently Tammy doesn't agree with you." Sirius said, still a little over loudly, and scowled again at the double door entrance. Ivy scowled. Obviously the conversation was not going the way she had planned.

Sirius turned to the man next to him and stuck his face right in front of the man. "D'you think there's anythan' wrong with me?" He asked.

"Yes, I do," the man said, leaning away from Sirius. "You've obviously had too much to drink."

"No I have not!" Sirius insisted, his face bright red now, making him look like a tomato with messy black hair.

"I beg to differ," the man muttered under his breath and tried to return to his mug of Butterbeer.

"You what?" Sirius demanded loudly.

"I said I beg to differ," the man said resignedly.

"You're different?" Sirius asked him. "That's OK, mate, we're all a bit diff'rent. In fact, I jus' met a wonderful woman. She was beautiful and cheeky and she left with another man." Sirius' face fell and he looked so sad the man almost laughed, but held it back.

"I'm really glad you met a wonderful woman – " the man began, but Sirius cut in.

"I'm not glad. Now I have met her but she's with somebody else." He looked like he was about to cry.

"Look here," the man said, turning to Sirius. "If you've just met her, she can't possibly mean that much to you."

"No, no, no," Sirius said, lifting a finger and wageling it around at the man. At that moment, James and Lily reappeared at Sirius' side.

"What's up, Padfoot?" James asked, taking in Sirius' red face and the way he swayed on his stool.

"This man says he's different and I'm telling him tha' i's OK," Sirius replied, turning to them and with difficulty, focusing on them. James took hold of Sirius' upper arm and half lifted him off his stool.

"I'm sorry if he's bugging you," he said to the man.

"JAMES!" Sirius practically hollered, wrapping his arm around James' shoulders. "I love ya, mate!"

"Yeah, yeah, I love you, too, but you're making a scene." James said, lifting Sirius' arm from around his shoulders.

"I'm not screamin'," Sirius said.

"I didn't say you were," James said.

"Sirius, do you always have to drink too much?" Lily demanded.

Sirius didn't seem to have heard. "LILY!" He bellowed. "You are an awesome girl!" And he wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders, his other arm back around James and pulled them both together in a tight hug.

"Have I ever told you how great you guys are?" He asked.

"Yes, you have, last weekend when you got piss-assed drunk, actually," James said.

"Let's get him out of here before he really makes a scene," Lily said. James nodded.

"Sirius, mate, I have a great idea!" James said to Sirius, who looked at him, his face shining.

"And what's that, Prongs-y old mate?" He asked, his arms still tightly around James' and Lily's shoulders.

"That we go home and play exploding snap," James invented wildly.

"That's definitely not a brilliant idea," Sirius said, looking extremely let down.

"Fine, we can do something different, let's just get out of here," Lily said.

"But I want to stay here, I was having a great conversation with this man," Sirius said, motioning to the man he had been talking to moments earlier. The man looked miffed, stood up, and walked away.

"HEY, MAN!" Sirius bellowed after him. "I DIDN"T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU!" The man didn't so much as raise a hand in acknowledgment of Sirius' words.

James and Lily both wrapped an arm around Sirius' waist and led him out of the pub, the double doors swinging after they had walked through them, Sirius laughing his head off.

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**Alright! Review…you know you want to!**


	43. What A Ghost Knows

**A/N: Here's my next chapter. Sorry it's been so long. And everyone give a big thanks to The Dagdah's Priestess for this chapter! It's due to her idea that I wrote this. **

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**What A Ghost Knows**

Taylor sat in a window seat in the Gryffindor Common Room overlooking the grounds. It was early morning on a Saturday and not many people were up just then. The sun wasn't up yet, although there was a slight bloody tinge in the sky to the east. She hadn't thought in a while. Well, she had thought, but not about _him._ Ever since her hospitalization fiasco, she had hardly spared him a chance in her thoughts. Now that she realized this, she hated herself for it. Her own self had meant more to her than her own dad. She was too selfish. Could she ever figure this out if she was only looking out for herself? Her head was beginning to hurt just thinking about it. It all just seemed so impossible. What was there for her to do? Taylor banged her head repeatedly against the window pain.

"You know, that will only give you a worse headache." A voice broke through her thoughts so unexpectedly, she jumped. She tore he eyes away from the misty morning forest to look over her shoulder. Harry stood there, his hair more disheveled than ever.

"Hi, Harry," Taylor said. Considering the thoughts that had been running their course through her head, she found that she couldn't look him in the eye. Instead she turned to look out over the grounds again. To her surprise, she felt Harry sit down next to her. They sat there in silence overlooking the grounds together, both deep in thought. Taylor watched as the bloody tinge began to spread across the sky.

"Thinking about him?" Harry asked without warning.

Taylor turned to look at him. "How did you know?" She asked.

Harry shrugged. "You get this look on your face when you think about him. You look desperate and lost, yet passionate. You look like how I feel when I think about him."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I was." Taylor said. "I'm beginning to feel really hopeless. How long has it been and I still haven't figured out how to bring him back here? How long can a person exist in limbo? Am I running out of time and I don't even know the time limit? What if by the time I know what to do, it turns out I can't fix anything because I'm too late? I'm just so scared, Harry."

Harry nodded. "I'm really worried, too. But don't blame it all on yourself. We've all been a bit lax lately on actually trying to figure this out. It's not all your fault, it's really not."

"Thanks," Taylor replied. They continued to sit there for a while longer. The sun was rising in earnest now, and was a great orange glowing orb in the east, peaking up over the mountains. Other people were beginning to wake up now, and there were a few early rises exiting the Common Room to go to breakfast down in the Great Hall.

After a while, Harry stood up and stretched. "I'm going down to breakfast," he said, "want to come?"

Taylor looked up at him. "No," she said, shaking her head. How could she eat with all these thoughts in her head? Harry gave her a calculating look, but then started off across the Common Room and out of the portrait hole. Not wanting to be harassed by Ginny or Sean to go to breakfast, Taylor stood up and exited the portrait hole herself, but instead of entering the Great Hall, she walked past it and out onto the grounds.

Once outside, she wandered down to the lake, where she stood at the edge of the lake and gazed at it. It was perfect in the early morning calm. It completely reflected the trees around it. Taylor stepped forward so that her shoes sank an inch or so into the mud at the very edge of the lake and the toes of her shoes were lapped with lake water and she was reflected in it. She stared down at her reflection, mirrored as perfectly as if in a mirror. She saw her white face with scared eyes staring back at her, thick black hair as uncontrollable as always. What was she to do?

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When Taylor finally had a break between classes, she was found searching the castle desperately, running along corridors and up stairways. Where were all the ghosts when you needed them? It seemed like you were always walking through them when you didn't want them, but as soon as you wanted one around, none of them could be found. Taylor was just about to give up when she saw the retreating back of someone pearly white.

"Hey!" Taylor shouted, speeding up. "Hey, Baron!" The Bloody Baron turned around, his face curious.

"What?" He demanded – he seemed a little miffed to be interrupted in whatever he was doing.

Taylor ran up to him and stood in front of him, hands on her knees and puffing while she tried to catch her breath. "I have to ask you a question," she panted.

"I'm not telling you why I'm covered in blood," the Baron said immediately.

"That wasn't what I was going to ask," Taylor said, frowning slightly, but quickly hiding it, she didn't want to upset the Baron; she needed to talk to him.

"Well then, what was it that you wanted to ask me?" The Baron asked. "I'm rather busy right now."

"I wanted to ask you about death," Taylor said.

The Baron looked even less pleased at this statement. "Death," he said haughtily, holding his head up high and sounding imperious, "is the termination of the biological functions that define a living organism."

Taylor fought to keep from rolling her eyes. "I know _that_," she said, trying not to sound too saucy. "I mean, what is death, really? What does it mean for a person? What happens to a person when they die? Are there different fates for different people? Does anything actually happen when someone dies? Or is that the end, totally and finitely? Is there something that can live on after the body dies?" All of these questions spilled out of Taylor mouth; she hadn't realized how very many questions she had about death until she started asking them, and then they just kept erupting within her.

"Well," said the Baron thoughtfully, seeming to become a little less chagrined. "I suppose there is something that lives on after the body dies; I guess that's what people call a soul. But without that, I don't think ghosts could exist. For, really, we are not fully here nor there, but we most definitely do not have a body. We have the image of a body, but it is not solid, it is surreal, it is only a shadow of a body. But a body is merely a transport unit for the soul during the soul's time on Earth. I suppose I cannot really tell you what death means for a person, as, though I have died, I have not gone all the way through with death. I chose, instead, to come back and exist, however minimally, on Earth." He paused, looking thoughtful.

"Sometimes," he continued, "I greatly regret my hasty decision to stay behind, and wonder whether it would have been better to go…on to whatever there is beyond this world. But when you die, you are not given much time to think about your decision. It is a split second in which you can decide to stay behind on Earth as a ghost or continue on to whatever is waiting for those that die." For not wanting to even talk to begin with, the Bloody Baron seemed to be enjoying himself as he contemplated what he was talking about.

Taylor stood there, thinking. If the Baron had died, but he hadn't gone through the whole process, and yet he was here…she shook her head. This was mind boggling.

"So…what if you don't really die?" Taylor began and then decided that she had to ask the question. "Have you ever heard of the Veil of Death?"

"Why, yes, I have," the Bloody Baron replied, looking inquisitorially at Taylor. "But it is a bit of very rare magic that is not understood at all, nor is it very well known. What makes you ask about it? How do you even know about it?"

Taylor decided on the truth. "Well," saying it out loud was going to be harder than she had thought. "My dad…my dad wasn't dead when he fell through the Veil of Death. He was alive. He's in this place – it's 'neither here nor there', like you said about yourself. And I'm trying to return him to here."

"Ah," the Baron said, nodding slowly and looking quite thoughtful. "Well, I do believe that that would be a rare occurrence, perhaps a first."

"Yeah, that's what Dumbledore has told me," Taylor said. "So, I was wondering, as you are 'neither here nor there' as well, do you have any idea of how to become fully here?"

"Well, I cannot say that I do have any idea. I am stuck where I am for eternity. But you father may have a chance of returning to the real world, I would not know." The Baron said, looking sincerely sorry that he couldn't be of more help.

"Oh." Taylor said, severely disappointed that the Baron couldn't have been more useful. "Thanks for your time, though," she added, sounding a little lost.

The Bloody Baron turned and floated through the classroom door, waving a careless hand in Taylor's direction. Taylor put her hands on her hips as she watched the last of the Baron, his left foot, disappear.

"What a fat load of help," she sighed sarcastically to herself. The Baron, though he had divulged some interesting thoughts on death in general, had failed to be of help to her. She sighed again. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up; of course the Baron didn't know that much about death, as he was a ghost.

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	44. At the Leaky Cauldron

**A/N: Here's my next chapter! I really enjoyed writing a little of the Marauders last time, so I decided to add in some more. Don't worry, I'm still going to keep up with the real story line. In fact, I can honestly say that, for the first time since I started writing this story, I know exactly where I'm going with it, and how I'm getting there. I feel so proud of myself. **

**I'm not expecting this to be much longer, though, as I know what I'm doing, and I pretty much have the next few chapters sketched out. BUT, I may do another story that really focuses on Sirius when he was in school and when he met Tammy, I've had so much fun writing him. This is probably due to some fics I've been reading. Very nice, if any of you want to know of some really awesome stories about the Marauders at school, just tell me, and I can lead you in the right direction. **

**The Fading Petal: I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm very glad you reviewed it. And I really hope you don't murder me when I finish this story. **

**PocketfulOfSunshine95: Thank you for reviewing, as always! I really like the Bloody Baron, for some reason. I guess that's obvious, as he's made a couple appearances in my story. Keep reading!**

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Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were having a boys' night out at the Leaky Cauldron. They entered through the door and looked around. Sirius pointed at a bar with stools looking out a window. There was a nice view of Diagon Ally through the window, although most of the shops were closed for the night. The four friends moved through the packed pub towards the bar.

"I'll go and get drinks, shall I?" Remus asked. The other three nodded and Remus disappeared into the crowd.

He returned to the three with four foaming mugs of Butterbeer suspended in the air in front of him. James looked disappointed.

"What?" He asked, taking his mug. "No Firewhiskey?"

"I thought it was a bit early for something so strong," Remus explained. "Don't worry; I'm sure you'll get your fair share of Firewhiskey tonight, James." He smiled and so did the other three. James and Sirius always got their fair share and most of the time, more of drink.

James smiled. "To the Marauders!" He said, raising his glass. The other three repeated "Marauders!" and clinked their mugs all together. They all drank deeply.

"I'll never get over how damn good this is," Sirius said, closing his eyes in mock ecstasy as he swallowed.

"Sirius, if anything has alcohol in it, you'll love it," James pointed out.

"Not true. I hated those rum balls your great aunt made for that one New Year's Eve party. Ug, made me gag!" Sirius said, grinning.

"Oh, I suppose that's true," James agreed. "But nobody can stand her rum balls. They make everyone gag, so I don't know if that counts."

"It counts!" Sirius insisted, pretending to be offended and scowling at James.

"Whatever you guys," Remus said tersely.

"Remus, I know you're not feeling too good as it's "that time of the month" for you," Sirius said, grinning, "but do you have to take it out on us?"

"Sirius, that's uncalled for. Remus doesn't need that now," James said.

"No, I'm sorry. Sirius is right, I don't need to take it out on you guys," Remus apologized. James however, rounded on Sirius.

"See what you've done?" He demanded. "You've gone and made Remus feel bad now."

"Remus knows it's all in good fun," Sirius said. "And besides, I never told Remus to apologize. He came up with that one by himself."

"Let's just enjoy tonight, can we?" Remus asked, and Peter, who hadn't said anything yet, nodded in agreement.

Peter's silence had not gone unnoticed by Sirius. He clapped the short but chubby young man on the back, which made Peter wince, and said loudly, "Why so quiet, Petey? Cat got your tongue?"

"No, just, just, I don't have anything to say," Peter said quietly, looking around at James and Remus for help.

Remus came to Peter's rescue. "Don't start on Peter, Sirius." Sirius rolled his eyes but instead of saying anything more to Peter, drained the rest of his Butterbeer, and slammed the empty mug down on the counter.

"It's time for something a bit stronger, don't you think, James?" He said.

"I quite agree, Padfoot," James agreed, standing up. "Me and Sirius will go get some Firewhiskey for you guys if you' like." Remus held up his mug, which was still half full, and Peter looked quickly from Remus' mug to his own, from which he had hardly drank anything and shook his head.

Sirius smiled, "Always the responsible ones," he joked, turning around to go with James to get themselves Firewhiskeyes.

When they reached the bartender, Tom, Sirius took out his money bag.

"The first one's on me, Prongs," he said, dumping a few silver Sickles on the counter. "Two Firewhiskeyes," he told Tom. The old bar tender turned around and when he turned back, handed each a shot glass of the liquid. Sirius raised his glass.

"Cheers," James said as they clinked glasses and they tipped back their glasses and downed the Firewhiskeyes.

"I got you this time, Padfoot," James said, this time pulling out his money bag and handing some more silver to the bar man, who took the money and refilled their drinks. Then James and Sirius went back to the bar where Remus and Peter were sitting.

"Tsk, tsk," Sirius said when they reached them and saw that the two's mugs were still mostly full. "You are never going to get hammered at the rate you two are going."

"Well, Sirius, unlike you, I don't necessarily want to get totally piss-assed drunk every time I drink." Remus said evenly.

"Oh, what's the point if you're not?" Sirius asked, plopping himself down next to James.

"Sirius, I don't think you would understand, seeing as how you can't do anything in moderation," Remus said in a dignified way.

"Moderation, my ass," Sirius said simply, lifting his glass to his lips and draining it again.

"Don't look now, but there's that girl," James said, glancing at the front of the bar.

"What girl?" Remus asked, interested.

"That girl what walked out on Sirius the other night," James said.

"A girl walked out on Sirius?" Remus asked in disbelief.

Sirius frowned. "She did not walk out on me," he said haughtily.

"Well, she left with a different guy," James explained, grinning at Sirius, who was frowning at James. "Don't look now, Padfoot, but she's looking this way."

"Shit, hide me," Sirius said, trying to duck down behind Peter, who was much too small to hide him. She caught Sirius' eye and Sirius tried to smile saucily before straightening up with all the dignity he could muster. She smirked at him and turned around to talk to her friend who had just sat down beside her.

"Go talk to her, Sirius!" James urged.

"No way in hell, James," Sirius said huffily.

"Come one, what? Lost your nerve?" James teased. "Going to let some other guy win? What can that guy have that you don't have?"

"I don't know," Sirius said, 'The girls?" He picked up his empty shot glass to drink just for something to do, found it empty and slammed it down on the bar.

"Talk to her," Remus advised, "she keeps looking your way." Sirius quickly looked up and saw her watching him again. She winked at him before turning back to her friend.

"I can't, I just can't," Sirius said.

"I never thought I'd see you give up this easy," James said.

Sirius punched him playfully in the arm. "I haven't given up!"

"Well, then, go talk to her," James said, pulling Sirius to his feet and pushing him towards the front bar. Sirius shot a dirty look at him before proceeding across the floor towards the girl.

"How's my sweet apple pie?" He asked in her ear. She turned around, grinning at him.

"Pretty stellar," she said, "and yourself?"

"I would have been better if you hadn't left with another man the other night," Sirius said, winking at her.

"Oh him?" Tammy asked, looking surprised. "That's my brother, Gerald."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, feeling as though something had lifted off his heart. "Oh?" he said unintelligently.

Tammy laughed. "Have you been thinking that I was on a date with someone else and just toyed with you?" She asked playfully.

"Well, I always knew you'd come back to me, no matter who you were with to begin with," Sirius said, trying to draw on some of his old cheek.

"A bit full of yourself, aren't you?" Tammy replied. "You'd better watch out, if your head gets any bigger, it might not fit through the door." But Sirius could tell she was joking, as she said it with a big smile on her face.

"Well, I've got to make up for all those who have no self-esteem, haven't I?" Sirius replied.

Tammy laughed. "So you here on a boys' night out?" She asked, gesturing towards James, Remus, and Peter who were watching Sirius and Tammy, all with big grins on their faces.

"Yep," Sirius said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

At this moment, Tammy's friend spoke up. "So who's this nice young man?" She asked Tammy.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Tammy said. "Kristy, this is Sirius, Sirius, this is Kristy."

Sirius tossed his hair out of his eyes and extended a hand, which Kristy took. Sirius kissed it and said, winking at Kristy, "Any friend of Tammy's is a friend of mine!"

"HEY PADFOOT!" James bellowed across the room, making everyone in the pub stop what they were doing and look around. "Quit flirting with the ladies, this is our night!" James didn't yell quite so loud this time as he already had the full room's attention. Everybody in the pub, including Tom, laughed.

"Seems like your friends miss you," Tammy said. "I'll catch you later then."

"Wait, can't I have your owl-address?" Sirius asked. Tammy cocked her head to one side and looked him over.

"No, I don't think so," she replied, winking. "I'll just have to rely on luck see you around." Sirius looked dumbstruck. He looked around awkwardly, the whole room was still watching and he could hear stifled laughter. He raised his arm and ruffled his already messy hair nervously in a very James'- like way.

"But what if you don't see me around?" Sirius asked as he saw James fold his arms and Remus start tapping his foot.

"Well, then, I guess that's just a risk we'll have to take," Tammy said. She leaned closer and whispered to Sirius, "I'd get out of here, if I were you. You know, try and save what little dignity you still have left." And with that, she winked. Sirius stood for a full three seconds looking at her, and then said,

"I'll see around, then," and turned around and walked, head up defiantly, back to his friends, who were doubled over with silent laughter. Most of the pub laughed and gradually went back to their drinks and their own conversations.

"It's not often we get to see our Sirius rejected," James said when Sirius had rejoined them.

"Shut up," Sirius snapped, flopping back down into his seat.

"Oooh, not very friendly," Remus commented, raising his eyebrows.

"I need another Firewhiskey," Sirius said, standing up with his glass.

"That girl is going to lead you to drink way too much every time, isn't she?" James asked.

"I'm not drinking because of her!" Sirius protested.

Remus clapped him on the shoulder. "Whatever you say, mate, whatever you say. Go and get your drink, then."

"Thank you for your permission, _sir_," Sirius said sarcastically, stressing the last word, and heading off towards the bar.

When he returned, he was disappointed to find his friends still inclined to laugh at him for his failure to get Tammy's owl-address. Sirius, trying to ignore his friends, sat down, folded his arms, and stared moodily out the window.

"Oh, come on, man, you know we're all in good fun." James reassured him, hitting him on the shoulder. Sirius shrugged and chanced a glance in the direction of Tammy.

"She's gone, mate," Remus said. "Left when you got up to get your drink."

"Don't worry about her," James said. "There are plenty of girls in this world that would love to give you anything." He winked.

"Sirius likes a challenge," Peter piped up. They all turned to look at him.

"Since when do you have the brains to come up with that?" James asked. Remus punched his arm.

"Play nicely, James," he said reproachfully.

"I just don't get it," Sirius muttered. "She flirts with me, and then leaves me hanging."

"Like I said, forget about her," James said. "You're probably just a game to her."

"Well, then, I think I'll play the game with her," Sirius said, beginning to grin. "I won't stop badgering her till I've got her to go out on a date with me."

"If you ever see her again," Remus pointed out.

"Oh, I'll see her again," Sirius said, completely sure of himself.

"What makes you so confidant?" James asked.

"Oh, I have a way with the ladies," Sirius replied shortly.

"Yeah, but do you have a way with _this _lady?" James asked.

"Oh, shut it, you, you're no fun right now," Sirius said, shoving James.

"So you're going to pull a James?" Remus asked Sirius interestedly.

"A what?" Sirius asked distractedly as he drank his Firewhiskey.

"A James: you're going to badger Tammy until she'll go out with you like James did with Lily." Remus remarked.

Sirius grinned and nodded. "Well, if it worked for James, it'll work for me," he said confidently.

Remus tried to share an exasperated look with James, who wasn't paying attention, and had to experience his look by himself.

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**A/N: I really want to know!!!! How are you guys enjoying this? Please review! Pretty please? Even if you just want to say like three words, I would still be very happy to hear from you! I know there are people reading my story, but I only have three reviewers. So sad. Anyway, I'm done with that rant. Love you all for reading my story!**


	45. Once Again

**A/N: I must apologize for the very long wait between my updates. I was just reading some of my older chapters and was thinking that they were very poorly written. That's probably why I have no reviewers. I'm going to finish the story, but hopefully I can write a little bit better. **

**Other news: I'm starting a new story "What I Really Want". I would love it if you would check it out and see if you like it. It's going to be much more lighthearted than this story has been. **

**For the purpose of my story, I'm saying that they all know about Voldemort's Horcruxes. I know that they don't, and please forgive me for doing this, but I'm just saying that they do. **

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**Once Again**

Taylor had gone off eating again. It had been three weeks since her conversation with the Bloody Baron, and all of her friends were positive that she was going down the same road again, but none of them had any idea what to do about it. She was keeping to herself, and Ginny had reason to believe that Taylor had begun running again (even though she was still under strict no exercising orders from Madam Pomfry) as most of the snow had melted and Taylor was always missing in the morning. Ginny had also noticed that Taylor was rapidly losing what little weight she had managed to put on. Her robes were hanging so loosely off her shoulders that it looked like they were simply hanging on a hanger, not an actual body. Nobody saw much of her; she mostly kept to herself and barely acknowledged her friends.

"Hey, babe," Sean said softly as he sat down tentatively next to Taylor down by the lake. He had a way of finding her when he wanted to. Taylor did not reply, but instead kept staring out across the lake. They were sitting on her rock, she with her knees drawn up to her chest and stick arms wrapped around them.

"Hunny," Sean tried again, taking his arm and wrapping it around her thin shoulders. She didn't shrug it off, but she didn't lean into him either. "Taylor," Sean's voice was strained now. "Please, babe, look at me." Taylor stared out across the lake for a few seconds before sniffing and blinking hard and turning her head towards him.

"Please, look at me," Sean repeated, and when Taylor did not lift her eyes to his, he cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face. She stubbornly kept looking down for a second, before raising her eyes to meet his gaze.

"You've got me worried," Sean said. It felt like he had spent a lifetime worrying about Taylor, but he also felt like he could spend a lifetime more doing the same, if it meant that she was with him.

Taylor looked away from him. "You don't need to be," she said stiffly. Sean knew she was trying very hard not to cry.

"Babe, I can't help but worry about you. You mean so much to me, I can't help it." Sean said simply. He felt like he needed to remind Taylor of what he felt for her.

"I'll be OK," Taylor said, still looking away from him.

"You know, I'm not sure if you will be," Sean said. "It's killing me to see you like this again." He paused, and then continued, "You're killing yourself." He said bluntly.

"I'm OK," came Taylor's short reply. With that, she stood up, and after looking sadly down at Sean, who was looking up at her, turned around and trudged back up to the castle. Sean watched her go, and an overwhelming feeling that she wouldn't be around much longer hit him. He wanted to run after her, to wrap her in his arms, to whisper in her ear that he loved her with all his heart, but something stopped him. He couldn't stand up. He couldn't move. He just sat there and watched her walk away, feeling like he was losing her.

They all sat around the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room on a calm Saturday afternoon. Hermione had her books spread across a table and was quickly scribbling away on her latest Arithmancy essay, Ron, Ginny, and Harry were engrossed in a debate over the last Quiditch game between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, and Sean was sitting on a couch with Taylor laying with her head in his lap. Sean was absentmindedly combing his fingers through her hair as he tried to read a book for Charms, while she dozed.

Suddenly, Hermione laid down her quill. "I've had an idea," she said, as though carrying on a conversation they had been having. They all turned to her.

"About what?" Harry asked.

"Sirius," Hermione replied shortly. Taylor stirred and blearily sat up.

"What about him?" She asked softly.

"Well, I was thinking about Voldemort's Horcruxes," Hermione said. When none of them said anything, she continued. "You know how you hide a piece of your soul in a Horcrux so that if the body dies, the soul has something to keep it on Earth?" Everyone nodded. "So, what if Sirius' soul needs something for it to hold on to in order to return to Earth?"

There was a deep silence following this question.

"You know," Harry said finally. "You may be on to something."

"So what if we go to the Room of Requirement," Ron began.

"And we give him something to hold on to so that he can return with us here?" Hermione finished for him. Everyone nodded, obviously impressed.

"Hermione, you are a genius," Ron said, awed.

"I know the perfect thing!" Harry suddenly exclaimed, jumping up and rushing up the stairs to the boys' dormitory. He soon came clattering back down, clutching something. When he reached them, he held out his hand. On it sat a fragment of broken mirror.

"Sirius gave this to me. It's a mirror that you can communicate through. He had the other one."

"Perfect!" Hermione said excitedly, clapping her hands. Taylor leapt to her feet, trying not to sway, as Harry quickly tucked the portion of mirror into his robes.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" She demanded. "Let's go!" She grabbed Ginny's and Sean's hands and led them out of the Common Room.

Soon, they were all standing outside the Room of Requirement. Taylor, eyes squeezed tight in anticipation, began walking feverishly up and down in front of the wall, thinking hard and muttering the words to herself.

"We need you to become the place where Sirius is, we need you to become the place where Sirius is, we need you to become the place where Sirius is." Taylor opened her eyes, and there were the tall double doors in front of her. She reached out and took hold of the circular pull on the right hand door and wrenched it open. Instantly the bright white light exploded out of the room and the white mist stuff came billowing out. Taylor smiled; the first real smile she'd smiled in a while.

"Come on," she said, hurrying through the door with the rest of them hot on her heels.

Once again they fell through the nothing until they landed on nothing. Taylor looked around.

"Dad!" She called. "Dad, where are you?"

"SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed into the nothing.

"Hold your hippogriffs, I'm right here," came Sirius's amused voice, and they saw him appear through the mist.

"Dad!" Taylor shouted, running at him and wrapping her arms around him. Sirius hugged her back.

"Good to see you all again," Sirius said. Harry came forward and they hugged, too. Then, looking slightly uncomfortable, Sirius asked, "Found anything new to help bring me back to your place?" His voice was tense and he looked hopeful.

"Yes!" Harry said, taking the mirror fragment out from his robes and showing Sirius. "It's part of that mirror you gave to me. I, er, broke it," he finished, mumbling.

"So, our theory here is that if you have this piece of matter from the real world, your soul can attach itself to it and thereby transport you back with us," Hermione stated.

"Hermione, you are totally brilliant," Sirius said. Hermione blushed brightly.

"She really is, isn't she?" Ron agreed.

"So all I have to do it hold on to this and I'll come back with you all?" Sirius asked.

"Well, that's what we hope will happen," Hermione said. "I'm not entirely sure it will work, though," she added cautiously, looking apprehensively at Sirius as though scared he might get mad at her.

Sirius took the piece of mirror from Harry and held it tightly in his hand. "I'm ready," he said.

They all struck out swimming upwards toward the door. When they reached it, they all stood around it.

"You first," Harry said, gesturing for Sirius to go forward.

Sirius grinned and stepped towards the door. He stepped again. And again. And again. He wasn't getting any closer to the door. Sirius frowned.

"Damn, this doesn't seem to be working either," he said disappointedly. His hands hung down limply at his sides. "Damn, damn, damn," he muttered.

"No, this has to work," Taylor said, her eyes shining brightly. "It just has to." She grabbed her father's hand and tried to pull him towards the door but to no avail.

"Shit," Hermione muttered. Despite the tenseness in the air, Ron laughed.

"I've never heard you cuss before, Hermione," he said.

"Well," Hermione said, blushing faintly. She didn't continue.

They all stood, grouped around the door, looking helplessly at each other.

"What now?" Harry asked. None of them answered.

"There has to be an answer to this," Taylor said. "Dumbledore wouldn't have given me an impossible task. He said it was doable."

"If he knows it's possible, how come he doesn't tell us how to do it?" Ron asked.

"Because it's Dumbledore," Sean stated flatly. "He doesn't tell anybody anything straight out." They all stood there glumly for a while.

"Every time we think we've figured out a way to bring Sirius back, I get so happy, and every time it fails. I don't know how much of this I can take," Harry said in an edgy voice.

"I know," Taylor whispered, tears threatening to leak out of her eyes.

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	46. Just Not Ready To

**A/N: It's the first of the month, and I wanted to start it off with a chapter! Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention last time – I'm over 100,000 words! **

**I'm getting so close to the end! Thank you to all of you who have stuck with my story so far. Now, I would **_**really **_**appreciate it if you reviewed. I'm not asking for much, just a little tiny review. Please?**

**Oh, and check out the other story I'm just starting!**

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**Just Not Ready To**

Sirius was round at Lilly and James' place for the evening. After eating a delicious dinner of roast chicken and creamy mashed potatoes whipped up by Lily, they were all sitting out on the front deck, watching the sunset, sipping their Butterbeers, and talking mildly.

"Have you heard any more about this war that we're having?" James asked Sirius.

"Not too much," Sirius replied. "The Ministry is leaning pretty hard on the Daily Prophet to keep it quiet. But we can't keep ignoring these mysterious disappearances. There are more and more of them all the time. What have you guys heard?"

"Same," Lily said, leaning back in her chair. "But we actually got an owl from Dumbledore the other day. He was inviting James and me to a meeting. Something about the Order of the Pheonix."

"I got an owl from him about that same thing. From what I gathered from his letter, it's a secret organization that's attempting to put a stop to this Lord Voldemort guy." Sirius said.

"If it's against him, I'm all for it," James said immediately. "He's totally bonkers, this guy is. All of this pureblood crap. Ug."

"It's disgusting how some wizards think that they're orders of magnitude better than the rest of the wizards and witches out there just because they haven't married muggles or mugle-bornes." Sirius said.

"I always knew that there would be people like that, but I didn't think that they would take it to the extreme of killing people over it," Lily mused, frowning slightly at the sunset.

"I know. I can't believe this bloke actually has followers." James said. "I mean, isn't that scary? How many people out there are pretending to lead their lives normally but in secret they're murdering people?"

"Yeah, that is a disturbing thought," Lily agreed.

"I bet my dear younger brother Regulus has signed up," Sirius said in a revolted voice. "He'd be just the type to. I bet my parents are over the moon about it, too. Dear old Regulus and his pureblood shit. They must think him a right hero." As if in an afterthought, he added, "I can't believe I'm actually related to that scum."

"It's not your fault, Sirius," Lily said comfortingly. "Just as it's not my fault I'm muggle born. You can't help who you're related to, even if they are a bunch of wack-os."

"Especially if they're a bunch of wack-os," James said, smiling.

"Well, hey, on a lighter note, guess who I ran into the other day?" Sirius said smugly, leaning back on the rear two legs of his chair.

"McGonagall?" Lily said.

"Na, I haven't seen dear old Minnie since we graduated." Sirius said. "No, I ran into Tammy when I was getting some pepper up potion in Diagon Ally for my damned hangovers." He had an especially extremely arrogant look on his face.

"Oh, the girl who walked out with a different man?" James teased.

"He was her brother!" Sirius said defensively.

"So she says," Lily, said, knowing that this would irk Sirius and grinning at him.

"Hey!" Sirius said. "Are you trying to say that I don't have a chance with Tammy?"

"No, of course not, but it will be a lot more of a chase than you're used to, won't it, Padfoot?" James smirked at Sirius.

"James!" Lily said reproachfully. "I think we should be glad that Sirius has finally found a girl who doesn't swoon just at the sight of him smiling at her!"

"Too right you are, Lil." James agreed. "Sirius had it _way_ too easy throughout school. Got any girl he wanted just by smiling at her."

"That would be true," Sirius nodded, looking impressively superior.

"Well, maybe this girl can deflate your thoroughly over inflated ego a bit," Lily said.

"What? And lose my big head?" Sirius asked in mock shock. "But my neck is so used to holding it up; I don't know what I'd do with a smaller head!" They all laughed.

"Sarcastic and witty as ever," Lily said. "This girl should be good for you. Maybe she'll bring you back down to Earth a bit."

"If she ever agrees to go out with him," James pointed out. "Were you able to get her to accept a date with you, Sirius?"

Sirius made a face. "No," he grumbled. "She said that we have to 'rely on fate' if we were going to have a date."

"Well, if I know you at all, you're going to make fate work for you, aren't you?" James said knowingly.

"I'm going to do my damned best," Sirius said.

"And how are you going to do that, may I ask?" Lily asked superiorly.

"You remember her friend she was sitting with, Kristy, at the Leaky Cauldron that one night?" Sirius said to James, who nodded. Sirius continued, "Well, I managed to run into her and I got her owl address. So now, I've got her to work for me."

"I hope you're not going to lead the poor girl on," Lily said hurriedly.

"Aw, na! Would I do that?" Sirius said, pretending to look offended.

"Oh, no, never," James drawled sarcastically.

"Anyway, I'm not," Sirius said, shooting a death glare at James. "I told her I'm expressly interested in Tammy. And," Sirius looked extremely proud, "I got her to agree to help me secure a date with my sweet apple pie."

Lily and James both choked on their Butterbeers. "Your _what_?" James demanded. Sirius was looking completely unabashed.

"Well, that one night I first saw her, 'I'll Tell Me Ma' was playing, and I just quoted the lyrics back to her and called her my sweet apple pie." He explained.

"Wow, Sirius." Lily said in absolute awe and shaking her head. "You really are something else."

"Oh, I know, Lily, I know," Sirius grinned at her.

"I hope you fall out of your chair," Lily said.

"Lily, sweetheart, you are a funny one," Sirius said.

"_Anyway_," James interrupted. "How's this Kirsty girl going to help you get a date with the love of your life?"

"She's _not _the love of my life, and her name is Kristy, not Kirsty." Sirius pointed out.

"You're just like a girl, James," Lily grinned at James. "All about the gossip."

"I am not!" James said hastily.

"Are too!"

"Not!" James jumped to his feet.

"Are too!' And Lily jumped to her feet, too.

"Not!"

"Are – "

"Guys, SHUT UP!" Sirius bellowed, letting his chair fall back down to all four legs. Lily and James looked slightly embarrassed, and both sat back down rather primly.

"So, how's this Kristy girl going to help you get a date with Tammy?" Lily asked.

"Who's the gossip queen now?" James interjected.

"Shut up, James," Lily said playfully.

Then they both turned to Sirius. "So?" They asked in unison.

"Well, Kristy is going to just put in a good word for me here and there, maybe schedule a few times that we accidentally-on-purpose bump into each other, you know, all that good stuff," Sirius said airily, waving his hand.

"You've got this pretty much planned out, don't you?" James mused, looking slightly impressed in spite of himself.

"Well, I've thought about it a bit, yeah," Sirius said.

"So, tell me," James said interestedly, "what exactly about her is it that's got you so fascinated with her?"

"I think it's the fact that she seems to find me so thoroughly un-fascinating," Sirius said truthfully.

"I knew it!" Lily exclaimed happily.

"Knew what?" James asked her.

"I knew that you just needed to find a girl who didn't worship the ground you walked on to get your attention." She explained.

"Well, yeah," Sirius said. "I mean, what's the fun if you don't even have to try at all? I mean, it's great for flings, but anything more than that –"

"Oh. My. God." James stated, looking totally shocked. "Did I just hear Sirius Black – the Sirius Black, God of One Night Stands – admit that he wants something SERIOUS?"

"I am Sirius," Sirius replied smoothly.

"Fuck you. You know what I meant," James said.

"Oh, how cute!" Lily cooed. "Itty bitty Siwius is gwowing up!"

"Oh, shove a cork in it," Sirius said, a bit huffily.

Lily clapped her hands. "But this is great!" She exclaimed.

"I don't see what's so great about it," Sirius said, looking a bit disgruntled.

"It is great!" Lily said again. "Isn't it?" She turned to James, who beamed at her.

"Of course it's great!" He said.

"And why is it so great?" Sirius asked.

"It just is," Lily said.

Sirius just rolled his eyes at her and turned to James. "Prongs," he said, "why is this so great?"

James smirked. "It just is," he said.

"Oh you two!" Sirius exclaimed. "You are so damned annoying sometimes!"

"Sometimes?" Lily asked.

"And you're not?" James said at the same time, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, but I was born to be annoying," Sirius said, as though this explained everything.

"And I was born to be annoying to you," James said, smiling.

"Yes, and I want to know all about this girl who is making Sirius actually care." Lily said. "By the way, have you ever actually cared about a girl of has it always just been nothing to you?"

Sirius shrugged. "No particular reason for me to actually care about a girl. I'm a Black, remember? I don't love." All of a sudden, his expression had become a little dark.

"I think you could," Lily said quietly.

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, I'd like to see that day."

"How many times are we going to have this conversation?" James asked, trying to sound exasperated, but looking with a little concern from Sirius to Lily.

"James! How can you act like that?" Lily demanded.

"Act like what, Lil?" James said, trying to sound bored with the conversation.

"Like you believe him when he says he can't love. He can, I know he can."

"And what makes you so sure I can?" Sirius demanded. This conversation definitely was not going the way he had hoped.

"Because you have a heart, Sirius, I've seen it," Lily said.

"What, you've cut open my chest and seen my bloody heart?" Sirius asked, pretending to not know what Lily was talking about.

"Would you just be serious for one minute?" Lily insisted.

Sirius grinned and spread his arms wide. "I am Sirius," he said for the second time that night.

Lily threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know what it's going to take for me to get this through your head, but you can love, I know you can."

"You don't know that," Sirius said defensively.

"Sirius, you don't even try, do you?" Lily asked.

"Come on guys, do we really have to go through with this conversation again?" James said a little testily.

"James – "

"Lily, please, just drop it."

Lily let her hands fall to her sides. "OK, fine," she said rather huffily. They sat in silence like that for a while. It was a little uncomfortable and Sirius kept shifting in his chair. All of a sudden he felt like he didn't belong there with Lily and James. Lily was right; he didn't even try to love. Well, he loved James, Lily, Remus, and even little Peter. But that was different, that was a protective, fierce love. He knew he could never love a girl, really love her romantically. That was impossible for him. That would mean letting down all the barriers he had built up his whole life. He sighed and stood up.

"Well, I guess I'm outa here for the night," he said shortly before turning and vaulting over the railing around the porch and into Lily's garden below. He climbed onto his motorcycle without looking back at James or Lily, revved the motor and flew into the sky without a second glance back.

"Oh, dear," Lily said quietly.

"Do you always have to bring that up?" James asked, but not rudely.

"Well, I just want him to see that he does have a great heart and that he should let down some of his defenses and actually let somebody get close to him," Lily said sadly. "I don't see what's so wrong about trying to get him to see that he can love."

"He's just not ready to." James said simply.

"Maybe Tammy will change him," Lily said, looking out at the sky in the direction that Sirius had rode off in.

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**A/N: Poor Sirius. **

**Anyway…review, review, review!**

**And read my other story as well. It's got Sirius in it, too. **


	47. It Gets Worse

**A/N: This is, I think, the third chapter from the end. I might write an epilog.**

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**It Gets Worse**

A few weeks after the disastrous event in the Room of Requirement found Taylor pouring over her thick volume of Beyond the Veil of Death late one night. Everyone else was in bed, sleeping. Suddenly, Taylor's tired eyes read something that made her breath catch in her throat. She read it again, to make sure that she had read it correctly the first time. She gasped. She knew what the answer was. After all these months, she had found the answer. The question was – was she brave enough to do it? Sliding silently from her bed, Taylor's feet hit the ground and she straitened up. Instantly her mind clouded and everything went black as it so often did now. She reached out quickly for the post of her bed and held on to it weakly until her dark dormitory wavered back to her vision. Taylor walked in her bare feet out the door, not even bothering to put on her shoes. She needed some time alone to think about this. She knew she could do it, and, if she was honest with herself, she even thought that maybe, just maybe, she had thought that this was what it would come to all along.

Taylor's health had not improved, in fact, it had been spiraling downward, but she was an expert at hiding it now. She ate next to nothing, and even didn't feel like eating ever. Deep down, she knew she was killing herself, but she didn't think she minded so much anymore. She could hardly stand up without feeling like fainting. She couldn't concentrate through lessons, but she hardly cared; she barely cared about anything anymore. The only thing that made her sad was thinking about her friends. She knew that they would be shocked if they knew exactly how bad she was doing.

Taylor slipped through the castle silently. There was a pounding in her head so hard that she could barely see or think. Her breath was catching in her throat and her heart was beating unusually slowly. She felt faint as well. As she stepped out onto the grass outside the castle, she briefly turned her face upwards to look up at the sky, getting slightly dizzy with this small movement. She remembered the time she and Sean had stargazed together. It seemed like forever ago. He had told her to make a wish. She couldn't remember what she had wished for, but she knew what she would wish for now. And she knew that her wish would never come true, no matter how much she desired it. Turning her gaze back down to Earth, she began on her walk around the grounds, trying not to think that this might be the last time she did. Tears were threatening to pour out of her eyes, but she held them back furiously. She would not cry. She had to be strong. Suddenly everything went dark and Taylor crumpled to the ground.

The next morning Ginny was walking through the hall alone. Taylor had not been around that whole morning and Ginny could not find her anywhere. Looking up, she saw Harry's head of black hair. She hurried over to him.

"Hey," she said, hugging Harry, who hugged her back and then took her hand and they started walking down the hallway together.

"What's wrong, hunny?" He asked.

"Taylor," Ginny replied quietly. "I haven't seen her since yesterday. I woke up this morning and her bed was empty."

Harry sighed. He couldn't take much more of this.

"Ginny, I. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry, I really am. But I don't know what to do about her. And I hate not knowing what to do!" He said vehemently.

"I know, and it's not your fault, not at all!" Ginny reassured him. "But I have this bad feeling, a horrible feeling. I don't think she'll be with us much longer, and I don't think there's much that we can do about it."

"Don't say that!" Harry exclaimed, looking shocked. "Do you really think she's doing that badly?"

"I do," Ginny said sadly. Harry squeezed her hand. "I feel," Ginny continued, "that figuring out how to get her dad back is all that's keeping her here."

"Well, on that subject, I have had an idea. I've been thinking a lot about this whole Sirius thing," Harry said after a moment, "and I think we need to go back to the Ministry. Go to the Veil of Death. That's where it happened, it'd only make sense that we should go back there to finish it."

Ginny cocked her head, looking carefully at Harry, watching as his hair flopped into his brilliant green eyes and he shook it out. She raised an eyebrow.

"That's it." She said, squinting thoughtfully. "I'm sure that's the answer to this." Ginny could feel the excitement rising up in her. "Harry, we have to tell the others. We need to do this soon, oh; I can't wait until this is over! And maybe this will mean that Taylor will stop…stop..." She couldn't finish her sentence. "We need to find the others," she ended.

Harry nodded emphatically. "Where do you think they are?"

"The Great Hall; it's lunch time." Ginny said and grabbed Harry's hand in hers. "C'mon, let's go!" And they took off down the hallway, weaving through the students, barely apologizing while they bumped into the other students.

They crashed down the great marble staircase and thundered into the Great Hall, nearly knocking Professor McGonagall down as they sped past her.

"Honestly, Miss Weasley, Mr. Potter, do watch where you are going!" She called after their retreating backs.

Spotting Hermione and Ron at the Gryffindor table, Ginny and Harry hurried over to them and sat down opposite them, panting.

"What's up?" Ron asked though his mouthful of roast beef. "You two sure look…hurried."

"Where's Taylor?" Ginny asked, ignoring her brother's question.

"She hasn't come down to lunch," Hermione said. "I've been watching."

Harry looked at her quizzically. "Why?" He asked.

Hermione blushed. "Well, I'm worried about her. She been so depressed, and I know for a fact that she's hardly eating anything again. I've been watching her and all she does these days is run and cry. I think we need to intervene now."

"Hey guys," Sean said, coming over to sit with them and grabbing a chicken leg. "Seen Taylor recently? I haven't seen her at all since last night. I've looked everywhere, and I can't find her."

Hermione sighed and gave a pointed look at the other three as if to say 'I told you so'. She turned to face Sean and said,

"We were just talking about Taylor. How do you think she's doing?"

Sean faltered, his eyes glancing away from Hermione's. "Oh, I don't know, I mean, she's…" His voice trailed off.

"Sean, we need an honest answer," Hermione said forcefully. Sean looked at her and his face crumpled.

"I'm worried shitless about her, honestly. I know she hardly sleeps, she cries all the time, she's beginning to fail at school and she runs too much and eats too little. I just don't know what to do for her, it's way out of my hands."

Hermione nodded. "That's exactly what we were thinking." They all sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while. All thoughts of going to the Ministry had disappeared from Harry and Ginny's minds. "We need to intervene now, before it's too late. Hopefully it's not too late already."

Ginny's excited look fell off her face as quickly as a river runs over a waterfall. "I don't think so," she said firmly.

"Ginny, I don't think this is any time to be concerned about her privacy. She is killing herself, and I'm not over exaggerating."

"So…I guess the next step is we find Professor McGonagall." Ginny sighed. The others nodded mutely. "God, I hate doing this." Ginny looked on the verge of tears and she drew a shaky breath. "I don't even know what we're going to say to Professor McGonagall."

They sat in another silence, each trying not to look at the other. Finally Sean spoke up:

"Well, I know this feels like a betrayal of her, but I care a lot about Taylor. I can't watch her destroy herself anymore. It's killing me. Well, not like it's killing her, but mentally, I'm so stressed about her." They made to get up.

"Miss Weasley," A sharp voice barked from behind them. Ginny turned around to see Professor McGonagall standing right behind her.

"Yes, Professor?" Ginny asked, wondering how she was going to tell the stern teacher about her friend.

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?" Ginny asked apprehensively, hoping that she wasn't in trouble. Had her last piece of homework been abysmal?

"Miss Kennedy," McGonagall said seriously.

_Taylor, _Ginny thought. _Of course. _

"Can these guys come with us?" Ginny asked, gesturing towards Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Sean.

Professor McGonagall looked at the four over the top of her square glasses severely.

"We were just coming to talk to you about her, anyway," Sean said. "I'm – we're – really worried about her."

Professor McGonagall looked at them sternly. "Very well, follow me." She said, and swept around and out of the Great Hall's doors, with Ginny, Sean, Harry, Hermione, and Ron following close behind her.

To their surprise, she did not lead them to her office, but instead towards the Hospital Wing.

"This might be a bit of a shock," Professor McGonagall said, her voice cracking slightly, as she pushed the doors open slowly. All of the beds were empty, except for a bed at the end of the wing, where curtains were hung around a bed they couldn't see. Professor McGonagall made towards it. When they reached it, she drew back the curtain for them to step through, and as Sean did so, he looked down at the bed. What he saw sent an ice cold arrow through his heart.

Taylor lay in the bed, covers pulled up to her chin, her thin face as pale as the crisp white pillow she lay on.

"Taylor!" Sean groaned.

"She was just found out on the grounds, passed out, cold as ice with no shoes on." Professor McGonagall told them. And then after a hesitation, she said, almost hesitantly, "She is very sick."

All of them sat down on the chairs that were already clustered around the bed. Sean put his head in his hands, unable to continue looking at Taylor. Ginny started crying silently, and Harry pulled her to him.

"Madam Pomfry says she might be alright," the professor said in a tight voice.

"Might?" Sean asked sharply, lifting his head from his hands to look in shock at Professor McGonagall.

"She's so malnourished, she might not make it." Professor McGonagall's voice was very stiff.

"What about those potions she took when she was in here during the winter?" Sean asked. "Those nutritional potions?"

"Madam Pomfry says that Miss Kennedy is too sick to have them administered to her. Her body would reject them, and it might cause more harm than good." Professor McGonagall said quietly.

"But Madam Pomfry can fix anything!" Harry said angrily, but still hugging a crying Ginny to his side. "She grew back all the bones in my arm once!"

"Madam Pomfry can't save the body if it's so close to dying. Miss Kennedy is going to be moved to St. Mungo's soon. As soon as she is strong enough for the move." The stern professor didn't add the 'if she gets strong enough', but it seemed as though they had all heard it, hanging deadly in the air between them. Ginny started crying harder and buried her head in Harry's shoulder, gripping him tightly to her. Hermione collapsed into Ron, who wrapped protective arms around her.

Two days later and it was Saturday. Ginny, Sean, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting next to Taylor's bed. She had finally woken up and had spoken weakly to them a few times. After a while, she fixed them with an intense gaze.

"We have to go to the Ministry of Magic," she said quietly.

Harry and Ginny looked at each other, surprised. They had completely forgotten their earlier realization of the same fact.

"Taylor, you can't go. You're too weak," Ginny said, reaching for Taylor's hand, but Taylor jerked it back.

"I've talked to Dumbledore. He says I can go. You guys can come with me, he's taking me." She said, avoiding everybody's eyes. She couldn't look into them, especially not Sean's. If she did she might lose her resolve.

"When?" Hermione whispered.

"Why?" Ginny asked.

"He's taking me next weekend, and it's because of my dad. We have to go to… erm, look at the Veil of Death." Taylor said in a weak voice.

"Do you know how to bring him back?" Harry asked in a strangled voice. Taylor closed her eyes and nodded. She couldn't bring herself to look at any of them, she really couldn't. If she looked at them, she might lose her resolution. And she couldn't risk that.

"How?" Gasped Hermione. Taylor shook her head.

"I can't tell you," she said very quietly, her eyes still closed. If she told them, they would never accept it. Sean kneeled by her bed and took her cold hand in his, trying not to wince at how cold it was.

"Please tell us, hunny," he whispered hoarsely in her ear, but they all heard him. Taylor shook her head again.

"I can't, I really can't," she repeated. Sean stood up, letting go of her hand. He stared down at her for a while. Finally he realized she had fallen asleep.

"Let's go," he said, trying to rip his eyes away from Taylor's slight form on the bed. They all stood up and exited, Sean looking over his shoulder at Taylor. His Taylor.

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**A/N: There ya go! Please review and tell me what you think. I hope you haven't figured out what it is that will save Sirius. **


	48. You and Me

**A/N: Here's another chapter! Sorry it took such a long time. I haven't started the next chapter yet, so it may be a while until you get another update. But please enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think!**

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**You and Me**

Sirius was wondering around Diagon Alley by himself again. He had been doing that a lot lately. He had already bought anything he might ever need, had window shopped enough for the rest of his life, and now was resorted to wandering around aimlessly. He tried to convince himself that he was just bored and looking for something to do, but if he was really honest with himself, he knew that he was really hoping to run into someone while he was there. A specific, beautiful, woman someone; Tammy to be precise.

He sat down on a bench outside Eyelop's Owl Emporium and huffed to himself. Already he had been in Diagon Alley for three hours. After spending so much time in the alleyway recently, he was really beginning to get bored of the place. And not once had he ran into that certain someone.

"Pull yourself together, mate," he said to himself. "She's just a girl. You've never gotten this worked up over a girl before, why start now? Just forget about her, she's not worth it. There are plenty of women who would be running all over each other to be with you." He smiled. Yes, he was being foolish about this whole thing. Tammy was just a woman, why waste his time worrying about her?

At that moment, a tinkling laugh lit upon his ears. Sirius looked up, feeling excited. He saw what he had been hoping to see for days – the wonderfully beautiful raven haired head of the girl he couldn't stop thinking about. She was laughing with her friend Kristy. He tried to catch Kristy's eye, but she seemed to be totally oblivious to him.

Sirius was just about to yell Tammy's name when he remembered his dignity. Maybe he should pretend to be casually walking by her and see her. Better yet, let her see him first and then he could pretend to have not noticed her.

He stood up and wandered slowly towards her, pretending to be very interested in the window displays as he passed them. He was coming closer to her, he was drawing level with her, they were right next to each other, wait! She had passed him. This was definitely not how this was supposed to be going. Sirius turned around as she passed him and watched her walk by. What had happened to Kristy trying to help him out here? He was just about to walk dejectedly away when Kristy looked over her shoulder and winked at him. His hope rose immediately once again. He grinned widely at her. Kristy nodded and turned her head back to the direction she was walking.

Sirius watched as Kristy poked Tammy in the side and they stopped in front of a window display of whirling glass tops. He started walking towards the two women. Once again he was drawing level with them. Kristy turned around and faked looking surprised to see him.

"Hey, Tammy!" She said, tapping Tammy on the shoulder. "It's your friend from the pub." Tammy turned around. When she saw Sirius, her face broke into a smile.

"Well, look at that!" She said, still grinning. "What brings you here?"

"Looks like fate wanted you to see me again after all," Sirius said smugly. "You can't resist me for long, you know." Sirius, still smiling in his arrogant way, leaned casually against the window display. "So what say you? You and me, this Saturday?"

Tammy looked him up and down, obviously considering. After what seemed like an eternity to Sirius, she said, "Alright." A brilliant smile lit up Sirius's face.

Sirius stood in front of the mirror, straightening the tie of his dress robes. He kept trying to make his hair lie flat and smoothing down the front of his dress robes. James was sitting comfortably on the sofa in the small room.

"Padfoot, mate, you look dashing as always, stop fussing." He said as he casually sipped on a Butterbeer.

"I know, but James, this is pretty much the most important day of my life!" Sirius exclaimed, tugging on the cuffs of his sleeves.

'She loves you just the way you are. She'd probably marry you if you showed up wearing a brown paper sack. That's just the way love works," James said, looking supremely superior as he did so.

"Just because Lily loves you to the end of the Earth and back – "

"Don't doubt Tammy's love," James said sharply. "She loves you more than anything else in the world. Now stop with your worrying and let's get this party started!" He stood up, clapping Sirius on the shoulder and offering him the mug of Butterbeer. Sirius took it and drained it immediately.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, staring at James over the top of the empty Butterbeer mug. James wrapped his arm around Sirius's shoulder and turned them to face the mirror.

"You know what she told Lily one day?" He said as Sirius stared at his reflection in the mirror, feeling a bit sick.

"What?" He asked in a hoarse voice.

"She said she couldn't believe that she was marrying the best looking man she had ever laid eyes on. She couldn't believe that she had the love of a man named Sirius and she said that she was the luckiest girl ever to be marrying the most perfect man in the world."

"She – she said that?" Sirius croaked.

"She did," James insisted. "So I suggest you pull yourself together and walk out that door and watch you beautiful, perfect woman walk up the aisle to you."

"You're right. I'm being stupid," Sirius said, standing up taller and a faint smile playing on his lips.

"Of course I'm right." James said superiorly. "And I knew you were going to be stupid, that's why I'm here. I couldn't let you back out of the best thing that could ever happen to you."

Half an hour later, Sirius stood in front of all of his and Tammy's friends and family under an archway that had vines twisting up it and white flowers decorating it, James standing by his side, hand on his elbow.

"Calm down, mate," he whispered into Sirius's ear. "You love her, she loves you, it's perfect." Sirius nodded and then a smile broke over his face as beautiful music filled the air.

Tammy had just appeared through the veil behind all of the guests. Sirius's breath caught in his throat. He had never seen her looking so stunning. As one, the congregated witches and wizards turned to look at the bride and her father as they moved slowly down the aisle. Tammy was wearing a long, flowing dress and her face was covered by a veil, but Sirius was sure he could see her smile shining brilliantly at him from underneath it. She seemed to Sirius to be exuding a glow that was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Dumbledore, who was marrying the two, said when Tammy had reached the front and was standing next to her husband-to-be, arm in arm with him. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two souls in matrimony."

The entire garden was silent as Dumbledore's strong voice spread throughout the air. Lily, who was sitting next to Remus, had tears glistening on her cheeks as she watched Tammy and Sirius. Remus wrapped his arm around her shoulders and smiled at the wedding crew. Peter was sitting next to Remus, but seemed quite preoccupied as he gazed absentmindedly at a spot some five feet above Sirius's head. Mrs. Potter was crying into her handkerchief as she watched her just-about son standing by the alter, Mr. Potter with his hand entwined with hers. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, before smiling down at his own wife.

"Please, take hold of each other's right hands, so that I can bind you two in marriage." Dumbledore said. Sirius and Tammy extended and held each other's hands. Dumbledore pointed at their entwined hands.

Dumbledore was smiling at Sirius. "Do you, Sirius Black, take Tammy Kennedy to be your lawful and wedded wife?"

Sirius beamed at Tammy. "I, Sirius Black, take you, Tammy Kennedy, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part – this is my solemn vow." A golden thread wrapped around Sirius's and Tammy's entwined hands.

"And do you, Tammy Kennedy," Dumbledore turned to Tammy, "take this man, Sirius Black, to be your lawful and wedded husband?"

Even though her face was still covered by the veil, Sirius could see her smile shining through.

"I, Tammy Kennedy, take thee, Sirius Black, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part – this is my solemn vow." Her voice broke with happiness. A second golden thread flew from Dumbledore's wand and wrapped itself around the lovers' hands.

"Let you take the step together," Dumbledore said, beaming at the two of them, "to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust. Also, let you take the final step together and become true companions and remain lifelong partners by this wedlock. Will you?"

"I do," Sirius and Tammy said together and a third golden thread wound itself around their hands.

"Then I now declare you, now and forever more, bonded for life," Dumbledore said, and now happy tears were shining in his eyes. The three golden threads shone brilliantly, before molding into each other and blazing even more brightly. Sirius felt a tremendous power coursing through his body and he couldn't have let go of Tammy's hand even if he had wanted to. After some amount of time that Sirius never could be sure of, the power lessened a little and slowly came to pool right next to his heart. Instantly, Sirius knew what had happened. A bit of Tammy's soul now was within him, and unless he was much mistaken, the same had happened of his soul to Tammy. But he didn't feel as though he had lost anything, but as though he had simply added to his soul.

"You may now kiss the bride," Dumbledore said, and Sirius lifted up Tammy's veil to reveal her shining face. He leaned down, wrapped his arms around her, drew her into a tight embrace and kissed her passionately. Dumbledore raised his wand and waved it above their heads and silver stars showered down upon the two. The whole congregation stood up as one, most of the girls crying tears of joy and many of the men attempting to hold back their own tears.

Late into the evening, when the stars were first beginning to pop out, Sirius, Tammy, Lily, James, and Remus sat laughing around a table draped in a white tablecloth embroidered with golden doves. Peter had said that he was tired and had left for his own place almost as soon as the ceremony was over.

Lily grinned happily at Sirius. "See? I told you that you could love and that you were ridiculous for thinking otherwise."

"You were right, Lily. I guess I should have listened to you sooner," Sirius replied, draping his arm around Tammy's waist and hugging her tight to his side, kissing the top of her head. Tammy laughed and wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

The band began playing a slow tune, and Sirius took Tammy's hand and led her onto the dance floor, Lily and James close behind. Sirius wrapped his arms around Tammy's waist and she positioned hers around Sirius's neck. They stood there, swaying from side to side, gazing intently into each other's eyes. Tammy rested her head on Sirius's shoulder and the song continued as the two newlyweds danced into their future.

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**A/N: I hope this will tide you all over for a while, I have a feeling this next chapter is going to be a while in the writing. In the meantime, please check out my new story What I Really Want. **

**And, as always, review!**


	49. Death's Daughter

**A/N: I had a marvelous stroke of inspiration and this just came pouring out of me. I've had the idea of it for a while but I couldn't write it, but today I just sat down and it was like magic. I really love this chapter, and I hope you, well, maybe not enjoy it, but I hope you think highly of it.**

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**Death's Daughter**

Taylor woke up early on Saturday morning. She slept quite lightly now, even with the help of the sleeping draught. The weak morning sun shone through the window next to her bed and she could faintly hear the chirping of birds from outside. Without really thinking, she stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't think, her brain was fuzzy and she couldn't focus on anything.

Rolling on to her side, she looked out the window. The sun was peaking over the trees of the Forbidden Forest, gilding the trees gold. Pink from the rising sun, the sky stretched endlessly from horizon to horizon. The lake was shining brilliantly in the morning sun as the water caught the light. Taylor closed her eyes and let the song from the birds fill her up.

_Everything's changing, _was the one thing she could think. _Today's the day that everything changes. _And would it ever change. Today, if everything went right, was the day that her dad would finally regain his place in the real world. How she missed him. Normally, thinking about this would have caused Taylor to cry, but this morning, the tears wouldn't come. Maybe she had moved on from that. Anything was possible, she supposed.

Taylor didn't even try to sit up, let alone get up. She knew what would happen – the world would reel and go black, her head would pound like crazy and she would collapse. What was the point, then? Madam Pomfry was still holding that her body was in too precarious a situation to introduce the intense potions that would nurse her back to health, so Taylor was left with being able to do very little.

She heard the creak of the hospital wing's door as it was pushed slowly open and heard footsteps as a person walked softly down the wing to the separate room that she was staying in for privacy. The door to her room was slowly and carefully pulled open so that it didn't creak. Taylor still couldn't see her visitor as she didn't have the strength to sit up and see who it was. Suddenly a face appeared above her – the brilliant blue eyes and messy brown hair of Sean. Seeing that she was awake, his face broke into a smile that made his eyes light up. He leaned down to kiss her softly on the forehead and Taylor's eyes fluttered closed momentarily.

"Good morning, love," he whispered, sitting down carefully on her bed next to her, making the bed springs squeak slightly. "How are you this morning?"

Taylor smiled into his shining face. "I'm doing alright." She murmured softly. Then she added, "Today's the big day." Sean nodded.

"Are you excited?" He asked. Taylor looked into his eyes, her brain reeling. She supposed she was excited. Terrified, yes, but excited. She had had some time to get used to the idea, so she wasn't as scared as she had been at first, but it was still a little frightening. What would happen?

"Yes," she said softly. What else was she supposed to say? She wanted to say something about the constriction in her throat as she thought about how the day might go, about how her stomach clenched and she felt sick inside, but she couldn't find the right words and wasn't sure that she really wanted to voice her concerns to Sean anyway, so she held her tongue.

Sean seemed to detect some of her uneasiness because he reached out his hand and took her own cold one into his warm ones, clasping them tightly around her small hand.

"It will all be OK," he said, trying to sound reassuring. "Just think, when this whole thing is over, maybe you can concentrate on getting better so that you can come back to the rest of the castle." Taylor nodded absentmindedly, deciding not to tell him something that Madam Pomfry had told her earlier in the week. He didn't need to hear it, at least not yet. Him knowing now would only make it harder for her to do what she needed to do when the time came.

"Here," Sean said, lifting Taylor easily and sliding her sideways across the bed to make room for himself and, lifting up the covers, slid under them and snuggled next to her, wrapping his strong arms around her, holding her frail body close to him own. Taylor closed her eyes, welcoming and enjoying the closeness and the warmth that Sean's body offered to her own cold one. Sean ran his fingers through Taylor's thinning hair. He couldn't shake off a feeling of foreboding. He didn't know what of, but something about this whole situation was making him quite uneasy.

Gradually, he noticed that Taylor's body was relaxing and her breathing become slower and more regular. Propping himself up on an elbow, he gazed down into her face. Her eyes were closed peacefully and there was a tranquil look gracing her features that he hadn't ever seen before as she slept. Her serenity calmed his frazzled nerves and he lay back down, breathing in Taylor's scent and drifting off into his own sleep.

The sound of voices woke Sean up some time later. He glanced at Taylor to see that she was still asleep, which she was. Carefully, so as not to disturb her, he sat up and extracted himself from in between the sheets and stood up. He tucked the blankets around Taylor gently so that her momentary stirring quieted and she fell back into her peaceful sleep. The voices were drawing nearer through the Hospital Wing, but they were so soft and hushed that he couldn't tell who they belonged to or what they were saying.

The door to Taylor's private room was pulled open once again and four people slipped into the room quietly – Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Sean made a quieting gesture to hush them and motioned to Taylor's sleeping form on the bed. Hermione nodded and the four gathered around Taylor's bed, looking down at her.

"How is she doing, Sean?" Ginny asked in a whisper. Sean shrugged noncommittally.

"Well, she was awake when I got here, but she fell asleep soon after." He said. "I think that she's kind of scared of today."

"But she does seem confident that this time it will work," Ron pointed out. The others nodded.

"Yes but she still won't say what it is that she's going to try," Sean said. "I'm getting very uneasy about it. I don't want her to hurt herself in an attempt to bring her dad back. I mean, is one life worth sacrificing another life for?"

"You don't know that that's what she's going to do," Hermione said softly.

"I know, but I've got a feeling," Sean said.

"Come on, let's leave her to sleep for now," Ginny suggested, and the five of them trooped our of her room and back into the main area of the Hospital Wing, where they sat down on some abandoned chairs that were grouped around an unoccupied bed.

What felt like an age later, Professor Dumbledore entered the room with Madam Pomfry and Professor McGonagall. The two women looked surprised to see them all there, but Dumbledore did not. He merely smiled at them and nodded his head as though he had been expecting them to be here, which, Sean reminded himself, he probably had.

"How are you all doing?" He asked them. They all shrugged, not sure what to say. Dumbledore didn't press them. Instead, he said, "Are you ready to depart?" Mutely, they all nodded.

"Sir," Ginny said quietly, but still gaining Professor Dumbledore's attention. "Sir, do you know what's going to happen today?"

"No, Miss Weasley, I do not," Dumbledore replied, with such honesty that they all believed him.

"She hasn't told you what her plan is?" Sean asked.

"No, I have no idea what her plan is," said Dumbledore. "I do not know this magic around the Veil of Death. I have never really studied it." Sean wondered why Professor Dumbledore hadn't studied the Veil, but didn't say anything.

They all sat in silence for a while, until Professor Dumbledore spoke up again. "Are you ready to make the journey to the Ministry of Magic?"

The five exchanged glances. Finally, Harry nodded. With a mutual understanding, they all stood up and made their way back into Taylor's room, where they found her awake.

Sean and Ginny stood close to her bed, leaning over her. "Are you ready, sweetie?" Ginny asked. Taylor looked long and hard into both of their faces. She nodded.

"I am," she said in a voice hoarse from lack of use. Ginny and Sean helped Taylor to stand out of her bed and, when her dizziness threatened to make her topple over, they both gripped her hard and supported her.

"For your privacy," Dumbledore said, "I have arranged for the Hospital's fireplace to connect to the Ministry of Magic for a short while so that you do not have to travel through the castle and raise awkward questions. We will transport you all to the Ministry from here. I have explained to the Minister and the Unspeakables what we have to do."

The six kids nodded. Ginny and Sean, still supporting a sagging Taylor, made their way out of the room, following the three adults and Harry, Ron and Hermione. When they reached the fireplace at the end of the room, Madam Pomfry produced a pot full of Flu Powder and began to offer it to each in turn. They were all, one by one, swept out of sight until only Sean and Taylor were left with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore and Madam Pomfry.

"I think it would be for the best if you traveled with Miss Kennedy," Dumbledore suggested to Sean, who nodded, still supporting Taylor.

He moved forward and Taylor slumped awkwardly in his arms. Instead of just trying to rebalance her, Sean swept her off her feet and lifted her so that he was fully carrying her, trying not to grimace at how extremely light she was.

"Can you handle the powder as my hands are full?" He asked Madam Pomfry, who nodded. Sean moved into the grate and stood, holding Taylor, who had wrapped her arms weakly around his neck. Madam Pomfry dropped a handful of Flu Powder and the flames turned bright green before Sean shouted, "The Ministry!" and whisking Taylor and Sean away to the Ministry. The three adults were left alone in the Hospital Wing.

"Aren't you following?" Professor McGonagall asked of Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore shook his head sadly.

"Unfortunately, I do not believe that my presence will make the following events any easier," he said solemnly. "I have done my best to ensure that they will be escorted to the Veil of Death and have instructed that they are to be left alone after that."

"But surely, Professor," Professor McGonagall insisted, but Dumbledore held up a hand.

"It's for the best," he said.

"For the best?" Madam Pomfry spoke up. "But, sir, they are only children."

"Children who must work this out on their own," Dumbledore said seriously.

"I know about your theory that the only way for children to learn is to let them figure things out by themselves, but surely this is not the time?" Professor McGonagall asked. Dumbledore merely nodded.

"It is the time," he said shortly.

"Do the others know?" Madam Pomfry asked after a long and rather awkward pause.

"Know what?" Professor McGonagall asked sharply, looking up from where she had been staring at her clasped hands to Professor Dumbledore quickly. "Know what?" She repeated when he didn't reply. "Albus, know what?" Her eyes searched his old, wrinkled, and wise face with scrutiny, trying to read the answer to her question in the lines of his face.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Sean, still carrying Taylor, stood, looking at the down at the archway. They began to make their way down the tiers towards the Veil. The archway was still cracked, crumbling and ancient, looking exactly as it had the night that Sirius had fallen through it. The tattered black curtain was fluttering back and forth, moving through the still, cold air.

When they reached the bottom of the dais, they all gazed up at the Veil of Death. It was weird to be back here, for all the others who had been there before, and for Taylor and Sean, they felt uneasy. It was creepier than they had expected. They felt like someone was standing on just the other side of the veil, and Taylor wondered if it was Sirius, waiting to be returned to his rightful place in their world.

"So, here we are," Harry said tentatively. This was the first time he had seen the Veil of Death since his Godfather had fallen through it, and the sight of it was making his throat constrict. "What now?" He asked.

"Sean, can you put me down?" Taylor asked. Sean looked like he was going to argue, but Taylor placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "Please, Sean, I need to look at the archway."

"I can carry you up there," Sean said, "I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to climb up there without my help," and he began to walk up the dais towards the Veil, holding Taylor tightly to him. He was really beginning to be scared. The closer he got to the Veil, the more he wanted to run away, clutching Taylor to him and carrying her away with him to safety.

When they reached the platform that the Veil stood on, Sean could barely control the urge to run away. Taylor reached out a hand to touch the archway, but Ginny shouted:

"Taylor, no! Don't touch it!"

"Sean, put me down," Taylor said. And when he didn't she added, "Please, Sean."

And, against everything inside him that was screaming at him to not, Sean let her down so that her feet stood on the platform, but he hung on to her, making sure that she wasn't about to fall through the Veil herself. Taylor shrugged his arm away and took a step towards the archway. Sean held out a protective arm, but Taylor seemed to be gaining strength as she walked towards the Veil. Finally, her hand touched the crumbling archway. Sean could hear the collective breaths from behind him as Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all gasped. At her touch, runes began to appear on the archway.

"Taylor, you can't do this!" Hermione suddenly shouted.

"What?" Ron and Harry asked together.

"What is she doing?" Ron asked.

"Those runes – they read A Soul May Be Exchanged Only For Another Soul," Hermione read.

"What does that mean?" Harry asked.

"You know why I'm doing this, don't you?" Taylor asked Sean fervently.

"Doing what?" Sean asked. "I thought we came here to save Sirius."

"I am. I have to. You do know why, right?" Something clicked in Sean's brain.

"No, I don't," he said flatly. "You don't have to do this."

"I'm dying," Taylor said quietly, and Sean could see tears springing up in her eyes. "Madam Pomfry says I'm dying. She can't help me anymore. My body is too far wasted." Sean felt like she was tearing his heart into smaller shreds with each word she uttered.

Taylor took another step towards the Veil. She was so close that if she took one more step, she would be through the Veil.

"You're going to trade yourself for Sirius?" Harry whispered, appalled. "But how will that work?"

"A soul for a soul, a body for a body," Hermione said quietly.

Taylor made to move her foot so that she was about to step through the Veil, but Sean grabbed her hand.

"But Taylor," he said, and his voice cracked as he said it. "I love you." His voice was a whisper as he let these words slide off his tongue and slip out of his mouth. He knew it was now or never. "Please don't leave me."

Taylor took a deep breath, looking deep into Sean's eyes. Tears were flowing steadily down her cheeks now. "I love you, too," she whispered. She closed her eyes for a moment, more tears cascading down her cheeks. Tears were beginning to trickle down Sean's cheeks, too. "But I have to go."

Taylor twisted her hand out of Sean's grip. Sean left his hand hanging in midair, reaching out towards her. Taylor turned. She couldn't stand it, she couldn't bare it. If she waited one moment longer, her resolve would leave her. And with that, she stepped through the Veil.

As the five watched her disappear through the wavering black curtain, a body fell hard out of the Veil and tumbled down the dais.

Screams shook the air.

"TAYLOR!" Sean and Ginny sobbed. Ginny sprinted up the steps to the archway and with all the strength she could muster, she punched Sean full in the face, who went falling down the stone steps of the dais.

"SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed at the sight of his Godfather lying on the cold stone floor next to Sean.

"How could you?" Ginny shouted, tears pouring down her face as she screamed at Sean. "How could you let her do that?"

Sean stood up, aching all over from his fall down the dais, but his bodily pain was nothing to what was happening to his heart. He was sure that he would die from the pain from his heart and soul that was crashing over him in wave after wave.

"I'M SORRY!" He bellowed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "I'M SORRY! I didn't, I didn't," but he couldn't finish his sentence, not that he knew what he was trying to say anyway; instead, he sunk back down to the floor, crumpled and crying, beside Sirius, who was sitting up dazedly.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

Nothing but Sean's and Ginny's combined sobs and more shrieks from Ginny answered this question. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were standing, shocked at what had just happened.

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**A/N: There you go, that is the story of Taylor. Please, review! I'm thinking about adding one more chapter, but I want to know what all of you think about this chapter, and the story in general. Come on, people, I know more than two people are reading this story! I want to hear from you all.**


	50. Epilogue: Together

**A/N: Read on!**

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**Epilogue: Together**

Ginny was sitting on the rock that she had considered Taylor's, gazing out across the lake. Tears were trickling slowly down her cheeks, blurring her vision of the lake and the surrounding mountains and forest. The morning was cold. Ginny had been out all night, sitting on the rock, crying. It had been three days since Taylor had stepped through the Veil and Sirius had found himself back in the living world, and Ginny was still having a hard time grasping the truth. She was angry. Angry at Professor Dumbledore for letting this happen, angry at Sean for letting go of her hand, angry at herself for not coming to the rescue sooner.

_"I'm dying," _came Taylor's words through her thoughts_. "I'm dying."_

If Taylor had been dying, Ginny supposed that maybe, just maybe, it was the way things were supposed to be. But Ginny couldn't stop thinking that there should have been another way. Another way that would have saved both Sirius and Taylor at the same time, not some awful mix of saving one and losing the other.

Her tears were leaving her cheeks frozen with the cold, but she couldn't stop crying. It felt like her heart had been wrenched out of her body and had the Cruciatus curse permanently put on it before it was returned to her body. He heart ached so badly that Ginny wanted to rip it out, just so that she didn't have to feel the unending pain anymore.

"I really am sorry," came a deep male voice from behind her. Ginny didn't have to turn around to see who it was who had come to sit next to her. She knew that voice, and it belonged to someone she never wanted to see or talk to again. She knew that he had sat down next to her, and was staring out across the lake, just as she was. She heard him gasp as he cried almost silently next to her. Hearing him cry only made her cry harder.

"I don't know what to say to make you believe me, but I really want you to," Sean said, and Ginny could hear his voice cracking with emotion. Part of her heart went out to him. She took a deep, shaky breath.

"I know you didn't mean to let it happen," she said softly.

"You do?" He asked, and Ginny could feel him looking at her, surprised, but she refused to look at him.

"We need to stick together," she said. "The only way we can make it through this is if we remain friends and work through this together."

"Thank you," Sean said.

"I just wish there had been another way," she said quietly.

"Me too," he said. "Believe me. I feel like I'll never be the same again."

"You probably won't be," Ginny said reasonably. "I know that I won't be."

"The pain is almost unbearable," Sean said, and Ginny knew that he too had freezing tears coursing down his cheeks.

"The only way that I can bear it is that I know that she's out of pain now," she whispered. Her voice wouldn't go any louder, and she shook with her sobs.

"That's right," he agreed. "She will have gone on, gone on to a place where she is healed and happy again."

"This isn't goodbye forever, you know," Ginny croaked. "We'll get to see and talk to her again."

"You're right," Sean said, a sob breaking through his voice. "That's what I have to keep telling myself. That I'll get to see her again, and she's no longer in pain."

They sat in silent companionship, both crying, both feeling the swells of grief breaking over them in intense wave after intense wave.

"It's not your fault," Ginny finally whispered. "It's not my fault, it's not anybody's fault." She could sense that Sean was nodding.

"We'll get through this together," Sean said. Ginny nodded. And then she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. He hugged her tightly to him and cried into her hair.

"Yes," she croaked. "Together."

XXXXXXX

There was a knock of the door, and Tammy looked up. She had not had contact with anybody in weeks. The last letter she had opened had been from Dumbledore, telling her that Taylor was back in the hospital and that she might now make it. Tammy had refused to believe it, convincing herself that the letter was a fraud, not really written by Dumbledore. All letters she had received since then she had not opened. A pile of unopened letters sat on the table, where she tried not to look.

She slowly got to her feet, dreading company, but she finally opened the door. What she saw made her scream and burst into tears.

Sirius stumbled forward, wrapping his arms around Tammy and hugging her close.

"What happened?" Tammy asked, completely confused.

"Here, let's sit down," Sirius said, taking Tammy's hand and leading her back to the table.

"Well, I'm out of the Veil," he said. Tammy looked at him.

"I had figured that one out by myself," she muttered. Sirius suddenly saw all the unopened letters on the table. He picked one up. It was from Dumbledore, and the one underneath it was from himself. He wondered how long it had been since Tammy had opened any sort of mail. And as he looked at the unopened letters, he realized that it was going to have to be he who told Tammy about what had happened at the Ministry. He had assumed that she had read Dumbledore's letters and knew what was going on. But she hadn't, and now he was in a very uncomfortable position. He had no idea how to break the news to her gently.

"Um," he said, racking his brains, trying to come up with a way to break it more kindly to her.

"Where's Taylor?" Tammy asked. Sirius sighed. He reached across the table and took Tammy's hand in his own.

"She's gone on," he whispered. Tammy's face lost all the color in it.

"What?" She whispered back.

"Taylor was dying, and she knew it, so she traded herself for me," he said. Everything had been explained to him by now, and it didn't make him feel any better.

"She was dying?" Tammy asked, tears beginning to trace tracks down her cheeks. "How come nobody told me?"

"They did," Sirius said, gesturing at the unopened pile of letters. Tammy buried her face in her arms on the table. He could hear her sniffing as she fought to control her tears. Sirius stood up and made his way around the table, sitting in a chair next to hers. He reached out and pulled the shaking woman onto his lap, where she clutched at him and cried into his shoulder.

After a long time, Sirius asked the question that was burning inside him.

"You don't blame me, do you?" He asked tentatively. Tammy turned a tear-streaked face up to him.

"Blame you?" She whispered. "No, I don't blame you. I can't blame you. It was Taylor's choice."

They sat in silence, Sirius holding Tammy as she continued to cry into her husband's shoulder.

Finally Tammy's sobs quieted until she was only shaking a little bit.

"I always knew she was strong," she said quietly. "I always knew that she would make a difference in this world."

"Well, she did. Our daughter saved me," Sirius replied.

"And I'm glad that she did," Tammy whispered. "If I couldn't have both of you, at least I can have one."

Sirius ran his hand through Tammy's hair, making calming noises. Tammy clung to him, hiccupping slighting.

"I'm just so glad you back, Sirius," she choked out. "I couldn't bear if I had lost both of you. But I have you, and we can make it through this together."

"Yes," Sirius sighed. "Together."

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**A/N: So, here ends the story of Taylor and how she saved Sirius. A million thank you's go out to everyone who stuck with this story till the very end. I'm aware that a lot of it was probably hard to read and that a lot of people probably didn't read this story because of that. But I do have my faithful readers, and I love you, all three of you! **

**I'm glad that you all (or at least, those three who gave me their opinion) liked my last chapter so much. It was very difficult to write, and as a writer, I'm glad that I could evoke such emotions in you. It makes me feel like maybe I can write. This chapter is just meant to tie up some loose ends, show how those that Taylor left behind are dealing with the event.**

**Once again, thank you to all my wonderful readers, and if you like, come check out my other story, What I Really Want. **

**OK, so this author's note is very ridiculously long.**

**Over and out. :)**


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